LVW Viva Las New Year's 2006 (3)

[Koby]

(MUSIC UP: "Line Up" - Elastica)

(FADEIN: Blue screen, flashy lights bordering all around, House of Blues logo in the middle, with date, time, and lots of 411.)

MAYES (V/O): “People in the Valley, come join us here at the House of Blues for some Las Vegas Wrestling action! Get your tickets now for our next show by hitting us up on the website listed, by calling 1-702-555-2525, or by showing up at the House of Blues at Mandalay Bay here on the Las Vegas STRIP!”

"The lineup sheet for our next card has hit my folder, and I'm here to give it to you!"

NO HOLDS BARRED
"THE LAST GOTH MONSTER" MITCH GREY
v.
"COWBOY" JIMMY DONOVAN
.
EL GORDO GRANDE v. SHORTY
.
ELVIS AARON PRESLEY v. THE LIVING DEAD
.
JONATHAN NASH v. BILL BELLMOTH
.
THE WEB BROWSER v. WILLIAM SIMMONS
.
MAIN EVENT
$25,000 LADDER MATCH
"THE INFERNO" CARMINE ESPOSITO
v.
HANS NOWAK
.
THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE FIRST MATCH IN THE LVW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT
.
PLUS MORE​

"Join us! EL VEE DOUBLE-U... taking it, to the OBSCENE!"
​

(FADEOUT)

OORP: Alright everyone, this is it, the final week before the LVW World Title Tournament begins on the next card, which will involve the ENTIRE roster. It's time to go balls-out on RP and angles and make your mark. Everything will be due on SUNDAY NIGHT/MONDAY MORNING.​

After that we will get the card up ASAP, and then have a Press Conference note revealing the tournament brackets, which we will tell you right now will be a 16-wrestler tournament, 4 brackets of 4, the winners of each bracket getting into the 4-Way 60-Minute Ironman Match to become the 1st LVW World Heavyweight Champion.​

Everyone wishing to join the league - read the pimpin' sheet, come up with a wrestler, and send in the bio to lvw.prez@gmail.com and get in on the hottest action on the Strip!​

Now get to it!​

 

[Koby]

Re: LVW Viva Las New Year's 2006 Lineup - Card up Sunday

This is the heads-up that the card will be up sometime Sunday night, definitely before you get to work on Monday morning.

Two notes -

ONE, after the card is posted, we will be posting a press conference/TV spot of sorts announcing the brackets for the LVW World Title Tournament, and then the lineup for the next card, which will be the 8 first-round matches.

TWO, just letting everyone know up front not to expect this current card to have matches going into the dubious 6th snowflake. This was the final "foundation" card and Mike and I are ready to dive in and let the real games begin, so this card's a bit disjointed with a ton of intro pieces and whatnot, and quick, short matches - let's just say we hammered this card out real quick - but you better read it all! It's important.

Be on the lookout tomorrow for the card, the TV spot with the brackets, and then the lineup - there'll be real important information there regarding the RP period.

Out.

 

[Koby]

LVW Viva Las New Year's 2006 - Segment 01

(COLD OPEN: The inside of the House of Blues at Mandalay Bay! Strobe lights from the “LVW” Vegas-style logo on the stage light up the room, and the place has turned into a zoo!)



“EL VEE DOUBLE-U! EL VEE DOUBLE-U! EL VEE DOUBLE-U!”



(The camera zooms through the crowd – to the front row, where four regulars in tuxes stand, drinks in the air, yelling at the lens; up to the balcony where a pack of honeys are waving undergarments in the air; down by ringside again to a group of 30-ish guys, all balding and wearing random-colored Polo tops, “CES 2006” passes hanging off their necks, arms in the air, most with celly in hand open to hear the noise, a couple holding up a “WEB BROWSER WILL RE-BOOT YOU” sign; to another pack of girls wearing go-go boots and less than dental floss, lookin’ straight out of the AVN porn convention; fratboys, suits, they’re all here!)



(CUTTO: Shot of the middle of the “FULLTILTPOKER.NET” ring, stands JEFF MAYES, hair and mustache glistening, decked out in his finest threads, mic in hand, and to his right, smiling like a cat who just ate the canary, rocking a pimped-out tux looking like he walked straight off the set of a James Bond movie, is SIR SIMON SMITH, holding his own mic, looking at the crowd, and then letting out a laugh!)



JEFF MAYES: “WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL-COME TO THE BALLYHOO! (POP!) WE ARE HERE… AT LAS! VEGAS! WRESTLING!”



“EL VEE DOUBLE-U! EL VEE DOUBLE-U! EL VEE DOUBLE-U!”



MAYES: “This is Jeff Mayes, and Sir Simon Smith, I have to ask, which prom night wardrobe did you steal that tuxedo from?”

SMITH: “Prom night? Mayes, I’m dressed for success! I’d move a little further away if I were you – I’m hot to the touch, and hot with the DICE!”

MAYES: “You’re a degenerate, you know that, right?”

SMITH: “The only DEGENERATES around here are THESE PEOPLE (pointing at crowd to LOUD BOOS!) in this crowd. We’ve got the scum of the Earth surrounding us. They’ve been trying to hit me up for cash all day! Get a job!”

MAYES: “SIR Simon, we’ve got a bunch of wrestlers in the back who did just that! Our owner’s speech from last show reached the ends of the earth, and opportunists have shown up in droves, ready to show what they got, wanting to show that THEY deserve… to be the first LVW World Heavyweight Champion!”

SMITH: “I couldn’t pick any of these new guys out of a police lineup, and I have no need to, Mayes! With the run I’m on, I’ll be outta here in a few weeks! (CHEERS to that from the crowd!) HEY… NOBODY would be able to fill my shoes!”

MAYES: “With your luck, your shoes will be all you have left after the casino’s done with you!”

SMITH: “You WISH you had my touch.”

MAYES: “Be that as it may, we have SIX big matches here tonight, including a No Holds Barred Match, with the Cowboy, Jimmy Donovan, going up against Mitch Grey!”

SMITH: “I heard the Cowboy caused a ruckus at the AVN convention, Mayes – let’s just say he was caught practicing for NO HOLDS BARRED with a STIFF-“

MAYES: “WHOA whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa… (CHEERS!)”

SMITH: “Oh you heard? He rode that like a horse!”

MAYES: “Oh good God.”

SMITH: “That’s what the talking mannequin said. You did hear!” (MAYES shakes his head in disbelief.)

MAYES: “As for someone we haven’t heard anything from, there’s then our Main Event, a LADDER MATCH (CHEERS!)… HANS NOWAK, versus the eerily silent CARMINE ESPOSITO! (BOOS!) I was right about the money thing, wasn’t I SIR Simon? Where’d your friend Jimmy Two Time disappear to?”

SMITH: “You don’t understand how these things work, Mayes. I had Carmine and Jimmy on my Yahoo Instant Messenger thingie, whatever you call it (Points at the CES conventioneers) - THOSE geeks would know (Boos!) – but they had to stay silent. There’s some crazy guys out there, crazy enough to cut off your hand and play with it in your face! Would YOU be talkin’ if you owed someone that much loot?”

MAYES: “SIX matches – ONE, NO HOLDS BARRED – ONE, A LADDER MATCH – FOUR OTHERS – a TON of DEBUTS – EL VEE DOUBLE-U, getting ready to TAKE OVER in the NEW YEAR and CROWN a WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!”

SMITH: (Pointing at hard cam) “Viva Las New Year’s!” (CHEERS!)



(MUSIC UP: “Two Shots of Happy, One Shot of Sad (Hot Nugget Remix) – Matt Dusk)



(CUTTO: Slow swooping helicopter shots of the Las Vegas skyline! From the Stratosphere, to the east to the Wynn, shooting straight south to Caesar’s Palace, circling all around to point to the south past the Paris Eiffel Tower and the Bellagio…)



V/O: “TONIGHT, we bring you PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING as it’s never been DONE BEFORE… IN THE CITY OF SIN!”



“I’M JUST A SINGER…. SOME SAY A SINNERRRRRRRRRR…

ROLLLLLLLLIN’ THE DIIIIIIIIIIICE… NOT ALWAYS A WINNER.”



(…The helicopter zooms in on the broadside of the MANDALAY BAY)



V/O: “Coming to you from the HOUSE OF BLUES at MANDALAY BAY, get ready for the glitz, the glammer, and the gore! Get ready for LAS! VEGAS! WRRRRRRRRESTLINNNNNNNG!”



(Soft FADEOUT to commercial)

 

[Koby]

LVW Viva Las New Year's 2006 - Segment 02

(FADEIN: Ringside – JEFF MAYES and SIR SIMON SMITH at the announcer table.)



MAYES: “Our first match here tonight is a rematch from Grand Opening – Web Browser taking on William Simmons!”

SMITH: “What right’s some job-toy got to be demanding rematches? I don’t see the point of this!”



(B-ROLL: Highlights from “Grand Opening” – WEB BROWSER hitting a debilitating elbow off the top rope on SIMMONS; then BROWSER hitting SIMMONS with the Spam Stopper.)



MAYES (V/O): “Apparently, and this is all I was supposedly allowed to be told, due to all the injuries that he suffered, William Simmons threatened legal action!”

SMITH (V/O): “Legal action? I should be suing HIM for his atrocious NFL picks this year! I got an injury to my wallet on the Carolina Panthers following what this jabronie wrote all season long!”

MAYES (V/O): “I was told there’s even more to this – Simmons got a spot in the LVW World Title Tournament!”

SMITH (V/O): “I don’t get it, Mayes. He must’ve gotten someone good to put the big man backstage over the barrel like this.”

MAYES (V/O): “Well first is his rematch, and he’s getting it in front of a bunch of Web Browser’s former colleagues, joining us from the Consumer Electronics Show that went down this past week!”



