I shunned a voodoo witch, decapitated a black cat
(CUTTO: Ringside. The ring announcer stands in the ring with the microphone in his hand.)
BRANDON JACOBS: This is it, we’re about to see our first aired match here at the Superbowl of Wrestling as Stanley Stone takes on Adam Benjamin. Benjamin is an incredibly talented wrestler, guys.
JONATHAN MARX: From what I have heard both men are incredibly talented and although this is tonight’s opening bout, I definitely don’t think that people should overlook it.
VIC WATERS: Two Brits battling it out in the contest of who has the worst teeth… should be fascinating.
BRANDON JACOBS: I’m sure they both have a full set of teeth, Vic.
VIC WATERS: Ah, I guess they had dentures before they came to WFW.
RING ANNOUNCER: The following match is scheduled for one fall … introducing first … from Birmingham, United Kingdom …. ‘MAXIMUM’ STANLEY STONE!
(Stone comes out from the backstage area and walks to the ring, holding his hands in the air to some crowd reaction.)
VIC WATERS: Look at him! He looks like he just wondered out of a bar in London!
JONATHAN MARX: Wait, are we still talking about Stone or have we started talking about Vic?
RING ANNOUNCER: And his opponent …
(CUEUP: “Voodoo” by Godsmack)
BRANDON JACOBS: And here comes Adam Benjamin!
RING ANNOUNCER: He hails from the United Kingdom …. “YOURS TRULY” ADAM BENJAMIN!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
BRANDON JACOBS: Both men circle each other in the center of the ring.. Benjamin goes in first for the collar and elbow, but Stanley Stone quick to go under the arm of Benjamin!
JONATHAN MARX: Stone definitely has some speed.
BRANDON JACOBS: Adam Benjamin turns around as Stanley Stone hops from one foot to the other…
JONATHAN MARX: Stone looks excited, and I would be, too if my debut landed on the Superbowl of Wrestling.
VIC WATERS: You would be excited if you got B8 on a bingo card.
BRANDON JACOBS: Benjamin comes in again for a collar and elbow lock up, but Stone again underneath the arms! Benjamin turns around .. and is met with a standing dropkick from Stanley Stone!
JONATHAN MARX: One thing I love about British wrestling is that they are fantastic technical wrestlers. I’ve always admired that.
BRANDON JACOBS: Benjamin back up on his feet and is now thrown into the ropes .. Benjamin comes back and hops over the prone Stone.. Benjamin on the return .. and Stanley Stone with a hiptoss! Stone now catching Benjamin before he can get to his feet and he tosses him into the corner.
JONATHAN MARX: Stone is starting out hot tonight. That adrenaline must be kicking in overtime!
BRANDON JACOBS: Stone with some elbows into the face of Adam Benjamin .. Stanley Stone now perches on the second rope and starts wailing away on the forehead of Adam Benjamin!
CROWD: ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEVE…
BRANDON JACOBS: But Adam Benjamin grabs onto the back of Stone! Adam Benjamin now walking Stone out … and hits him with an inverted atomic drop!
VIC WATERS: Stone is singing a little higher …
JONATHAN MARX: That was a cleanly done atomic drop, Vic.
BRANDON JACOBS: AND BENJAMIN FOLLOWS IT UP WITH A CLOTHESLINE! Adam Benjamin reaches down and grabs the head of Stanley Stone .. swinging neckbreaker! Benjamin with the cover ONE …. TWO …. Kickout by Stone.
JONATHAN MARX: Adam Benjamin uncharacteristically didn’t hook the leg which allowed Stone an easy out to that attempt.
VIC WATERS: Oh, I’m sorry .. is this match still going on? I just shut my eyes for a moment..
JONATHAN MARX: These two are putting on a fine display so far, you should pay them more respect.
VIC WATERS: Listen to you! Like you’re Mr. Technical Big Shot Wrestler or something..
BRANDON JACOBS: Actually …
VIC WATERS: I don’t want to hear your nonsense, Jacobs.
BRANDON JACOBS: Adam Benjamin has Stanley Stone and he hooks the waist .. gutwrench suplex!
JONATHAN MARX: I really think that Adam Benjamin will make a push for the North American title .. and not too far down the line, the Heavyweight title.
BRANDON JACOBS: Stanley Stone is on the mat .. and Adam Benjamin with some double stomps right on the torso! Benjamin again with those double stomps!
