It's (INSERT DAY HERE)!!
* Shawn Hart RP for BattleBRAWL 3.
FADE IN: Felicia's glitzed-out tower at Le Chateau du Hart in Orlando - 7 AM.
CUE UP: A PHAT pop beat.
With the music grooving in the background, the sister of former New Era Champion SJH is waking from her beauty sleep
FELICIA: "7am, wakin' up in the morning. Gotta be fresh, gotta wash downstairs-"
CUT TO: Felicia in the shower, looking downward and then taking a giant, soapy brush to some unseen part of her body.
FELICIA: "Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal. Seein’ everything, the time is goin’. Tickin’ on and on, everybody’s rushin’-"
CUT TO: The kitchen, where Felicia is retrieving her milk-laden face from a giant bowl of Wheaties and glancing at a clock. Suddenly, her big brother walks onto the screen, takes one look at l'il sis and the strange scene that is being shot, and instantly displays a sour-puss as the music comes to a SCREECHING halt.
SJH (In his best Hank Hill voice): "H-what in the h-world?!"
Felicia slams both fists into the table, toppling her Wheaties in the process.
FELICIA: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! You always ruin everything!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!"
The younger Hart storms out of the camera's view, sobbing as she goes. SJH looks inquisitively into the camera before shaking his head. He then shouts to his sister off camera.
SJH: "But Sweet Felish! It's Friday, Friday!!"
No response. The Prime Minister of Gettin' Sinister begins to sing and shake his hips.
SJH: "Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday. Today i-is Friday, Friday. We-we-we so excited. We so excited. We gonna have a ball today! Tomorrow is Saturday.. and Sunday comes after... I kick the HOLY HELL from the First!"
He stares into the camera with clenched teeth, after which he strikes one of his sweet promo poses.
SJH: " And I don’t want this weekend to END, nnnnnnnnnnnnndaddio!! Because THIS is the weekend when ORDER is restored in the universe and the glimmering golden belt that belongs 'round this beautiful waist-"
He traces his sinuous form with his index finger.
SJH: "...will FINALLY find its way home! The First, well... he performed some FIRST-rate skull-duggery to debauch and dethrone me, but ya know what? NO ONE plays it more dirty than Muff Daddy, SJH!"
Felicia reenters the room, wiping the milk from her face with a silken towel.
FELICIA: "He's not lyin'. I've seen his STD screens."
Hart continues, unfazed by his sibling.
SJH: "So if my former BFF wants to muck it up, and CLEARLY he has, you can bet your booty that I'm charging into this thing UNSHEATHED!!"
FELICIA: "Eww."
SJH glares at Sweet Felish. She responds with a roll of the eyes and walks off-screen. The Phenom is left with no recourse but to shrug his shoulders and trudge forward.
SJH: "What you did... it was completely and utterly, absitively-posilutely DEPLORABLE! But as heinous as the hair-brained scheme was, I can't say I'm even the slightest bit surprised that you took the road you did to STEAL that strap. Especially given what you've gone through over the past year or two whilst in pursuit of other titles."
He chuckles to himself.
SJH: "Despite the endless amount of hurdles you have to clear, you huff and you puff and you BLOW the house down in every city n' every stop on the 'rasslin road. Like Willis Reed wobblin' around on one leg, or MJ fightin' the flu. And after all the trials and tribulations, you finally get your first big title win! Halle-freakin'-lujah, bub! You finally broke through that glass ceiling and from here on in... your the Empire's guy and NO ONE can do a damn thing about it!"
SJH grins.
SJH: "'Cept it didn't really go down like that, did it? Nosiree! Because after all that work, all that bustin' your ass, you were back down to square one before the belt got your name plate! So when you take every possible shortcut to swindle me outta my New Era schwag without so much as a broken sweat, it makes perfect sense really.
It's the only way you succeed.
Any time you really have to FIGHT for something, you fall flat on your FAT face! And believe you me, brother... at BattleBRAWL, FIGHT is what you're gonna have to do!
Because when it comes to the KING of Bling, SJH... if ya try to go over, you're gonna go UNDER! Period-exclamation point-THE END! I went through more sh(FCC)t than a scat video to get that belt and hold it for as long as I did, and with GOD as my witness, I'm not gonna pull a YOU and let the sumb(FCC)tch slip through my fingers! So when we're in that ring PROPER, no shortcuts... no shenanigans, I hope you're ready to GO DOWN, cuz this cat's gonna get all up IN YA and SLAM IT 'til ya can't take it no mo!"
FELICIA (From off-camera): "EWW!"
SJH: "Call it a mockery, call it an OUTRAGE, my Magic 8-ball calls it the truth!
And the TRUTH of the matter here is that Pro Wrestling's SJH is a proven commodity. The only thing you've proven is to have a penchant for dropping the ball.
But HEY - don't sweat it, kid! There's always room for guys that try REEEEEEEEALLY hard in the prelims.
S-J-H has left the building!"
FADE OUT.