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League Member
Jan 1, 2000
Boston and other places.
(CUEUP: “Animal” by Mindless Self Indulgence….)

(CUTTO: Footage of THE FORSAKEN, hanging out in the upstairs VIP room of some big ole goth club. THE FIRST sits at the end of a long table, wearing an all black suit, long black coat, looking spiffy and contemplative. He’s flanked by ROSY, skimpy tight black dress with her hair poofed up, gots herself one of the tag belts over her shoulder. The other tag belt is being used to do coke off of by FELIX RED, sitting a few seats down, in a “D.A.R.E.” T-shirt and dickies work pants. In a curious change of pace, there’s a big fat dude hanging around who’s wearing a fishnet shirt, tight leather pants, and face paint resembling that of the hero from Crow movies….)

FIRST: Men...We've come to a crossroads here in our time in EPW.....We go out there and beat the hell out of the supposed best tag teams in this company night in and night out, and what do we get? A pat on the back? A couple pieces of leather and metal? (Bangs table, Felix grimaces as this shakes up his lines, forcing him to begin the cutting process anew..)...While Beast, that worthless piece of trash...The man who quit like the coward he is before letting Felix lay a hand on him...He gets to go out there and leech off the popularity of Big Dog...He gets to stand around and talk sh*t in the ring for what felt like hours...(Shakes head)...And we got JA...Couldn't even find time to lace up the boots...Good man he is...And he gets to ruin Dan Ryan's day for big laughs...What's the point of all? Why are we the best tag team this company has ever seen if it doesn't amount to anything more then a quick, brutal beating of some losers and then a shower and back on the road...Maybe it's time to move along..."

GOTHOPOTAMUS: Hey, don’t be so gloomy, guy! You're the champs! Yooooouuu aaaare the champions, my friends…Duh Duh Duh!

FELIX: I agree with my new flunky. Sure, a lot of people doubtlessly want their forty dollars back after Black Dawn. By all means, let us have an introspective moment of silence for their loss. (sssssnort) Serious though, we get big fat gooey paychecks without having to do much. We could annihilate the rest of the roster, take over the show, burn it down, and go pee pee on the ashes, but if EPW’s doomed to implode under the weight of its own sh(bleep) anyway, that’s no reason for us to quit…

FIRST: That’s the best reason to quit. The only reason to quit...Belts...What are belts? Belts are for amateurs...Chaos...Disorder...Anarchy...Now that's real serious sh*t...I don't want to just walk in and out every night with a hunk of metal and be content...I want to be called into Dan Ryan's office so he can yell that this is the LAST F*CKING TIME (Bangs table) he's going to allow us to send half the roster to the hospital...I want a red faced, enraged Rocko Daymon storming down to the ring and getting on the stick to complain about what we did to his wife...

FELIX: Eh, if he was touchy about that sort of thing, he would’ve said something already.

FIRST: True. She's already been passed around the locker room like a joint, so he’d be used to it, but STILL...I want a tearful Troy Douglas explaining that he has to forfeit the EPW IC Title...Because well...Honestly the medical experts aren't sure he'll ever walk again.. I want everyone in this company laying in bed awake at night wondering what the Forsaken are going to do this them! (Bangs table repeatedly, tossing Felix’s pile of blow all about) That's what I want..."

GOTHO: Now that’s what I can an inspirational speech…How could such an oration grace my ears, without me having to dance…dance…DANCE the night away! (commences to boogie)

FELIX: Yeah, you do that. Although I’d really appreciate it if you’d calm down a bit, First. While we all appreciate your enthusiasm, I’m trying to do victory lines….

FIRST: You’re saying you wouldn’t be doing drugs if we lost?

FELIX: Those would be defeat lines. Also, I wouldn’t be doing them off the belt, ‘cause I wouldn’t have it.

FIRST: Well, anyway, where did you find the fatty, and what for?

FELIX: (sssssnort) Ah, he’s my new flunky. He’s going to interfere in our matches, take beatings for us, provide much needed comedy relief, and things like that.

FIRST: Can I slap him?

FELIX: Sure.

(First pimp slaps Gothopotamus to the ground…Gotho rolls around on the floor weeping…Rozy crawls off the table, and stands over him…)

ROSY: Your aura is green, unaccustomed to omnipresent and total suffering that you seek to embrace...In time, this will change.

FELIX: Yeah, we’re going to turn you into a raging badass by slapping you around for no reason all the time.

GOTHO: Thank you, Forsaken.

FELIX: (sssssnort) Y’know sumpthin’, bra? Maybe you’re onto something. I can shovel cocaine into my face while we barely strain ourselves defending the f(bleep) out of the tag titles until Dan Ryan liquidates EPW to pay for hookers….But after that, I’ll always wonder, “what if instead of sitting back and doing my thing, I killed everyone? I could’ve looked The First in the eye and asked (nose starts bleeding) “Are we having fun or what?!”

THE FIRST: Uh….You got a little (wipes nose)

FELIX: Oh, thanks. (busts out a hankee as we FTB)

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