SHOWTIME 30: Jack Harmen vs. Nova

[Steve]

What happens when the Superfly Express steps on opposite sides of the ring from either other? Is it more important to be super or fly?

One of the most decorated men in pro wrestling takes on the Anti-Gravity Dig-Dug-Diggity Bong Bomb Battalionier.

Jack Harmen vs. Nova

Roleplay is open from now until 3/24.

 

[Nova]

Better late...

(FADEIN: A parking garage at night, practically vacant. SFX: Screeeeeeeeeee!!! A beat-up sky blue Volkswagen van squeals around the corner and comes to a halt diagonally across several parking spots. NOVA piles out of the driver’s side, jogging up to a set of double doors leading inside. He yanks on the door handle, but it only rattles in place.)

NOVA: “Aw, COME ON! Really?!”

(Beating on the door) “OPEN UP! I know someone’s in there!”

(He continues to pound on the doors. The sounds of shuffling feet are audible from inside.)

VOICE: (Muffled) “We’re closed up!”

NOVA: “Jimmy, is that you? Are you the guy I spoke to on the phone? C’mon, let me in, man. I’m here to cut a promo. I’m sorry I’m late.”

VOICE: “It’s Jeremy. And you were scheduled for filming yesterday at 3:00 in the afternoon.”

NOVA: “Well, AGAIN, I’m sorry I’m late, but I’m here now…”

JEREMY: “You’re twenty-eight hours late.”

NOVA: “Thank you, Bill Nye, Mathematician!”

JEREMY: “He’s the Science Guy.”

(NOVA paces away from the door, hands clenched as he silently curses the employee’s obstinance.)

NOVA: “Look dude, I’m here, this is a really important booking for me, and I wanna cut a godd*mn promo, so please, please, MOTHERF*CKING PRETTY PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR.”

(With a creak, the door opens and a young man with a headset on pokes his head out.)

JEREMY: “I don’t know what kind of treatment you’re used to, but this isn’t NFW. There’s no Asian hooker waiting backstage to massage your butthole with a vacuum-sealed log of red rock opium while you recite your favorite passages from The Two Gentlemen of Verona.”

NOVA: “Wow, that was REALLY specific.”

JEREMY: “Well, you should probably investigate the photos people have tagged you in on Facebook.”

(NOVA nods thoughtfully.)

JEREMY: (Rolling his eyes) “Look…you’re friends with Lindsay Troy, right?”

NOVA: “Yeah…”

JEREMY: “Promise to get me her autograph, and I’ll let you in for your promo.”

NOVA: “Whaaaaat? Dude…”

JEREMY: “Get me that autograph, and we’re good.”

NOVA: “This is embarrassing!”

JEREMY : (Sternly) “Autograph.”

(NOVA puts his hands on his hips, looking left, then right.)

NOVA: “This is b*llshit.”

JEREMY: “Okaaaay then…” (Closing door) “…you can get back on the parkway north if you’re headed to…”

NOVA: “WAIT, wait!” (Grabbing the door) “FINE! I’ll…I’ll shoot her an email.”

JEREMY: (Cupping his ear) “What was that?”

NOVA: “I SAID I’LL DO IT. Good god, man, who peed in your Strawberry Total this morning?”

JEREMY: (Smiling) “Great. Welcome!”

NOVA: “Uh-huh.”

(JEREMY steps back, allowing NOVA into the building. FADETOBLACK.)

--------------*~*~*--------------​

(FADEIN: NOVA sits in a folding chair in front of an orange CSWA banner. Another folding chair is next to him with a black t-shirt draped over it. He lights a cigarette.)

VOICE (off-camera): “You can’t smoke in here.”

NOVA: “I get that a lot.” (Turning to camera) “So it’s been a while for me and Greensboro. I guess it’s been a while for ANYONE and Greensboro…but ever since GOLD RUSH I’ve found myself in the position of the Battered Spouse with this company. All it takes is a glimmer of promise and I throw myself at their feet, pledging my allegiance to…whatever this Grand Experiment is.

“I never went to college. Always regretted it. I feel like I could’ve hung with college kids. I would’ve been a history major, I think. I love that sh*t. American history, especially. And I think that’s always been a big part of the attraction of this place, the history. History that I wanted to be part of.”

(Taking a drag of his cigarette) “It’s more than that, though. There’s a different connection I feel to this place…different from OUR vibe, Jack. Different from SUPERFLY EXPRESS, and all the benefits thereto appertaining…”

(NOVA looks over to the chair next to his. A Day-Glo SUPERFLY EXPRESS T-Shirt is draped over the log, depicting NOVA and JACK HARMEN embracing with the NFW Everette Memorial Tag Championship belts hoisted overhead.)

NOVA: (Looking into the camera) “You wanna know why I didn’t ask you to capture lightning in a bottle, Jack? Why I didn’t ask you to help extend our dynamic dominance to CSWA’s hallowed tag division?”

(He takes pulls the shirt back, revealing his NFW tag championship belt gleaming under the overhead lights.)