(CUTTO: The ring, JERRY HARWELL, dressed in his familiar grey suit, standing at the ready!)



SMITH (V/O): “I don’t think that’ll be good news for ANYONE – Browser’s bound to snap!”

MAYES (V/O): “Up to Jerry Harwell!”



JERRY HARWELL: “The first match here, on Viva Las New Year’s 2006, is SET for ONE FALL!”



(MUSIC UP: “It’s All About The Pentiums” – Weird Al)



“It’s (Geeks in the crowd chant along!) all about the Pentiums, baby!”



(CUTTO: The stage, and out walks WEB BROWSER to a HUGE pop from the conventioneers! BROWSER’s eyes open wide, stunned by the reaction! WEB BROWSER freaks out and runs back behind the curtain, unsure what to make of it, peeking out into the room that’s marking out for him! WEB BROWSER slowly creeps out in front of the curtain, and starts shambling his way down the mini-ramp towards the ring, confused as ever! BROWSER tugs on his ratty, ketchup-stained button-down shirt, then scratches an invisible tick on his left arm. WEB BROWSER decides to brush off the accumulated dirt on his torn apart slacks, what’s left of them, before throwing a knee up onto the apron and crawling into the ring, cowering into his corner, his head going to and fro on a swivel as the geeks start chanting “BROWSER! BROWSER!” at him. WEB BROWSER starts rocking back and forth.)



MAYES (V/O): “I can’t BELIEVE the reaction for Web Browser!”

SMITH (V/O): “It doesn’t surprise me – those nerds make viruses that crash and destroy my computer all the time! It only makes sense they cheer for someone as dangerous in the ring as they are online!”

MAYES (V/O): “I don’t think Browser is appreciating them being here, though!”

SMITH (V/O): “You wouldn’t be happy if someone you probably used to work with and never wanted to see again showed up out of nowhere, Mayes!”



(Music fades off…)



(CUTTO: The stage, and out hobbling on a crutch under his right arm comes WILLIAM SIMMONS to eery silence. Wearing his dark-blue Patriots #54 Tedy Bruschi jersey, SIMMONS stops to tug on his neckbrace, then continues to struggle his way toward the ring, barely making it down the ramp without tripping. SIMMONS gets to ringside and slowly, step-by-step, climbs his way up the stairs to the apron, where he skips on his left leg and twists his body around to get his right leg through the ropes. Referee CESAR MARTINEZ comes over and helps the poor soul get into the ring and over to his area of the ring, where SIMMONS stands and struggles with his neckbrace, adjusting it some more.)



SMITH (V/O): “This won’t be pretty, Mayes.”



JERRY HARWELL: “In the corner to my right, hailing from Marblehead, Massachusetts! (Boos!), weighing in at two hundred and two pounds, he is WILLLLLL-IAM SIMMMMMMMMMM-OOOOOHNNNNNS! (Some boos from the crowd, a random “PATS SUCK!” screamed out.)



“And to my left, hailing from… (HARWELL squints at his cue card, lets out a small chuckle) …from the GOOGLE BOOTH at the LAS VEGAS CONVENTION CENTER! (Sarcastic pop!) Weighing in at two hundred and forty-four pounds… THIS IS… THE WEB BROOOOOOOOOOOW-SERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!” (Cheers from the room! WEB BROWSER gets up and onto his feet, still in shock!)



“Your referee is Cesar Martinez.”



(HARWELL through the ropes from the ring. CESAR MARTINEZ gets in the middle of the ring. WEB BROWSER’s wide-eyed, while WILLIAM SIMMONS is still toying with his neckbrace, not paying attention.)



(SFX: Bell ringing!)



MAYES: “And we’re ready to (SFX: CRASH! “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”) GOOOOOO-OH MY GOD!”

SMITH: “Holy crap!”

MAYES: “Web Browser STIFFED the ever-living hell out of William Simmons with that clothesline! The neckbrace came flying off, and with it the crutch! Cesar’s on the mat checking for a pulse!”

SMITH: “Look at Browser! He’s as confused as ever!” (CESAR throws up the “X”)

MAYES: “Cesar pointing at Browser… I… Browser’s coming over and cover – “

SMITH: “Put him in a bodybag, Johnny!”

MAYES: “Someone (“ONE!”) get (“TWO!”) the paramedics.” (“THREEEEEEEEE!”)



(SFX: Bell ringing!)



(MUSIC UP: “It’s All About The Pentiums” – Weird Al)



(Three EMTs run to the ring from the back, bringing a spineboard with them! WEB BROWSER stands up, head going to and fro, then walking back to his corner and taking a seat, rocking back and forth yet again.)



JERRY HARWELL: “THE WINNER OF THE MATCH… THE WEB BROOOOOOOW-SERRRRRRRRRRR!” (Crowd marks out!)



SMITH: “Listen to the thirst for blood from these heathens, Mayes.”

MAYES: “This kid shouldn’t have been in the ring at all, and you know it Sir Simon Smith. I wonder what kind of ambulance chaser this kid has that would let him go through with this.”

SMITH: “A lawyer with a taste for CASH, Mayes.”

MAYES: “I… folks, Web Browser has DESTROYED this kid for life, and we need time for the EMTs to help him.”

SMITH: “You mean scrape him off the canvas and straight into a vault full of greenbacks!”

MAYES: “Shut up! Web Browser with the QUICK win. We’ll be back!”



(CRASH TO BREAK)

 

[Koby]

LVW Viva Las New Year's 2006 - Segment 03

(FADEIN: To the ring, where WEB BROWSER is still in his corner on the mat, eyes still bug-eyed, surveying his damage. WILLIAM SIMMONS is mid-way back to his feet.)



MAYES: “We’re back, everyone, and it looks like William Simmons is going to be A-OK.”

SMITH: “That’s what you say now, Mayes. Wait’ll he wakes up in the morning smiling through a whole bottle of percs, knowing each one is worth another couple hundred bucks.”

MAYES: “He had no right to go back into that ring in his condition! Everyone knows the dangers of Web… waitasecond SIR Simon, it looks like Simmons is demanding the microphone!”

SMITH: “Don’t talk, kid. Save it for the lawyer.”



(WILLIAM SIMMONS grabs the mic, hand clenched to neck, looking straight at WEB BROWSER, who fumbles his way back to his feet.)



WILLIAM SIMMONS: “THAT’S IT!”



MAYES (V/O): “OW, my ears!”



WILLIAM SIMMONS: “I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS PLACE AND OF YOU!”



SMITH (V/O): “What a brutal accent! Stop it kid, drop the mic, you’re breaking windows!”



WILLIAM SIMMONS: “My NECK is broke (Crowd boos louder!), my LEG is broke, now my BACK is BROKE (Louder boos!).”



SMITH (V/O): “Are those dogs barking?”



WILLIAM SIMMONS: “I told LVW I was GOING to SUE this PLACE for EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING THEY HAVE! GET MY LAWYER OUT HERE! I WANT MY LAWYER NOW!”



MAYES (V/O): “What the hell is wrong… hey, who’s that?”



(CUTTO: The aisle, a man with slick-backed black hair and an earring shining off his left ear, looking like he’s on the George Hamilton tan-plan, wearing a faded black suit and tie, carrying a briefcase, heading towards the ring with the room giving him some static.)



SMITH (V/O): “Mayes, I know that guy!”



WILLIAMS SIMMONS: “THAT’S RIGHT! MY LAWYER - THE HARD HITTER, BEN LERNER! YOU’VE ALL SEEN THE TV ADSSSSS. HE IS THE BEST IN LAS VEGAS!”



(WEB BROWSER covers his ears, wincing in horror, turning towards his corner, not wanting to hear anymore.)



MAYES (V/O): “Oh God, that’s him?”

SMITH (V/O): “The greatest!”



(BEN LERNER steps through the ropes, sticking his hand out and shaking with WILLIAM SIMMONS. The two have a quick ear-to-ear chat while BROWSER continues to wince in the corner. LERNER eye-balls BROWSER from the corner of his eyes, looks at SIMMONS, and hands him his briefcase in return for the microphone.)



MAYES (V/O): “Well at least we’re finally spared tha- (SFX: Feedback! Crowd going nuts!) WHAT IS HE DOING! BEN LERNER just NAILED WEB BROWSER with the microphone! He’s now laying into him with punches in the corner! Web Browser’s defenseless!”

SMITH: “Now he’ll know what pain feels like!”

MAYES: “Lerner takes Browser out of the corner and SENDS him to the ropes – (Pop!) NO! REVERSAL! LERNER OFF THE ROPES – BROWSER GRABS HIM BY THE HEAD annnnnnnnnNNNNND (POP!) THROWS HIM OVER THE TOP! BROWSER THROUGH THE ROPES TO THE FLOOR AND THEY ARE GOING AT IT!”

SMITH: “Browser’s gonna have one hell of a lawsuit on his hands! It’s going to make that Microsoft stuff look like child’s play!”

MAYES: “They’re brawling out here at ringside (SFX: CRASH!) LERNER INTO THE GUARDRAIL! BROWSER RUNNING AT HIM (OOOOOOOOOO!) CLOTHESLINE OVER THE GUARDRAIL INTO THE FRONT ROW! THEY’RE BRAWLING INTO THE CROWD!”

SMITH: “Someone get security! Those geeks are bound to get in on this! Lerner’s outnumbered!”

MAYES: “We’ve got CHAOS here at Viva Las New Year’s! We’ll be RIGHT BACK!”



(CRASH TO BREAK)

 

[Koby]

LVW Viva Las New Year's 2006 - Segment 04

(FADEIN: The announce table, JEFF MAYES at the ready, SIR SIMON SMITH shaking his head, smiling.)



MAYES: “Welcome BACK to LVW! What a brawl we just had here at ringside, Sir Simon. What’s the deal with this lawyer?”

