Someone is gettin' BITTER!

[EZieba]

(The scene opens up with 'Good God' Kevin Powers sitting down in his Philadelphia hotel suite kicking back and enjoy yet another cold brew. Taking a drink here and there between laughter he can't resist BUT to speak.)

KP: (Laughing) THAT'S IT? That's his best comeback? How droll. Such a rube. What a PATHETIC comeback from San An's Best! I swear GUNS ... if I didn't know any better I could SWEAR you are getting bitter with what I have to say? That's the second sign of old age. The first sign, and the MOST OBVIOUS you have shown to everyone, is your forgetful memory!

I mean ... how STUPID am I to even mention your name, the all-mighty GUNS? Are you saying I can't mention your name? I can't say GUNS? How about GIMP? Is that better? Or how about GOON? I'm still keeping that moniker G thang goin'. No wait ... I've got it ... Gay Undercover Nutsack Suckass! Will that work? Is that better? Oh Hell I'll just call you GUNS because, simply put, BECAUSE I CAN!

I mean ... what's up man? At first I couldn't put my finger on why you continue to talk about me since I'm so unimportant. Since I'm such the Mid-Carder. Since I'll never ... EVER ... get that piss infested World Title you seem to push again and again no matter how much you hate Merritt and the CSWA.

Yeah that's right I said piss infested. Maybe within your circlejerk of friends that might be the highest title around, but believe it or not there is life OUTSIDE of the circle.

But, for the life of me, I couldn't figure it out. Why does he even BOTHER with me if I'm so damn low on the totem pole ... then I realized it. He's just bitter because some of that so-called mid-card talent ... is HIGHER UP IN THE CARD THAN HE IS!

I mean ... damn GUNS ... Cameron Cruise is higher up in the card than you! So, if we're mid-card ... does this make you low-card?

Now thinking about it ... wouldn't your match be considered a DARK MATCH?

No WONDER you've been looking for the cheap heat and I don't mean what your wife works out on the tumbleweeds going from county to county in her spare time ... you have no DIRECTION! You need help and you figure this is the only way you'll get back to your superstardom! My God GUNS I'm sorry for not giving you enough credit! Dog Merritt ... talk about how much you hate the CSWA ... IT COULD WORK GUNS!

Might I offer a suggestion though? Maybe you should crutch yourself back a few steps and see how others are doing it. Triple X for example. He's upset because he got called Mini Flair and comes back with the ever popular 'choke' line. THAT WAS BRILLIANT! Sure he's done everything but hump Flair's leg just to get Flair to notice him, but the jury is still out on that one. And sure he has Ivy fighting his fights these days while he hides behind her skirt, but the man is a GENIUS! CHOKE ARTIST! WOW!

(Powers cracks open another can and takes a drink.)

Obviously sarcasm is NOT my strong suit, but he is also higher on the card then you are. Christ three o'clock INFOMERCIALS are higher on the card then you are!

Then again maybe you should watch Steve Radder's stuff. The guy is funny don'cha think? A laugh a minute. Sure he called my partner a deaf mute, but where is his partner Eddy Love? Haven't seen him around at all. Maybe he's scared. Maybe he is frightened. Maybe he's still trying to put Rogaine on that dome of his so that he can grow his hair like yesteryear. Then again I can understand why Eddy won't come out and party because he knows that in a PLR reunion such as these he NEVER has a chance in Hell, but his partner is a different story. Steve Radder is a different person all together. Steve Radder is nothing but happy being in this match. Do you even KNOW what he calls this type of match? A buffet! A BUFFET! Don'cha GET IT? WOW!

But, as much as I joke about The Ice Princess I do have to admit one thing ... at Fish Fund he, and his pally Eddy, will get their ass handed to them once and for all and I will FINALLY be done with them. Then, after I'm done with that match, I can sit back and watch yours ... ON TAPE! Your match will already be DONE! That's how LOW YOU REALLY ARE!

Maybe that's why Merritt whispered sweet nothings into your ear. Maybe that's why you got lost in his eyes when you guys converse. He told you that you need heat and this was the ONLY way to get it. Hell he even cleared a path so that you could have the Greensboro title. A title, I might add, you really do enjoy and cherish ... quit trying to hide the issue. You say I should come and challenge you? Why? Why would I even BOTHER to waste my time with you ... The MIGHTY GUNS ... the all-powerful GUNS ... GUNS ... the LOW CARD OF THE CSWA!

