S
Sane
Guest
Sane walks down the long halls of the Michigan Branch 7 Probation and Parole board. Sane comes to a halt as he comes to the door at the end of the hall. Sane has trid to prepare himself for this meeting but hasn't had much luck. Sane has multi colored hair normally braided in three sections. One pink section, one blonde section and one green section. He took out the braids at the insistence of his girlfriend who claimed it made him look like a gangster. His hair despite being colored was combed down in a more respectable manner. He has traded his normal black leather jacket and grunge clothes for khaki pants, a green dress shirt and a black jacket.
Sane opened the door and walked in. there was a gray haired woman appearing to be in her sixties at a desk.
Sane: Hello my name is Sane and um well I beleive I have an apointment with you this evening.
Receptionist: Sir My name is Maggie and I am the receptionist for Madaline Starbright the probation officer. Do you have an apointment with Mrs. Starbright.
Sane: (grabbing his hair and twirling it nervously) Yeah um I think thats it um well you look like a Madaline and well anyways yeah I am here to see that Madaline chick.
Receptionist: (looks at his with a crosseyed stare.) What time was your appointment sir?
Sane: 2
m
Receptionist: Sir are you aware that it is almost 5m?
Sane: No. Well you see I left on time but I seen this girl that I am having an affair with and I don't know her name so I just call her the other girl and anyways she has a big butt like JLo and reminds me of this girl from high school with braces that I had a crush on but I kept stealing her lunch money instead of asking her out but anyways I have a girlfriend but like I said she has a butt like JLo and she smells like roses and well she asked me to go back to her place and smoke a joint but I told her that I had to go see my probation officer and she told me that I was being a square and. (He is cut off)
Receptionist: Sir I think you are telling me way to much information. Why don't you have a seat and I will call back to Mrs. Starbright and ask her if she wants to still see you.
Sane: Okay.
Sane turns and have a seat as Maggie calls back to Mrs. Starbright's office. He is nervously muttering to himself about the downfalls of drugs and woman when Maggie annonces he can go in and see Mrs. Starbright now.
Sane gets up and walks into Madaline Starbrights office. She also has grey hair and is of medium build.
Mrs: Starbright: So you must be Sane. I am assuming that you have a good excuse for being late.
Sane: Well I have an excuse but I am not sure if it is a good one.
Mrs: Starbright: Try me.
Sane: Well my girlfriend Kodi got me all ready and I looked great but then I seen this girl I know and I don't know her name but I call her The Other Girl and well anyways she has a butt like JLO and she wears braces which I find kiny for some reason and well she stopped me and asked me If I would like to smoke some well illegal substances and I told her no but then of course one thing led to another and I ended up going back to her place and well anyways I smelled bad so I decided to stop by this guys apartment to take a shower and well he said his water had been shut off because he forgot to pay his bill and well then he asked me if I wanted to smoke an illegal substance and then I said no but you know how it goes and well by that time I was already late so I figured if I stopped by Mcdonalds and ordered some food it would be okay but the line was long and anyways I am sorry I am late.
Starbright: Your right.
(Sane smiles)
Starbright: You have a horrible excuse.
(Sane frowns)
Starbright: So I am assuming that you wasn't born with the name Sane. So what is your first name.
Sane: Well it was Justin but somebody sued me for being called Justin Sane and well even though I used it first, he was smart enough to get it copyrighted and well anyways I just go by Sane now.
Starbright: So your birth name is Justin.
Sane: No my birth name is Jeremy but that isn't a very good wrestling name and so I changed it to Justin but now it's just Sane.
Mrs Starbright stares at Sane and then continues.
Starbright: The judges punishment was quite unusual especially for the crime. You were caught with a stolen car, underaged girls and massive amounts of drugs and drug paraphenlia yet the Judge sentenced you to one year working for an old school style wrestling promotion because his grandson was a fan of yours and he beleived you should be more of a role model and learn to be a real wrestler.
Sane: Yeah something like that. I just thought he hated me and wanted to punish me.
Starbright: Well if you don't finish your probation then you will spend 10 years in a federal pentetentary.
(Sane Looks sick to his stomach) Sane: Oh!!!!
