Adam Makes a Boo-Boo
"I think I need to pay Dan's brick wall another visit."
Fade-in: Lindsay Troy, leaning against the entertainment center in her hotel room in St. Louis. Why St. Louis? Because LB's a continuity queen. Sue me. >=)
"I really thought we were over the cute little comparison contests after booting Jack and Jill to the losers bracket last RAUCOUS. How quaint that Benjamin's bulldog Chandler knows enough about condoms to bark out a name, considering he'll never need to use one in his lifetime.
"I wasn't going to dignify your last kindergarten tantrum with a response, but I'd only be doing myself a diservice by allowing you the last word.
"Seriously now, are we really playing this game, Adam? You want me to 'bring it'? What's next, you demand that I lift my f*cking eyebrow so it'll tickle your funny bone just to see it?
She snorts in disgust.
"You're looking forward to facing me? Really? After all this time...after time and again begging off from fighting me because 'you don't hit girls', NOW you've finally grown a sack and are ready to do something more than a half-hearted shove and a hair-pull? What does your 'ability' incorporate this time, open-handed slaps? Maybe an arm-drag or two?
"Don't think I don't see right through your 'turning over a new leaf' cover. This is nothing more than some retconned bullsh*t where in Adam Benjamin land, anything pre-Dis counts as nothing but played-out excuses for failure and the spin-machine is in full effect.
"How's about I retcon you to being Scandinavian and homosexual, and instead of being Adam Benjiman, your new name is Adam Bendsovermen. You can even be the man of Beau Michaels' dreams. How's that for aspirations? Because y'know, your whining and crying about life being oh-so-unfair only gets you so far. After that, you become the brunt of everybody's snide little inside jokes. How very HEEL of you.
"I don't get why you're so hung up on EPW anyway. Are we on EPW programming right now? Because, I'm pretty sure we're in a tag tournament in another company entirely. But if you want to b*tch about your own shortcomings and how other people get shots before you, you do it until you're blue in the face. It'll just be GLARING FACT NUMBER ONE that you deserve nothing because you've earned nothing. Everyone will keep pointing and laughing at you like it's business as usual.
"And really, ragging on the way Ryan's run his company thus far? Not really a smart move if you want to "climb the ladder," and by that I mean "hang out in the storage shed collecting cobwebs."
"One day, Adam, you'll learn that sometimes you need to take your own chances instead of being complacent and waiting for something to be handed to you. Unfortunately, you'll need to spit the dust out of your mouth first after Dan and I walk over you and into the finals. But cheer up, lil' buckaroo...you'll still have the band aids to make you feel all better."
