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Pole on a Pole: File v MWG v Michaels


League Member
Jan 1, 2000
Boston and other places.

"I could have been someone" - Little Jimmy Urine

(MWG, in a vinyl neon red skirt and WFW: "Felix Red doesn't exist" girly tank top, black lipstick and eyeshadow, and pink stiletto heels is sitting on the floor next to the toilet talking on his cellphone...)

"The American Idol"
"The hardcore legend"

Oh, just settle down, Ashley...I know...I know it's hard, but I promise you, Marry Kate's a trooper, girl. She'll make it through this. Look, I've gone twice as long as she did eating nothing but maybe an orange once every three days or so, and I'm fine....Oh, so what? Drugs only make you think you aren't hungry. They're certainly not a substitute. I was probably sicker than she was, and If I could survive all that, Marry Kate can survive this......Oh, I'm flattered you think I'm so tough, but child stars are just as hardass as wrestlers. More so. Gary Coleman’s a f(bleep)king animal...

You need to look on the bright side. You only just made what, 30 million dollars by turning 18, which also means you can have any man, and I mean ANY man you want now? And New York Minute did okay at the box office, right?....Well, no, I didn't see it. I meant to. I know someone who did, though....Um...His name was Bob? He said it was good. I'm sure it
actually outgrossed Fahrenheit 911 last weekend. The vast liberal media conspiracy is just reporting it's agenda, y'know?.....Oh, Ashley, hun, pleez, stop crying....No, No, Marry Kate is NOT going to starve herself to death, and it ISN'T going to end your career. Oh my gawd, how can you be so pessimistic?... Things aren't all gloom and doom. Nice things happen all the time. Like how we met?

Remember? The MTV movie awards? They gave the GLCW most unorthodox wrestler of the year award to 50 Cent, then I found out Davey Havok really was straight, so I started crying, so you and Marry Kate were so consoling and sweet, and I was happy again! So you'll be happy again. I'm sure of it.

Look...please, darling, listen?...It tortures me to have to be the one to break this to you, but Marry Kate's little brush with madness and self destruction is probably one of things that's going to rescue you two little vixens from a future, when you're middle aged, and you have to look back, and think "Ohmigawd, I peaked at 10?" I have the same problem with my wrestling career. That's why I'm risking jail with this dildo on a pole match thing.....Oh, you didn't hear? Basically, I'm going to f(bleep)k Beau Michaels and Peter File on live TV. No censors or nuthin. With kiddies watching. And the FCC is probably going to castrate me afterwards.....Well, of course....I mean, if that's all I cared about, then I'd already be in his hotel room with his dick poking around in my large intestine. And that would be great for what it's worth. But I'm older now, y’know, mature? I want more in a relationship.

Sure, your sister's terrified of food, but she's on the cover of People for it. All I'm going to do is have kinky three way sex, but for a day or so afterwards, I'm going to be the most famous important person in the world.

It doesn't matter what I do. The only thing that matters is how many people watch me do it...hee hee. Yeah, I said “do it.”

Oh, it's awesome to hear you laughing hun. Listen, why don't you come over? We can watch on demand Anime together....Well, technically, no, I'm not gay, but I promise to be a perfect gentleman....Seriously. I'm not....I mean it. I'm not even going to cop out and call myself Bi.

I'm ultrasexual......and I have lots of vikodin.

....sure, sweetie. Of course you can call me Uncle Jesse.


Jan 1, 2000
San Francisco, CA
The taste of Victor ... y.

(FADEIN: A large theatre. On the stage is a classical production of Evita. The suits in the audience all clap as "Waltz for Eva and Che" finishes, with the actress playing Evita lying on the ground. You all should really see Evita w/ Madonna .. its great! Anywho ... The lights go out ... and a single spotlight hits the stage. All of a sudden 'Money, Success, Fame, Glamour' by Felix da Housecat hits as 'King of the Club Kids' Beau Michaels dances on stage, his troopers behind him, writhing to the beat. They're wearing tightie whities, and t-shirts that say '18+' on them .. the last one simply wears a 'RoH fan' t-shirt.)

MICHAELS: "LADIEEEEEEEES and ... (licks lips) GENTLEMAN.. I welcome you to the 'King of the Club Kids' rendition of 'EVITA, the ***** that Had Everything'!"

(Crowd golf claps)

MICHAELS: "Now I realize that in the broadway play, and in the theatrical movie, Eva Peron begins her descent to meet Death. But in the 'King of the Club Kids' rendition of 'EVITA, the ***** that Had Everything'we do not feel that this DIVA should meet such an unfortunate end. So let me tell you .. Eva Peron eventually has Juan Peron murdered ... and she slinks to the Presidency to rule Argentina ... AND EVENTUALLY CONQUER THE WORLD! Now as for Antonio Banderas ... well he's tied up in my lockerroom... We can't have him stalking the DIVA ... so I'm taking the situation into my own hands."

(Golf claps.)

MICHAELS: "And let me tell you this, my wonderful audience .... Antonio ... FILLS BOTH HANDS!"

(More golf claps.)

MICHAELS: "Speaking of having my hands full ... or more rightfully so, I should say, having something else filled .... as you might know I have a menage a trois DILDO on a Pole match at New ERA of Wrestling's pay per view, Destrucity. Yes, this is true. Your FAITHFUL leader has decided to grace New ERA's rings one time to help launch the promotion's new line of hardcore gay porn! And with this first step, I shall take on both Peter File AND Madonna Wayne Grossard in what should be a SPECTACULARLY fun affair."

(The young men surround Beau Michaels, bending over in front of him ... Michaels begins walking behind them, peaking down the back of their tightie whities.)

MICHAELS: "But do not fret ... I have proven time and time again that I can handle up to FIVE bo.. men... (slaps one on the ass) so it should be like a walk in the proverbial bathhouse to me."

(More golf claps. Michaels looks down the last one's and his eyes widen.)

MICHAELS: "That still hasn't healed? I'm sorry ... I'll be a little less rough next time. (back to audience) BUT .... in order to watch your KING ... the 'King of the Club Kids' ... you will need to tune into New ERA Destrucity ... I promise you all this ... I yearn for my hand to be raised ... I yearn to feel the pulsating bodies of Peter File and Madonna Wayne Grossard as I work them over .... I WILL WALLOW IN THE SWEET TASTE OF VICTOR .... (winks) y. My friends ... my DESCAMISADOS ...."

(Raises hands in the air like Madonna on the balcony in Evita.)


(The lights go out as the crowd gives a standing ovation, hooting and hollering.)

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