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Professionals vs. Windham/Southern


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
The CSWA World Tag Team Champs against their stiffest competition yet!

Post all RP here!


Jan 1, 2000
Hollywood's Biggest Star

(CUT TO: Troy Windham, standing in front of a cherry-red Benz that is parked in front of a large, white marble house. Troy looks like he's a backup guitarist for The Strokes-- shaggy mod haircut, long sideburns, Oakley Shades, jean jacket.)

TROY: Y'know, in the CSWA, I wear the white hat. I'm the good guy. I've spilled blood and broken bones for that promotion. My entire family has since its inception.

But that don't mean a thing to me anywhere else. For years, I've been the biggest star this industry has ever seen. I was the first wrestler to CARE about my marketing, to CARE about who I was seen with in public. And while I haven't always cared about wins and losses... what I became was a cross-over superstar responsible for selling out arenas nationwide, drawing in the biggest ratings for TV shows and Pay-Per-Views, getting me casted as the surfing next door neighbor on The Hughleys, broadcast on UPN on Wednesday's at 8:30 p.m.

I've been the good soldier in the CSWA for the past three years. But that don't mean I have to be a good soldier anywhere else.

You see, in the CSWA I care about my legacy and the legacy of that promotion... but everywhere else, the only thing I care about is making sure that I get paid a whooooole lot of money and that I take away the hymen's of a whooooole lot of 17-year-old girls. I set records attendence wise and I also set records everywhere I go for the amount of girls whose virginity I take-- 18, 19, 20 in a single night. It don't matter to me. Troy Windham is both a Ladies Man and a Virgin Surgeon. You get one chance and one chance only at having Troy Windham hit a hole-in-one with his 9-iron... (Troy looks down at his crotch) make that a 9 and a half iron.

I've sat back and watched leagues come and go. But no matter what the initials are, you can bet your ass on two things. That A-- the president of this promotion has contacted one of my dozens of agents in an attempt to sign me to a contract and that B-- the president of this promotion has told idiot wrestling fans that Troy Windham is there to save the promotion.

Same goes for GXW, trying to put on a huge event. My agent has saved for me, for sh*ts and giggles, the pleading message from this league's president, begging me to come to England. It's so funny-- "PLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASE come, Troy. I'll do whatever you want. I need a name, a REAL name to sell this one out. Please. You want my wife? You want my daughter? You want them both at once? Take them." Well, pal, I will take them both... if they won't mind walking with an ass-limp for the rest of their lives.

But on top of doing your wife and your daughter in the butt, there's a few hundred other women in London I plan on throwing my D into. From Queen Elizabeth on down, bring them on. I'll be rollin' into town the Friday night before the show, meeting up with my boy Damon from Blur-- who I commissioned to do my theme song-- and my boy Jarvis from Pulp. We'll probably do some soccer drills with David Beckham and we'll paint the town red. And then, I'll wake up in the morning and look in my room and see not one, not two but THREE... DOZEN... women who shrieked my name the night before passed out, exhausted, knowing that they just tasted the flava of an international sensation.

As far as my opponents go... Eddie and Craig, you both know me well. I got an answer to a question buggin' the both of you. You know those holes in your wives panties that you always see when they make you do their laundry? You know what it's from? Check their drawer and looky looky looky what you will find. They got a pin-up from me always there to get themselves ready and they have a loooong fingernail always at their disposal because they both know that their husbands can't give them an O face... and they both know that the ONE RIDE they each had with Big Daddy Troy was the ride of their life... and it's a thrill they aren't ever going to have again.

And my partner, Shane Southern? Kid, my advice to you is this... make sure you pick up my bags from Heathrow, make sure you have my rental car lined up for the weekend and make sure you pick up my hotel room real well the next morning because I ain't tipping any low-level maid any money... not unless she sucks a little sumthin' sumthin' when she's on her knees scrubbing the toilet. (FTB)


League Member
Jan 1, 2000
{{...FADE-IN: Shane Southern is standing in front of a GXW: Battleground Britain backdrop. He's shirtless in jeans and cowboy boots. His hair is pulled back in a short pony tail, still lacking from the haircut received by the Professionals in the CSWA a few months back. He flashes a crooked grin at the camera before speaking...}}

SHANE SOUTHERN: " Hey Troy...s'me, Shane, how ya' been? {{...grins...}} Long time, no see mah' man. "

" First of all, let's get somethin' straight right off tha' bat Boy Troy, all tha' flashy, look-at-me CRAP, all yer ego-bustin' put down promos, well...I've heard it all before, n' quite frankly, not only don't it intimidate me, I'm quite amused by it. Beyond that Troy, I could care less who ya' hang with, or what time mommy wants 'em home for dinner. All I care ah'bout, if you've been followin' along, is winnin'. "

" N' let's be honest, there's not been many, IF ANY, better than YOU at doin' that over tha' last decade. Tha' CSWA's biggest draw, tha' entertainment worlds newest plaything, tha' financial worlds next millionaire. It's all well n' good Troy, n' I'm happy fer ya....I really am. But let's get sumthin' straight, although you, AND our opponents may think this match was set up ta' see who can cut tha' flashiest promos or who can bang tha' youngest rats in tha' back of their daddy's Mazarati...I've gotta' different agenda. "

" Ya' see, for tha' past few months, while you've been sittin' home collectin' yer royalties on CSWA merchandise while Chad Merritt tries ta' pull tha' CSWA outta' tha' crapper for tha' hundredth time, I'VE been wrestlin'. N' durin' that time Troy, I've found out alot ah'bout mah'self. I've found out that all that really matters in this world, in this SPORT, is winnin'. It don't matter how ya' do it, as long as ya' DO it. I've found out that no matter how hard ya' WORK ta' be RESPECTED in this sport, all of it can come crashin' down in a heart-beat if some <BLEEP>bag wants it to. All you've got ta' hang yer hat on in our business, is wins. "

