Road to Immortality: Niles vs. Cabron
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Johnny Niles
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[We FADE IN to a hallway in an undisclosed studio - most likely in Yakima, Washington, the location of the IWF's next show "Road to Immortality". In the studio is a young man, sitting on a couch while twiddling his thumbs nervously. From the looks of it, he is most likely an interviewer, waiting to interview one of the IWF's wrestlers - most likely Johnny Niles, since this is his promo and all.]
Interviewer: God dammit, why'd I have to be the one to interview him? (Turns to the cameraman) What if I say something that'll offend him, or remind him of his losing streak? You know how he is with us interviewers. Last time he knocked Jeff out for no reason, and before that he threw one of the camera's on the street. In fact, you could say he's been more successful against us than he has during his time in the IWF.
[After realizing what he said, he starts snickering along with the cameraman.]
Cameraman: Yeah, you'd think the "Best in the World" would win more than just one match. (Starts chuckling at his joke)
Interviewer: Well, at least he did win one match. But wait, wasn't it mostly thanks to his partner?
[The two start laughing out loud at their comments, remembering all of Johnny's failu... er, setbacks. However, a shadow soon appears on the upper-right corner of the screen, and soon a familiar voice is heard.]
???: Ha ha, very funny.
[The chortling duo stop laughing turn to see Johnny Niles at the door, looking none too pleased. The interviewer slowly get's up - sweating like a pig - and goes over to Niles with his hand in front of him, expecting him to shake hands. Niles looks at the sweaty hand in disgust before walking over to the couch to begin the interview.]
Interviewer: I-it's g-good to h-h-have you here, J-Johnny.
Niles: Cut the crap and get to the point. I don't have all day.
Interviewer: Y-yes. So, Johnny, when you first entered the IWF you said you'd show everyone you're the "Best in the World". However, things haven't gone as you'd might have liked. Case in point, at the last show you could have won the Mountain Rainer title but Pain Grille and his French Foreign Legion stopped you from accomplishing it. Tell us, what are your thoughts?
[Johnny raises an eyebrow at the question, before looking at the interviewer in confusion.]
JN: My thoughts!? You really don't want to know what I'm thinking about right now. As for the whole debacle with that French moron and his group of stooges, everyone knows I would have won the match had it not been for that blatant interference. I should have gotten a rematch with the French Breakfast Squad barred from ringside. But that didn't happen. Now I'm put in a match against this nobody named The Bastard while Leyenda de Ocho gets a shot at Toast Bread's title. How's that fair!?
[The interviewer, wiping sweat of his forehead, tries to make the situation better.]
I.v: However, your match with El Cabron is a ranked contest toward the Emerald City Championship, so...
JN: So!? What does that mean? Will I get a future title shot if I win, or is it just to make things seem fair while the corporate stooge Nathan Fear grooms some new guy to take the title off Worthless? 'Cause then it won't matter if I win the goddamn match, I'll still be treated as a loser while undeserving morons like Toastie and Worthless take the spotlight!
[Niles slams his fist on the couch, which startles the interviewer, who then takes a few steps back from the seething Niles. After taking a deep breath, Niles calms down a bit and tells the interviewer to continue.]
I.v: S-s-so, what do you think of your opponent, El Cabron. He mysteriously appeared at the King of the Mountain event, and hasn't spoken since. What do you plan to do when you face him... except lose.
[The interviewer suddenly freezes in place, realizing what he just said. Johnny looks up at him - eyes filled with anger - and gets up, moving toward the frightened interviewer. Trying to back way from the incensed Niles, the interviewer is backed up against a wall with nowhere to go. Niles soon approaches him and raises his fist in the air, ready to throttle him. As the interviewer closes his eyes Niles prepares to hit him but ponders for a moment and thinks better of it. He turns to the camera and starts speaking.]
JN: I'll admit it, I've had a losing streak since I got here. That's not something people would expect from the Best in the World, now is it? I've been told to stop calling myself that, that it'll only embarass me more. Some guys laughed whenever I call myself Best in the World. And yet, I never doubted that I was the best, and still don't. So when people like the dumbass behind me remind me of my losing streak, I think of it as a minor roadblock in my career. After all, noone's perfect - that's right, not even you Worthless. So I'll defeat The Bastard... wait, I have a better name for you: Richard Head. And it's not because you remind me of the author with the same name.
[Niles chuckle a little, before continuing where he left off.]
JN: I don't know who the hell you are, and frankly I don't care. You just show up and expect to win the title? Let me tell you something Richard, you won't beat me. I'm not gonna let everyone continue to treat me like some second-rate loser like Toastie, I'm gonna beat you and move on to win the Emerald City Championship no matter if Fear wants that or not. I'm sure you're probably laughing at the idea since it's something I've said a lot of times before. You know what? Go on, laugh. Laugh along with the other morons who doubt me. Laugh until you can't breathe anymore. In the end, I'll be the one who's laughing as you lay on the mat squirming, begging for mercy. Too bad for you, I was born with a genetic defunction known as Carentiam Misericordiae. Look it up.
[Johnny takes a deep breath, before turning to leave. The interviewer scurries out of his way as the self-proclaimed "Best in the World" walks towards the exit. Just as he's about to step out, he turns to the interviewer, who starts trembling.]
