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The Church is Back!

Evil James

League Member
Feb 17, 2008
San Diego, California
Yeah, the Church of the Unholy is back. Just me this time for now. And I'm insane. That is all.



Name(s): James Varga
Email Address(es): thechamberednautilus@hotmail.com
AIM/Yahoo Messenger (both if two-handler team): AIM - mysticmoose07
Preferred Method of Handling: (FW Promo, Freestyle RP, Angle/Storyline, Hybrid) All of the above
Best Way to Contact: (PM/Email/IM) All of the above


TEAM NAME: Church of the Unholy II

Individual Names: Space Condom Monster of Death, Darth Varga
Individual Nicknames: None
Team Nicknames: None
Manager: The Horny Mathematician

Heights: SCMOD - 8’0, DV - 6'8 (in armor)
Weights: SCMOD - Unknown, DV - 330 lbs. in armor)
Handedness': (Right or Left) SCMOD - Ambidexterous, Darth Varga - right
Looks': SCMOD - a giant condom with arms and clawed fingers, hairy on the bottom; Darth Varga - a cloaked evil Sith Lord who wears a cybernetic suit to help him live

Hailing From: The Castle of Blood

Theme Music: “Imperial March” from the Star Wars, Episode V: Empire Strikes Back soundtrack by John Williams

Invidual and Team Tactics/Style:
Space Condom Monster of Death - powerhouse, brawling
Darth Varga - Sith fighting tactics, underhanded tactics, powerhouse, extreme violence

Team Strengths:
1. Power - both are very powerful
2. Adaptability to any situation
3. Out of control - have no regard for rules or human life in general

Team Weaknessess:
1. Absurdity - can seem a bit absurd to the normal person which makes people not take them seriously
2. Out of control - get lots of DQ’s because they have no regard for rules and are basically out of control
3. ’Invinvibility’ - will do anything because of their perceived ’invicibility’ even injure themselves due to trying some insane, death-defying maneuver


Finisher -
Unholy Sacrifice to Tioneb (Darth choke slams opponent to the mat followed by the SCMOD hitting a top rope Splash before dry humping the opponent into submission)

Signature Moves -
Team : Unholy Ritual (Darth nails opponent with a STO while the SCMOD bounces off the ropes and nails a running Senton Splash onto laying opponent)
Darth: Force Choke of DOOM~! (Darth chokes opponent using the Force)
SCMOD: Trojan Horse (Spear)

1. Double clothesline
2. Demolition Beatdown in the corner
3. Double suplex
4. The Elimination
5. Double Big Boot
6. Double choke slam
7. Dudley Death Drop
8. Double head butt
9. Darth: Lightsaber Decapitation
10. Using weapons
11. Out of control brawling
12. Cheat tactics
13. Unholy interference


History: The Church of the Unholy was first formed by Belial in 1209 A.D. and the actual Church is located close to the Vatican City in Rome, Italy. It has avoided detection for years. The evil Sith Lord James VARGA, the future Darth Varga, and his best friend and former UWF feud partner AXEL Action found the Church and used VARGA's intimate knowledge of the Dark Arts to get the Church back to power. Now they are out to destroy the world...once and for all!

But then they were torn apart. After a failed weapons raid in China, the group was quickly taken apart and disbanded…or were they. The group’s remnants fled underground. There they made their base the Castle of Blood and continued their operations in secret. Their leadership also made a complex series of alliances with other evil organizations. After doing this, they made their return to the world stage and are now just as powerful as they were before.