SMITH: “He’s the Hard Hitter, Ben Lerner, and he hits as hard in the courtroom as that stiff Web Browser does in the ring! I’ve used him often, Mayes, and he’s the best in the Valley!”

MAYES: “Often?”

SMITH: “He has a whole lot of cheap cars ready to be run into for quick cash, it’s a sight to behold.”

MAYES: “Stop stop stop… I don’t want to know, Sir Simon. What I DO know is that due to William Simmons’ condition, Ben Lerner will be taking his place in the LVW World Heavyweight Championship tournament, where it’s possible he may run into The Web Browser once again!”

SMITH: “No, no… Web Browser crashes into him, that’s how you get the cash.”

MAYES: “Oh God. Ladies and Gentlemen, as we mentioned at the top of the show, a lot of new talent has arrived here in LVW wanting a shot at the LVW World Heavyweight Championship, and one of our new wrestlers goes by the name of “Broadway” Johnny Doll.”

SMITH: “Sounds like a goody two-shoes. Yippee.”

MAYES: “Will you… folks, we have an intro piece from Broadway himself. Here he is, “Broadway” Johnny Doll!”



(TAPE: A taxi pulls up at the drop off area of Mandalay Bay. A valet from the casino opens the taxi door and welcomes the passenger to Las Vegas. “BROADWAY” JOHNNY DOLL steps out with a big smile and shakes the valet’s hand. Wearing a white dress shirt, burgundy tie and black slacks and adjusting his sunglasses, the man looks across the building noticing the gold fixtures that flow across the outside of the casino. DOLL hands cash to the cab driver and walks away with the valet who has his bags. Both guys walk into the casino as the valet sits the bags down DOLL hands him a couple of bills and thanks the valet again. DOLL stands in awe of the neon lights, and all of the Vegas hubbub. DOLL walks toward the hotel registration desk and picks up his room key and coupon book. A new valet grabs his bags and they head toward the elevators. As they reach the elevators the guy stops the valet.



JOHNNY DOLL: “This is good right here. I’m not going up to the room quite yet. Here you go. “



(DOLL tips the valet and shakes his hand.)



(CUTTO: A nearby slot machine. DOLL searches his pockets finding a few quarters then proceeds to try his luck with the slot machine. )



JOHNNY DOLL: “Las Vegas... now this is the life. New York was great in its own right. But, V-Town is fantastic! The lights, the strip, the people… everyone is searching for that one big payoff. I have to admit that I’m with them. But, mine is coming from a different source. I left New York and all its glamour. I left working odd jobs to pay the bills while auditioning for stage work on Broadway. I miss Central Park, Spanish Harlem and the Empire State Building. But, now I arrive to a new stage to audition for. I have themed casinos, neon lights and yes... even bigger stage productions. The LVW is the biggest production you can get in V-town and I am honored that I have the opportunity to showcase my talents to everyone here. I can’t wait to get to know the fans and that they will have someone they can be proud of and rely on to bring a sense of justice to the Vegas wrestling scene. I have already heard that Elvis is still alive and is wrestling for LVW. What a wonder that would be to see the greatest entertainer ever become LVW World Champion. Then we have El Gordo Grande Burrito … isn’t that something that you order at Taco Bell? The main course on a #4 value meal. The European Superman, Hans Nowak what a competitor. He’s a pretty scary individual. Speaking of scary, Mitch Gray? A goth monster? Mitchie… how about wiping off that makeup and put on some real clothes…that goth look went out in the 90’s. Cowboy Jimmy Donovan… now there’s a star. I would think he’s an odds on favorite to win the LVW title. Maybe even Carmine Esposito has a chance. Very talented but terrible attitude, which could be his downfall. Then there is the Living Dead… another talented wrestler. But, I’m waiting to see if any of his family members show their heads around here. Ya know, Night of the Living Dead and Return of the Living Dead. Seriously, I am here for one thing only. That is to be the best wrestler that LVW has to offer and to show the fans that they will always have someone to root for. Even after the tournament, there is an open contract on the table. I will take on anyone in LVW and defend the honor of LVW for as long as I am here. I’d also like for all the fans to know that what I do in the ring, I do for them. I didn’t come here to turn around with my tail between my legs and run back home. I came here to win and prove that there is no mistake why I am here. My name is Broadway Johnny Doll and I will defend LVW till my last breath. You can count on that!”



(FADE: Back to the announce desk, SIR SIMON SMITH pantomiming dice throws.)



MAYES: “Johnny Doll should have a bright future here in LVW.”

SMITH: (does another air dice-roll) “I won’t be here.”

MAYES: “Wanna bet?”

SMITH: “I know you’ve got illegitimate children to feed, Mayes. I won’t take your money.”

MAYES: “OK SIR Simon…”



(MUSIC UP: “Blood Sugar Sex Majik” – Red Hot Chili Peppers)



(CUTTO: The stage…)



MAYES (V/O): “…now for our next match featuring yet another debut, that of the high-flying Jonathan Nash!”



(JONATHAN NASH flashes through the curtain to the ring. He dives under the bottom rope and lays out on the mat, looking to and fro at the crowd, who are giving him a weary look and a bit of a cheer. NASH, in black wife beater and black long jean shorts, stands to his feet and starts stretching himself out.)



SMITH (V/O): “This kid shouldn’t bother doing the flying gymnastics tonight, Mayes, because this match is worthless compared to next week’s all important World Title Tournament match, and secondly, because he’s fighting a LEGEND in this business!”



(The lights at the House of Blues go dark, leaving the room pitch-black!)



MAYES (V/O): “Oh give me a break, not this again.”

SMITH (V/O, whispering): “Shhhhhhhhhhh… sh sh sh… quiet Mayes, and behold - greatness!”



(MUSIC UP: “Jesus Christ Superstar (edit)” – Andrew Lloyd Webber)



(CUTTO: The stage – lit up underneath the bellowing spotlight, standing in front of the curtain is BILL BELLMOTH - his arms bent to his face, hands fisted up, covering his mouth! BELLMOTH, wearing his black Ultimate Bet windbreaker, his Ultimate Bet cap, black windbreaker pants, and his trademark wrap-around Oakley sunglasses, stands statue-like as the fans give him hell! The music continues to triumphantly blare as BELLMOTH lowers his fists to reveal his huge grin, and then starts pointing to the crowd with both hands - then as he hits ringside, putting his arms out, palms open upwards, muttering to himself as he takes a closer look at JONATHAN NASH.)



MAYES (V/O): “This is such a joke.”

SMITH: (V/O, whispering) “Stop it Mayes, just stop! You can’t trample on greatness!”

MAYES (V/O): “This man isn’t great, the last match he had he spent all of it rambling on that damn mic and then lost!”

SMITH (V/O, whispering still): “He’s a 9-time World Series of Wrestling Champion…”

MAYES (V/O): “Shut up! I can’t deal with you when you’re talking about Bellmoth! Now time for the introductions.”



JERRY HARWELL: “Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is set for ONE FALL! In the ring, first to my left… he weighs in at two-hundred and twenty-five pounds… He hails from CIN-CIN-NAH-TEE, OH-HI-OH! … Here is JON-A-THAAAAAAAAN NAAAAAAASHHHHHHHHH! (NASH throws his right arm in the air and gets a pop for it.)



“And his opponent… (BOOS!) HE hails from GREEN BAY, WISCONSIN… and weighs in at TWO hundred and TWENTY pounds… HE is the NINE TIME World Series of Wrestling Championnnnnnnn… BILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL BELLLLLLLLLLLLL-MOTH! (Loud boos as BELLMOTH smiles smugly. BELLMOTH takes off his cap and windbreaker, revealing his black singlet, and hands the gear to a ring attendant.)



“Your referee for this contest is Cesar Martinez.”



(SFX: Bell rings!)



MAYES: “Nash jumps Bellmoth and he’s all over him with right hands! Bellmoth staggering to the ropes, whipped to the other side… CLOTHESLINE BY NASH! Jonathan quickly off the ropes… (Pop!) FRONT FLIP SENTON SPLASH BY NASH!” Bellmoth rolls out of the ring in a hurry to regroup!”



BELLMOTH: “These internet donkeys… No psychology, no story telling - just spot, spot, spot. It’s disgusting… it’s what’s wrestling has become.”



MAYES: “Oh no, he’s mic’d again?”

SMITH: “Hey, we’re getting insights into the mind of a world class wrestler, Mayes. Bite your tongue!”

MAYES: “Bellmoth now back in the ring and Nash again hammering away on him. Nash whips him to the corner… STINGER SPLASH! Bellmoth drops to the mat like a sack of potatoes and again rolls to the floor – waitasec, NASH OFF THE ROPES… SUICIDE NOOOOOOO! BELLMOTH SIDESTEPPED THE TOPE!”



BELLMOTH: “Honey! Honey! Did you see that? I was supposed to get hit there! But they forgot one thing… I CAN DODGE BULLETS, BABY!”



MAYES: “Can somebody PLEASE cut his mic?”

SMITH: “Oh come on! Did you see that? He’d been SAVAGELY COLD DECKED and somehow didn’t get beat!”

MAYES: “When Bellmoth comes out here it’s like you just become incoherent, I can’t understand anything you say.”

SMITH: “Learn the language!”

MAYES: “Nash laid out on the floor… Bellmoth now throwing him back into the ring. Bellmoth pulls Nash to his feet and hooks him…BACKBREAKER! Bellmoth stomping away on Nash’s back and he hooks him …CAMEL CLUTCH! NASH IS IN TROUBLE!”

SMITH: “Tap kid! You got no shot here! All your outs are gone!”

MAYES: “Nash powering to his knees… and now he’s up! He’s got Bellmoth on his back… runs backwards and CRUSHES BELLMOTH INTO THE CORNER! Now with a chop! (Whoo!) Another shot! (Whoo!) Bellmoth is rocked! Nash hooks him… (POP!) NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX! Nash isn’t messing around! He’s going to the top!”

