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never learned better....

NotorisSTD

League Member
Joined
Jan 1, 2000
Messages
397
Points
0
Age
38
Location
Boston and other places.
(CUEUP: “Bourne on the FM waves of the Heart” as covered by Ben Lee…)
(CUTTO: Black and white footage of Felix, slumped on the ground, propped up against a non-function Revolution X arcade game machine…A few empty 40 bottles are scattered about beside him. Our boy’s in a black hoodie and jean shorts, looking rather despondent…)

FELIX RED:…..I could kill everyone. Every single person on earth. Any time I wanted to. Slow, painful, deaths. Like Hitler, only worse. A cleansing that is not ethnic in nature, as if such a notion wasn’t a little silly to begin with. A cleansing that isn’t even species directed. Everyone would die, except me….and possibly a few women I would lobotomize.

And I could truly recreate the world in my image…

Or, just everyone could die. That would be okay, too….

Or I could bless and keep every man, woman, and child on earth. I could alleviate all this misery and hate and violence. We could all hug and cuddle, and pro wrestling wouldn’t exist anymore. There would be no desire to fight, and no fans, because what kind of person in a world like that would want to watch such a thing?

And I could create a world quite different from one in my own image. One where the concept of Felix Red would be something from an alien, nonsense language…

But why bother doing either? Is there a difference? Is one truly preferable to the other?

I can do anything I want. I’m god. I’m the devil. I’m Tom f(bleep)king Cruise. I’m everything. I’m nothing. I am the Alpha, I am the Omega.

And I’m not sure if that makes a difference, anymore. I don’t know if that makes me special or important, or even interesting…

I lost the belt, Ryoko left, Hatter left, and all my enemies just die when I kill them….Then they’re gone. Kotter’s back, for some reason, but he’ll try to rip my head off as soon as look at me…I wish I could tell him I’m sorry, it’s going to be okay, and I’ll try to be a better semi-father. I wish we could set our differences aside, and embrace this opportunity to bury the hatchet against a common adversary. But none of those things will happen. Because I’m not sorry, it isn’t going to be okay, and I’d just as soon rip Kooter’s throat out as look at him…

My enemies are the ones after my life, and my well being, which hypothetically makes the Mom banging tag team, whatever, my enemies. They’re mad ‘cause I smashed up Mittens, and stopped him from beating Kin. But have they asked themselves how much would’ve changed if Mittens had won the title? Would their lives have gotten better? Would they be happier people? Or would they simply continue to perpetuate the cycle of violence that’s created so many like me, like Kooter Michaels-Cruise, who quite literally, doesn’t know how to do anything because beat the sh(bleep) out of people?

I can’t pretend anymore, can’t pretend to care if any of you live or die, can’t pretend to care if you fall apart when I break both your collar bones and throw you down the stairs, or whether you fall apart some other way, later. You are stupid, you will die, nothing you ever did will mean anything, and it doesn’t matter if I do anything to facilitate this process.

You maggots want revenge? Don’t you know what Buddha says about desire? Take me, for example. I don’t want anything, anymore. I just follow the natural progression of things, and allow the universe to do as it will.

It doesn’t matter what you want. It doesn’t matter what I do. Kooter’s probably going to kill us all anyway.

(CUEUP: “Adios Amigos” by Mindless Self Indulgence…)
(CUTTO: Kooter Michaels-Cruise looks like a f@#$king human, kinda, with a bigger hole cut out the bottom of his mask so you can see his jaw, which is massive. Dude’s in a leather jacket and a “Girl Talk” T-shirt, arms folded across his chest, classic defensive stance…)