JN: Don't think I was merciful before. If you laugh at me again, I'll shove that camera up where the sun don't shine, understand.
[The trembling interviewer quickly nods, and Niles turns around and leaves the studio as we FADE OUT]
Interviewer: God dammit, why'd I have to be the one to interview him? (Turns to the cameraman) What if I say something that'll offend him, or remind him of his losing streak? You know how he is with us interviewers. Last time he knocked Jeff out for no reason, and before that he threw one of the camera's on the street. In fact, you could say he's been more successful against us than he has during his time in the IWF.
[After realizing what he said, he starts snickering along with the cameraman.]
Cameraman: Yeah, you'd think the "Best in the World" would win more than just one match. (Starts chuckling at his joke)
Interviewer: Well, at least he did win one match. But wait, wasn't it mostly thanks to his partner?
[The two start laughing out loud at their comments, remembering all of Johnny's failu... er, setbacks. However, a shadow soon appears on the upper-right corner of the screen, and soon a familiar voice is heard.]
???: Ha ha, very funny.
[The chortling duo stop laughing turn to see Johnny Niles at the door, looking none too pleased. The interviewer slowly get's up - sweating like a pig - and goes over to Niles with his hand in front of him, expecting him to shake hands. Niles looks at the sweaty hand in disgust before walking over to the couch to begin the interview.]
Interviewer: I-it's g-good to h-h-have you here, J-Johnny.
Niles: Cut the crap and get to the point. I don't have all day.
Interviewer: Y-yes. So, Johnny, when you first entered the IWF you said you'd show everyone you're the "Best in the World". However, things haven't gone as you'd might have liked. Case in point, at the last show you could have won the Mountain Rainer title but Pain Grille and his French Foreign Legion stopped you from accomplishing it. Tell us, what are your thoughts?
[Johnny raises an eyebrow at the question, before looking at the interviewer in confusion.]
JN: My thoughts!? You really don't want to know what I'm thinking about right now. As for the whole debacle with that French moron and his group of stooges, everyone knows I would have won the match had it not been for that blatant interference. I should have gotten a rematch with the French Breakfast Squad barred from ringside. But that didn't happen. Now I'm put in a match against this nobody named The Bastard while Leyenda de Ocho gets a shot at Toast Bread's title. How's that fair!?
[The interviewer, wiping sweat of his forehead, tries to make the situation better.]
I.v: However, your match with El Cabron is a ranked contest toward the Emerald City Championship, so...
JN: So!? What does that mean? Will I get a future title shot if I win, or is it just to make things seem fair while the corporate stooge Nathan Fear grooms some new guy to take the title off Worthless? 'Cause then it won't matter if I win the goddamn match, I'll still be treated as a loser while undeserving morons like Toastie and Worthless take the spotlight!
[Niles slams his fist on the couch, which startles the interviewer, who then takes a few steps back from the seething Niles. After taking a deep breath, Niles calms down a bit and tells the interviewer to continue.]
I.v: S-s-so, what do you think of your opponent, El Cabron. He mysteriously appeared at the King of the Mountain event, and hasn't spoken since. What do you plan to do when you face him... except lose.
[The interviewer suddenly freezes in place, realizing what he just said. Johnny looks up at him - eyes filled with anger - and gets up, moving toward the frightened interviewer. Trying to back way from the incensed Niles, the interviewer is backed up against a wall with nowhere to go. Niles soon approaches him and raises his fist in the air, ready to throttle him. As the interviewer closes his eyes Niles prepares to hit him but ponders for a moment and thinks better of it. He turns to the camera and starts speaking.]
JN: I'll admit it, I've had a losing streak since I got here. That's not something people would expect from the Best in the World, now is it? I've been told to stop calling myself that, that it'll only embarass me more. Some guys laughed whenever I call myself Best in the World. And yet, I never doubted that I was the best, and still don't. So when people like the dumbass behind me remind me of my losing streak, I think of it as a minor roadblock in my career. After all, noone's perfect - that's right, not even you Worthless. So I'll defeat The Bastard... wait, I have a better name for you: Richard Head. And it's not because you remind me of the author with the same name.
[Niles chuckle a little, before continuing where he left off.]
JN: I don't know who the hell you are, and frankly I don't care. You just show up and expect to win the title? Let me tell you something Richard, you won't beat me. I'm not gonna let everyone continue to treat me like some second-rate loser like Toastie, I'm gonna beat you and move on to win the Emerald City Championship no matter if Fear wants that or not. I'm sure you're probably laughing at the idea since it's something I've said a lot of times before. You know what? Go on, laugh. Laugh along with the other morons who doubt me. Laugh until you can't breathe anymore. In the end, I'll be the one who's laughing as you lay on the mat squirming, begging for mercy. Too bad for you, I was born with a genetic defunction known as Carentiam Misericordiae. Look it up.
[Johnny takes a deep breath, before turning to leave. The interviewer scurries out of his way as the self-proclaimed "Best in the World" walks towards the exit. Just as he's about to step out, he turns to the interviewer, who starts trembling.]
JN: Don't think I was merciful before. If you laugh at me again, I'll shove that camera up where the sun don't shine, understand.
[The trembling interviewer quickly nods, and Niles turns around and leaves the studio as we FADE OUT]