jediPREZ
Shadowboss
FADEIN: 'COCKY' CRAIG MILES sitting in the Sweetwater Holiday Inn bar/lounge area. In front of him is the standard ashtray, row of tequila shots, salt shaker and lime. MILES grabs the shaker, dumps some salt in his mouth and then slams a tequila shot down. On the television screens in front of MILES, it looks like the local sports stations are carrying CSWA TV this week in preparation for the annual Fish Fund Event. However, all the screens are filled by 'GOOD GOD' KEVIN POWERS and GUNS. MILES grabs a piece of lime, sucks on it and throws it at the TV's...
MILES: "See, this is what happens when you don't put something PROFESSIONAL on. It's been CSWA TV 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and I'm still waiting for anything from Simply Stunning - you know those glorious promos where they attempt to 'pull' something besides each other's groins. (MILES does another shot) In the meantime, we've all had the great displeasure of hearing something akin to that emergency broadcast testing beep - KEVIN POWERS and GUNS. Now, I'm not one to comment on CSWA Affairs - I'll usually leave that to bumpkins like Love, or lovable losers like Sight. But I feel like I'm the most impartial judge here - seein' how I don't like anyone from the CSWA and I certainly don't give a flying rat's (BLEEP!) about GEE-EXLAX-DUBYA."
MILES pulls out a Newport and lights it...
MILES: "I mean, no offense to either of you - but NOBODY, and I really mean that - NOBODY gives a flying F(BLEEP!) or sh(BLEEP!) about your intentions, plans or acts of agression against the CSWA now, or in the years past. I mean really, if anything - you two are like pots calling the kettles black. Do the freakin' tale of the tape. Let's start with GUNS - well, at least he's held some World Titles. We can't really say that for you, Kev. But for a man with the 'Strongest Arms in the World' he sure must have the weakest body in this fed - its the only way I could imagine someone being knocked out for twenty minutes after a freakin' Hornet Splash. Or maybe he just fell asleep after the longest, most boring mic spot in the history of wrestling - but I digress. He spent the last 3 years of his first stay here running the same mic spot over and over with a bottle of piss around his waist - 5 years later, he doesn't have a bottle of piss...but he's still here for the same reason. WAH! HORNET! WAH! MERRITT! WAH! WINDHAM! Talk about needing new material. Guns - I want you to watch Fish Fund closely and see how a PROFESSIONAL reacts to any ESS-OH-BEEs that had us screwed harder than Teri Melton in a coat closet..."
MILES takes a drag off his cigarette...
MILES: "Then there's Powers, with his eschewed history tales, frat parties and skank women by his side. That's all well and good - we've all enjoyed it from time to time, but seriously Powers (MILES takes a shot of tequila w/ the lit cigarette dangling on his lip) while comebacks and CSWA cracks are easy like...well...Sweet Melissa in the backseat of a Ford Escort, standing up for yourself in the ring is a much DIFFERENT task, isn't it? And well, judging from the last year of your time in the ring - I'd say you haven't exactly lived up to that Godly status of yours. So you might as well just be strapped with a Greensboro title and complain about the state of affairs around here...oh wait...that position is filled, sorry. I guess that's why you don't do much besides crack jokes about wrestlers you can't beat in the ring - I mean it's a good gig 'till that rat Deville gets his title back. 'Cause if I'm correct, the only guy you've planted in the ring in these neck of the woods, over the past 6 months...well it's Chad Merritt. Good show, Good God...very good show...it's very good on style points, but something in that substance department lacks so much."
MILES puts his cigarette in the ashtray...
MILES: "And frankly, that's why this league NEEDS the Pros. The fans don't want all that cheddar cheese (BLEEP!) from Shane Southern, Stanley and Wicked Sight about how they're proud to be CSWA or which side they're on. To me, it sounds like they're all on the (BLEEP!)in' side Simply Stunning is - that fruity one, where they dress up in tassles and like to slap each other's (BLEEP!)es for good luck. And I certainly don't need to make thirty minute infomercials on stopping the corruption of Chad Merritt, or even better - breaking down JFK style all the links and ties between him, Hornet and Windham. Lord knows, as a PROFESSIONAL - if they're gonna (BLEEP!) with me, I'll warn them once that I'm comin' and if they're not ready when I show, that's their (BLEEP!)in' problem. But I certainly wouldn't want to WHINE or CHOKE in the process of doing it. So at Fish Fund, there's one promise I can make to the fans of the CSWA - an independent party is on the horizon, folks. We're not CSWA, we're not GXW - we're just cool and PROFESSIONAL. Our matches have been intruded on, now our airwaves have been intruded on. At Fish Fund we strike back with a vengeance and a swift hand against all those that oppose us...and well, (MILES smirks) that's pretty much every (BLEEP!)in' person here. So sit tight, don't close your eyes at night - 'cause in just a few days, the liberation begins! (MILES raises a shot glass) VIVE LA INTRUZION!"