Starbright: Okay tell me what you have done to fullfill this obligation so far.
Sane: Well I got signed by this promotion called Great Lakes Championship Wrestling. It is based on being an old school style promotion and well anyways I have had a hard time because people say I am a drug addict but this promotion is suppose to be the next hottest thing and well anyways here I am.
Mrs: Starbright: So can u wrestle a techical style?
Sane: I was trained that way but I prefer to hit people with garbage cans.
Starbright: Thats not really wrestling though. Hitting people with garbage cans.
Sane: Probably not but it gets more of a reaction then putting somebody in a headlock plus it does more damage.
Starbright: (rolls eyes) Okay well Sane. You have admitted that you have used drugs, you have admitted that you were almost 3 hours late for your apointment with me and you have no real reason for being late and then you admited that you probably will fail your probation because you like to hit people with garbage cans and the promoter will probably fire you the first week. I will be honest with you though, my grandson is also a fan of yours. He considers you his rolemodel which is pretty scary for me and his parents considering what you d but for the sake of my grandson I am going to make some conditions for you and If you think you can meet them then I will give you a second chance.
Sane: Okay.
Starbright: First.. You will sign an autograph for my grandson and sign it to him personlly.
Sane: I normally charge $25.00 for an autograph.
Starbright: (rolls her eyes) Well You can charge me $25.00 and I will pay it but then I will send you to prision for ten years.
Sane: Okay Autograph is free.
Starbright: I thought that was the price. Okay the 2nd condition is that myself and my grandson gets free tickets for the entire year that your under probation.
Sane I don't know if I can do that.
Starbright: Well son, I don't know if I can overlook the fact that you were high and late when you came to see me today.
Sane: Oh I am sure I can work out something.
Starbright: 3rd condition. You stop seeing this other girl and start respecting your girlfriend.
Sane: Well that might be a problem.
Starbright: And why is that?
Sane: Well because I always have my girfriend be my valet and well I told this other girl that she could also be my valet so I guess I will have 2 valets.
Starbright: Boy... You like trouble don't you?
Sane: No but my girlfriend Kodi says I am prone to it like it is a curse and when I was a child a big black voodoo lady put a curse on me but that was for stealing vegtables out of her garden and I think it was suppose to make me turn into a rabbit but anyways.
Starbright: Your girlfriends name is Kodi, what is her last name?
Sane: Pendent.
Starbright: Her name is Kodi pendent. Your kidding me?
Sane: What do you know her?
Starbright: No... But her name is Kodi Pendent like Codependent.
Sane: yeah.. Whats your point?
Starbright: (rolls her eyes) Look Sane I need to be leaving. So I am going to pass you this time but I need you here next week and I need you to be clean and I need you to be drug free and I am going to go check out your first wrestling match and I am going to be talking to the promoter and If he says one bad thing about you then I am throwing you in jail.
Sane: Okay thank you.
(sane gets up and shakes the lady's hand before turning around and leaving. he walks past Maggie and into the empty hall as soon as he is alone, he does his typical ending promo.
Sane: Old School New School Or No School. I give a rats behind. Obviously this is the rg rated bersion because if I didn't have some drunken urine stained censor working with the crooked law enforcement system to censor me and take away my first amendment rights by threating to throw me in prision then obviously i would be swearing and scaring old grannies who would be calling the television producers and complaining but at that point it wouldn't matter because I am Ju... Anyways I guest i can't say that anymore. Look I may not be able to hit you with my singapore cane, I may not be able to throw you in a garbage can and set you on fire as I carry you outside of the arena and put you on a passing garbage can. I may not be able to set up 5 tables and wrap you in barbwire then ju,p off the balcony on you but I can still beat you into a crying whining human slime pile. Headlock.. bodyslam.. Who cares... I will still hit you with the Insanity Clause and your still b wishing that you wasn't a wrestler and I really hadn't just embarrassed your fat out of shape, should of worked at burger king instead of going to wrestling school butt. If you like me fine.. i'll charge you twenty five bucks and give you an autograph while I make fun of you backstage because your seventeen years old and should be dating girls instead of worshipping me like a God and if you don't like me then you better be smart enough not to tell me because if you do then I am going to open up my hand and and pull out each and every one of your teeth and anyways I am going home.
