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MILES in Vegas


Jan 1, 1970
FADEIN: The Vegas Strip - night time. A carnival of lights, the camera sweeps by Circus Circus, The Stardust, Treasure Island, MGM Grand...

MILES V/O: "Vegas baby, (BLEEP!)'IN VEGAS BABY!"

The camera pans around showing 'COCKY' CRAIG MILES lounging at the wheel of a convertible. MILES is is wearing a sleeveless fur coat, yellow Oakleys, driving with one hand and smoking a Newport in the other...

MILES: "Y'know sometimes the CSWA messes up real bad. And I mean REAL BAD. I won't go into Primetime, but if anybody had the stomach to watch what went down with the Pros - NOW you know why the tag scene in the CSWA is thinner than Ally McBeal after she pulls her head out of the toilet. At some point someone (coughs) Merritt (coughs) will have to realize that the reason this division is belly up is 'cause he's got a couple of pink spandex prissy BI(BLEEP!)ES as the team to beat. I mean does anybody pay attention to (BLEEP!) around here? They don't know how to cut promos, they sure as hell don't know how to attack someone and they're SCARED LITTLE GIRLIES that bring tazers to the ring 'cause THEY KNOW that The Professionals in a fair fight would send them packing faster than UPS. I mean what's next girls? Mace attached to (BLEEP!)IN KEYCHAINS?!!? But I digress 'cause even though the thought of hearing those high-pitched voices makes my head explode AT LEAST I'M IN (BLEEP!)IN VEGAS."

All of a sudden the camera goes in a whirl and we hear screeching tires. There's a scream presumably from the cameraman...

MILES V/O: "Get the hell out, man - we're parked!"

The camera steadies itself and starts following MILES who's walking down the sidewalk barefoot and in black leather pants...The camera turns around quickly to see the car parked near the revolving doors of Caesar's Palace with parking attendants screaming for MILES to come back. The camerman turns back around and hurries up to MILES who's walking and smoking his cigarette.

MILES: "Yeah, I LOVE this town. And thank god Chaddikins at least put some talent in that ring opposite me and Eddie this time. I mean how many times do we have to kick EatCox and Hardee's butt before they chicken(BLEEP!) out of the match with the Geriatric Express or tazers. Well, at least we won't get that (BLEEP!) from Southern or Aho. Sure, Southern is a hick speakin' some language that Navajo codesbreakers have to decipher. Aho's promos are as fun as watching paint dry outside on a summer day here in Vegas. But one thing is for certain - The Pros MIGHT ACTUALLY have to break a sweat this time! (MILES twirls his finger in the air as he keeps walking) Seriously, lets look at what Chad Merritt has provided us since The Pros decided to save this (BLEEP)hole of a division. The New Suicide Squad are ALREADY old. Raw Deal have as much charisma as (BLEEP!)'in SPOCK on weed. Simply Stunning bite, scratch, pull hair and have tea parties. I mean if I were Merritt I'd fire everyone and just let The Pros and M.O.A try and outdo each other on the Strip. But hey - we got another bone to chew up and spit out. At least with Aho and Southern we're facin' two guys that step up to the plate, put their money where their mouths are and don't give a rat's (BLEEP!) about much else. And as y'all know that's just how THE PROFESSIONALS like it. So, I'm gonna be hangin' out here in Vegas baby. I don't really need to hear (BLEEP!) from Stunning about who's gonna pull what tonight when they go to bed together. Nah - me and Shane...THAT's interesting. Aho is the (BLEEP!)'IN CHAMP. So boys, let's hear what you gotta say 'cause last I checked all Southern was thinkin' was how Aho was gonna screw him. Last I checked, Shane - that's what Aho is for. As for you Evan - try and liven it up a little, buddy. You're the WORLD CHAMPION! LIVE A LITTLE, Evan. Lighten up, smoke something. You're as stiff as Ron Jeremy on the job, brother..."

MILES keeps walking down the strip...smoking that cigarette. FADE TO BLACK

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