FTB as MILES slams down another shot...
MILES: "See, this is what happens when you don't put something PROFESSIONAL on. It's been CSWA TV 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and I'm still waiting for anything from Simply Stunning - you know those glorious promos where they attempt to 'pull' something besides each other's groins. (MILES does another shot) In the meantime, we've all had the great displeasure of hearing something akin to that emergency broadcast testing beep - KEVIN POWERS and GUNS. Now, I'm not one to comment on CSWA Affairs - I'll usually leave that to bumpkins like Love, or lovable losers like Sight. But I feel like I'm the most impartial judge here - seein' how I don't like anyone from the CSWA and I certainly don't give a flying rat's (BLEEP!) about GEE-EXLAX-DUBYA."
MILES pulls out a Newport and lights it...
MILES: "I mean, no offense to either of you - but NOBODY, and I really mean that - NOBODY gives a flying F(BLEEP!) or sh(BLEEP!) about your intentions, plans or acts of agression against the CSWA now, or in the years past. I mean really, if anything - you two are like pots calling the kettles black. Do the freakin' tale of the tape. Let's start with GUNS - well, at least he's held some World Titles. We can't really say that for you, Kev. But for a man with the 'Strongest Arms in the World' he sure must have the weakest body in this fed - its the only way I could imagine someone being knocked out for twenty minutes after a freakin' Hornet Splash. Or maybe he just fell asleep after the longest, most boring mic spot in the history of wrestling - but I digress. He spent the last 3 years of his first stay here running the same mic spot over and over with a bottle of piss around his waist - 5 years later, he doesn't have a bottle of piss...but he's still here for the same reason. WAH! HORNET! WAH! MERRITT! WAH! WINDHAM! Talk about needing new material. Guns - I want you to watch Fish Fund closely and see how a PROFESSIONAL reacts to any ESS-OH-BEEs that had us screwed harder than Teri Melton in a coat closet..."
MILES takes a drag off his cigarette...
MILES: "Then there's Powers, with his eschewed history tales, frat parties and skank women by his side. That's all well and good - we've all enjoyed it from time to time, but seriously Powers (MILES takes a shot of tequila w/ the lit cigarette dangling on his lip) while comebacks and CSWA cracks are easy like...well...Sweet Melissa in the backseat of a Ford Escort, standing up for yourself in the ring is a much DIFFERENT task, isn't it? And well, judging from the last year of your time in the ring - I'd say you haven't exactly lived up to that Godly status of yours. So you might as well just be strapped with a Greensboro title and complain about the state of affairs around here...oh wait...that position is filled, sorry. I guess that's why you don't do much besides crack jokes about wrestlers you can't beat in the ring - I mean it's a good gig 'till that rat Deville gets his title back. 'Cause if I'm correct, the only guy you've planted in the ring in these neck of the woods, over the past 6 months...well it's Chad Merritt. Good show, Good God...very good show...it's very good on style points, but something in that substance department lacks so much."
MILES puts his cigarette in the ashtray...
MILES: "And frankly, that's why this league NEEDS the Pros. The fans don't want all that cheddar cheese (BLEEP!) from Shane Southern, Stanley and Wicked Sight about how they're proud to be CSWA or which side they're on. To me, it sounds like they're all on the (BLEEP!)in' side Simply Stunning is - that fruity one, where they dress up in tassles and like to slap each other's (BLEEP!)es for good luck. And I certainly don't need to make thirty minute infomercials on stopping the corruption of Chad Merritt, or even better - breaking down JFK style all the links and ties between him, Hornet and Windham. Lord knows, as a PROFESSIONAL - if they're gonna (BLEEP!) with me, I'll warn them once that I'm comin' and if they're not ready when I show, that's their (BLEEP!)in' problem. But I certainly wouldn't want to WHINE or CHOKE in the process of doing it. So at Fish Fund, there's one promise I can make to the fans of the CSWA - an independent party is on the horizon, folks. We're not CSWA, we're not GXW - we're just cool and PROFESSIONAL. Our matches have been intruded on, now our airwaves have been intruded on. At Fish Fund we strike back with a vengeance and a swift hand against all those that oppose us...and well, (MILES smirks) that's pretty much every (BLEEP!)in' person here. So sit tight, don't close your eyes at night - 'cause in just a few days, the liberation begins! (MILES raises a shot glass) VIVE LA INTRUZION!"
FTB as MILES slams down another shot...