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S-U-C-K in the USA


Pressure Chief
Jan 1, 2000
(FADEIN: To 'Hot Property' EDDIE MAYFIELD, standing in front of a map of the United States, with little red pins pushed into a few scattered cities. MAYFIELD is wearing jeans, another black 'F451' tee, covered partially by a red satin baseball jacket with a fireball on the back, and the vanity name 'Zartan' stitched in italics on the heart, downlow 'hotproperty.com' cap drawing a shadow over his eyes. As we begin, MAYFIELD sparks a Camel, takes a few test charges, and blows a stream of smoke out of his nostrils, grabbing a pointing cue from off camera.)

MAYFIELD: "So everything's in black and white, and the powers-that-book decided that they wanna see the Navy SEAL of Professional Wrestling, the Greatest Show on Earth, 'Hot Property' Eddie Mayfield, go mano-y-mano against the trained attack schnouser of Tom Adler, Nathan (Said in a bad mushmouth) "I couda been a contendah" Storm. (Smirks) Well, ya see something Nate Dawg, there ain't gonna be no regulatin' going on in our match, coming from your side of the ring. because I plan on getting some reciepts cashed for what you were ordered to do to Craig Miles. I don't blame yuou, kid - because I know that the Puppet Master is sitting in the rafters, pulling your strings, and making you dance. So when Geppetto finally decides that the climate is right for him to lose to me and bow out gracefully, then he'll play you and the rest of the <> X Muppet Babies for all you're worth.

But hey, that's all cool with me, bro - because I'm in it for the long haul. They say that you're the table-crashinest, Chair-bashinest, rootin' tootin'est, fresh-n-fruitinest son of a gun this side of Denver Colorado, and I can't wait for your Mork-From Ork ass to vainly attempt to lay me out. I ain't scared. You wanna gut me like a fish? I like to bleed, because a little color is good for TV, whatever's whatever. Hey dood - I know you're gonna come out of the gates with both guns blazing, and it'll be great. Because after you're done flopping around like a marlin outta water, I'm gonna wait for you to screw up, and then (Slaps his fist into his palm) BAM! SCREWJOB! or... BAM! HEATSTROKE! or BAM! FARENHEIT FOUR-FIFTY-ONE! (Smiles) And inbetween all of that, will be a whole lotta me, kicking YOUR sorry can all over the arches of Saint Louie. If that's not exciting TV, then I don't know what is, brother.

Now since I hung this map up here, I might as well draw attention to it. I was gonna use this to draw points of how many cities Nathan Storm has diseased with his lame matches and sub-par micspots, but since he hasn't done much except carry Adlers bags the last few years, I decided against that. I'll just leave you with this jewel.

Nathan Storm - Bro, your definately getting into trouble with the wrong gang here. Maybe you should've started off light, with like muppet kid or whatever the bottom-rung freakshow cats they have around here - but naw - you failed your saving throw and decided to sucumb to the swirly-vertigo eyed hypnotism of fearless leader Tommy Adler - and for THAT, my man - you're gonna have to suffer. It's not personal, it's business. And when you're a Professional? Heh - EVERYTHING WE DO IS BUSINESS." (FADEOUT as MAYFIELD puts out his cigarette on St. Louis, MO.)

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