" So that's mah goal Troy. N' right now, ta' tell ya' tha' truth, I'm wonderin' if you ain't lost just a little bit. Out of tha' four of us in this match, I'm tha' ONLY one that's actually been wrestlin' for tha' past few months, I'm tha' ONLY ONE that's kept that edge, tha' only one that hasn't been sittin' home collectin' ring rust. So I gotta' wonder, just how GOOD is this match really gonna' be? "

" You've got Miles n' Mayfield, who...let's be honest here, never REALLY were in our league. As a team, they do OK, but Miles n' Mayfield are all show. They can talk tha' talk fer sure, but when it comes time ta' walk tha' walk, they stumble, n' fall on their ass. Now Craig n' Eddie, before ya' get all bent outta' shape, go back, rewind tha' tape n' LISTEN to what I said. I did NOT say you weren't good wrestlers, I did NOT say that on any given night you can't go with tha' best. What I DID say is, that you're not good ENOUGH ta' beat Troy Windam, n' yer DAMN sure not good enough ta' beat me. "

" Givin' me a haircut, while funny, don't exactly make ya' BIG BOYS. Pin mah' shoulders to tha' mat...ONE TIME...n' then, MAYBE you can call yerselves WRESTLERS. Until then, you can keep on hurlin' tha' insults, keep on makin' tha' jokes, n' seein' who can score higher on SMACKDOWN...I'll be waitin' fer ya'. N' you'll know who I am gentleman, I'm tha' one with tha' size eleven right up YER ASS. "

" So strap on tha' promo bag boys n' take a big ol' chomp. I can't wait ta' hear what you got ta' say. "

" Party's Over. "

{{...FADE OUT...}}


Jan 1, 1970
How many hicks does it take...

(FADEIN: 'COCKY' CRAIG MILES - you know him as the resident 'PROFESSIONAL' tag team specialist of the WORLD. Well, right now he's standing with two gold title belts on his shoulders, one Newport cigarette dangling on his lip, a t-shirt reading "Every 8 seconds, Troy Windham feels the pain of syphillis" and one s**t-eating grin on his mouth.)

MILES: "Now, let me get this straight? Troy Windham and Shane Southern are talkin' s**t about the Professionals? I'm sorry, Troy but apparently I've been watching your sister tabledance on the Intruder Party bus too long cause I'm failing to see what you mean to this sport anymore. See, last time I checked the only time you were physically able to do anything was in a referee shirt. And Shane, Shane, Shane - I'm sorry, but is your life a living hell?"

(MILES fakes wiping a tear away...)

"I'm sorry..."

(MILES fakes blowing his nose)


(MILES tries to stop 'crying')

"I'm a little vorclempt, talk amongst yourselves. Here's a topic, what kind of car would Shane Southern be living in if Craig Miles didn't fish him out of his puke in the back of his pickup."

(MILES inhales, controls his 'sadness' and smiles once more...)

MILES: "I mean gosh, all I've done is ruin your outlook on life, Shane. I've done so little in my quest to crush your spirit - oh wait...if that's what I wanted...then I'm NOT sorry for finding Aaron Douglas in the Betty Ford Center, then again - maybe your history there is what helped me find him. I don't know, we may not have enough time to get into that today. We can get into that the worst mistake you ever made was biting back against the hand feeding you."

(MILES gazes up in thought)

"Before you refused the offer you couldn't refuse - you had the life of Reilly, didn't ya Shane? Its just too bad I'm taking away your dignity, your sanity and your honor day by day by day without even having to touch you...which is good cause you're a dirty pig most of the time."

(MILES turns back to the camera smiling)

"But y'know, this is fun to me. Shane Southern and Troy Windham - two men that I've personally insured will do NOTHING in this business unless I want them to...they're talking smack. I expect smack from Troy, yes...but usually through some artery in his arm."

"But hey, we gotta indulge Troy don't we? Whenever someone as stupid as Zieba and Dupree are willin' to cut him a paycheck to roll out his overweight, dead carcass of a past-its-prime body to the ring - all of a sudden there ain't enough cameras in the world for him to find. I mean with the budget he's probably getting from a league willing to forsake its whole roster for this show - why wouldn't he hire so many hookers? Hell, at this point Troy you're probably trying to catch VD's to kill off the other ones you've got."

(MILES shakes his head in disapproval)

"How many times must you be told that these things can't cancel each other out? But I digress, you deserve the consequences of ****ing a hosebeast like Lindsay Troy in the a**...since you're the one willing to admit the atrocity."

(MILES whispers)

"By the way Troy, next time you go after that chick...make sure you check out her Adam's Apple."

(MILES inhales a large drag and exhales a perfect smoke ring)

"Anyway, its nice to see you two haven't changed in the past 6 months when it comes to cuttin' a promo on ol' Cocky Craig. I'm stealing Troy's stuff from when I'm in VFW halls, even though I taught him everything he knows since he was only a pup in the CSWA rookie league. And Shane discounts my wrestling ability once again, full well knowing that if I decide one day not to take one for the team - that I'd break his f**king neck."

(MILES grins and flicks the cigarette away)

"But I guess the more things change, the more they stay the same...after all..."

(MILES pats his two title belts)

"For the past two years, I've ruined your lives while holding onto these quite easily. But then again, I only can cut a promo and talk..."

(FADEOUT as MILES starts laughing to himself...)

V/O: "Stupid f**king hicks."

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