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South Shore Beach Cops


Jan 1, 2000
(CUE UP: A drum solo followed by a loud guitar lick into once and future summer song "Steal Your Sunshine" by LEN. CUT TO: Four girls sitting on a beach blanket, sunbathing.

(CUE UP: A deep-voiced announcer, similar to the WB network guy.)

NARRATOR: Whoever said... that the beach was a safe place?

(The girls continue to sunbathe and then a homeless drifter-- dirty greasy mullet, untrimmed beard, ripped jacket, jeans-- comes running from the ocean, holding a whittled chicken bone prison shank, dripping wet.)

HOMELESS GUY: Hey, the sun *****es must pay! Toby has no love so Toby wants to... CUT YOU! ("Toby" starts to go after one of the girls.)

(Then, off-screen--)

(Troy Windham runs on-screen, wearing a police flack jacket. Toby attacks Troy with the knife but Troy instead does a side kick followed by a muy-Thai backfist. Toby drops the chicken bone, Troy puts handcuffs on him, standing on his head so he eats sand.)

TROY: Hey, Toby-- don't you know that the sun isn't good for YOUR complexion? (Troy winks at the girl in danger.) Are you okay? If you want, I could take your witness statement... say... over dinner, tonight?

(The girl giggles.)

NARRATOR: But now, with a new police division patrolling the beach, led by brash young lieutenant Brad Collins, the sands of South Beach just got a little bit safter!

(CUT TO: Troy Windham, aka Brad Collins, on a speedboat, firing a handgun.)

NARRATOR: Coming, this spring... the WB presents SOUTH BEACH SUN COPS. Starring wrestling personality Troy Windham!

TROY: Beach justice never looked so good! (FTB)

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