Television Championship - Marx (c) v Entertainment (c)

[TheOriginalSE]

All RP for the Television Championship match between JONATHAN MARX (c) and MR. ENTERTAINMENT (c) at RAUCOUS should be done in this folder. Any RP posted outside of the folder will not count.

* Entertainment's title is on the line, Marx's isn't ... could be a doozy!

The RP deadline is 11:59pm PST on SUNDAY, April 1st, 2007. Angles should be sent to secandido@san.rr.com ..

 

[EpyonMarx]

Johnny Boy Marx is Pitiful

[FADE IN... to the “ENTERTAINMENT!” studio! The crowd are hooting and a-hollarin’ as always, as we quick-pan round to show the host himself, the GREATEST title holder in professional wrestler today, Mr Entertainment, sitting behind his desk, ready to talk to the WORLD as only he can]

ME: Well, one down, an entire ROSTER still ta go! Stewey Shane, picked at random, proved that not only can he not win a title against the Snoragon, he can’t hold a belt here where it counts, in New ERA of Wrestling! But what a match it was fer the fans! Boy did I work my ass off ta make him look half decent. But despite his claims of “greatness”, Shane ended up like oh so many.

Beaten.

But not ta be outdone, Marcus has gone an’ pulled another name outta the hat ta see if I really can make anybody look good. An’ the unfortunate sap this week?

[A screen scrolls down behind him, and a couple of seconds later, a mugshot of “Gentleman” Jonathan Marx is shown. The audience start to boo, as Mr Entertainment looks at the image, only to shake his head in mock disgust]

ME: The World Heavyweight Champ… now, there’s a great song fer him, so let me please introduce my first musical guest of the night…

WEIRD AL YANKOVIC!!

[CUT TO: A second stage, where “Weird Al” himself is ready with his band, starting something that sounds remarkably like “You’re Beautiful” by James Blunt… but the lyrics sound odd, don’t they?]

My life is brilliant
What, was I too early?
Oh, sorry. Do you wanna start over or?
Keep going? OK.
Now? Now?

My life is brilliant
Your life's a joke
You're just pathetic
You're always broke
Your home made world title belt
Really ain't impressin' me
You're suffering from delusions of
Adequacy

You're pitiful
You're pitiful
You're pitiful it's true
Never had a date that you couldn't inflate
And you smell repulsive too
What a bummer bein' you

Well you just can't dance
And forget romance
Everybody you know still calls you
Farty pants
But you'll always have a job
Well I mean
As long as you still can work that Slurpy machine

You're pitiful
You're pitiful
You're pitiful it's true
You're half undressed
Eatin' chips off your chest
As you're playin' Halo two
No-one's classier than you

La la la la
La la la la
La la la la loser

You're pitiful
You're pitiful
You're pitiful it's true
Your dog would much rather play fetch by itself
You'll still live with your mom when you're forty two

Guess you'll never grow a clue
Well it just sucks to be you

[The crowd pop MASSIVELY as Al finishes the song and takes a bow. CUT TO: Mr Entertainment, giving Al a standing ovation, a mic tucked under his arm. After a few seconds, the applause dies down, and he takes the mic in hand to speak again]

ME: Great song by a great guy. An’ how appropriate – “You’re Pitiful” is probably the BEST description of Johnny Boy Marx I’ve ever heard! Here’s a guy who got outsmarted by John Doe! A guy who tried fer MONTHS ta beat Jean Rabore, an’ never quite managed it. Time an’ time again, he an’ DREDD failed. They failed ta get the better of a man who is so borin’ he puts HIMSELF ta sleep by talkin’!

I mean, what has Jon Marx done RIGHT in his career? No, gettin’ yer name pulled outta a hat doesn’t count, because that was Marcus’ fault. Marx has lost two battle royals ta Barry Fart, he’s been beaten by Rabore more times than anyone in history, an’ he only managed ta get the World Title by makin’ Beau Michaels submit… when Boozy Boris was the champ! He was too scared ta even try an’ legitimise his win by beatin’ the reignin’ champ, he had ta go after the mystery tag partner.

Pitiful.