SMITH: “Get up Bill!”

MAYES: “Nash on top, pointing down at Bellmoth… (POP!) SHOOTING STAR PRESS! HE CAUGHT HIM HARD WITH HIS KNEE! THE COVER! ONE! TWO! THREE! IT’S OVER!”



(SFX: Bell ringing!)



(MUSIC UP: “Blood Sugar Sex Majik” – Red Hot Chili Peppers)



SMITH: “NO! HE CHEATED! HE PULLED THE TIGHTS!”

MAYES: “He did no such thing! He beat him clean as a sheet!”



JERRY HARWELL: “The winner of the match… JON-AH-THANNNNNN NAAAAAASHHHHHHHHHH!”



(NASH gets to his feet and the room gives him a louder pop! BELLMOTH rolls out of the ring, a look of disgust on his face.)



MAYES: “That was one HELL of a debut by Jonathan Nash! We’ve gotta pay the bills, we’ll be right back!”

SMITH: “Poor Bill…”



(CRASH TO BREAK)

 

[Koby]

LVW Viva Las New Year's 2006 - Segment 05

(FADEIN: JEFF MAYES and SIR SIMON SMITH at the announce table.)



MAYES: “Welcome back, LVW fans… fans, just today, we received a video-tape that I’ve been told is pretty disturbing.”

SMITH: “Disturbing? Oh, this must be good.”

MAYES: “Yes… let’s just roll the tape.”



(TAPE: Security camera footage from inside the Danny Gans theatre at The Mirage. The footage is pointed towards the theatre stage, where out walk from stage left SIEGFRIED FISCHBACHER and ROY HORN, better known as SIEGFRIED & ROY.)



SMITH (V/O): “They’re coming back? I thought that one guy was dead.”

MAYES (V/O): “Well, keep watching.”

SMITH (V/O): “Oh my God, look Mayes! A tiger is on the loose!”



(A mascot white tiger casually walks out onto the stage towards SIEGFRIED & ROY, who turn to look at him and are throwing their hands in the air in anger, yelling at the mascot tiger to get the hell out of there.)



SMITH (V/O): “I wouldn’t do that, the tiger might – OH GOD! He’s got his neck again!”



(The mascot tiger attacks ROY, grabbing onto him and driving him onto the stage floor while SEIGFRIED is trying to kick the mascot, looking like he’s screaming for help!)



MAYES (V/O): “This is-“

SMITH (V/O): “Who’s that. It’s JACK HOUSE! He’s coming to save them! What a samaritan!”

MAYES (V/O): “I don’t think that’s what he HAD IN MIND – OH GOD! HE HIT A BLACKJACK ON SIEGFRIED! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS!”

SMITH (V/O): “He was in the way! See? House is pushing the tiger off Roy!”

MAYES (V/O): “Oh God I can’t believe-“

SMITH (V/O): “He’s bringing Roy to his feet, don’t be so hateful of someone’s who’s there to help.”

MAYES (V/O): “Help my- ANOTHER BLACKJACK! BLACKJACK ON ROY! I can’t believe I’m WATCHING this.”

SMITH (V/O): “On second thought, good! I had tickets to their show and never got my money back.”

MAYES (V/O): “This was clearly a set-up by Jack House and whoever’s in that tiger suit-“

SMITH (V/O): “That’s a real tiger, Mayes. Jack House knows how to tame them right! See, look at him petting the tiger… yeah, good kitty, good kitty, good kit- OH GOD!”

MAYES (V/O): “BLACKJACK ON THE MASCOT TIGER!”

SMITH (V/O): “HE RIPPED HIS HEAD OFF! Dammit, we’re going to have PETA all over us, Mayes! Look at the tiger bleeding all over.”

MAYES (V/O): “Shut up.”

SMITH (V/O): “Never underestimate those kooks, Mayes!”

MAYES (V/O): “The kook here is Jack House. The Las Vegas Legend Killer, if you will, STRUCK again, and I can’t believe he did it to Siegfried and Roy.”



(JACK HOUSE runs off stage, out of the picture, and the tape ends.)



(CUTTO: The announce table.)



SMITH: “PETA, Mayes. PETA.”

MAYES: “Will you stop? Folks, we’ll be right back! … I can’t believe you, Simon…”



(CRASH TO BREAK)

 

[Koby]

LVW Viva Las New Year's 2006 - Segment 06

(FADEIN: The ring, where referee BRIAN PUTER is walking around, JERRY HARWELL waiting at attention for the next match.)



MAYES (V/O): “Welcome back, and now for our next match!”

SMITH (V/O): “PETA, Mayes.”

MAYES (V/O): “Enough!”



(MUSIC UP: “California Love” – Tupac)



(CUTTO: The stage - DIVA X is out – and out! Wearing a black bra that covers little of her surgically augmented chest, a short black skirt, and fishnet stockings, she bounces to the ring to the catcalls of the guys in the room – and the ladies! LIVING DEAD rocks out from behind the curtain, goofily swaying back and forth behind her, patting his ripped apart white T as they hit the ring.)



MAYES (V/O): “Living Dead, along with his attention-seeking manager, make their way to the ring.”

SMITH (V/O): “More like a freak show, let’s call a spade a spade here!”

MAYES (V/O): “And now the in-ring debut of Elvis!”

SMITH (V/O): “He’s alive?”



(MUSIC UP: “A Little Less Conversation (jxl remix)” – Elvis Presley)



(CUTTO: Stage – And out come ELVIS AARON PRESLEY, to a big pop from the room! ELVIS, in classic black jumpsuit covered in rhinestones from head-to-toe does the classic Elvis pose with the scowl and pointed finger at the top of the stage, then lets out a laugh and heads for the ring, slapping hands along the rail! PRESLEY hits the apron, gets inside, then mugs once more for the camera, now doing the rotating right arm bit, pretending to play his guitar! The room gives him a bit more love as ELVIS takes off his sunglasses, readying for action!)



SMITH (V/O): “He’s going to wrestle in that get-up?”

MAYES (V/O): “It wouldn’t be Elvis without it, SIR Simon.”



JERRY HARWELL: “The following contest is set for ONE FALL! In the ring to my left… He’s led to the ring by his manager, EM-CEE LUSCIOUS BOOTY DIVA X (BOOTY DIVA X: “That’s Miss Diva to you honey!”) He hails from PARTS UNKNOWN… and weighs in at one-hundred seventy four pounds… HE IS… LIV-INNNNNNNNNNNG DEAAAAAAAAAAAAD! (DEAD gives no reaction, the crowd offers a smattering of boos, going back to yelling at DIVA.)



“And his opponent, to my right… He hails from MEMPHIS, TENNESSEE… Weighing in at TWO hundred and TWENTY FIVE pounds… here he is… ELVIS! AARON! PRESSSSSS-LEEEEEEEEEEEEY! (Crowd pops again, ELVIS doing a hip wiggle and lip curl in return!)



“Your ref for this contest is Brian Puter.”



(SFX: Bell rings! The two circle.)



MAYES: “And we’re underway! Collar and elbow tie up. Elvis gets a headlock and grinds it in… Dead pushes him off into the ropes… Elvis back with a SHOULDERBLOCK taking down Dead. Back to his feet - ANOTHER SHOULDERBLOCK, and Dead is down, but not for long! Sit up by Living Dead! Elvis SLAMS him to the mat now with a series of elbows! Elvis… playing to the crowd with some hip shaking! AND DEAD SITS UP AGAIN!”

SMITH: “This zombie shoulda stayed dead!”

MAYES: “Isn’t… Dead the heel here and Elvis the face… Why are you on Elvis’ side?”

SMITH: “It’s the King! It’s Vegas! To be against him would just be wrong, Mayes!”

MAYES: “Elvis now with a series of forearms to the head… whips Dead to the ropes… DROPKICK by Elvis!”

SMITH: “A bit of daylight there…”

MAYES: “OK Smarky - Elvis grabs Dead and gets him into the corner… hooks his head… RUNNING BULLDOG! Dead is PLANTED! Elvis is pointing to the top, and he’s going there!”

SMITH: “The King is about to end this in a big way!”

MAYES: “Elvis on top, he’s ready to fly - THE FLYING PELVIS! (Crowd groans!) NOBODY HOME! DEAD GOT OUT OF THE WAY! Elvis thrashing around on the mat in agony from missing that big splash!”

SMITH: “This is awful! Where’s the Colonel when ya need him?!”

MAYES: “Living Dead now up and he pulls Elvis to his feet… (Crowd screams!) HE’S BITING HIM! Oh this is just SICK! Elvis… PULLS HIM OFF - Living Dead with nails down Elvis’ back!”

SMITH: “The devastating General Adnon back rake!”

MAYES: “Elvis stumbling in agony… headbutt by Dead! And a right hand! He flips Elvis over… into a seated position and now has him in a head vice!”

SMITH: “Clearly Dead is doing everything in his power to get at Elvis’ sweet, delicious brain!”

MAYES: “Dead now cranking in that hold… Wait, did you just call a brain sweet and delicious?”

SMITH: “I’m just guessing, I mean… … …he’s trying really hard to get at his brain so clearly HE thinks it’s delicious!”

MAYES: “OK, brain eater! Elvis back to his feet, he’s fighting this hold! A series of elbows to the gut… Dead kick to the gut, and hooks Elvis for a suplex… And, um, ah, both guys kinda flopping around like fish out of water… (“YOU F*CKED UP!” from the crowd, then a pop!) AND ELVIS HAS THE ANKLE LOCK ON DEAD! He calls that the Blue Suede!”

SMITH: “He’s gonna tear off Living Dead’s shoe, AND his foot!”

MAYES: “Dead thrashing on the mat - he’s fighting to get to the ropes! Elvis wrenches back with that hold, Dead getting close…. he’s there! He made the ropes!”

