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Real Pain


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Cut to a shot of Dan Ryan sitting on the apron of an empty ring in an empty arena...the words 'GXW Revolution' draped across the ring curtains. Ryan has his head down with his face in his hands...he glances up and winces as he sees the camera crew finally ready to get things rolling....he lets out a sigh and begins...

Ryan: "Hornet, Southern, Stevens....I'm feeling some severe pain right now. I'm not talking about the pain that comes from months of wrestling without a break. I'm not talking about the weight of going through a table or falling off of a cage or any of a number of other things that happen to those of us in this business from time to time. I'm talking about the severe and unending pain that comes from hearing the SAME GODDAMN THING OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER! "

Ryan hops down from the apron and starts to slowly stroll around the ring as the camera follows

"I just spent fifteen minutes of my life listening to Ivy McGinniss say the same damn thing that the rest of you have said about twenty times now, and in a fashion that only a complete and total buffoon...or a woman...could do it. As Ivy went on and on thinking out loud on whether I asked for a contract, was asked, came crawling, was begged, won a 'go compete in a backward ass company' competition or whatever the hell else runs through that misshapen head of hers I have to admit...I was astonished. I was astonished that someone with her supposed impressive resume would so easily miss the simple facts that I have presented openly to everyone around here TIME AND TIME AGAIN . No, I did not ask for a contract here. No, I was not approached to sign a contract here. You continue to assume that as I must have signed some deal with Merritt that I am some sort of contradiction. So once again I will tell you to refer to the millions and millions of hints I have dropped for you people and realize that I am here...no, not of my own volition though it would seem so...but with the help of someone you all know very very well. That is...those of you who have real history know him very very well. Someone with REAL power in this company...the power I need to accomplish my objectives. It's not as simple as some commonplace 'mole' in your ranks. Trust me, everything that is to come has been planned out for a very long time now and there's nothing any of you can hope to do about it. So my suggestion to Ivy is that she should stop trying to solve puzzles and get her ass back in the kitchen and make Stevens a f**king sandwich. That's obviously all you're good for. Ivy McGinnis, the sandwich maker of champions."

"I've also said time and again that I don't give a damn about your stupid United States Title, Hornet. You all are so concerned about this stupid championship that you have no clue what's coming. Trust me, in about a week...when Fish Fund is once again just another page in history, the least of your concerns will be who is wearing that piece of tin. You'll have much bigger fish to fry, if you'll pardon the pun. That is...unless I decide to take it for my own amusement...so I can take it to a GXW ring and take a big dump on it...just to show you how I feel about your... HISTORY ."

"But I digress, if any of you...whether it be the company man who isn't 'REALLY' (wink wink) a company man..Hornet....The lovesick badass Sean Stevens...The goshdarnit I'm just happy to be here, aw shucks Shane Southern..or the sandwich making barefoot in the kitchen Manager of Champions psycho bitch Ivy McGinnis...feel the need to say something...do us ALLLL a big favor, alright? FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, SAY SOMETHING NEW AND STOP WASTING MY TIME.

"If I wanted to hear a bunch of bulls**t I'd listen to a Best of Guns promo tape. And just for you, my short little oompa loompa friend...I've decided..not to take your name in vain, but rather to leave a little subliminal message for ya in my address here to you all. Go use the largest pile of non-working brain cells in the world and take some time on it...I think you'll figure it out..."


Hex Angel


Do I detect a subliminal message in that first paragraph? <G>

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