JONATHAN MARX: Benjamin can come at you in so many different ways. That’s why he is so dangerous as an opponent. I hope Stanley Stone did his homework or his debut could end on a sour note.
VIC WATERS: The real loser in this match is the fan at home… paying all this money to watch these two sheep plunkers in action.
JONATHAN MARX: I think that’s Wales, Vic..
VIC WATERS: ….
BRANDON JACOBS: Adam Benjamin picks Stone up – but Stone with a small package! ONE .. TWO … KICKOUT!
VIC WATERS: (under his breath) So close to being free…
BRANDON JACOBS: What was that, Vic?
VIC WATERS: Uh .. so close to being three?
JONATHAN MARX: Adam Benjamin the quicker of the two to his feet and he starts pounding back on the chest of Stanley Stone with some reverse knife edge chops … Benjamin with the arm of Stone … irish whips him into the ropes.
BRANDON JACOBS: Reversal by Stone, though! Adam Benjamin hits the ropes and comes back … but Stanley Stone with a drop toe hold … and now he floats over the top and locks on a headlock!
JONATHAN MARX: Stone trying to make a comeback.
VIC WATERS: And our buyrate just crashes another point.
BRANDON JACOBS: I can see this is going to be a long night.
VIC WATERS: It’s going to be even longer if these two continue on like this.
BRANDON JACOBS: Stone with that headlock … the referee checking up on Adam Benjamin.
JONATHAN MARX: I highly doubt that he’s going to get a submission from Adam Benjamin. Turns out I was right … Benjamin getting to his feet with Stone still having the headlock on … and he runs and throws Stone into the ropes.. Stone comes back and Benjamin catches him and yanks him up and over with a quick belly-to-belly suplex!
BRANDON JACOBS: Benjamin can pull a move out of a hat if he had to.
VIC WATERS: What the hell does that mean, Jacobs?
BRANDON JACOBS: It means that he can turn the tide of this match at any moment?
VIC WATERS: Then why didn’t you just say that? Sometimes I feel like you need the Rosetta Stone to understand what you’re saying.
JONATHAN MARX: Adam Benjamin picking up Stanley Stone … and he hooks the arm and takes him up for a delayed suplex…. And he’s still got him up there letting the blood run to his head…
VIC WATERS: This is the story of my life.
BRANDON JACOBS: Wow .. Adam Benjamin has had Stanley Stone up there for a good minute … and now he finally drops him down!
JONATHAN MARX: Incredible power and balance displayed by Adam Benjamin there.
BRANDON JACOBS: Benjamin now heading over to the corner.. he is climbing the ropes …. AND ADAM BENJAMIN IS STANDING ON THE TOP TURNBUCKLE PAD!
JONATHAN MARX: High risk move coming up!
VIC WATERS: Wow .. someone actually left the mat? I felt like I was watching a mid-90’s match.
BRANDON JACOBS: Adam Benjamin pointing at Stanley Stone … AND HE COMES OFF WITH THE FROG SPLASH …… BUT STONE ROLLED OUT OF THE WAY!
JONATHAN MARX: They’re called high risk for two reasons, Brandon.. one is that the physical risk is high .. and two, if you miss then it can totally ruin any momentum you had.
BRANDON JACOBS: Well both men are lying on the mat just inches from one another..
VIC WATERS: Benjamin waited too long on the top rope.
JONATHAN MARX: I agree. A faster dismount and he could have hit the mark.
BRANDON JACOBS: Adam Benjamin slowly rolling to the ropes as Stanley Stone remains on the mat. Benjamin back to his feet and he is making his way back towards Stone.
JONATHAN MARX: The good thing about Benjamin is that he can bounce back from a missed move like that and still battle.
BRANDON JACOBS: Benjamin down to pick up Stone … AND STONE ROLLS HIM UP! ONE … TWO … THR—NO! Kickout by Adam Benjamin!
VIC WATERS: I think Stone pulled the tights!
BRANDON JACOBS: Highly unlikely, Vic.
JONATHAN MARX: Stanley Stone is a sound a technical wrestle, he doesn’t need to pull on the tights to get an advantage.
BRANDON JACOBS: Benjamin pulls Stone back to his feet and clocks him with a right hook. Stone stumbles back but is still on his feet. Benjamin hits him with another right hook and he has Stone wobbling … Benjamin back and now charges in with a clothesline .. BUT STONE CATCHES HIM WITH A SOMOAN DROP! ONE …. TWO … KICKOUT!