Yeah, he’s the world champ, but that’s the second tier in New ERA. That’s the number two belt. Don’t believe me? Have a listen ta my next guest, all the way from the UK, a singer-songwriter on the up an’ up, KARL MARKS!

[CUT TO: The music stage, where Karl Marks sits on a simple stool, guitar in position. He’s wearing a beige shirt, white T-shirt beneath it, stone-washed blue jeans, and very smart looking black shoes. The sleeves of his shirt are rolled up. His hazel hair is short, slightly spiked up in a casual manner, and he smiles with his brown eyes as he sings this little number over a three chord progression. A web address shows at the bottom where you can hear the song again later]

He can’t wrestle and he’s got no style
He’s a moany prat all the while
Tried and tried to beat Jean Rabesque
Even set up a stable named DREDD

Hey Johnny Boy Marx
Hey Johnny Boy Marx

He had one gimmick that he called ANTEUS
The only thing he’s done that wasn’t tasteless
Battled it out with Jean in a cage
Until Rabesque hulked up in a rage

Then got beaten down by GOP
Missed his match and the one two three
Couldn’t beat Rabesque no matter what he tried
And all the wrestling fans wished he’d die

Hey Johnny Boy Marx
Hey Johnny Boy Marx

But then he beat Shawn Hart for title number two
Which is good because that belt is number two
In the promotion starting the New ERA
Of Wrestling sponsoring its own beer

And now he’s facing Mr Entertainment
The TV champ, yeah he’s the greatest
And poor old Johnny Boy got outsmarted by John Doe
Is Johnny Boy dumb or is he just really slow

Hey Johnny Boy Marx
Hey Johnny Boy Marx

He’s the second tier champ we all know that it’s true
And Mr Entertainment will beat him black and blue
Because the TV title is the only one that counts
Even though MWG and Suicide held the belt

That’s still better than not beating Jean Rabore
Or holding a title that GOP and Shawn Hart have scored
It’s the one that weaklings like Rocko Daymon seek
Because Mister Entertainment’s great and Johnny Boy is a geek

Hey Johnny Boy Marx
Hey Johnny Boy Marx
Johnny Boy
Johnny Boy
Johnny Boy
Johnny Boy
Johnny Boy Marx
Hey Johnny Boy Marx

[The crowd go MENTAL as Mr Marks finishes the song, and, rather sheepishly, he takes a bow. CUT TO: Mr Entertainment leaning against his desk, ready again to speak]

ME: Now, does that make it any clearer, Johnny Boy? Even over in the UK, they think yer crap! You’ve been sellin’ yerself fer YEARS as some kinda great technician, when the truth is, you can’t even segue from a sideheadlock inta a hammerlock without trippin’ over yer own feet.

An’ ya hold a belt that’s the second tier title. Poor, poor Johnny Boy. What’s it like ta hold a title that’s second-rate? Ya got everybody chasin’ after ya, because ya the easiest champ in this company ta beat – people didn’t need ta pull a Harvina Whippleman an’ dress in drag ta challenge Karla Starr fer the women’s title because they KNEW with you as champ they’d beat ya far easier. They only dressed in drag because MWG told ‘em ta because he wanted another female dog, but that’s another story entirely.

Not even Rocko Daymon is scared abou’ facin’ ya – as delusional as that guy is, he knows he could beat ya just… like… that. An’ ya facin’ ME

Mr Entertainment

Fer the biggest title in this industry? The New ERA of Wrestling ON TV title?

Pu-lease. No way are ya gonna win this match. Instead, I’m gonna prove to the WORLD that I am as great as I say I am. I’m gonna carry ya ta a great match, then beat ya – an’ in doin’ so, show everyone else in this company who the real man ta beat is.

Yeah, your belt ain’t on the line. But when ya lose… oh boy, when ya lose, that’s gonna show front office that the belt ta have main event isn’t your World Title – they’re gonna be headlinin’ pay per views with ON TV title matches. Because what shine was left after Rabore got done jackin’ off over your belt will be stripped away – you’ll be seen as the fraud ya really are, an’ the WORLD will know that ENTERTAINMENT

An’ Television

Are what matters in modern society.

Because New ERA ain’t abou’ you, DREDD, Rabore, Crocko, or anyone else. Just ME.