Miss CLEO gets better ratings than you! That's it ... I'll call you CLEO! I hope you don't mind CLEO ... not that I REALLY CARE MIND YOU!

Well, CLEO, I'll let you get back to your ranch so that you can scratch the cat who took your prize. I'll just be getting ready for my match which is, by the way, HIGHER THAN YOURS!

(Laughing still Powers takes another drink from his brew and goes to crack open another can.)

Well ... I guess that's it CLEO. There is really no use talking to you anymore considering you'll just forget it in the first place. So, on that note Low Card ...

I ... HAVE ... SPOKEN!

(Continuing to laugh Powers gets up and walks out of the site of the camera.)

 

[jayshort]

Did everything except hump Eli's leg? Okay... if you say so. I mean... you're an honest man, right Powers? You wouldn't lie, would you? Of course not. Okay then... since we've established THAT much...

...mind giving me some examples?

I'm not embarrassed. If you can name something that I've done that makes me 'Mini- E', and prove that I actually did it... I'll accept it and move on.

But, you won't... Because you can't.

And, I'm sorry for using the entire CSWA rosters favorite description of you, Kev... I, for one, thought it was Talentless Drunk, but I can accept being wrong.

But, know this...

...I didn't call you a choke artist because it sounds cool. I called you a choke artist because there's no other word that best suites your career. Go ahead, Powers... Come back with the sarcasm. Use another one of your tired catch phrases.

Ayatollah of Rum and Cola...

...yadda, yadda, yadda.

Emperor of Hardcore...

...spare me, spare me, spare me.

Does somebody have a gun so I can shoot myself?


No wonder they threw your punk a## out of here. Maybe you should change your go- home line, Powers... it died right around the time Ernest Miller started using it. Next thing you'll be telling us is you're a bad man, 'cause you slapped yo' mama, or some sh#t like that, with your theme being some retired James Brown song.

how 'bout this...

*I*... HAVE... LOSTANOTHERBIGONEAGAIN

That way, you can say it, we can see it, and no longer have to hold our laughter when you walk by us in an arena.

You're a joke, man. Nobody takes you seriously.

It's high time you realize it.

 

[EZieba]

Youth of the Nation?

(The scene opens up with 'Good God' Kevin Powers looking for a gun.)

KP: I know I put it here somewhere. It HAS to be here somewhere. I would HATE to disappoint Mini Eli!

I can't believe it. Trips is finally talking for himself for a change. I guess Ivy must be gagged or something. Like ... THAT'S a switch!

You want examples? Which federation should I bring up in which you continued to stalk Flair time and time again until you finally got him to notice you? Which place should I talk about in which you continued to challenge him time and time again until he had no choice BUT to notice you?

Should I go on? I mean should I REALLY go on? Everyone knows it was Eli that got you into CSWA in the FIRST place cause you couldn't do it on your own. So please, spare the hate for once in your career.

Oh and my catch phrases? STOP THE HATE! Like we should treat you serious when you are called Triple X? The Blue Eyed Bald Ass?

Oh wait ... that's right ... isn't it time for your yearly shave?

How about this ... you go find your buddy Lucky and show him how Triple X you REALLY are because I really don't care. I'm just afraid of one thing and one thing only ...

If I pay you any attention you might hound me like you did Flair cause someone is giving you attention again.

Like the CSWA is ready for a Mini Powers.

Tell ya what. When you grow a foot, hit puberty, and are old enough to finally buy liquor, then maybe ... JUST MAYBE ... I'll consider you a threat.

UNTIL THEN ... just let Ivy speak for ya because children should really be seen and not heard.

I ... HAVE ... wait for the dramatic pause ... SPOKEN!

(F2B)

 

[Packschmid]

Alcohol and Promos Don't Mix

[updated:LAST EDITED ON Jul-22-02 AT 03:12 PM (EDT)](FADEIN: GUNS sitting on his couch, shaking his head.)

