(Fade into the AMerican's Whitelandia compound. Cut to the patriotic living room where The American sits, not hiding behind wrestling bears or any such silliness.)
THE AMERICAN: One most not be surprised that Jonathan Marx would choose a bear as his spokesman. Such a lazy, backwards animal which is known more for sleeping and eating pooridge than it is for its tenacity or viciousness.
The bear is a symbol of weakness in the greatest house of power in America, our stock market. It is not something that one with much confidence would stand behind, even a communist who knows in his heart that our greatest president Jimmy Carter destroyed his evil system and made the world free for every god fearing freedom loving American to watch their champion of Justice the American live on television, in the arena or on Pay Per View for the low one time cost of 29.95.
This is an important freedom. The freedom to stand behind your champion of truth and justice with your hard earned American dollar. To pay for the privledge to stand and cheer against the forces of evil who would not let you earn that dollar so you could stand and cheer.
In communism you cannot stand and cheer. You must equally divided your standing and your cheering between both men, even if one is undeserving of your standing. Or if he is undeserving of the cheering. Either way you must give both equally.
Your most important freedom is your freedom to shop, your freedom to cheer, and your freedom to admit that all men are not created equal in this wrestling ring, especially when they are matched up against the icon of the United States, The American.
Add to that the fact that the wrestling bear routine is an idea that is incredibly behind the times only shows the failure of the communist system that Marx desires to burden our country with. The American people created the idea of the wrestling bear years ago, and the wrestling bear was beloved by all. Much like our free Australian brothers who wrestled various reptiles and other things that are done in such backwards, yet free and capitalist countries.
Yet here you are in this glorious year of our lord Two Thousand and four with a wrestling bear, as if it was as fresh as a produced grown here in the United States, or beer brewed proudly in the free forty eight.
Could you be so blind? Communism has kept you in the dark so long that you missed the wrestling bear revolution. Much like your Russian revolution it lasted for awhile, and then failed in the end. It is sad to think you people still think the idea of a wrestling bear is ingenius, just as you think each man should be given the same amount of wealth despite not earning it.
This backwards ideology belongs at the Democratic National Convention, not in a wrestling ring, the most American of all venues. This is a sport for Americans, and by Americans... championed by THE AMERICAN. Marx, you coward, step out from behind the curtains of history that have obscured the legendary wrestling bears and speak for yourself. It is obvious that you won't be able to fight me since your style will be so outdated that long dead wrestlers would have already adapted to the latest innovations in the communist wrestling community.
Communists simply are not made to be wrestlers. Bear wranglers possibly. We cannot know for sure since your people have only now discovered this ancient art, but I am sure the bull like, yet less intelligent communists will make fine bear wranglers, and I will attempt to not defeat you too soundly that you are able to return to this noble profession.
That is my promise Marx, and as an American I will keep it. As The American, I will stand in that ring and beat you.. but not too badly, for we do not want to shame the communists, only to show them the error in their ways.
(Fade out)
