Once Upon A Time... and Words From the King
* Mr. Entertainment RP#2 for C09.
A long, long time ago, in a distant and magical land, lived two creatures of unimaginable stupidity. One was a great grizzled and grotesque creature, with a brain so small that it couldn’t remember anything that had actually happened and had to make things up as it went along. The second was smaller, and looked better than his gruesome friend, but this one too was incredibly lacking in intelligence, although he was smart enough to be scared to fight fairly.
One day, the two stupid creatures were walking down a forest path when they chanced upon a shiny silver sovereign laying in the path. The Second One immediately stopped to look at the shinyness, while the Grotesque One, who had never walked this path before, slammed his fist against his chest and shouted “MINE! I LOSTED IT!”
“Did not,” snarled the Second One, “It’s mine! I wantses it!” and he snatched the sovereign from the ground.
“IT MINE!” bellowed the Grotesque One. “I LOSTED IT HERE! GIVE IT!”
Just then, a small rabbit poked its head out of the nearby bushes and sniffed the air.
“HOPPY MINE!” screeched the Grotesque One, diving after the rabbit. But the bunny was too quick for the Grotesque One, and he quickly ran across the path, right past the Second One, and dove into a burrow. “HOPPY MINE!! HOPPY COME BACK!!”
The Second One laughed, clapping his hands. “Stupid no catch bunny! Needses me to helpses you catch dinner!” And as he clapped, he didn’t notice the silver sovereign fly from his hand and down into the burrow.
“NO NEEDS YOU! YOU NEEDS ME!”
“Stupidses!”
The two argued for a long time, until the rabbit poked its head out of the burrow, the shiny silver sovereign tucked under its arm. The Grotesque One saw the rabbit first, and yelled to his friend. The Second One did not see the rabbit, but instead saw the shiny silver sovereign and frantically started throwing his arms around, trying to find the coin in its hand. “He stoles my shiny!”
“BUNNY! EAT!”
“No, get the shiny!”
“HUNGRY!”
“Shiny!”
And they dived at the rabbit, their arms getting stuck in the hole to the burrow. But the rabbit had hopped up, and over the two creatures, and as they screamed and kicked and clawed at the earth, the rabbit ran off with the sovereign towards the town. There, he bought a shop, and in time, through prudence and hard work, his shop became the envy of the world. On his way to get stock from neighbouring towns, the rabbit would often pass by his old burrow, where the two creatures were still desperately trying to fight out of the hole, kicking and clawing the earth and screaming and shrieking at each other.
(((CUE UP: “The March of the Varangian Guard” by Turisas as we FADE IN and CUT TO the musical stage of “That’s Entertainment!”. The crowd cheer as Turisas appear from smoke, Warlord singing the opening verse calmly before the song really kicks in. After the first chorus, FADE TO montage footage from New ERA since its relaunch, the song still playing.
First attacking an injured Shawn Hart, into footage of Shawn Hart beating The First at Battle Brawl.
Cameron Cruise being embarrassed once, twice, thrice – the third time in exchanges at Battle Brawl.
Jonathan Marx in the ring, soundly beating opponent after opponent.
Fanatic pointing at the New ERA Championship.
Rapid-fire shots of Donovan Astros, Chaos, Michael Mongomery, and Yossi Hayat.
And finally, a still image of the New ERA Champion in a pose similar to his now destroyed statue, Mr Entertainment.
The song ends as the crowd cheers, and Mr Entertainment applauds from a seat in the crowd)))
ME: I know I have them on a lot, but damn are they great. As opposed ta Cam an’ the Wrestling Bieber, who just grate.
(((The crowd jeer the mention of Cruise and First)))
ME: Yeah, sorry ta be a downer on things so quickly, but if those two don’t hear their names mentioned every few seconds they start ta ferget things. Ya know, simple things. Things that Michael Montgomery knows, things tha’ Yossi Hayat knows, things tha’ Suicide knows – hell, even things tha’ Chaos an’ Fanatic know!
But it looks like it falls ta ME
Mister Entertainment
The King of New ERA, ta set them straight once again. Not tha’ they’ll listen, they never do, but heck, I can but try ta get through ta minds tha’ don’t exist.