GUNS: Hey bartender, I think Kevin Powers has had enough for the night. From the looks of things, the man just doesn't have the brain cells to spare anymore. Powers, you can call me GUNS...you can call me Miss Cleo...you can call me Santa Claus for all I care. Although I have to admit, when your number comes up on Third Row, Inc.'s ticket window and you have to face me in the ring, I'm pretty sure the cries of "Please, Miss Cleo, stop whippin' my ass, I can't take any more" are gonna fall on deaf ears. On the other hand, Powers, if you're polite from now on, I'll go out of my way to make sure that when I toss your sorry ass into the third row and make you a souvenir for some lucky fan, I aim for someone who's got a beer in their hand.

Powers, you've finally seen the light. The little light bulb went on in that peabrain of yours. Only took you three promos to realize that on the ol' Fish Fund toteboard, your little flash in the pan reunion is higher up the card than me beating the living crap out of Wicked Sight. And they say alcohol affects perception. (Laughs.) Here's the thing, son. I done told everybody from the minute I stepped back into this pit of a wrestling promotion that I was gonna start from the bottom and work my way up...that I was gonna destroy the so-called FUTURE before I got around to beating up on the PAST. I'm where I am on the card by CHOICE, Powers. You're where you are because you just weren't GOOD enough to stay on top.

Now, Powers, drunk and stupid just ain't no way to go through life. (Chuckles.) You call the CSWA World Heavyweight title piss-infested and expect THAT to hurt my feelings? Son, you're talkin' to the man who wore 15 pounds of urine around his waist to symbolize that belt while you were still a throw dummy in wrestling school. I've worn the belt, Powers. I know the stench quite well. You've still only DREAMT about it. When I say the belt is worthless, I speak from experience. You speak from sour grapes. You want to attack the CSWA, son, that's a way to get on my good side, but for the love of God at least come up with your own damn material. I think THAT'S why you're so nervous I'm back...not only am I bigger than you, stronger than you, tougher than you, and downright BETTER than you...but now the ORIGINAL CSWA-hater is back and you gotta find some OTHER gimmick to steal. I have to admit, though, you're a natural for the retarded alcoholic schtick.

Triple X is higher on the card than me...Cameron Cruise is higher on the card than me...and technically, Powers, even your sorry ass is higher on the card than me. (Smiles.) But we all know that's not how it's gonna stay, don't we? I'm gonna get to each and every piece of talent in the CSWA eventually, son...don't get impatient waiting for it. Your asswhipping will come when I'm good and ready to give it. I don't have anything against Triple X...or Cameron Cruise...and, for that matter, despite your drunken ramblings...I don't have anything against you except for one thing that you all have in common. You all work here. You all cash CSWA paychecks, and as such, you're all in line to get a visit from Third Row, Inc.

So, Powers, if I'm not important enough for you to direct your incoherent babbling to, then do both of us a favor, put away your bottle, sleep it off, and worry about your little popcorn match. Forget all about running your mouth to the Strongest Arms in the World and don't think about the pain I'm about to inflict at Fish Fund. Because, son, maybe once upon a time you were man enough to run with the big dogs...but those days are long since over, and you know it.

But, Kevin, if you DO decide to down another shot of courage and have something else you want to say to me, try to speak in the big boy voice, okay? And for god's sake ask the director to edit out the next time you shoot beer out through your nose. It's called being a PROFESSIONAL, Powers. Look it up sometime.

 

[jayshort]

Good God

Hate to disappoint 'Mini- Eli', Kev? Do yourself a favor and keep lookin' for that gun... Not for me. ...if you so much as walked up and attempted to hand it to me, I'd slap the s##t out of you. You may need that gun to use it on me, seeing how THAT's about the only way you'd ever live to tell the tale, if you ever grew a set and stepped in the ring with me.

Talking for a change? Damn, Kev... for somebody so afraid of my hounding him, you sure sound a little excited that I'm acknowledging your presence.

Usually, I ignore little idiots like you, but I figure I'd make your day, since you've been putting so much effort in your insults.

I *NEVER* stalked Eli Flair. ...as a matter of fact, we first wrestled in a promotion I was in first, because he approached me. Don't believe me? ask him. Go ahead. And, don't try and knock me, because I asked for a rematch here and there. If attempting to conquer something you can't conquer is a crime, then I'm guilty of trying to be better.

Look at you on the other hand... There's really not much difference now from '99, Kev... at one point... I used to look up to you. Now I just look...