Mister Entertainment.

[FADE OUT]

 

[PaulNJ21]

::Marx is sitting in his chair, reading Charles Dickens by the fireplace as Jacobs sits at the desk in Marx’s study::

BRANDON JACOBS: Mr. Entertainment… .

JONATHAN MARX: Don’t bring up his name, I don’t want to dignify that insignificant delinquent with a response. Television is cancer rotting the brains of the youth of America, taking away valuable time away from their studies and leading to an obesity problem that will endanger our country for generations to come and yet this simpleton is proud to wear that title around his waist despite what it represents, it boggles the mind. I am appalled that NEW even put me in a title match with that cretin.

BRANDON JACOBS: What are you going to do about your NEW Television Title match then?

JONATHAN MARX: Aye, there’s the rub… There are two exceptions in the jungle of idiocy outside of PBS, RAUCOUS and RAPTURE, so when I win, I can defend the title without compromising the future of America and preach to them the evils television and embracing a materialistic world. I’ll tell them when NEW isn’t on to turn their television sets off and boycott the sponsors that allow this filth to saturate our screens. I’ll sit down for twenty minutes each week on RAPTURE, we can cut some of the lesser matches, and I can start my own book club to reeducate the youth of America about classic books and music… there will be none of this devil music that Weirdo Al does. Mozart, Bach, Beethoven, Madonna.. classic music. Maybe through reform we can teach them how to speak intelligently without dropping these popular culture references all over the place in order to look “cool.”

BRANDON JACOBS: Madonna?

JONATHAN MARX: She is a children’s book author, I have some of her CDs on my desk but I haven’t had a chance to listen to her yet, but anyone who takes their name Mary must be pure of heart. I’m already he greatest World Heavyweight Champion of Alltime, doing what no man has ever done and winning twice, just think of the possibilities that would come with winning the Television title… I have no doubt in my mind I would be yet again the greatest man ever to hold the title. Hell, I just had a great idea. Do you know how the ratings always dip when Rabesque wrestles on television? We could do a secondary audio track with me giving a reading War & Peace!

BRANDON JACOBS: That is bloody brilliant. Let me close down Windows Media Player and open up Word so I can get some of these ideas down before we forget.

JONATHAN MARX: Maybe during HAL’s match we could teach the kids C++….

BRANDON JACOBS: That is pretty BASIC but they got to start somewhere.

JONATHAN MARX: ::shakes head:: God is going to get you for that pun Brandon.

FTB

 

[EpyonMarx]

A (very short) talk about ENTERTAINMENT and its role in education. With more blood!!

[FADE IN. We’re in a classroom, overlooking a lesson, as a man in a Jonathan Marx cut-out mask is teaching a bunch of pale, Bitzer-esque boys, and scared, Sissy (“Don’t let your father call you Sissy. Call yourself Cecilia”) Jupe look-alike girls. The pupils, sitting in neat, orderly banked rows, are wearing school uniforms – navy blue blazers, with the boys in grey trousers, grey shirts, and ties, with red and blue diagonal stripes alternating against a black background. For the girls, they’re wearing white blouses, with grey skirts, white knee-length socks, and flat-soled black shoes. Both sets are wearing hats – the boys, caps with the school logo. The girls are wearing straw hats, with a ribbon around it in the schools colours of red and navy. Also, on each blazer is the school logo – “JM” on a heraldic shield. The badge is navy, with the detail in red. As we watch the lesson develop, the Marx-alike talks in dull, monotonous tones]

Marx-alike: And… the Latin… word… for… sword… is… glad-i-us. G… L… A… D… I… U… S. The gladius… was… worn… on… the… right hand side… to… allow the soldier… to draw it… without… crossing their arm… across their body. This meant… that… the soldier… would… be… able to… keep their shield… in position… in their left arm… female pupil number twenty seven… where else… would you see… a gladius?

FP27: [looking blank] Sir?

Marx-alike: Female pupil number twenty seven… unable to… determine where else… a gladius would… be used? Perhaps… female pupil number twenty seven… would like… another one of… my… promos?