SMITH: “Elvis isn’t letting go - teach the zombie a lesson!”

MAYES: “Dead is tapping while holding the ropes! Referee Brian Puter giving Elvis the five-count to break the hold - WAIT! NO! (Crowd groans) DIVA JUST RAN INTO THE RING AND KICKED ELVIS LOW! ELVIS CRUMPLES TO THE MAT! (SFX: Bell ringing!) Now Diva and Dead are up and putting the boots to Elvis!”

SMITH: “That idiot slut! Elvis might have gotten himself DQ’d if he kept that hold on! She jumped the gun and got her man, er, Zombie DQ’d!”

MAYES: “Dead pulls Elvis to his feet …DEE-DEE-TEE! He just DRILLED the King! Well, say what you will for what she did during the match, but Diva and Living Dead have NO right to be doing what they are doing now!”

SMITH: “I love the King, but she’s gotta do what she’s gotta do to keep her prized zombie in tip-top shape for the tournament, Mayes. You should know that!”



JERRY HARWELL: “THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AS A RESULT OF A DISQUALIFICATION… ELVIS AARON PRESLEY!” (The room pops a bit, as LIVING DEAD and DIVA X stand in the ring, turning the cheers into boos!)



MAYES: “Despicable. Hopefully we’ll get order restored… We’ll be back after this!”



(CRASH TO BREAK)

 

[Koby]

LVW Viva Las New Year's 2006 - Segment 07

(FADEIN: Back inside the House of Blues, JEFF MAYES and SIR SIMON SMITH at ringside.)



MAYES: “We’re back, and SIR Simon Smith, we have yet another video here tonight-“

SMITH: “Another video? Do we have something from the AVN convention while we’re watching videos? I might as well watch something… insightful.”

MAYES: “Well, be it as it may, this next video is of our new superstar, Olvir Arsvinnar-“

SMITH: “Hold on, I think I know that name.”

MAYES: “You’d remember a porn GUY’S name?”

SMITH: “There’s so few of them in the biz, Mayes. It’s really all about the women, though, some of which I believe are in the audience!”

MAYES: “Suuuuuuuure SIR Simon. Ladies and gentlemen, here he is, a look at Olvir Arsvinnar!”



(TAPE: A well-lit interior scene. The camera opens up within a chamber decorated in a medieval fashion, with dark gray stone walls lit by a series of torches. In the foreground, a long table stands bearing numerous quantities of beef, pork, fowl, venison, breads, and garnishes. Engaged in this banquet is a giant of a man with rippling muscles and a long blonde beard that stretches to his chest. He proudly bears a gray wolf's hide over his shoulders, and perched upon his head is a luxurious golden helmet bearing a pair of large ox horns. He is the modern Viking, OLVIR ARSVINNAR. At both sides stands a woman, whose voluptuousness and beauty cannot be matched by any standard females. They look like goddesses adorned in rags. One is brunette and the other is blonde. Delicately, they massage the Viking's massive shoulders, seductively smiling upon him.)



BRUNETTE: “Sh, Olvir! We are SO relieved that you sacked our village and carried us off by force!”

BLONDE: “And also for destroying those weakling men. They could not love us as well as you.”

OLVIR: “Fear not, ignoble maidens, the grievances of those who are puny! I, Olvir Arsvinnar, the Great Viking, the Destroyer of Cities, the Crusher of men's bodies, the Dominator of women's behinds, shall set an example to ALL weaklings in this world! Let us celebrate my ensuing victory with this horn of mead and this leg of noble beast! HA HA HA HA!”

BLONDE: “Enough feasting, Great Olvir! We long for your guttural, masculine love-making!”

BRUNETTE: “My body can wait no longer! It must be defiled by your endowed manliness!”

OLVIR: “Then may we celebrate by the coming together of our loins! Come, wenches! Let us retreat to my chamber where I will again bring you closer to Valhalla through our glorious, beast-like coitus! The two of you shall bear me fine bastards to follow my place! HA HA HA HA!”



(Laughing triumphantly, OLVIR throws down his leg of meat and comes to his feet, taking both women in each arm and lifting them over his shoulders. They laugh with enthusiasm as he begins to turn from the table, when his eye suddenly catches the camera.)



OLVIR: “Oh! So you have come!”



(Without warning, OLVIR drops the two women on the floor. They land with comical thuds and cry out with alarm. A voice can be heard off screen.)



Off-screen: “What the hell? Cut, cut!”



(A bell sounds, and the camera pulls back to reveal a studio set-up with other stationed cameras and crew members holding a boom mic. OLVIR, unfazed, makes his way around the table. A shorter man in khaki shorts and a Hawaiian shirt with orange-tinted sunglasses comes his way. Obviously, this man is the director.)



DIRECTOR: “What the hell, Olvir? This is where you take the maidens back to your chamber and get to the threesome scene!”

OLVIR: “Calm yourself, little man! The Great Olvir has more important matters to attend to!”

DIRECTOR: “What could be more important than filming "Night of the Well-Hung Huns?!"”

OLVIR: “Step aside, puny one! The Great Olvir will continue with his famed love-making as soon as he has spoken to the masses of his next global triumph!”



(The director, a sleazy man who has probably been doing porn films his entire life, glances at the camera impatiently, then looks back to the Viking.)



DIRECTOR: “Fine. but could you make it quick?”

OLVIR: “The Great Olvir will make it as long as he desires.”



(The director throws his hands in the air in defeat and scoffs, going around the table with a couple other crew members to help the two "maidens" - pornstars in medieval uniform - off the floor. OLVIR turns back to the camera and wears a proud, confident grin.)



OLVIR: “Hail, warriors and maidens across the seas! I am Olvir Arsvinnar, the strongest Viking to ever wield a mighty battle-axe! Centuries ago, I was a feared man, known mostly for his fierce valor when on the battlefield and his unmatched domination in the bed chamber! Today, I have conquered the bodies of countless women, much like the days of yore! But I long to return to my fighting ways, destroying cities and defeating warriors! HA HA HA HA!”



“It was then I noticed one city. a fine, rich place that the people call 'Las Vegas!' I have heard of many strong warriors who dwell within this city, within the brotherhood known as 'Las Vegas Wrestling!' Which brings me here before you today!”



“Soon, people of Las Vegas, you shall see what a TRUE warrior in close up! The Great Viking, Olvir Arsvinnar, is coming to Las Vegas Wrestling to destroy the champions, defeat the challengers, and dominate the many fine maidens that frequent the arena!”



“HA HA HA HA!”



“Prepare yourself, Las Vegas! The Great Olvir is coming! ROOOOOOST!”



(Without warning, OLVIR reaches off-screen and wields a battle-axe! In the blink of an eye, he brings it down upon the camera, and we cut to static, hearing his roaring laughter over the buzzing snow.)



(FADEOUT back to the announce desk, SIR SIMON SMITH chuckling, JEFF MAYES at ready.)



SMITH: “That was funny, too bad I won’t be here to see him in action.”

MAYES: “The dice are going to turn on you, and you know it.”

SMITH: “I’ll have the Great Viking Olvir wield his axe and sever off your head for such blasphemy, Mayes!”

MAYES: “Oh like Jack House did to that costume tiger.”

SMITH: “It was real!”

MAYES: “Up next is our match with the debuting Shorty, going against the streaking El Gordo Grande!”

SMITH: “The little dude from the hood has got some mouth on him, huh?”

MAYES: “Him and El Gordo Grande got into a mean-spirited war of words, and now they’re ready to bring the heat to the ring!”



(MUSIC UP: “Bullet With Butterfly Wings” – Smashing Pumpkins)



(CUTTO: The stage, and out comes EL GORDO GRANDE! The fans give him some mixed love as he puts his fists up in a fighting pose! GRANDE gives his red mask a gentle tug, then his matching tights, and heads for the ring.)



MAYES (V/O): “Grande has been on a roll here in LVW, and clearly wants to keep that momentum going as we head to the LVW World Title Tournament!”

SMITH (V/O): “Oh, momentum, schmomentum, all that matters is the tournament, look at the NFL, every team benches their starters once they locked things up!”

MAYES (V/O): “Well I don’t think anyone in LVW is giving it any less then their all tonight.”

SMITH (V/O): “Like I said before, Mayes. Everyone’s trying to keep healthy. I bet it’ll work for the Indianapolis Colts!”



(MUSIC UP: “Hate In Ya Eyes” – Chamillionaire)



(CUTTO: The stage once again, out from the curtain comes SHORTY, to a pop from the room! SHORTY gives his blue “88” b-ball jersey a quick hand-pound then slaps some hands with the railbirds.)



MAYES (V/O): “This crowd seems to have taken a liking to Shorty. Making his LVW debut, this is clearly a big match for him!”

SMITH (V/O): “He sure thinks it is! He’s gotten REAL personal with the (sarcastically) UNDEFEATED Grande, and now it’s going to blow up in his face.”



JERRY HARWELL: “The following contest is set for one fall! In the ring to my left, he hails from La Chiwawa, MEXICO… Weighing in at two-hundred and SIXTY-FIVE pounds… he is EL GOR-DO GRAAAAAAAAHN-DEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHH! (Crowd gives another mixed reaction; GRANDE shouts a mixture of Spanish and English at the crowd before continuing to warm up.)



“And his opponent to my right, he hails from the BRONX… weighing in at one-hundred and seventy-five pounds… here is SHOOOOORRRRRRRR-TEEEEEEEEEE!” (SHORTY throws his right arm up and gets cheers from the crowd.)



“Your referee for this contest is Brian Puter.”



(SFX: Bell ringing!)



MAYES: “Shorty and Grande circle each other… lock up, and Grande with a chop! (Whoo!) and now a series of chops! Grande whips Shorty to the ropes… TILT-O-WHIRL-BACKBREAKER! NO FLYING HEAD-SCISSORS TAKEDOWN BY SHORTY! Grande gets back to his feet, and now HE is the one being chopped! Shorty whips him into the corner, Grande staggers out… HURRICURANA! He covers! ONE – TWO …NO!” Grande kicks out!”