NOVA: “Because here, I still want that solo brass ring. The CSWA and I are the same, Jack. Both our best days are probably behind us. What’s come before defines this place more than what’s yet to pass. And it’s no different with me. Just like this place, the apex of my career has passed. It was my victory over Yori Yakamo, Jr. to capture the ULTRATITLE.”

(He pulls a flask out from his jacket pocket and takes a swig, wiping his mouth then taking another drag of his cigarette. His eyes glisten.)

NOVA: “It was…amazing. That moment…it was like I floated above the clouds, in total silence, and I looked around…and there was NO ONE ELSE in sight. Nobody on my level.” (Wiping his eyes) “F*cking beautiful.”

“YOU know what I mean, Jack. You’ve been to the mountaintop. We’ve spent God knows how many nights rehashing those moments. But here…this place is a woman I haven’t convinced to love me yet, and it’s driving me CRAZY. Since 2006 it’s pushed me to claw and fight, and renew veteran minimum contracts just for the chance to make a difference here…and I can. I can be most of what I was, maybe something different but just as good, the way Kobe is all of a sudden a point guard seventeen years into his career…”

(Taking another swig) “F*ck, J-Harms…I’m about to be thirty-four years old. That’s f*ckin’ YOUNG. Yet, like you, compadre, I’ve made bad decisions, in the ring and out of it. I feel like I’m seventy. When we go on the road, people passing by our hotel room door must think we’re a geriatric gay couple celebrating dual Cialis prescriptions for all the groans and moans they hear emanating from inside in the morning. We’re HURT, and there’s no stem cell surgeries in Germany waiting for us. Just a fat kid in the bleachers screaming that he still believes.”

(NOVA takes a drag, then snuffs the cigarette out on the underside of his shoe.)

NOVA: “But for me, and for the CSWA, maybe there’s still one great run left. Isn’t that why we’re all here?”

(Pause.)

“Isn’t that the magnetic attraction of Greensboro?”

(FADETOBLACK.)

 

[Ford]

Re: Better late...

(FADEIN : JACK HARMEN stands in front of a CSWA banner. He wears his Team VIAGRA attire, alongside an NFW Superfly Express t-shirt. He looks somber, sad. Instead of standing, he takes a seat, and sits indian style on the ground.)

JACK HARMEN: The main reason I came to you in NFW to ask if you wanted to team in CSWA, was because I knew our brand of bragadocia bravada would entertain and delight the masses. I knew that our collective awesomeness would Re-Animator the heads of ANY opponents we could face in this tag team tournament. I thought we could COAST to tag team glory, and then? After three defenses of our recently won tag straps? We BOTH could have challenged for the Unified Championship.

(Harmen lowers his head.)

JACK HARMEN: And I get it. I know why you wanted to take another route to the big belt. That's fine. Perhaps we would have gotten too complacent or attached to the tag straps and NEVER wound up cashing them in. Perhaps you may have felt weird about coming to me and saying 'Hey Jack, let's cash these straps in now, I want my shot TONIGHT' because you knew it might not have been what I wanted.

(Harmen looks up. He smiles.)

JACK HARMEN: Then again, maybe you knew that if we BOTH had a shot at the Unified championship, that may have thrown a monkey wrench into our relationship. Hell, what if I beat Ryan and you lost to me? Or if you beat Ryan, finally eclipsed him five years after you should have, and then I came around the next week and TOOK the Unified title?

(Harmen shakes his head.)

JACK HARMEN: I can't imagine us remaining friends...

(Harmen sniffles.)

JACK HARMEN: So Nova. Do what you need to. I'm going to be here in the tag division and earn my way to the top belt the LONG way. And if we should meet six or eight months down the line for the Unified title, I hope you know there's no hard feelings.

And I hope we have just as great and competitive of a match as we have at Showtime.

It's all fun and games until someone gets their nose broke.

(Harmen looks to the side, shifty.)

JACK HARMEN: Bad choice of words.

(Harmen tosses his hands up and stand to his feet.)

JACK HARMEN: No. I can't do this anymore. Can't verbally spare like we're enemies. It just feels dirty. Like I'm fucking a cousin. I'll be in my trailer. (Audio fades out)Get me that hooker who looks like my cousin. I'm already in the muck, might as well roll around--

(Harmen walks off, stage right.)

 

[Nova]

Can't Quit You.

(FADEIN: The interior of a fancy restaurant. Wait-staff hustle about, and the atmosphere is warm and conversant. Seated at a table in the middle of the room is NOVA and a female guest. He’s dressed in a sky-blue suit, white shirt, and tie-dye bowtie. His normally bushy horseshoe of wiry blonde hair is slicked back. His guest looks lovely in a simple black dress. NOVA removes a pair of reading glasses from his pocket and begins perusing the menu.)

GUEST: “I’m glad we did this.”

NOVA: (Looking up) “Huh?”

GUEST: “I said I’m glad we did this.”

NOVA: (Smiling) “Oh. Yeah. Me too. This is gonna be fun.”

