SLAMTRACK 7: Marsupials of Mayhem v. #Bros

[brusch]

Roleplaying thread for The Marsupials of Mayhem (Kid Koala & eKid Nah) v. #Bros (Johnny Dorn & BookFace)

1000-word roleplay limit
No stacking allowed whatsoever

Roleplay deadline is Saturday, February 21 at 11:59pm Red Line time
​

 

[fugginVOSS]

[FADE IN: on a filthy lounge room being recorded on a handheld device. Sitting on the couch was the Gumnut Assassin, KID KOALA and beside him was the surly short-guy eKID NAH. NAH ignored the camera, instead flicking through channels on a muted TV. KID KOALA stared at the camera from beneath his furry mask.]

KID KOALA:
"Hashtag. Bros.

"It mightn't surprise you that immediately I loathe you. Social media phenomena and pop-culture are insignificant to a grander scheme of things.

"And I'm not surprised that you don't see it.

"Your heads are too busy buried into handheld devices, birds that are angry at pigs, friending acquaintances and theoretical discussions held between 140 characters.

"It's a mockery this human race endures.

"A mockery the world doesn't deserve.

"Yet people are too apt to climb aboard the latest bandwagon they can't smell their own shit on their knees."

[NAH chuckled, still not taking his eyes off of the television screen.]

KID KOALA:
"Why don't you people GET it? Why don't you under-fucking-stand? You don't know what you need.

"Some higher power tells you what you want. And your tiny minds accept the suggestion. It's like hypnosis on a grand scale. It's propaganda. And none of you have the fortitude to tell the Fuehrer blond hair and blue eyes isn't - what - you need!"

[Shocked a moment, NAH stopped staring at the TV and shot KOALA and glance. Then he looked over at the handheld device and thought better of speaking, so he went back to flipping channels.]

KID KOALA:
"Second Coming didn't get it. DOESN'T get it. So I have to show her. I have to teach her. I have to take her under my wing and guide her through the darkness. Toward a light.

"Not THE light.

"I'm not gonna kill her.

"I'm going to guide her through the uterus to be birthed from the vagina of my knowledge into a world that she NEEDS!

"NEEDS!

"Not wants.

"There's a difference. Because your want for something doesn't mean you need it. And I will show her what she needs and she can choose less of what she wants and when she finally understands... when it is all finally clear to her... she will thank me."

[KID KOALA points down the barrel of the camera.]

KID KOALA:
"You ALL will thank me.

"Because right now you're confused. Right now you hate me because you don't understand me. And I don't blame you for not understanding me.

"I blame society for poisoning your consciousness from their media pulpits illiciting thoughts you never had making them your consciousness.

"But you are all unconscious.

"And I am the resuscitator.

"And at Slamtrack 7 we will resuscitate hashtag Bros.

"Because I believe in zombies."

[FtB.]

 

[fugginVOSS]

[FADE IN: on the RLW green screen with the GREATEST SOCIAL PHENOME-NOM-NOM-NOM SINCE YA MOTHER'S GAPIN' GAPE HOLE, BOOKFACE, standing in front of it. The screen shows selfy image after selfy image of college girls in next to nothing. BOOKFACE is wearing his patent lucha mask with the book wedged in and a t-shirt which reads "#BROS" and underneath "#SEXTASTIC".]

BOOKFACE:
"Listen, Kid Koala... you and them uggos you hang around with are, like, total douchebags. Me and my hashtag bro Johnny Dorn are gonna, like, totally make you scream like a pledge gettin' paddled with my baby maker to get in some sorority that was SOOOOOOO yesterday, right?

"I'm the Greatest Social Phenome-NOM-NOM-NOM since ya mother's gapin' gape hole and the most LIKED wrestler on the freaking planet. But when YOU and your hashtag FAGHAGS enter that ring against me and Johnny Dorn?

"Friend request DENIED!

"And we'll be trending worldwide while you and your boyfriend are laid out gassed and bleedin'. I can see it now...

"HASHTAG BanginBrosBestInTheWorld."

[He stepped up into the camera's barrel.]

BOOKFACE:
"Retweet THAT!"

[And he stomped off.]

[FtB.]

 

[brusch]

(Lindz was originally going to write a thing because of Dorn - but since you're the original brainchild of BookFace, I'll allow it )