SMITH: “Wow, the new guy can sure fight!”

MAYES: “Shorty hammering away on Grande… he staggers him back to a corner… Shorty quickly climbs the ropes…TORNADO DDT! He just flattened Grande and the cover! ONE – TWO …NO!”

SMITH: “Grande has got to get his head in the game, Shorty has been all over him since the bell!”

MAYES: “Shorty now grabs Grande and whips him into the ropes …DROPKICK! NO! Grande held onto the ropes!”

SMITH: “Well Grande did call Shorty uneducated gutter trash, so it makes sense he’d outsmart him!”

MAYES: “Grande hammering away on Shorty now with a series of right hands… He scoop slams Shorty to the mat and now stomping away on him - drops an elbow! And again! He covers! ONE, TWO …NO! Shorty kicks out. Grande stops to give Puter some lip… He picks Shorty up and slams him down again. Grande now going to the outside!”

SMITH: “Grande is gonna show Shorty that two can play the high flying game!”

MAYES: ‘Grande with a flying splash - NO! SHORTY MOVES! Grande hit really funny on that… well, he seems to be OK… Shorty now going to the top! Grande is still down… Shorty with the FLY SPLASH – NO! GRANDE MOVED!”

SMITH: “First of all, does this guy have a name for every move he has, and second, can anyone hit a move off the top?”

MAYES: “Both men are down. Shorty and Grande slowly getting to their feet; Grande is up first and he hammers away on Shorty with a series of forearms. He hooks him up… and a NECKBREAKER! Grande covers! ONE – TWO …NO! Shorty kicks out!”

SMITH: “Maybe Grande will have to bust out his finisher for once, the guy’s been rolling people up for all his wins to this point!”

MAYES: “Who knows what will happen in this match. Grande now puts Shorty into a neck vice and is REALLY twisting on his head.”

SMITH: “I’d hate to think he’d be just half-assing it.”

MAYES: “Hey, I’m trying to call a match here. Shorty fighting his way up to his feet! Shorty with a series of elbows and off the ropes …CLOTHESLINE BY GRANDE! Oh man he just totally took Shorty’s head off!”

SMITH: “I think it’s about time for Shorty to be put down!”

MAYES: “Grande now trying to get Shorty up for the El Chupacaba but wait! Shorty climbs on Grande’s back… on top of Grande’s shoulders… rolls forward! VICTORY ROLL! ONE! TWO! THREE! (Pop!) WAS THAT THREE?!”

SMITH: “NO!”



(SFX: Bell ringing!)



MAYES: “YES! Puter is calling for the bell! Shorty got him! Grande is LIVID! He’s screaming at Puter! Puter telling him it was a pin, and Grande is enraged! He grabs Shorty …BRAINBUSTER! OH LORD! HE JUST FLATTENED SHORTY! Oh no… NO STOP (Boos!) Grande’s got Shorty back up and now in a torture rack! What can he possiblyyyyy …EL CHUPACABA! GRANDE CRUSHED SHORTY WITH THE SIT-DOWN POWERBOMB!”

SMITH: “Grande got screwed! This is worse then when JFK rooked Nixon out of the White House! Well, Kennedy got his and now Shorty is must assuredly getting what he deserved!”

MAYES: “How the hell can you say that? Shorty won the match fair and square!”

SMITH: “Grande kicked out, if we could throw the red flag here I’m sure the replay would overturn it!”

MAYES: “Grande surveying his damage, and I hope he’s happy with what he did! He’ll get his!”



JERRY HARWELL: “The winner of the match… SHORTY!”



(GRANDE has his hands on hips, looking at SHORTY laid out, waves his arms in disgust, and leaves the ring.)



MAYES: “We’ll be back!”



(CRASH TO BREAK)

 

[Koby]

LVW Viva Las New Year's 2006 - Segment 08

(FADEIN: Onto the ring, JERRY HARWELL standing with arms crossed at rest by the corner, chatting down to someone on the ringside floor.)



MAYES (V/O): “We’re back at Viva Las New Year’s 2006, and Sir Simon, before the start of the wrestling action for tonight, we kicked things off, you can say as a starter for the crowd, with a magic show. But it wasn’t any ordinary show.”

SMITH (V/O): “You got that right, Mayes. This guy was worth more than the greenbacks I spent on Dirk Arthur over at the Trop. XTreme Magic, my ass!”

MAYES (V/O): “Folks, we’re going to show you a tape of what happened earlier… this is a taped show afterall.”

SMITH (V/O): “Kayfabe!”

MAYES (V/O): “This will be on at 2 in the morning.”

SMITH (V/O): “Kayfabe, dammit!”

MAYES (V/O): “Anyway, we found out that the magician is ANOTHER newcomer to LVW… his name is El Magick-O.”

SMITH (V/O): “Say the name right.”

MAYES (V/O): “How?”

SMITH (V/O): “With… grandeur.”

MAYES (V/O): “Oh God, sit back and watch this!”



(TAPE: The stage at the House of Blues. The curtains are drawn, but green and blue lights, cut through the darkness in the shape of blazing comets. A drumroll starts.)

(CUTTO: JERRY HARWELL, in ring.)

JERRY HARWELL: "Ladies and Gentlemen, at this time, please welcome the magician for tonight and your newest LVW Superstar… he is the Mexican Mystic, the Sexual Escape Artist, Lucha Libre's Greatest Mystery, California's Most Wanted Performer, and Las Vegas' greatest magician… ELLLLLLLL MAGICK-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!”



(MUSIC UP: “Dope Hat” – Marilyn Manson)

(The curtains part and the spotlight hits as EL MAGICK-O somersaults out
onto his feet. He's wearing a full light green luchador bodysuit with red
upside down question marks spread across it and various black blazing comets and
planets with rings. His face is like a series of concentric red and black
circles as if looking at him is hypnotizing. He wears a large blood-red top
hat with a green brim and a green cape spangled with black stars flows behind him. A large cane with a marble recreation of his old head floats from hand to hand as he twirls it up and down, behind the back, under the crotch, tosses it spinning in the air, and catches it with his feet as he hits a head stand. He kicks back up in the air and does a
back flip and catches it with his teeth, as a small piece of his mask
exposes his mouth.)

EL MAGICK-O: (speaking via a mouthpiece that's attached to his ear and curves
around to his mouth): "Ladies and Gentlemen, children of all ages, and fine
young ladies of legal age and slightly younger because, hey, I'm not a picky
man, it's YOUR privilege tonight to witness the debut of the first LAS VEGAS
WRESTLING WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION and the greatest showman alive!”

"I've travelled south of the border to learn lucha libre from the masters
like Bueno Excellente, who was a rudo with the power of perversion, and El
Satanico del Sex, just as I climbed to the peaks of the forbidden Himalayas
to learn mystical secrets from the Undying Masters! On a tour where I was
defending a 6 man tag team world title by myself, I discovered the legendary
underground city of Neo-Tokyo where I sat a the feet of DAICHI himself to learn
how to escape through the fires of death and hell!”

"As the speciman before you, I'll escape from any submission hold just as
from a pair of handcuffs, unless they're locking me to a headboard! My legs
are so flexible I can't even feel a figure four! My neck can break any full
nelson and carry the weight of a table bearing a full dinner on top! I can
talk any of my fellow wrestlers' wives into a roll on the couch backstage
just as I can hypnotize their husbands into laying down for the 1-2-3.”

"And to show you all, the wondrous fans of LVW, my loyal supporters who
have illegally followed me from Mexico, some perhaps claiming that I
fathered their children even though you've never seen me behind this mask, I am
debuting one week early! That's right! Before you see a wrestler with
pinache, style, and MYSTERY like you've never seen before in that ring or any
other except at the Tijuana Community Hall, you're going to see display his
metaphysical powers first… RIGHT HERE! RIGHT NOW!”



"My fellow wrestlers beware, this is not for the weak of heart. What you
see now will frighten you into no-showing any potential match-up with EL
MAGICK-O! But fear not. Just as I will take the LVW World Heavyweight
title and escape with it from match after match just as I escape from
straitjacket after straitjacket and prostitution raid after prostitution raid,
I will take you with me on a voyage to escape fear! To escape fear and to
visit a little place I like to call ADVENTURE.”

"ADVENTURE and WONDER! Which is a small price to pay for losing to
Mexico's, California's, and now Sin City's greatest wrestler!”

"And without further ADO!"

(EL MAGICK-O taps both feet with his cane and then flings it behind him
haphazardly, where it lands upright and stands of its own accord. Soaking
in applause, he bows.)

EL MAGICK-O: "Now, Ladies and Gentlemen, observe that I have nothing up my
sleeves... which is obvious since this is a skin-tight outfit.”

(Canned laughter as the crowd stares at him blankly.)

"And also all the ladies can see that I do have something down my
pants... but that's a whole other trick... and a whole other show that takes
place every night up in my hotel suite! But first!”

(He flicks out his hands and a deck of cards magically appears! He shuffles them from hand and hand and struts over to the edge of a stage where a young boy sits.)

"Young man, would you please select a card?"

(He does and EL MAGICK-O takes it back without looking at it and reshuffles again and again. He passes cards out to the audience and takes them back in a different order. Then a hand from backstage hands him a lighter and a small can of gasoline. He sets the deck on fire in a small wastebasket. Then he struts back over to the young boy.)

"Young man, was this your card?"

(He flicks out an Ace of Spades from between his fingers and catches it with his other hand. Then that hand drops behind him and a deck of cards spills out.)

YOUNG MAN: "Yeah, it was my card, but it's the same one as all the ones
behind you!"