...you're a pathetic a## chump. And, you reak of GXW with your gay jokes. Do they teach that stuff in a class or something? Well let me tell you something, Kev... it's Tired. Old. Worn Out. ...and, it's been beaten in the heads of our fans, especially in nineteen ninety- one, when it was popular.

I'll tell YOU what, Powers... Why don't you train for about four- or- five years. Workout everyday. Pray. Practice Yoga. Martial Arts. Judo. Tai Fighting. Join the UFC. Get tough. ...then come back and see me...

Maybe then you'll be ready for my daughter.

 

[EZieba]

Why do you two even live?

(After finding his gun for Triple X, 'Good God' Kevin Powers sees an infomercial and reacts.)

KP: CLEO! What are you doing on TV again? I know it is bad enough that your snorefest of a match is LOWER than the moniker 'Planet Earth's Champion' ... but considering you and Captain Planet continue to keep me in your dreams ... oh how sick is that ... I guess I should address the issue.

CLEO, no matter what you say and now matter how much you try to convince people who HAVE NO CHOICE BUT to watch you again and again, you are just like the rest of us. You're the original CSWA-hater? Maybe you were the classic 90's version, but that's about it ... classic. You're old news trying to sell yourself again and again, but this is a new age goat roper. You talk about how you're gonna destroy everyone who collects a CSWA paycheck? When are you gonna beat the hell out of yourself ya two faced hypocrite? Third Row? You actually have fans that can fill up A row much less the third?

You're beneath me ... really you are ... the card proves it. Your pathetic attempt of trying to sell yourself is nothing less than laughable. Your career ... sure it was fun to ready when I was back in wrestling school, but it was considered history then and it is considered history now ... ancient as it is ... still history. I mean ... whatever floats your boat CLEO I really don't care, but I do know this ... make a move towards me and you'll wished you stayed on your little dirt ranch. I would HATE to be thrown in jail for beating up the crippled elderly.

AS FOR TRIPLE X, Sean Stevens, the reason more and more people are practicing safe sex ... why do you even bother? Everyone knows how much you wanna be like Flair ... hell you even got Ivy on your side! Next thing you know you'll paint your bald head a rainbow color and begin to call yourself The Original Nobody or The Disposable Anti-hero or something!

Now I know how much fun you are using your big and tough words you did say something truthful and that is that you looked up to me. Personally I really don't care cause I have always, and always will, look down on you. You wanna ride the bandwagon and call me a choke artist and all of these other fun phrases? Funny ... I don't see you taking any steps to prove your worth ... or is it that fear actually DOES run down your spine. Could it be that you know deep down inside your heart that you don't have the desire, the will, the FIGHT to go against me cause you'll just be embarrassed in front of everyone when I slap you around like the bitch that you are?

So now, as CLEO continues to collect his CSWA paychecks, but turns around and continues to sell that he hates everyone in CSWA ... borefest really. And Triple X, The Blue Eyed Bad Ass, Planet Earth's Champion, Curtain jerker to the stars ... continues to ramble on with his favorite four letter words on how tough he really thinks he is ... let's keep it simple for Father Time and The Baby New Year.

You two suck ... always have ... always will.

Wait ... Mini GUNS ... Baby GIMP ... Lit'CLEO?

I shudder the thought ....

(F2B)

 

[Hex Angel]

Ivy Speaks

Kev...

I've only got one thing to add to this little suaree... one thing for you to consider.

Even the Elimination Squad has main- evented a CSWA card or two.

Think about it.

-Ivy

 

[EZieba]

Powers responds

Ivy,

Sweetie ... Yes the Elimination Squad has been a Main Event on a CSWA card or two.

Merritt is STILL turning in his grave because of this and the guy isn't even freakin dead yet!

Are you even proud you said that to defend?

Think twice about that.

-The Double G KP

 

[Packschmid]

Powers That Be Drunk

(FADEIN: GUNS sitting on his couch, staring at his liquor cabinet.)

GUNS: Man, it must be nice to live in your world, Powers. Contrary to popular belief around here, Kev, dinosaurs were NOT roaming the Earth just five years ago when I was turning this company on its head and wrestling in front of a crowd of people was little more than a wet dream for you.

