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Shamon getting ready...

Mad Dog

Original Gangsta
Jan 1, 2000
(FADE IN to a beautiful sunny day somewhere off the southern California coast. The camera pans around and spots a huge sign that reads “Bodyworks Resort and Spa”. The view then fades out and then fades back in, now the inside of the resort is shown. Several people are sitting in hair-drying chairs, some are getting their hair styled. In another room a man is sitting in a lounge chair with mud on his face, a shower cap on his head, and cucumber slices over his eyes. He is sipping on some sort of fruity tropical drink, with an umbrella sticking out of the top. A beautiful Asian woman is manicuring his left hand and his right hand, oddly enough, has a white sequenced glove on it.

The Asian woman spots the camera and begins to yell at the cameraman in her native tongue. The man behind the mud, becomes startled and removes the cucumber slices from over his eyes. He recognizes the CSWA logo and becomes infuriated.)

SHAMON: How dare you!? Can’t you see I am in the middle of my secret pre-match ritual? You are SO RUDE! How could you just distract me at this crucial time in my training?

CAMERAMAN: Well, um, the suits in the office hadn’t heard from you in a while and told me to track you down. They want some comments from you on your upcoming match at On Time in Portland.

SHAMON: It’s in Portland!? OH NO! The weather up there frizzes up my hair! (Begins fanning his face and sipping his drink.) Calm down…Shamon. Calm down. It’s only one match and it’s against Shane Southern. How hard could that be? While it’s on my mind, I better book Pierre to be there for an emergency re-hydration to my beautiful blonde locks. (Speaking to the manicurist.) Siew Eng, would you please go get the mud remover and soak my hand in some Palmolive. I gotta have soft hands, just like the CSWA owner, Chad Merritt. I really respect and admire him. (Speaking to the cameraman.) He will see this, right? It never hurts to earn brownie points with the boss.

(Siew Eng comes in and begins the facial cleansing process. Unfortunately for the cameraman, it takes several minutes. Through the magic of time-lapse photography, the mud has been removed. Shamon still has the shower cap on and Siew Eng is now giving him a pedicure.)

CAMERAMAN: Umm, Shamon. Can you spare some time and tell me why you chose to call out Shane Southern, among other names, when you laid out your open contract.

SHAMON: (Rolls his eyes.) First of all, Shamon NEVER and I repeat NEVER has to explain himself. Do you go up to El Debarge and ask him the meaning of the song “Rhythm of the Night”? Would you ask the musical genius, Barry Manilow, what his inspiration was behind the song “Copa Cabana”? Of course not, because its better left unknown and its for the fan to decide whether they like it or not. I know my fans love me, I know the CSWA’s ratings have gone through the roof, and all the AOL chat rooms are speaking about Shamon! And why not? If me just showing up at one CSWA show can boost card attendence…then what does that tell you? It says this man here is a winner. He is the next BIG THING and everyone better buy stock in him, sit back…relax, and watch it go through the roof!

I’d like to think I bring a certain presence into the CSWA. One of leadership, one of good moral values, and I add overall class to this place. Have you seen what some of the guys in the back wear in and out of the ring. OH GOSH, it’s just horrible. They are in desperate need of a makeover by my good friend, Pierre. Of course, he may not be able to slip you into his schedule for another few months, but if you mention my name…he might be able to squeeze you in some time before this summer.

CAMERAMAN: What does that have to do with…

SHAMON: SILENCE! Don’t interrupt me in mid-ramble, I was eventually going to answer your question. What was it again? Oh yes…nevermind, my match with the good ol’ country boy, Shane “I come from there so it might as well be my last name” Southern. I see you have racked up a decent record in the squared circle and to SOME you are a formidable opponent. However, Shanie…you have never been in the ring with a man that has lightning quick reflexes like me. Someone who can chop you down to size and then moonwalk over your beaten fallen body! OWWWW! HEEEE HEEEE! Yes sir, that would be me! (Smiles)

I am more vicious than a dog in heat and more terrifying than all the Toxic Avenger sequels, including the original, rolled into one. Quite frankly, Shanie, I am your worst nightmare! You have a date, but not with some slut down by the dairy farm in your hometown…oh no, you’ve got a date with the SINGLE BIGGEST THREAT of your career…maybe even your life, (Puts his gloved hand on his chin and has a thought.) but almost definitely the SINGLE BIGGEST THREAT of the past week!

You ever wonder what happened to Rockwell? Herbie Hancock? Ashford & Simpson? Well just like them, after this match…no one will ever hear of Shane Southern again. You’ll be a distant memory, a one hit wonder, and I’ll be the man doing the Cabbage Patch (Swings his arms around in a circular motion.) in celebration. (Smiles) Oh Shanie, I feel so sorry for you. (Shakes his head.) I have to make an example out of someone and unfortunately for you…that example is you! (Giggles)

(Siew Eng hands Shamon a handheld mirror. He looks into it and smiles.)

Damn…I look so good. (He begins to sing in his high-pitched off-key voice.) It makes me wanna SCREAM! (Grabs his crotch with his left hand and shakes his gloved hand uncontrollably.) HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(FADE TO BLACK as the patrons inside the resort turn around to see who is making all that noise. Shamon waves at them and says he’s sorry.)

[IMG http://www.cswawrestling.com/rp/User_files/3cc5d3334fba8558.jpg]

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