[Just then, a foot smashes through the blackboard behind the Marx-alike… kicking his head clean from his shoulders with a superkick! The head flies through the air, landing in the aisle separating the boys and girls, which causes the children to shy away from it. The camera pans round, showing through the dust and plaster, a man in a gladiatorial costume marching through the wall. We pan up, from the sandaled feet, past up to the armoured chest, past a circular shield, to a helmet – the man slowly removes the helmet, a beam of light illuminating him from behind, to reveal the face of the New ERA Television Champion! The children cheer as he strides forwards, drawing the sword from his right hand side, and raising it aloft. We also note that the body of the Marx-alike is still standing]

ME: The gladius! Used by gladiators in the Coliseum in Rome and across the Roman Empire. If you look closely, you’ll see that it has a groove running on either face, running the length of the blade, allowing this [he runs the gladius straight through the body of the Marx-alike, the length of the sword sliding through with ease to poke through the other side] to be removed [he removes the sword in one fluid motion, the Marx-alike falling down, dead] with ease! Why is that?

Class: [in unison] So it doesn’t get caught or stuck!

ME: YES!

[The children cheer and flock around Mr Entertainment, loosening their uniforms, anxious to learn more about gladiators and the Roman Empire – and Mr Entertainment crouches down, beginning to tell them a story as we IRIS OUT to a New ERA of Wrestling backdrop. After a few seconds, Mr Entertainment, dressed ready to wrestle, the ON TV title round his waist, steps into the shot, ready to address us]

ME: Now THAT was a lesson those kids are gonna remember, ain’t it? They’re gonna remember what a gladius is, what the Roman Empire was, an’ everythin’ I taught ‘em – an’ why? Because they were ENTERTAINED! They learnt more from that one lesson than they had in their entire Latin course, because they ENJOYED themselves. They had FUN. They learnt by doin’, an’ it sticks because o’ it.

THAT is ENTERTAINMENT. Not the mindless, park ya kids in front o’ the gogglebox crap ya see so many times on American TV, but somethin’ FUN. Like Sesame Street back in the eighties, or the British Puddle Lane books – they teach kids by bein’ FUN. By givin’ the kids somethin’ ta remember. By bein’ ENTERTAINING.

In short, everythin’ Johnny Boy, the pretend wrestler, is against.

I mean, be REAL Johnny Boy. Ya honestly think kids today learn best by sittin’ through dry, dull monologues from some crusty ol’ butler standin’ next ta Jacobs over there? No, they learn by havin’ FUN. ANYONE can stand there an’ repeat facts an’ figures til the kids have it drilled inta them long enough ta be parrots in the exam hall, but the kids only truly LEARN by bein’ ENTERTAINED so it’s interestin’, enjoyable, an’ FUN.

Ya see, education an’ ENTERTAINMENT are one an’ the same. They NEED each other. Most people HATE Shakespeare, an’ why? Because their first experience of him ain’t sittin’ there watchin’ the plays fer fun, but because they gotta write dry stuffy essays on how he uses the iambic pentameter, when really they wanna learn abou’ what makes Richard Third such a great character! They wanna argue why they think he’s this or that, why he ain’t the villain but an anti-hero, why Romeo an’ Juliet’s love is so eternal, why Othello an’ Shylock are who they are.

They want MORE than ya’ll wanna give ‘em! They don’t get that by sittin’ there patiently, bored, listenin’ ta someone spoutin’ crap. Education today needs ENTERTAINMENT ta make the lesson stick, ta make it fun an’ enjoyable, an’ ta broaden peoples horizons in the classrooms so they might, might, just go further with their studies.

Just goes ta show how outta touch an’ delusional ya are. Did Rabore drop ya on ya head too much in all the matches ya LOST ta him? Or was Johnny Doe’s amnesia contagious?

People like you make me sick. Always blamin’ TV fer the state of America. Pu-lease. Yeah, a lot of it is utterly mindless, but when done RIGHT – GODS it can do wonders. Ya want kids ta learn? Give ‘em somethin’ fun. Give ‘em somethin’ ta grab their attention.

It’s the same with pro-wrestlin’, actually. Ya want the fans ta come back, ya give ‘em somethin’ ENTERTAINING. Ya don’t just go fer a side headlock, ya do it with PINAZ! Ya don’t do a simple splash, ya put in a backflip! Ya don’t do a moonsault from the top rope when ya can do it from a twenty-five foot ladder!