(He points but EL MAGICK-O cartwheels away and lands on top of the cards and
starts kicking them off the stage. Canned applause is heard.)

EL MAGICK-O: "Thank you, thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I know I can
hardly believe my power either! And as for my next trick...”

(He reaches backstage and pulls out a trunk on wheel which is painted with
red and green ad black stars and comets. He opens it, spins it on its side,
and on its front, opens the side panels, and the back panel, and twirls it
around so the audience can see nothing is in it. Then he reaches backstage
and takes up a rusted saw. He again struts to the audience and takes the
hand of a middle-aged woman, her finger heavy with rings and wearing a lot
of jewelry around her neck.)

"Ma'am, I need a volunteer for the classic sawing in half trick... but unlike
my opponents... I'm going to put you back together!"

(Canned laughter.)

(He lifts her up on stage, delicately places her inside the trunk, and then
spins it around again so everyone can see her inside. With her head
sticking out one end, he closes and locks the trunk, then saws it in half!
He spins the two halves away, and suddenly her feet stick out of the second
half! The woman laughs as El Magick-O puts her back together again, raises
up the trunk, and opens it up. He takes her hand and walks out of the
trunk, whole again!)

(Canned applause.)

EL MAGICK-O: "Let's all thank this woman for being a good sport!”

WOMAN: "Wait! Wait! My wedding ring's gone! (She feels around her neck
and her fingers.) All my jewelery's gone! Except for this key in my
pocket! Where did that come from?"

EL MAGICK-O: "From the front desk and it opens up my hotel room! Now let's
get you a drink backstage, or several, and you can recover from that life-threatening experience!"

(EL MAGICK-O walks her backstage past the cane and comes back out trailing a cannon
behind him, wearing pilot goggles and gloves.)

"And now ladies and gentlemen, just as I'm going to shoot my way to the top
of Las Vegas Wrestling, just like I shoot all over bored housewives' faces,
I will shoot myself out of this cannon, through the roof of the House of
Blues here... right up into the stars and sky!"

(Without another word, he snaps his fingers and suddenly has a lighter. He
lights the long fuse, and as it burns down, he climbs into the cannon and
then it tilts up, pointing skywards. The fuse burns out and the lights die
all across arena! A great flash follows with a cloud of smoke! The lights
go back now and the cannon is gone, with only the smoke remaining!)

(CUTTO: JERRY HARWELL in the ring, scratching his head at what he just saw.)

JERRY HARWELL: "Ladies and Gentlemen, EL MAGICK-O will be reappearing next week here at the House of Blues for LVW for another exciting performance. Until
next time, he wants to remind you that in EL MAGICK-O… (HARWELL looks at his cue card, shakes his head.), the "O"… is for ORGASM! (The crowd cheers with laughter!) Thank you!"



(CUTTO: Back “live” inside the arena at the announce desk, JEFF MAYES on camera.)



MAYES: “Up next, folks, the FIRST of our two main events! Mitch Grey! James Donovan! No Holds Barred! After the break!”



(CRASH TO BREAK)

 

[Koby]

LVW Viva Las New Year's 2006 - Segment 09

(FADEIN: A listless-looking MITCH GREY, in his “Johnny the Homicidal Maniac” T, walking to the ring. “Paint It Black” – Unseen is up on the sound system.)



MAYES: “We’re back, and Mitch Grey is making his way out here for his NO HOLDS BARRED REMATCH against James Donovan.”

SMITH: “Well, hopefully this will be a brutal beating to the street-trolling sicko Donovan!”

MAYES: “I don’t know why you have such a problem with the Cowboy. Everything he’s doing in this state and this organization has been above board and legal!”

SMITH: “Stuff it Mayes…I got no use for you trying to talk up this scumbag!”



(MUSIC UP: “Bat Country – Avenged Sevenfold)



(CUTTO: The stage as the room goes dark. Red strobe-lights emanate throughout the room from the LVW Vegas-style logo above the entrance. Out comes JAMES DONOVAN, to a roar from the room! DONOVAN stands tall, soaking in the cheers, then heads for the ring, slapping hands! A pink bra flies from the crowd and hits him in the face at ringside, which DONOVAN grabs off his face and laughs at, giving a wink to the crowd. DONOVAN then turns his attention toward the ring, and a scowl comes across his face as he throws a knee up onto the apron, staring down MITCH GREY.)



MAYES (V/O): “Well you’re clearly in the minority here Smith, these fans LOVE the Cowboy!”

SMITH (V/O): “And they keep Master P on Dancing with the Stars, what’s your point? The public is a bunch of morons!”

MAYES (V/O): “Both men in the ring, locked in eye to eye!”



JERRY HARWELL: “Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is set for ONE FALL, and it is… a NO HOLDS BARRED MATCH! (Pop!) FIRST, to my left… he hails from BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS… weighing in at TWO-hundred and SIXTY pounds… here he is, the LAST Goth Monster… MITCH! GREEEEEEEEEEEEEY! (The room gives GREY no love, he gives none back.)



“And his opponent, to my right… hailing from Enid, Oklahoma! He weights in at two-hundred and forty seven pounds… COWBOY JAMESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

DONNNNNNNNNNNNNN-OH-VANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!”

(The women scream in delight!)



HARWELL: “Your ref for this contest is Cesar Martinez.”



(SFX: Bell ringing!)



MAYES: “They lock up, and we’re ready to go! Grey pushes Donovan to the corner, Grey with a cheapshot right hand and another! BLOCKED! Donovan with a right, now trading shots! Donovan with a flurry staggers Grey back to the ropes. Grey sent for the ride …BIG BACK BODY DROP!”

SMITH: “Grey is no small man and he got sent flying!”

MAYES: “Grey scrambles to his feet, hiptoss by Donovan! AND ANOTHER! Grey charges …ARMDRAG TAKEDOWN AGAIN! Grey rolls to the outside and looks disgusted! Grey now …wait a minute he’s getting a chair! This isn’t right!”

SMITH: “Hey, the sex addict wanted no holds barred, he’s gonna get it now!”

MAYES: “Grey back in the ring with the chair! Donovan trying to avoid getting drilled, Grey swings and MISSES! Donovan with a kick to the gut and a right hand! Donovan peppering Grey with rights! Donovan pulls the chair away from Grey, and Grey quickly retreats to the floor! He didn’t want to get drilled with the weapon HE brought into the ring!”

SMITH: “Bah this match is going horrible! What more could go wrong?”

MAYES: “I’ve learned never to ask that question, cause you just might find out! Grey now getting another chair and he’s heading back to the ring! The crowd getting rowdy! Donovan waving him on, we’re gonna have a chair fight! (Metal clanging against metal!) Chair on chair action! Donovan knocks Grey’s chair away from him! Swings AND MISSES! Grey with a thumb to the eye! Donovan drops his chair to check his eye - GREY WITH A DDT ON THE CHAIR! Donovan is out! He covers – ONE – TWO …NO! DONOVAN KICKED OUT! (Pop!)

SMITH: “Oh give me a break! He just nearly killed the guy and he kicks out? What a joke!”

MAYES: “Grey clearly doesn’t think it was a joke, he’s outraged and letting Cesar know it! Grey now grabs a chair and he’s waiting on Donovan to get to his feet. Donovan struggling to get off the mat… back to his feeeeet… CHAIRSHOT BY GREY! THIS SHOULD BE IT RIGHT HERE! HE COVERS! ONE – TWO …THREE! NOOOOOO! DONOVAN KICKED OUT!”

SMITH: “Unreal!”

MAYES: “Grey placing one of the chairs down in the middle of the ring… grabs Donovan and whips him in for the ride… [BEEP]HOLE SLA – (POP!) NO! DONOVAN WITH A DDT ON THE CHAIR!”

SMITH: “NO!”

MAYES: “Both men are DOWN and this crowd is buzzing! Donovan and Grey both struggling to get to their feet, who will get up here first? Donovan… he’s up first! Grey now up – but Donovan with the right! And another! Donovan has Grey on the ropes, and sends him for the riiiiiiiiiiiiiide… SHOULDERTACKLE! Grey ate that HARD (Pop!) and now DONOVAN WITH A CHAIR!”

SMITH: “Grey needs to bail out!”

MAYES: “Donovan waiting on Grey, and he’s ready to unleash some havo – (SFX: Crack of metal!) BIG TIME CHAIR SHOT! He may have knocked Mitch Grey’s brains right of his head! Donovan throws the chair out of the ring and now he’s GIVING THE SIGNAL!”

SMITH: “This isn’t good.”

MAYES: “Donovan peels Grey off the mat and throws him over his shoulder! Donovannnnnnnnnn… (POP!) OKLAHOMA STAMPEDE! HE HIT THE BIG POWERSLAM! ONE! (Crowd counting along!) TWO! THREEEEEEEEEE! HE GOT HIM!”



(MUSIC UP: “Bat Country” – Avenged Sevenfold)



SMITH: “Oh well.”



JERRY HARWELL: “THE WINNER OF THE MATCH… COWBOY JAMES DONNNNNNNNN-OH-VAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN!”



MAYES: “A HUGE win for the Cowboy - (The room screams!) – what th – SOMEONE IN A TOGA HITTING THE RING! IS THA-“

SMITH: “NOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT HIM! MY GOD NO!”

MAYES: “IT’S GLADIATOR! GLADIATOR IS HERE! HE’S ALL OVER DONOVAN! WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING HERE?!?!? DONOVAN GETTING HAMMERED WITH LEFTS AND RIGHTS AND HAS DONOVAN ON THE MAT! WHAT THE… (The room goes ape!) OH NO! HE’S GOT THAT PIANO WIRE OUT!”

SMITH: “I… I… I gotta get out of here, Mayes! I can’t be here with this maniac! The dice are hot! I gotta get the whole bankroll… I… I gotta press my edge! Downtown! 100 times odds! That’s it! Yeah, that’s it! I gotta do it! SEEYA MAYES! YOU WON’T BE SEEING ME HERE NEXT WEEK! NO SHOT! DICE, HERE I COME!” (SFX: SMITH ripping his headset off!)