Sane begins to walk away and the cameras begin to fade to black as it does then in bold red letters Sane: Not Quite Sane flashes across the screen then quickly underneath it Not Quite your average wrestler.
Sane opened the door and walked in. there was a gray haired woman appearing to be in her sixties at a desk.
Sane: Hello my name is Sane and um well I beleive I have an apointment with you this evening.
Receptionist: Sir My name is Maggie and I am the receptionist for Madaline Starbright the probation officer. Do you have an apointment with Mrs. Starbright.
Sane: (grabbing his hair and twirling it nervously) Yeah um I think thats it um well you look like a Madaline and well anyways yeah I am here to see that Madaline chick.
Receptionist: (looks at his with a crosseyed stare.) What time was your appointment sir?
Sane: 2
mReceptionist: Sir are you aware that it is almost 5
m?Sane: No. Well you see I left on time but I seen this girl that I am having an affair with and I don't know her name so I just call her the other girl and anyways she has a big butt like JLo and reminds me of this girl from high school with braces that I had a crush on but I kept stealing her lunch money instead of asking her out but anyways I have a girlfriend but like I said she has a butt like JLo and she smells like roses and well she asked me to go back to her place and smoke a joint but I told her that I had to go see my probation officer and she told me that I was being a square and. (He is cut off)
Receptionist: Sir I think you are telling me way to much information. Why don't you have a seat and I will call back to Mrs. Starbright and ask her if she wants to still see you.
Sane: Okay.
Sane turns and have a seat as Maggie calls back to Mrs. Starbright's office. He is nervously muttering to himself about the downfalls of drugs and woman when Maggie annonces he can go in and see Mrs. Starbright now.
Sane gets up and walks into Madaline Starbrights office. She also has grey hair and is of medium build.
Mrs: Starbright: So you must be Sane. I am assuming that you have a good excuse for being late.
Sane: Well I have an excuse but I am not sure if it is a good one.
Mrs: Starbright: Try me.
Sane: Well my girlfriend Kodi got me all ready and I looked great but then I seen this girl I know and I don't know her name but I call her The Other Girl and well anyways she has a butt like JLO and she wears braces which I find kiny for some reason and well she stopped me and asked me If I would like to smoke some well illegal substances and I told her no but then of course one thing led to another and I ended up going back to her place and well anyways I smelled bad so I decided to stop by this guys apartment to take a shower and well he said his water had been shut off because he forgot to pay his bill and well then he asked me if I wanted to smoke an illegal substance and then I said no but you know how it goes and well by that time I was already late so I figured if I stopped by Mcdonalds and ordered some food it would be okay but the line was long and anyways I am sorry I am late.
Starbright: Your right.
(Sane smiles)
Starbright: You have a horrible excuse.
(Sane frowns)
Starbright: So I am assuming that you wasn't born with the name Sane. So what is your first name.
Sane: Well it was Justin but somebody sued me for being called Justin Sane and well even though I used it first, he was smart enough to get it copyrighted and well anyways I just go by Sane now.
Starbright: So your birth name is Justin.
Sane: No my birth name is Jeremy but that isn't a very good wrestling name and so I changed it to Justin but now it's just Sane.
Mrs Starbright stares at Sane and then continues.
Starbright: The judges punishment was quite unusual especially for the crime. You were caught with a stolen car, underaged girls and massive amounts of drugs and drug paraphenlia yet the Judge sentenced you to one year working for an old school style wrestling promotion because his grandson was a fan of yours and he beleived you should be more of a role model and learn to be a real wrestler.
Sane: Yeah something like that. I just thought he hated me and wanted to punish me.
Starbright: Well if you don't finish your probation then you will spend 10 years in a federal pentetentary.
(Sane Looks sick to his stomach) Sane: Oh!!!!
Starbright: Okay tell me what you have done to fullfill this obligation so far.
Sane: Well I got signed by this promotion called Great Lakes Championship Wrestling. It is based on being an old school style promotion and well anyways I have had a hard time because people say I am a drug addict but this promotion is suppose to be the next hottest thing and well anyways here I am.