(((He stands from his seat, strolling over to the stage. A stage hand tosses him a remote control which he deftly catches and taps in his hands)))
ME: Let’s start with the Wrestling Bieber, the biggest coward of the entire roster, who’s decided tha’ somehow I don’t deserve ta be New ERA champion because I didn’t beat Chaos an’ somehow tha’ makes a guy a coward.
Let’s get this straight – I say it’s a successful title defence, an’ somehow tha’s bein’ a coward? If statin’ tha’ fer a fact I am the greatest New ERA Champion because I’ve left two successive matches with the belt is cowardice, an’ never once sayin’ that I didn’t lose ta Chaos is cowardice… what the hell was takin’ on a guy in an unscheduled match when they’re givin’ up the belt because they’re too hurt ta work fer a while?
Oh, sorry. Wrestling Bieber like shiny shiny so it’s alright.
Or, how abou’ actually walkin’ out of a match? Have I done tha’? No. But you did, as I recall. So damn scared o’ bein’ in the same ring as Druid an’ Shawn Hart ya did a runner. Then, when ya’d done pukin’ in the back a’ Battle Brawl an’ went ta face Shawn one on one, face ta face, an’ man ta man… well, a fair fight was a bit too much fer ya, weren’t it?
(((He presses a button, and we see the last few seconds of Battle Brawl’s main event, when Shawn Hart regained the New ERA Championship in First’s first title defence)))
ME: Did I beat Chaos? Nope. Never said I did. Did I ask Larry ta stick his nose where it don’t belong? Nope. Did I want Fanatic ta appear? Nope. Did I walk out of the arena the first man ta keep this belt after two title defences?
Damn skippy.
See, Bieber, tha’s the difference between you, an’ ME.
Mister Entertainment.
It’s why New ERA doesn’t need you as it’s champion, or anywhere near the arena, it needs Mister Entertainment. Because you can only work by hidin’, by cowerin’. Yer title reign began because you saw a wounded animal an’ attacked, yeah – like a coward. ME?
Mister Entertainment?
After bankin’ two shots, I went after Shawn man ta man, and ended his reign face ta face in a match he knew of before hand. Unless… yer gonna say tha’ you’d told Shawn what you were gonna do. Maybe then ya’d be a lil’ less o’ a coward.
But hell, look at ya now! All ready ta try an’ pick up the pieces, hidin’ behind Cammy. Sayin’ pure combat is the only test, when ya couldn’t do tha’ right. History shows it – an’ history’ll keep showin’ it, Bieber.
But it’s not like Cammy’s not used ta ridin’ coat tails. Hell, he’s been riding mine since the start.
Oops, sorry, I forgot. Cameron Cruise is great. Cameron Cruise is great. Cameron Cruise is
(((Interrupting, a puppet in a bizarre mask with red flashing eyes appears on screen. His name is Proppet.)))
Proppet: TEH GRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!
(((and a giant foot-shaped anvil squashes him with comedy sound effect)))
ME: Shame he can’t remember tha’ this is New ERA.
My New ERA. The place where I hold dominion because only
I can.
Seriously, Cammy, take a hint. This ain’t some mystic “elsewhere”. This ain’t New ERA workin’ with World’s Finest Wrestling any more. I said at the first Cyberstrike, the second Cyberstrike, Battle Brawl, the seventh Cyberstrike, tha’ this was a
New ERA. Clean slate. Hell, I went an’ won, earned a title shot. I went an’ earned a second title shot. If the time BME
Before Mister Entertainment
Mattered, why would I have had ta do tha’ since I had done more than you in
any incarnation of New ERA?
Have ya won dozens o’ Battle Brawls in New ERA? No?
Have ya beaten Mister Entertainment since we met a’ Cyberstrike One?
(((He presses a button, and we see the ending sequences of two matches – “That’s Entertainment” being hit on Cameron Cruise at Cyberstrike 1 and 7)))
ME: Nope, you haven’t.