GUEST: “Yeah.”

(They both look down at their menus.)

GUEST: (Reading from menu) “Crabcakes stuffed with buttery, shredded Maine rock lobster…mmm, that sounds great!”

(Without looking up, Nova smiles wryly.)

GUEST: “What?”

NOVA: “What?”

GUEST: “What’s that weird smile about?”

NOVA: “I…it’s nothing.”

GUEST: “What? What are you thinking about?”

NOVA: “It…it’s just that’s what Jack would order.”

GUEST: “That…um…was your wrestling partner, right?”

NOVA: “Still is, over in NFW. We’re the champs.” (Looking away) “Kind of a big deal.”

GUEST: “Mmm-hmm.”

(They return to their menus.)

NOVA: “Jack loves crabcakes. His favorite. Once...hehehe…once he, he was SO HUNGRY after we baked out the van on a drive from Toledo to Sheboygan…”

(She lowers her eyes as she notices annoyed glares from nearby patrons.)

NOVA: “…we stopped at this little seafood dive, and he INHALED a plate of crabcakes so fast one lodged in his throat and he started…” (waving his arms) “…FLAILING around the restaurant like this…and this big burly bierfrau-lookin’ woman had to come over the counter and Heimlich the poor bastard! You should’ve…hehehe…it was just…he looked like a BABY in her arms while she jerked him to the left, to the right…”

(Wiping his eyes with his napkin) “…it was pretty epic.”

GUEST: “Sounds hilarious. Been a while since we saw a waiter, huh?”

NOVA: (Eyeing his watch) “Has it been? Huh…” (Shrugging) “Anyway, I’m having fun. It’s good to see you.”

(The GUEST’s shoulders loosen up a little, and she smiles.)

GUEST: “It’s good to see you, too. It’s been too long.”

NOVA: “What about you, what are you up to these days?”

GUEST: “I’m working in the hospitality industry, hotel management.”

NOVA: “One time, Jack and I were on the road, and we stayed at this La Quinta in Syracuse, New York, and when we got to the room, I swear to God, we found a bottle of LUBE on TOP of the Gideon’s Bible! On my ex-wife’s grave, I kid you not, a bottle of LUBE!”

(An older woman at a nearby table snorts audibly in disgust. NOVA looks over at her.)

NOVA: “I know, GROSS, right?” (Looking back at his GUEST) “And to make matters worse, it was sticky and used-like, and then Jack sprayed it all over my pillow and I didn’t see it before I laid down…”

(The GUEST makes eye contact with a nearby waiter and mouths “MERLOT” silently and then “BOTTLE” and then “BIG ONE,” gesturing with her hands.)

NOVA: “…and then he felt really bad because I had this HORRIBLE allergic reaction to one of the chemicals and my left eye swelled shut, and…”

(FADETO: Several empty wine bottles litter the table around the GUEST’S bowl of soup. Her face hovers over the glass clutched tightly in her right hand, her head swaying gently from side to side.)

NOVA: (Swirling the ice in his tumbler of bourbon) “So, like, I was saying…”

(The GUEST’s eyes drift lazily up to NOVA’s face.)

NOVA: “It’s just…” (Sigh) “…so HARD, y’know? Because I love teaming with the guy. I LOVE it. And we are f*cking GREAT together. I know that. I do. And what we have going on in NFW is…it’s crazy. It’s spreading like wildfire. People are crazy into it. And we’re riding the wave. It just feels like…so specific to that place, y’know? And I’ve done everything I need to do on the singles end there.” (Counting fingers) “I told myself, ‘ULTRATITLE,’ ‘World Heavyweight Championship,’ ‘Hall of Fame.’” Those were my goals. Lofty, but I got it all done. Here, though...in CSWA…hey, you okay?”

(One of the GUEST’s eyelids flutters.)

NOVA: “Good. You’re a good listener, anyone ever tell you that? Here in CSWA, my situation is so different. I don’t even really have any relevant nicknames! And it gets really repetitive just repeating the word ‘NOVA, NOVA, NOVA’ over and over again, but I don’t know what to do about it! TOTALLY indicative of the broader situation. I’m so…unproven, y’know? And it’s exciting, don’t get me wrong, but I just feel like I can’t…I dunno…ride the wave of what we’ve got going on over there to here and try to work that angle when I haven’t taken a shot at being The Man.

“But I miss the stupid bastard. That’s for sure. And now he’s back with that shlub Tony Davis – TOTALLY not on my level. Team VIAGRA. Hrmph. Bet they don’t have a bad-ass t-shirt with the Little Engine That Could smoking a joint on it, do they?” (Eyeballing her glass) “Are you having more wine? They’ve gotta be digging pretty deep in the cellar by now with the damage you’ve done here tonight, girl, DAMN!”

(The GUEST’s face falls forward into her bowl, splashing clam chowder onto the tablecloth. NOVA grabs a passing waiter by the arm.)

NOVA: “I think we’re ready for the check.”

(FADETOBLACK.)