[FADE IN. Mr Entertainment is standing in front of a New ERA logo, dressed as always in white T-shirt and black leather jacket, though he looks a little pale. To his left is a TV screen, which, strangely, has an Empire Pro Wrestling logo on it. Beneath that is a VCR]
ME: Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve graced the tube. Truth be told, I got a little confused by some mysticism I saw whilst channel-hopping late night, tryin’ ta see what was goin’ on in other companies. An’ this little bit caught my interest.
[He leans over, pressing the “play” button on the VCR. Appearing on screen, Empire Pro Wrestling’s Intercontinental Champion, during his most recent promotional segment]
Karl: You know, I’m actually bored of facing you, Shane. Three matches in, and I’m already bored, because I’ve been able to predict every single thing you’ve said. You’ve done nothing to excite my interest in facing you again – because I already know what you’re going to say before you say it. Far from being Sensational, you’ve been very, very base and generic.
“Look at me, I’m the best.”
“I’m going to save this company all on my own.”
“I need to restore credibility to a title that’s been held for over a year”
“I’m great and haven’t tried in matches against that loser until now.”
“He beats no talent wannabes, but I’m different.”
Don’t ever wrestle for New ERA’s TV title if you can help it, Steven, because one of the people I’ve beaten in the past fourteen months would have a field day with the list I’ve just given.
[The tape stops, and Mr Entertainment stands with a confused look on his face]
ME: Man, I gotta talk to the Snoragon again, maybe he can give me some lottery numbers. Right there, he’s said everything we need ta know about my ‘opponent’ this week, AN’ he predicted that Shane would soon be squaring off for the ON TV title that I hold dear.
He thinks he’s gonna take the title from me? That’s like sayin’ Cameron Cruise is gonna NOT make a complete fool of himself. Complete and utter DE-LU-SION!
This is the whippin’ boy of Empire Pro. This is the guy who got his ass handed ta him by Peter F’n File, a guy who’s only out weirded by MWG!
But he says he’s a level far an’ away above Cameo – sorry, did I miss that meetin’? Did Marcus forget ta send me that memo? Because from everythin’ I’ve watched, beatin’ Cameo again would be more of a challenge!
Now, I’ll admit, Snoragon got it wrong on a couple points – you’ve been ‘sincere’ abou’ New ERA, an’ ya haven’t YET said that yer gonna save this company. Probably because this company is already on the up and up with each show; bigger ratings, bigger merchandise sales, bigger turnout for live events, an’ all thanks to ME.
Mister Entertainment.
The guy who deliberately STAYS at this level, despite holding wins over former World Champions!
Ya see, Sensatiblunder – callin’ yerself “Sensational” ain’t quite enough. Ya have ta go out there an’ do somethin’ called WINNING. CONVINCINGLY. Sure, a few wins here an’ there in the minor leagues may get ya noticed, but honestly – ya moaned an’ whined abou’ not bein’ able ta read! How can ANYONE take ya seriously after that, Sensatiloser?
But enough abou’ what you’ve done in the minors. This is the New ERA of Wrestling, where the best gather, and the weak are cannon-fodder. The jobbers of the modern game, turnin’ up, hittin’ a few moves, then collectin’ their pay when the final bell rings. Only here in New ERA, we’ve now got four people who are the jobbers, who can’t even last ten minutes against someone with STYLE and PIZAZZ!
Trevor Cane.
John “What’s My Name Again?” Doe.
Cameron “I Share My Name With A Porn Star! NOTICE ME!!” Cruise.
An’ Sensational “Where’s My Career? Oh Look, There It Is, Down the Toilet” Steven Shane.
‘Cause, Shane-o – bein’ a Messiah of New ERA isn’t gonna happen if ya can’t hang it with the big boys. Guys like Peter “I’m Almost as Weird as MWG” File, who had ya from the word GO! Guys like MWG, who would LITERALLY have ya at the word GO!, if not ten minutes before hand!
But I’ll make ya look good. Oh yeah, because that’s what I do. I make people look GOOD in the ring. Look how stellar I made Cameo look time after time after time. Or MWG, or GOP – or ta give names yer more familiar with, the Snoragon, Joey Meltus, an’ Proppet.
But at the end of the day, you, like Cameo, will be lookin’ up at the lights, seein’ how pretty they are before ya collect ya pay an’ go back to whatever backwater ya wanna call home this week. Because New ERA is about more than competition, it’s about ENTERTAINMENT.
An’ last I checked, that’s my job, not yours.
[FADE OUT, as we notice Mr Entertainment take a bottle of water from his back pocket, together with a pill]