Mrs: Starbright: So can u wrestle a techical style?
Sane: I was trained that way but I prefer to hit people with garbage cans.
Starbright: Thats not really wrestling though. Hitting people with garbage cans.
Sane: Probably not but it gets more of a reaction then putting somebody in a headlock plus it does more damage.
Starbright: (rolls eyes) Okay well Sane. You have admitted that you have used drugs, you have admitted that you were almost 3 hours late for your apointment with me and you have no real reason for being late and then you admited that you probably will fail your probation because you like to hit people with garbage cans and the promoter will probably fire you the first week. I will be honest with you though, my grandson is also a fan of yours. He considers you his rolemodel which is pretty scary for me and his parents considering what you d but for the sake of my grandson I am going to make some conditions for you and If you think you can meet them then I will give you a second chance.
Sane: Okay.
Starbright: First.. You will sign an autograph for my grandson and sign it to him personlly.
Sane: I normally charge $25.00 for an autograph.
Starbright: (rolls her eyes) Well You can charge me $25.00 and I will pay it but then I will send you to prision for ten years.
Sane: Okay Autograph is free.
Starbright: I thought that was the price. Okay the 2nd condition is that myself and my grandson gets free tickets for the entire year that your under probation.
Sane I don't know if I can do that.
Starbright: Well son, I don't know if I can overlook the fact that you were high and late when you came to see me today.
Sane: Oh I am sure I can work out something.
Starbright: 3rd condition. You stop seeing this other girl and start respecting your girlfriend.
Sane: Well that might be a problem.
Starbright: And why is that?
Sane: Well because I always have my girfriend be my valet and well I told this other girl that she could also be my valet so I guess I will have 2 valets.
Starbright: Boy... You like trouble don't you?
Sane: No but my girlfriend Kodi says I am prone to it like it is a curse and when I was a child a big black voodoo lady put a curse on me but that was for stealing vegtables out of her garden and I think it was suppose to make me turn into a rabbit but anyways.
Starbright: Your girlfriends name is Kodi, what is her last name?
Sane: Pendent.
Starbright: Her name is Kodi pendent. Your kidding me?
Sane: What do you know her?
Starbright: No... But her name is Kodi Pendent like Codependent.
Sane: yeah.. Whats your point?
Starbright: (rolls her eyes) Look Sane I need to be leaving. So I am going to pass you this time but I need you here next week and I need you to be clean and I need you to be drug free and I am going to go check out your first wrestling match and I am going to be talking to the promoter and If he says one bad thing about you then I am throwing you in jail.
Sane: Okay thank you.
(sane gets up and shakes the lady's hand before turning around and leaving. he walks past Maggie and into the empty hall as soon as he is alone, he does his typical ending promo.
Sane: Old School New School Or No School. I give a rats behind. Obviously this is the rg rated bersion because if I didn't have some drunken urine stained censor working with the crooked law enforcement system to censor me and take away my first amendment rights by threating to throw me in prision then obviously i would be swearing and scaring old grannies who would be calling the television producers and complaining but at that point it wouldn't matter because I am Ju... Anyways I guest i can't say that anymore. Look I may not be able to hit you with my singapore cane, I may not be able to throw you in a garbage can and set you on fire as I carry you outside of the arena and put you on a passing garbage can. I may not be able to set up 5 tables and wrap you in barbwire then ju,p off the balcony on you but I can still beat you into a crying whining human slime pile. Headlock.. bodyslam.. Who cares... I will still hit you with the Insanity Clause and your still b wishing that you wasn't a wrestler and I really hadn't just embarrassed your fat out of shape, should of worked at burger king instead of going to wrestling school butt. If you like me fine.. i'll charge you twenty five bucks and give you an autograph while I make fun of you backstage because your seventeen years old and should be dating girls instead of worshipping me like a God and if you don't like me then you better be smart enough not to tell me because if you do then I am going to open up my hand and and pull out each and every one of your teeth and anyways I am going home.
Sane begins to walk away and the cameras begin to fade to black as it does then in bold red letters Sane: Not Quite Sane flashes across the screen then quickly underneath it Not Quite your average wrestler.