JONATHAN MARX: These two are putting on a heck of a match to open Superbowl of Wrestling.
VIC WATERS: Speak for yourself.
BRANDON JACOBS: Stanley Stone now getting to his feet and he waits for Benjamin to get back up.
VIC WATERS: Now that’s stupid. He should kick him while he’s down! Beat him down a little!
BRANDON JACOBS: Benjamin back up and Stone with him against the ropes … sends Benjamin into the opposite ropes … Benjamin on the return and Stone catches him with a HUGE flying clothesline!
JONATHAN MARX: He flung him all the way across the ring.
BRANDON JACOBS: Stanley Stone now on the mat with Benjamin and he locks on a side headlock!
VIC WATERS: I don’t think he needs to cut off Benjamin’s air supply .. I’m falling unconscious just from watching them.
BRANDON JACOBS: Would you be serious?
JONATHAN MARX: Stone riding a little high on that headlock .. and if he isn’t careful, Benjamin’s going to slide right out from underneath him.
BRANDON JACOBS: The referee checking in on him to make sure that he’s not choking him..
VIC WATERS: I wish he would.. add some fun to this match.
BRANDON JACOBS: The crowd starting to get behind Adam Benjamin ..
VIC WATERS: Go ahead and clap your little hands off. It won’t help.
BRANDON JACOBS: And now Adam Benjamin shoots his hand in the air … he’s trying to gain some momentum as he gets to his feet!
JONATHAN MARX: Put your foot in your mouth much, Vic?
BRANDON JACOBS: BENJAMIN IS ON HIS FEET! Listen to the crowd! Adam Benjamin tries to power his way out of the headlock .. and finally he drives Stanley Stone into the corner!
VIC WATERS: With a fistful of hair!
BRANDON JACOBS: Give me a break! The referee breaks the hold up and Benjamin backs into the center of the ring.. Here comes Stanley Stone … but Benjamin with a drop toe hold! Stone scrambles to his feet .. but gets caught with an arm drag!
JONATHAN MARX: Adam Benjamin going back on the offensive.
BRANDON JACOBS: Stone up again .. and Benjamin knocks him back with a dropkick! Stone lands in the ropes … Adam Benjamin to his feet … AND HE HITS A BEAUTIFUL HIGH KNEE THAT SENDS STONE OVER THE TOP ROPE AND TO THE FLOOR!
VIC WATERS: Disqualify him!
JONATHAN MARX: We don’t have a disqualification rule for that.
VIC WATERS: We do now, I just instituted it!
JONATHAN MARX: Wow Chris Wink, you’ve surely gotten ugly.
VIC WATERS: Why I oughta..
BRANDON JACOBS: Stanley Stone slams the apron as he slides back in the ring and you can cut the tension in here with a knife!
JONATHAN MARX: I think Stone is letting his emotions get the best of him now. It could be the fatigue setting in, but he better watch himself or he’ll make a huge mistake.
BRANDON JACOBS: Stone and Benjamin lock up.. Stone goes under with the arm … BUT ADAM BENJAMIN QUICKLY DUCKS DOWN AND CARRIES HIM OVER WITH A FIREMAN’s CARRY! Stanley Stone up to his feet … boot to the gut …. And Benjamin plants him with a reverse DDT!
JONATHAN MARX: Adam Benjamin is calling for the Final Count Down..
VIC WATERS: Thank God.
BRANDON JACOBS: Benjamin picks up Stanley Stone .. places his head between Benjamin’s legs … AND THERE IT IS!! FINAL COUNT DOWN!
JONATHAN MARX: Stone’s head was just driven right into the mat with the sunset flip piledriver.
BRANDON JACOBS: ONE … TWO … THREE!
(Ding! Ding! Ding!)
RING ANNOUNCER: The winner of this match by pinfall …. ADAM BENJAMIN!
BRANDON JACOBS: Adam Benjamin and Stanley Stone with a fireburner of an opening match here at the Superbowl of Wrestling.
VIC WATERS: If every match is this painful I’m going to need some codeine.
JONATHAN MARX: Don’t listen to Vic, folks .. we have an incredible lineup of matches still to come!
BRANDON JACOBS: Including our next one between the debut Steve Shane vs. Pulsar, we will be back right after this commercial break!