It must feel like a long time ago to you though, Kevin. After all, when I last left the CSWA, you were a nobody...hadn't even made your big debut yet. While I was out of the sport, I apparently missed the rise and fall of the great PLR, and I'm sure it was a fun ride, but the funny thing is when I walked back into the sport at Anniversary, you weren't on top. You weren't even CLOSE. You were cutting a promo about quitting the CSWA...only to go on and...still be here. And you call ME a hypocrite? (Laughs.)

Kevin, I'm sure you were passed out in a drunken coma when I came back, but while you were sleeping in a pond of your own vomit, I tossed my Anniversary paycheck into the fire. Same thing I've done with every check Merritt's written with my name on it since. You see, Powers, unlike you...I don't sell out my self-respect for beer money. Unlike you, Powers, my run on top of this sport lasted a little longer than fifteen minutes, so I've got more money than I'll ever be able to spend.

See, Powers, I never ASKED to come back. I was BEGGED to come back by your old running buddy Eddy Love. "Please, GUNS, come back and protect me from Mike Randalls." And Merritt opened the door and let me in because he was blind to the consequences. I've never pretended to have anything but disdain for this company, Powers, and everybody in it, from Bugbrain all the way down to Carl Brigsby and everyone in between. For your own reference, Kevin, you can note that you're closer to the Brigsby end of the spectrum.

I already done told you that drunk and stupid is no way to go through life. But mouth off to me again, boy, and I'll be sure to move you up the list so you can find out that there is something worse than going through life drunk and stupid.

Going through life drunk, stupid...

and crippled.

 

[EZieba]

You remember 15 minutes ago?

(The scene opens up to 'Good God' Kevin Powers reaching for the remote.)

KP: CAN'T THIS DAMN CHANNEL EVER CHANGE?

CLEO, You don't know me, you're too old, let go. It's over, nobody listen to your snore.

Yes it is Eminem ... do you even know him?

Now through all of that crap you spewed again and again one thing did come out loud and clear ... you were going to move me up on the list if I continued to mouth off?

Well then ... let me rethink my position then.

The retirement thing ... how stupid are you? I mean really? Maybe you couldn't smell set up from the urine smell reeking from your midsection, but it was a set up straight from the get go. Maybe you couldn't recognize it, but ...

Hey you actually REMEMBER SAN DIEGO? WOW! You remembered ... you REALLY REALLY REMEMBERED! A gold star for you buckaroo!

Tell ya what, if Love begged you to come back then that's Love cause EVERYONE knows he can't fight his own battles. History has proved that. History has also proved that you got your ass knocked out of this sport ... oh what was it ... five years ago? Yeah I think that was it.

And, much like how Eddy's luck for losses will continue at Fish Fund ... history will repeat itself yet again if you think you've got the nerve to make through on your little threat.

So go on ... take your vitamins and prune juice, say your prayers and change your artificial hip, and try to remember all of your fans ... if you have any ... in Third Row Inc. Try to find me and you'll be the one that gets a USDA GRADE A ASS WHIPPIN from this stupid drunk. I'll take those two words ...

... you'll have no choice but to keep the crippled one for yourself ...

(F2B)

 

[Hex Angel]

Think, don't drink

I'm not defending anything, Kevin.... just trying to keep you from looking like a dumbass.

For old times' sake, and all the havoc we wreaked, along with Eli and Roseanne, down south.

My point, O Lush One, is that talent has never dictated where a wrestler is placed on a card. You must've figured that out eons ago when you and Eli were second from the top in favor of Eddy and Wormboy putting the Remembering Timmy crowd to sleep.

But personally.... it doesn't matter too much to most of the CSWA fans where GUNS is on the show. Hell, he can jerk the curtain until the end of time, handing out irregular- shaped pieces of skinny cruiserweights to the third row and he's given the people their money's worth.

And you're wrestling almost exactly the same match you did at Anniversary 2000. Will you at least get the pin on Eddy this time without him handing it to you?

-Ivy

 

[Packschmid]

15 Minutes of Fame

(FADEIN: GUNS sitting at his dining room table with 9-year old daughter BRITTANY, who is busy coloring on the Greensboro Heavyweight title belt with magic markers.)

GUNS: Gotta be honest, Powers, I don't much listen to the rap stuff. Guess it's an "old guy" thing, huh? (Chuckles.) Although, I have to admit, one of his newer songs seems pretty appropriate, because everyone around here has to admit...the CSWA sure did feel empty without me.

