(FADEIN to Shamon in a ballet studio moonwalking on the hardwood floor, while looking at himself in the mirror.)
SHAMON: OWWWW! Damn, I look good.
(He does a twirl, grabs his crotch, and does a kick.)
It’s the time of the year again, no I’m not talking about Christmas. It’s the CSWA’s 15th Anniversary.
(Shamon holds a hand up to his ear to cover it, like he is in a recording studio. He starts singing “Anniversary” by Toni Tony Tone. His voice is as horrible as ever.)
Do you know what today is? Uhh. It’s our anniversary…anniversary.
(He follows up the line with a few dance steps, finishing up with the “robot”.)
Oh yes folks, it’s that time again. And the company is having this huge show and guess who the opening act is? Give up?
ME!
That’s right, your favorite superstar, the reason you watch this show in the first place, the King of Snap, Crackle, and Pop, the sensual, (Licks his fingers in a “Prince”-like fashion.) the irresistible…SHAMON! (Winks.)
And for this big event they decide to give me a tune-up match, in the form of Cameron Cruise.
Now Cammy, I know you wish you could look this good. I know you wish you had the talent I do, but Cammy…you just never will. No matter how much time you spend in wrestling school or the beauty parlor, you’ll never be on my level.
Have you seen the damage I have inflicted to some of the greatest stars of all time? I gave Evan Aho a hangnail. I forced Kevin Powers to break a sweat. I single-handedly put Steel Viper on the shelf for 2 months! I’m bad, you know I’m bad.
So Cam, we can do this 1 of 2 ways. You can gracefully bow out of this match and give me some spotlight time to debut my new song…or you can show up and get what you’ve got coming to you. I’m not exactly sure what that is, but if you show up…I’ll figure it out!
IF you show up.
(Looks at the cameraman.)
Gosh…I hope he doesn’t show up.
(He starts fanning his face, trying to calm down.)
Cruise is cruisin’ for a bruisin’. I know…I know…I am so clever.
Let me leave you with one final thought.
(Grabs his crotch.)
HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(He rips his white button shirt off and he has some sort of a pasty on, covering his nipple. It is in the shape of a star, similar to the Super Bowl Halftime Show.)
Who’s bad?
(FADE TO BLACK)
SHAMON: OWWWW! Damn, I look good.
(He does a twirl, grabs his crotch, and does a kick.)
It’s the time of the year again, no I’m not talking about Christmas. It’s the CSWA’s 15th Anniversary.
(Shamon holds a hand up to his ear to cover it, like he is in a recording studio. He starts singing “Anniversary” by Toni Tony Tone. His voice is as horrible as ever.)
Do you know what today is? Uhh. It’s our anniversary…anniversary.
(He follows up the line with a few dance steps, finishing up with the “robot”.)
Oh yes folks, it’s that time again. And the company is having this huge show and guess who the opening act is? Give up?
ME!
That’s right, your favorite superstar, the reason you watch this show in the first place, the King of Snap, Crackle, and Pop, the sensual, (Licks his fingers in a “Prince”-like fashion.) the irresistible…SHAMON! (Winks.)
And for this big event they decide to give me a tune-up match, in the form of Cameron Cruise.
Now Cammy, I know you wish you could look this good. I know you wish you had the talent I do, but Cammy…you just never will. No matter how much time you spend in wrestling school or the beauty parlor, you’ll never be on my level.
Have you seen the damage I have inflicted to some of the greatest stars of all time? I gave Evan Aho a hangnail. I forced Kevin Powers to break a sweat. I single-handedly put Steel Viper on the shelf for 2 months! I’m bad, you know I’m bad.
So Cam, we can do this 1 of 2 ways. You can gracefully bow out of this match and give me some spotlight time to debut my new song…or you can show up and get what you’ve got coming to you. I’m not exactly sure what that is, but if you show up…I’ll figure it out!
IF you show up.
(Looks at the cameraman.)
Gosh…I hope he doesn’t show up.
(He starts fanning his face, trying to calm down.)
Cruise is cruisin’ for a bruisin’. I know…I know…I am so clever.
Let me leave you with one final thought.
(Grabs his crotch.)
HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(He rips his white button shirt off and he has some sort of a pasty on, covering his nipple. It is in the shape of a star, similar to the Super Bowl Halftime Show.)
Who’s bad?
(FADE TO BLACK)