See, Cammy, tha’s yer biggest problem. Ya’ve done this tha’ or the other, but never where it matters. Ya think tha’ success elsewhere means success here. Ya think tha’ it means anything here. Ya offend the fans by goin’ on an’ on abou’ elsewhere, another time, when what matters isn’t what happened years back or in XYZ or elsewhere. That’s
my strength, Cammy, I know that this… is
New ERA. I know that this is New ERA…
now. I know tha’ as long as people like
you insist on goin’ round forgettin’ tha’ this is
New ERA an’ we wrestle at the Agganis Arena on Cyberstrike, I have ta carry this company on my shoulders. Because you can’t do it. How can ya do it when ya don’t even respect the fans, the company, the locker-room? When ya think tha’ beatin’ ya twice one on one out of two matches counts as an anomaly?
I know That’s Entertainment ends with ya head hitting the mat pretty hard, but I didn’t think I’d knocked that much sense outta ya.
I’ll make this clear, Cammy. Until ya do something here, in
my New ERA, yer nothing, an’ I’ll be countin’ the days before I embarrass ya fer a third time, one on one.
Unless yer plan is ta have the Bieber interfere, hm?
Look, guys, I already know the two of ya ain’t worth my time, or Johnny-boy’s, or the fans. I know the two of ya are scared an’ have ta gang up ta stand a chance of survivin’ in my kingdom. It’s a scary place. Chaos throwin’ people inta the crowd. Suicide not talkin’ abou’ how good he is, but showin’ it. People who actually fought ta win title shots gettin’ title shots. ME
Mister Entertainment
As champion and King.
It’s tough ta be a little guy. Hell, I ain’t the strongest. I ain’t the toughest. I ain’t the quickest.
But since ya’ve mentioned survival of the fittest, Bieber, I’ll let ya in on a secret. I am the fittest, because I am the best. I am the most adaptable. Unlike you, all talk an’ sneak attacks, I am King because I go out there and face people man ta man. I’m so damn sure of myself, so damn arrogant, because guys like ME
Mister Entertainment
Can back… it… up. Cruise is busy pukin’ in the corner because he knows if Fanatic can’t get the job done at Prime Time, he’s gonna have ta set foot in the ring against the greatest wrestler and entertainer on the planet. The man who’s beaten him in three matches across… nine events, soon ta be four in ten.
Then you’ll be ready, waiting ta cash in a shot at the champ… only ta find the champ has more than enough fight in him for ya.
(((Mr Entertainment motions to the back, and Jennifer Harding comes out carrying the New ERA Championship. She hands it to the champ, who rests it on his shoulder)))
ME: It doesn’t matter if Johnny-boy shows up, kids. It’ll be nice if he does because I don’t want ta totally embarrass ya before ya’ve had a chance ta start a decent story of the little losers tryin’ ta defeat the big bad champion. But one of you delusional morons I’ve beaten hands down twice in singles competition already, an’ the other I’ve shown I’m more of a man than he ever will be. I am the
New ERA champion because there is
nobody else who can build New ERA, can carry New ERA to the heights it deserves. Say what ya want abou’ ME
Mister Entertainment
But I am New ERA. I bleed New ERA, an’ everything I do in New ERA… I do for New ERA. You may not like it, but it’s ME
Mister Entertainment
Who sells tickets. It’s Mister Entertainment who does what it takes, no matter the cost, ta selflessly make this company bigger an’ bigger an’ bigger. It’s Mister Entertainment who realises this is New ERA, this is now, and nothing else matters but THIS… the symbol of the hopes an’ dreams of fans, wrestlers, ring crew, Jen here, Sam wherever he’s run off ta, an’ everyone associated with New ERA.
Neither of you could stand the pressure of building a true edifice, a place that will last for all time.
Only one person can. Only one person can be King of New ERA.
And it’s time for the King to toss you two aside, so he can concentrate on that other pretender, Fanatic.
If you want to stick your nose in my business again, Tact Legacy – you better be prepared fer yer final curtain. Cruise and First can serve as a warning to you and to all the other pretenders who think they can take
my New ERA Championship.
Now, New ERA now, is all about ME.
Mister Entertainment.
(((CUE UP: “Rex Regi Rebellis” by Turisas as we FADE OUT)))