MAYES: “SIR SIMON SMITH RUNNING LIKE THE WIND! GLADIATOR… READY TO GO IN ON DONOVAN WITH THE WIRE (POP!) …NO! DONOVAN UP WITH A RIGHT! A LEFT! GLAD DROPS THE WIRE! DONOVAN GRABS GLAD (POP!) …BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX! Glad pops to his feet – RIGHT HANDS BY DONOVAN! GLAD UP AGAINST THE ROPESSSSSSSS… (POP!) RUNNING BIG BOOT SENDS GLAD TO THE FLOOR! Gladiator’s scrambling to his feet and grabbing the mic out of Harwell’s hands!”



GLADIATOR: “DONOVAN! ME …AND YOU! First round of the LVW World Title Tournament …NEXT WEEK! I’M GONNA MAKE YOU BLEED, YOU SON OF B*TCH!” (Crowd buzzing!)



MAYES: “Oh my lord! Former FWC World Champion Gladiator is IN THE HUNT for the LVW World Title! And he’s taking on one of the favorites to win the belt, next week! This is huge news! I can’t believe this! We’ve got mayhem here at Viva Las New Year’s, and we still have our Main Event to come! UP NEXT!”



(CRASH TO BREAK)

 

[Koby]

LVW Viva Las New Year's 2006 - Segment 10

(MUSIC UP: “You Gots To Chill” – EPMD)



(FADEIN: Blue screen, flashy lights bordering all around, House of Blues logo in the middle, with date, time, and lots of 411.)



MAYES (V/O): “People in the Valley, come join us here at the House of Blues for some Las Vegas Wrestling action! Get your tickets now for our next show by hitting us up on the website listed, by calling 1-702-555-2525, or by showing up at the House of Blues at Mandalay Bay here on the Las Vegas STRIP!”



“Our next card is a HUGE ONE, everyone! All eight first-round matches will take place in the LVW World Heavyweight Championship Tournament! GET YOUR TICKETS NOW! We are sure to sell out the hottest show in Vegas, so don’t wait! JOIN US! EL VEE DOUBLE-U …taking it, to the OBSCENE!”



(FADEOUT TO BLACK)

 

[Koby]

LVW Viva Las New Year's 2006 - Segment 11

(FADEIN: MAYES sitting at the announce table by himself, the empty space next to him.)



MAYES: “WELCOME BACK! What a crazy show we’ve had for you everyone, and my broadcast partner Sir Simon Smith just bolted at the sight of his old friend and now lifetime nemesis, Gladiator! The buzz here at the House of Blues is astonishing. No one in their right mind expected a FORMER WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION to show up here at LVW to fight for our title, no one!”



(Camera PANS to the aisle, where a ladder stands!)



MAYES: “And now, we have our MAIN EVENT, a LADDER MATCH between Hans Nowak and Carmine Esposito!”



(B-ROLL: “LAST WEEK” – JIMMY TWO TIMES hitting HANS NOWAK with a chair. NOWAK not flinching. HANS hitting the Hans Attack on LIVING DEAD for the pinfall. JIMMY TWO TIMES in the aisle, the look of death on his face.)



MAYES: “This is from our last show, where contrary to what my disposed broadcast partner may say, Jimmy Two Times clearly lost a LOT of money betting AGAINST his team, and it cost him the amount we have hanging in the briefcase over the ring - $25,000! And now Jimmy is sending his horse, Carmine Esposito, into this match to get his money back! Which he can do, simply by climbing the ladder and being the first one to get the briefcase.”



(MUSIC UP: “National Anthem of Poland”)



(CUTTO: The stage, and out in a red singlet with the Polish Falcon crest on his stomach walks HANS NOWAK, with a look of determination on his face! HANS fast-walks down the mini-ramp to the aisle as MISS ANN jaunts out from behind the curtain behind him! HANS gets to the ladder, looks at it quickly, then folds it up and carries it to the ring!)



MAYES: “Wait… wait a minute! He’s got to wait for the match to start! (Crowd getting rowdy!) Hans is bringing the ladder into the ring! Referee Cesar Martinez is trying to wave him off, but to no effect! Hans is SETTING THE LADDER UP! WHAT IS HE DOING? Someone’s gotta stop him, Carmine’s not even out here yet, and Hans… he’s climbing the ladder! (Crowd getting louder!) HERE COMES CARMINE ESPOSITO FROM THE BACK! JIMMY TWO TIMES RIGHT BEHIND HIM!”



(“STUPID ITALIAN GAMBLER!” – HANS)



MAYES: “Carmine’s in the ring and he’s TRYING TO GET HANS OFF THE LAD – HANS KICKS HIM IN THE FACE! CARMINE IS DOWN! AND HANS HAS THE BRIEFCASE! CARMINE BACK UP TRYING TO GET AT HIM – HANS JUST CRUSHED CARMINE WITH THE BRIEFCASE! HE JUMPED OFF THE LADDER AND NAILED HIM WITH THE LOOT! CARMINE IS OUT! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON! THE BELL DIDN’T EVEN RING!”



(CUTTO: HANS walking to the back holding the briefcase, yelling “Hans make more money in 15 seconds, then stupid Americans make in 15 lifetimes!” at the camera!)



(CUTTO: JIMMY TWO TIMES looking like he’s about to have a stroke, looking at the 25,000 dollars Hans just ran off with! JIMMY looks down at the out-cold CARMINE and suddenly reaches into his jacet and pulls out his celly, which is ringing off the hook! TWO TIMES glances at the ID screen and his face goes white, and he drops to his knees, eyes bulged out and his head buried in his hands!)


MAYES: “Am I still on? Hello? HELLO? Fans, I don’t know what to say! Hans Nowak just walked off with twenty-five grand! This is crazy!”



(CUTTO: HANS and MISS ANN on stage, HANS holding the briefcase high over his head, laughing!)



(CUTTO: MAYES at ringside.)



MAYES: “Everyone… I… what a crazy way to end it, to top off the foundation, which has been SET here in LVW! NEXT WEEK, Sir Simon Smith or no Sir Simon Smith, and for all we know, no Carmine Esposito, we BEGIN the NEXT STEP of LAS VEGAS WRESTLING as we HAVE BEGUN the NEW YEAR, with the road to the CROWNING of our FIRST LVW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! WE’RE OUT!”



(FADE… slow, wide helicopter shot of the Las Vegas Strip at night, the whole city glistening in light!)



(MUSIC UP: “Las Vegas” – Tony Christie)



“The Lorrrrrrd above, made the worllllllld for us… but the devil made… Las Vegas.”



(CUTTO: The inside of an empty House of Blues, with the LVW stage set up and ready to go!)

(CUTTO: WAYNE NEWTON walking the aisle to the ring!)

(CUTTO: WAYNE NEWTON on the mic, singing!)

(CUTTO: JACK HOUSE hitting the Blackjack on WAYNE NEWTON!)

(CUTTO: COWBOY JAMES DONOVAN, back against the rail, getting touched all over by the women in the crowd!)

(CUTTO: WEB BROWSER, eyes popped open big, looking back and forth at the crowd, scared!)

(CUTTO: EL GORDO GRANDE in the aisle, adjusting his mask, then clapping his hands!)

(CUTTO: THE LIVING DEAD swaying to and fro, MC LUSCIOUS bouncing in a tight shirt in front of him!)

(CUTTO: WEB BROWSER hitting the Spam Stopper on WILLIAM SIMMONS!)

(CUTTO: BEN LERNER popping WEB BROWSER in the head with the microphone!)

(CUTTO: WEB BROWSER and BEN LERNER brawling in the crowd!)

(CUTTO: EL MAGICK-O in the middle of his magic show!)

(CUTTO: JIMMY TWO TIMES chair-shotting HANS NOWAK!)

(CUTTO: HANS NOWAK hitting CARMINE ESPOSITO in the head with a briefcase!)

(CUTTO: BROADWAY JOHNNY DOLL, sitting by a slot machine, pointing at the camera!)

(CUTTO: BILL BELLMOTH at the top of the stage, the spotlight lighting big on him!)

(CUTTO: JONATHAN NASH hitting his Shooting Star Press on BELLMOTH!)

(CUTTO: EL GORDO GRANDE counting off the one, two, and three at his fallen opponent!)

(CUTTO: THE LIVING DEAD hitting a DDT on ELVIS AARON PRESLEY!)

(CUTTO: SHORTY hitting a Tornado DDT on EL GORDO GRANDE!)

(CUTTO: MITCH GREY hitting the [BEEP]hole Slam on CARMINE ESPOSITO!)

(CUTTO: ELVIS AARON PRESLEY mid-ring, with curled lip and pointed finger doing a pose!)

(CUTTO: MITCH GREY standing at the top of the stage, bloody chair high in the air!)

(CUTTO: JAMES DONOVAN hitting the Oklahoma Stampede on MITCH GREY!)

(CUTTO: OLVIR ARSVINNAR at the set of his shoot, book-ended by two starlets!)

(CUTTO: JACK HOUSE hitting the Blackjack on SIEGFRIED & ROY!)

(CUTTO: GLADIATOR in the middle of the ring, getting piano wire ready for attack!)

(CUTTO: HANS NOWAK holding referee BRIAN PUTER high in the air, and throwing him into the 5th row!)



(CUTTO: 4 by 4 checker-board shot of the 16 wrestlers in the LVW World Heavyweight Championship Tournament, all the pictures focusing in onto the wrestlers!)



“…Hey, Las Vegas, the devil gave us to yoooooooou… One of these days, I’m gonna burn you dooooown.”



(CUTTO: Close-up shot of the LVW World Heavyweight Championship belt.)



(BLACK)