Ya keep folks ENTERTAINED. Ya tell a story. Ya show pain, ya take part in the great solar SPECTACLE that is professional wrestlin’.

Just go an’ ask Roland Barthes fer more abou’ that theory. Or the Snoragon – he’s not quite as borin’ ta sit through as Johnny Boy Sparx.

This week on RAUCOUS, the fans are gettin’ a GREAT opportunity. They get ta see the number two champ try ta win the big belt, the ON TV TITLE! They get ta see a loser get put in his place when Johnny Boy loses against someone OTHER than Jean Rabore.

An’ won’t Johnny Boy, Rock o’ Boremon, Barry Fat, Shorn the Sheep, Jean Rabore an’ Boozy Boris look embarrassed when the TV Champ beats the World Champ? I might even ask Marcus if he’ll give me a title against title match when I win so I can unify the belts into a super-belt – The World Heavyweight, Actually Defended, Actually Held TV Title!

The WHADAHTT!

SFX: HA-LLE-LU-JAH!

ME: An’ speakin’ o’ HAL… next time ya wanna poke yer nose inta somethin’ concernin’ ME

Mr Entertainment

Come down to the ring an’ do it. Ya think yer smart, with ya computer wizardry an’ all, but in reality? Yer nothin’. Yer all flash, an’ no substance. The ZX Spectrum has more quality than ya.

Pull a stunt like ya did a few weeks ago again, an’ what I do ta Johnny Boy? That’ll be the least of ya problems. I may like the fact ya pulled Rabore an’ Boremon on tearin’ off Santa’s beard, but I’ll still hurt ya.

Because once I become the WHADAHTT champion… New ERA of Wrestling will FINALLY be where it belongs. At the TOP of the wrestling mountain.

An’ Johnny Boy? He’ll be right down there at the bottom, wrestlin’ the dark match at some local indie fed. Where he belongs. Because like it or not, Johnny Boy, ya can’t wrestle. Al an’ Marks were right aboutcha last time. Yer pitiful, an’ I’m gonna beat ya black an’ blue. Because I’m the true title holder in this company. You never even beat GOP until after ya won the belt from him, an’ ya got outsmarted by Shawn Hart an’ John Doe. Is that the kind of guy who’s gonna take this company to the TOP?

No. There’s only one person on the roster who can do that. An’ that’s ME.

The TV champ.

Mister Entertainment.

Watch an’ learn kids, because the teacher has a class planned that ya’ll will NEVER forget.

[FADE OUT]

 

[PaulNJ21]

::Marx has the NEW World Heavyweight Title over his shoulder, against a black backdrop::

JONATHAN MARX: The reason you are only the television champion while I have this over my shoulder is that you simply don’t get it. I don’t go out there to put on a show, I go out there to stretch my opponent within an inch of their life and to win. If I tear down the house in the process, that is purely gravy, but I’m not going to go out there and do a backflip or a moonsault when they don’t make the move any more effective just to impress some kids with A.D.D. While I have my share of fun on camera from time to time, the fans respect me when I get into the ring because I’m not about bull**** which is quite unfortunate for you, because if you try to pull any of your shenanigans when I’m in the ring with you, I’ll make you hurt and I’ll make you hurt bad.

As for losing some battles on the way, I’ve lost my share, but this belt on my shoulder shows I have won the war twice. While you were losing to the likes of Cameron Cruise, the Insurgent, MWG, and Rocko Daymon, I was battling against World Heavyweight Champions like Rabesque, Chaos, and Larry Tact one on one. Have you even had a single one on one match against a current or past world champion before being blessed with the opportunity to take me on one on one?

The way I look at it, the pressure isn’t on me, it is all on you. My World Heavyweight Title isn’t on the line. But Mr. Entertainment, this is your chance in a lifetime to show you belong with the top wrestlers in this company and will most likely determine your future.

Unfortunely for you, you have pissed me off and because of that and your attitude about wrestling, I’m going to send you back down with the Cameron Cruises of the world and you too are going to need to suck off Beau Michaels off in order to resurrect your career.

Good day!

FTB