Powers, you call the retirement thing a setup. I call it a DESPERATE cry for help...a plea for the fans of the CSWA to CARE about whether you come or go, live or die. Either way, you said you were leaving, you're still here, and the crowd yawned.

Powers, I never got knocked out of the sport. I got fed up and left. That simple. Troy Windham can run his yap all he wants about how he ran me out of here back in the day, but you can't believe anything that comes out of Troy's mouth unless it's his drool after an overdose.

Guess who's back, Powers?

(Laughs.) See, Powers, you've got all the balls in the world when you're sitting in some hotel suite pounding shots of liquid courage. But here's what I want you to do, Kevin. First off, put the beers down and pay attention...you may want to write this down, cause it's important. Try and stay sober in the locker room long enough to watch me pimpslap Wicked Sight and teach him a little lesson. Then, go out there with your little partner, and go out there and have your little PLR garden party. Put on your little show, and be sure to make it last long enough for all the fans to get to the concession stands and back. Then, finally, when your little match is over and the fans are settling back into their seats, this is what I want you to do.

If you got beat, pull your sorry ass off the canvas. If you managed to win, congratulations. Either way, stumble over to Rhubarb Jones, rip the damn mic out of his hands, and let's see how tough you are then. Take the mic, and call me out. That simple. Ride of the Valkryes will play on the PA system, I'll come out there, you'll end up in the third row, you'll have something to tell your kids about someday, it'll be great.

But you're not gonna do that, are you, Powers? Win, lose, or draw, you're gonna tuck tail and run to the locker room because you know the minute you hear my music play, you'll lose control of your bladder and send a yellow river flowing down your leg. You wanna prove me wrong, Powers? Don't talk about it. Just call me out at Fish Fund. I promise I won't forget my way back to the ring.

See, boy, in this business...I just threw down what we call a challenge. You gonna accept it? Or are you gonna be the drunken PUS-[BLEEP] that everyone around here thinks you are? Don't matter what you say now, boy...all that matters is what you have to say at Fish Fund.

Seeya there.

Boy.

 

[EZieba]

Oh yeah?

Typical how Ivy comes out to defend CLEO and all. It's never been a secret that the old guard likes to defend one another when they feel threatened.

GUNS, Ivy, and Triple X. GUNS has a match with Plett and Trips, with Ivy in his corner, has a four way match for the US title against Hornet, Southern, and Ryan ... yet their main topic of discussion as of late has been the good old Double G KP.

Amazing isn't it kids?

First of all ... check this Ivy. While you might think you look all cool and bad coming off the way you did let's cut to the chase.

You've never liked me and I could care less. I even heard that you've got your little Ivy League set to go and I'm supposed to get so upset about it. I could care less Ivy cause you, just like GUNS, enjoy going out and doing this for the attention. If that is what gets you off then go for it. Write your little paper ... defend everyone who is against me in the league. In case you have never caught the point I really don't care any more. Is it a secret that, for the last two years, haven't been the BEST years in my life? Nope. No secret at all and I did point fingers in the past, but not anymore. Now I just like to go back to the days of old ... having fun at other people's expense. Obviously I jerked your chain just enough for you to come out and say something. So, on that front, my job is done. I'm sure you'll have more to say like how it doesn't matter what I do I'll just choke it away or how my past will just continue on. Well guess what sister ...

As much as you like to dip into history dip into this ... that WAS the past ... now you'll just have to guess on what happens now.

As for you GUNS ... the ONLY thing you've had to ever say to me is that PLR is having another reunion, we're mid-carders, and how lushed up I really am.

Well ... there is no denial in that. I drink. That's what I do. That's who I am. Jealous?

The so-called cry for help? The retirement thing? One would THINK you, OF ALL PEOPLE, would've enjoyed how I set up one Chad Merritt and planted him in the center of the ring in San Diego! But you was probably just getting your pity party speech ready for who wanted to hear it. You know how it goes ... insert name here ... I don't know who you are ... yadda yadda yadda.

But as for Fish Fund .. you're right. I DO want you to pay attention to what happens after my match. I do want you to stay in the arena after all is said and done. I do want you to play your little tune and crawl yourself to the ring and prepare to get in it. You think I'll back down? You say that others have said I've backed down from a fight?