KMC: DO NOT SAY THAT I AM NOT A TORNADO OF DEVESTATING FORCES THAT WILL LIFT YOUR TRAILER HOME UP AND DROP IT SOMEWHERE OUT OF STATE, BECAUSE THAT WOULD NOT BE A TRUISM. I DID MESS UP YOUR HOUSE GOOD. I TOOK ALL THE PICTURES OF YOUR HOT DAUGHTER AND PLEASURED MYSELF TO THEM, BECAUSE I HAVE LEARNED PROPER SEXUALITY. I NO LONGER HAVE SEX WITH FOOD, ONLY PEOPLE, AND NOT IN PUBLIC, BECAUSE I AM ALL ABOUT WHAT IS LEGAL AND PROPER WHEN IT DOESN’T INVOLVE SMASHING HEADS. WHEN IT DOES INVOLVE SMASHING HEADS, I DON’T CARE WHAT IS LEGAL AND PROPER. I DON’T KNOW WHY FELIX IS MY TAG TEAM PARTNER. I REALLY HATE HIM. I WILL BREAK HIS HEAD OPEN AND THROW HIS BRAIN AGAINST THE WALL….after our match with those guys. AFTER I POUNDED ON THAT LAST GUY UNTIL HE DIDN’T GET UP ANYMORE, I REALIZED THAT WINNING MATCHES IS AWESOME. I GET MORE MONEY AND AWESOME BLOW JOBS IF I WIN. WHICH IS WHY I WILL NOT HARM FELIX UNTIL AFTER THE TAG TEAM WITH THE CREEPY FURY FETISH GAYNESS IS UTTERLY F(bleep)ING SQUISHED, AND I AM DOING MY VICTORY HAPPY DANCE ATOP A PILE OF BONE SPLINTERS AND HUMAN GOO. I WILL BURN DISNEY WORLD TO THE F(BLEEP)KING GROUND AND PEE PEE ON THE ASHES. GUYS IN COSTUMES WILL ALL BE SUFFOCATED BY THE SMOKE OF SEXY DOOM! DOOM! DOOM! DOOM! DOOM! YAR I AM A PIRATE!!! F(BLEEP)K MY EYESOCKETS!! JAMES DUVAL IS AN UNDERRATED ACTOR. EXCUSE ME, I AM GOING TO KILL OSAMA BIN LADEN NOW. (runs off)

(FTB)

(CUTTO: Future president of the United States, Mitt Romney, sitting in his living room…)

ROMNEY: Boy, that certainly was a hard day of campaigning. I certainly wish it was socially acceptable to have five wives, so I could get some awesome blow jobs right about now.

(Kooter bursts into the room, with Osama bin Laden’s severed head on a stick…)

KMC: LOOK WHAT I DID FOR YOU, MR. GOVERNOR!!! YOU EAT HEAD NOW!!

ROMNEY: Eat it? Oh no, my boy. We’re going to mouth f(bleep) it, THEN eat it.

KMC: AWESOME BLOW JOBS!!

(FTB)
 

NotorisSTD

League Member
Joined
Jan 1, 2000
Messages
397
Points
0
Age
38
Location
Boston and other places.
never learned better....(hangover)

(CUTTO: Blank screen)
(CUEUP: Audio surveillance from Felix’s estate, somewhere on the North Shore of Boston…)


SFX: Middi version of “Smooth Criminal”…..suddenly cuts off…

RED V/O: Uh, yeah?....Oh, good….Wait, what the f(bleep) are you talking about? No, I’m not reshooting the promo. Why the f(bleep) should I…No, he isn’t. It’s Mittens and one of his side kick type guys…..Really?.....Sh(bleep)…Well, I would’ve talked about that, if someone let me know….Uh huh…Uh huh…..Well, look, I’m kind of on this apathy, automatic fury kick, where I don’t care that much who my opponents are, so I think the promo is fine…Uh huh….Well, look, my body can no longer be categorized as human, and I can no longer derive a sense of identity from my mind. There is no “self,” just angry, hateful dischordia that blends into white noise. Do you know about zazen mediation practice? Can you conceptualize the opposite of that? Where it’s so crowded I can’t distinguish between screams and silence because it sounds…exactly the same?.....Yes, I am out of Xanax. No, I will not reshoot the promo….No, I will not meet with Kooter to discuss strategy…..Uh huh. Right. Okay. F(bleep) you, die. Bye bye.

SFX: Click.
 

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