Wha'cha gonna do? Prove how tough you are to me and beat up Fairhurst like Randalls did?

You think I'll choke? I got something you can choke on ... 32 inches ... steel plated ... find out.

Oh yeah GUNS ... Fish Fund you'll get your little wish. Obviously you're feelin' froggy and you've jumped ...

But after all is said and done you will need another five year vacation from CSWA.

Choke on that ... CLEO.

(F2B)

 

[jediPREZ]

RE: Oh yeah?

(FADEIN: 'COCKY' CRAIG MILES watching the POWERS promo at a bar...)

MILES: "You know, Kevin - Mikey's my friend and all...I just gotta wonder if you forgot the fact that he beat you to a bloody and useless pulp with your own fairy plated baseball bat? Or did you forget when he begged for you to hit him repeatedly with it 'cause he didn't think you hand one ounce of manhood in your body? You rememember why he thought that, didn't you? 'Cause you needed that chick to win a REAL match in the first place. Hey, I understand I drink too - I forget things all the time. I also think you forgot that Mikey never harmed your girl, just (BLEEP!)ed with your head during your shot at winning that piece of tin...but seriously, stop doing promos when you're drunk - you sound like an (BLEEP!)."

 

[EZieba]

You too?

I don't believe it. I simply can't believe it. You say something about a few people and the entire CSWA ROSTER comes a'knockin' at your door!

Now Craig Miles? Why? Why you? Why now? You figured, since everyone else was doing it you could do it too?

I can't believe this ... It's freakin' follow the leader around here!

(Laughs)

This is GREAT! Well, Miles, because you know so little ... yes. He did beg me to hit him with that bat because he thought I didn't have it in me to crack him upside his freakin' head with it, but he was wrong. I did and he lost that mind game. What a shocker there.

In our match I, not only beat him physically, but took advantage of the art of distraction and beat him mentally as well. Not only out-wrestle your opponent, but also to out-think your opponent.

Didn't think a Lush could do that now did ya? Pretty sad when this drunk can outsmart someone especially Mike Randalls, but I guess he won overall didn't he? I guess he proved just how MAN he really was.

The only way he thought he could get back at me was to abduct Fairhurst and beat her down. What? You didn't see it on TV? Well I'm not surprised, but it did happen. Don't believe me? Go ask Merritt or ask Randalls even. Look at'em in his red eyes and ask him if he did it. Chances are his voice will say no, but his eyes will say yes.

But I don't need to explain anything to you. I'm not even gonna take the time to make fun of your name cause that's too easy and it really isn't worth it. I'm just gonna kick back, drink, watch your promo again, drink some more, have a HUGE laugh, watch the other promos, drink a little bit more, and ... oh Hell I'll just run to the liquor store and DRINK A LITTLE BIT MORE.

Now how about you just go and lace some boots ... that is ... if you are able.

(Powers shakes his head.)

How much HATE is in this place I swear …

(F2B)

 

[MPettingill]

Ego and THE FREAK are too much to handle, GUNS

MP: GUNS, sure, I've been distracted by the GXW... or rather, your sorry attempts to tell the world that I'm a part of the GXW. Lawrence Stanley, Shane Southern, they're even against me. But it's just like always, my turn to prove myself again, I guess it's what keeps me going. I guess it's what propels me to those STELLAR bouts that you wish you could give. Don't worry, GUNS, you're about to have one. It's going to be the longest night of your life, longer than the night doctors tried to keep your leg from falling apart... Longer than the night you sat up and listened to a non-stop Kevin Powers interview... Longer than that time Hornet stood above you with his foot on your chest and ran you down for ten minutes. Longer even than the time you spent laughing at poor little JJ Deville when you took his belt and gave it to your little girl as a Crayola book.

GUNS, it's going to be the longest night of your life.

My mind... it's not with the accidental chair shot that Lawrence Stanley got in the way of - Lawrence, I'm sorry, it happens... My mind isn't with this robot voice of yours, or with who the "mole" is... my mind is with dropping you face first in the center of the canvas, your 59 inch "pythons" sprawled out and me covering your crippled ass for a three count. Cleo, when the night's over, the world will know that MIKE PLETT, the CSWA's own WICKED SIGHT, standing tall is without a shadow of a doubt the most dedicated athlete in this whole federation, whether or not there's some "glass ceiling", or some "franchise player". This young stallion is going to slay another giant, and his name is GUNS. The largest arms in the world are going to fall down, the needles will fly, the crowd will chant my name and you WILL stare up at the lights when the final bell is ringing.

Why? Because you're too busy collecting your lunch money from the GXW, you courtyard bully. Because you're too busy trashing the belt that guys like me, and Cardigo, and even The Blade made worth a damn. Because you're so scared that you have to tell the world I'm a part of the GXW, and you're not man enough to say it to my face.

You WILL stare up at the lights when the final bell rings, GUNS...

I PROMISE.

 

[Mad Dog]

The following announcement has been paid for....

[updated:LAST EDITED ON Jul-29-02 AT 01:33 PM (EDT)](FADEIN to a picture of two men holding microphones in their hands with a "No" symbol stamped over them. One of them is an African-American wearing huge gold sunglasses and large baggy genie pants, with a gold chain around his neck with a medallion reading "MC Mallet". The other is caucasian with his hair standing up about 6 inches off his head, with lines shaved into the side of his head. He too is wearing a shiny glittery outfit with the words "Vanilla Sherbert" on his jacket.

A message is shown over the picture reading, "The following announcement has been paid for by the Historical Hip Hop Foundation and Coalition To Stop People That Can't Rap."

(The Hip Hop Express are shown sitting on stools inside a television studio, with a black wall behind them.)

INFERNO ICE: We here at the Historical Hip Hop Foundation along with the Coalition To Stop People That Can't Rap, would like to send a message out there to anyone in the CSWA that wants to cut a promo using any rapper's lyrics, lyrics of your own, or altering any decent rapper's lyrics for the benefit of your own interview. Simply put, you people can't flow.

(A small graphic is shown in the top right-hand corner of the broadcast. It is a split-screen image of Kevin Powers and Cameron Cruise.)

BOOGIE SMALLZ: Fo' sheezy! Kevin Powers and Cameron Cruise, stick to something you two know you can do, like golf or some (BLEEP). This ain't BET's 106 & Park Freestyle Friday or MTV's Say What Karaoke. So please leave the MCing to the people that know how to rhyme...namely, the Hip Hop Express.

INFERNO ICE: Here's some interesting statistics. 1 out of every 20 wrestlers that cuts promo using Hip Hop actually get over with the fans. 1 out of 20! The other 19 look like idiots and way out of touch with society.

BOOGIE SMALLZ: The numbers are staggering. An independent research was done in Pueblo, Colorado that suggested if this keeps up, by 2005 half of the wrestling population will be inflicted by this horrible occurance. At that rate, wrestlign as we know will be eliminated within 10 years...and folks, that's scary.

INFERNO ICE: We don't want Hip Hop or the misuse of Hip Hop to contribute to the death of an entire industry, so we urge each and every one of you out there to try and stop this epidemic before it grows way out of hand.

BOOGIE SMALLZ: Cruise and Powers, you can do your part too. Congress will soon pass a bill to give out grants and scholarships to those under-privileged folks that can't rap. In conjunction with Def Jam Records, the first ever Hip Hop University and Record Store will be opened in a shopping mall in the place where it is needed the most...Greensboro, North Carolina!

INFERNO ICE: What we are asking of you is for a donation to further the cause and get the education out there to those that need it most...the CSWA roster! Whether its dollars or pennies a day, a little bit from everyone can help. Just call 1-900-CANTRAP, toll charges will be applied.

BOOGIE SMALLZ: If we can help just ONE PERSON learn how to rap, we will have done our part. (Pauses and cracks up laughing.) I hate to piss on the "Kevin Powers Heat Machine", and put your flame out a little...but before you try to bust a flow...think twice about it. Hip Hop is our gimmick, you are infringing on our territory...and that's a place you DON'T WANT TO BE!

INFERNO ICE: That's for damn sure! Just ask the last folks that tried to bite off of our gimmick, Disco Stu is nowhere to be seen because we sent his fat ass and his partner packin'! Don't be the next in line.

(The original graphic of MC Mallet and Vanilla Sherbert is shown with the "No" stamp. The image then changes, with their faces being replaced by Kevin Powers and Cameron Cruise. The graphic then fades into the Hip Hop Express logo. FADE TO BLACK)