Current Members:
Space Condom Monster of Death
Darth Varga (was built a cybernetic suit after he was badly burned and decapitated by Adam and Matt in a Lighstaber duel, saved from death by the Mathematician after a crazy fan shot him, then murdered all of his allies on the Island of Misfit wrestlers, has killed an unknown amount of people in his lifetime, possibly 500, controls a ninja army, created his own Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, allied with the Dictator in taking over the world)
Horny Mathematician
Wolfen (a werewolf who hates all no furs especially vampires and humans)
Dr. Acula
Dr. Giggles (Just Wrestling, an schizophrenic doctor with a taste for the macabre)
Magnifico the Murderous Midget (non-wrestling, manager of Dr. Giggles, escaped from the asylum with Dr. Giggles)
Masked Halloween Psycho Killer
Igor (Horny Mathematician's lab assistant)
Big Tony
The Giant Sperm
Xenomorph (tag - Universal Bad Asses)
Yautja (tag - Universal Bad Asses)
Belial (demon, the Prince of Northern Hell)
Grave Digger (a being from another dimension, a dark realm of death and chaos)
The Satanic Nun (non-wrestling, manager)
Unholy Knights (non-wrestling, bodyguards)
Mr. C.G. Murder (non-wrestling, Tioneb's best friend when he was alive, likes to commit murder for fun)
Ninjas of Doom, Darth Varga’s ninja army
The Unholy Power Rangers (non-wrestling, five Rangers with powers of Demonzords)
Unholy Ninjas (non-wrestling, sneak attacks backstage and other dirty deeds)
Fallen Demi-God Tioneb (non-wrestling, group leader/unholy deity they worship)
Cyber Ninjas (non-wrestling, sneak attacks backstage and other dirty deeds)
Possessed Homeless People (non-wrestling, stalking)
Unholy Demon Guardians (non-wrestling, guardians of the Church grounds)
Unholy Jesters (non-wrestling, do AXEL’s evil deeds at a moment‘s notice)
Humanoid Subcreatures (non-wrestling)
Hounds of Hell (non-wrestling, guardians of the Church grounds and surrounding wilderness areas)
Unholy Druids (non-wrestling, demonic worship and other evil deeds)
Unholy Priests (non-wrestling, worshippers of Tioneb who preach his doctrine to the masses)
Warlocks (non-wrestling, spell casting)
Witches (non-wrestling, spell casting)
Critters (non-wrestling, ambush)
Ghoulies (non-wrestling, summoned for evil deeds)
Wendigo (non-wrestling, protects the Church from Angel Vince who tries to eliminate all mention of Tioneb from Earth to prevent Armageddon)
Demonically Possessed Roid Freak (non-wrestling, some crazy roided up body builder who is in love with himself, escaped from jail)
Satanzilla (non-wrestling, a giant reptilian Godzilla monster from Hell)
Killer Kong (non-wrestling, an evil member of the Donkey Kong family who is psychotic and a brutal murderer)
Goofies (non-wrestling, ‘evil’ minions from here who are related to the Ghoulies, more intelligent but more goofy than scary)
Giant Man-eating Vagina of Pain
Giant Sheep Monsters (non-wrestling)
Shark People (non-wrestling)
Flying Monkeys (non-wrestling, base defense)
Tioneb Hate Guru (non-wrestling, spiritual advisor on hatred)
Bear Man (non-wrestling)
Cow Man
Worm Man
Moose Man
Deer Man
Giant Octopus
Giant Chickens
Inbred Cannibals
Giant Rat/Hairless Rat Babies
Plant monsters
Deformed Freak Creatures
Stay Puft Marshmallow Man
The Devourer of Worlds (a giant planet-eating fetus baby of death)
Robot Zombies
Undead Wildlfe
The Asshole from Hell (a giant asshole that shoots lava)
Ghosts of the Unholy
(a giant penis that opens a wormhole to another dimension)
(a giant head on a stick that eats things)
Footloose Robots of Death
Demonic Hamster of DOOM~!, a demonic hamster from hell conjured up by James Varga doing Sith and Dark Art rituals in his basement lab
F.A.G. (Freaky Ass Ghoul), creation of James Varga in his basement lab
Zombie Tripods (part of Darth Varga's Extermination Squads)
Millipede (assassin)
Dumpster Man
Hamster Man
Lobster Man
Crab Man
Bizarro Freak
Inbred Cannibal Mountain Men, killer inbreeding cannibals
Squideon/Naked Squideon
Giant Fetus of Death, created when the speceship Penistacular went through the egg at the center of the universe/Giant Baby of DOOM~!, destroying the universe and all dimensions in it just by feeding
Chameleon, arch-enemy of Cave Hulk, can change colors to blend in with his surroundings
Michael Kreuger Jackson, killed by an angry mob of parents after being acquitted by the law, Michael Jackson returned as the undead creature that haunts your nightmares
The Used Car Salesman
One-Armed Bandit
Creature from Beyond Space
The Underpants Monster (a monster who steals underwear
Nookie Monster (non-wrestling, a monster who only wants to steal nookie from women)
Queen of Zombies, leader of the Zombies
Giant Spider
Super Fatass
Mutated Sharks
Humanoids from the Deep
Oil Slick Blob Creature
Waterlogged Zombies

Former and/or Incarcerated members:
James Varga (promoter)
AXEL Action (singles/MIA)
Captain Carnage (singles, a psychotic maniac who lives in a world inside his head)
Dick (non-wrestling, manager - VARGA/Dark Varga, a pissed off rocker in his forties who talks trash and is blunt about everything)
Ace Action (non-wrestling, manager - Team AmeriPAN)
Devil Dan (non-wrestling, an annoying prankster in a devil costume)
Mecha Stein (non-wrestling, kaiju)
Mecha Cheney (non-wrestling, kaiju)
Mecha Dio (non-wrestling, kaiju)
Midget Varga (non-wrestling)
Midget Action (non-wrestling)
Boobs McGee (non-wrestling, AXEL's girlfriend)
Brandi Blowjob (non-wrestling, VARGA's girlfriend)

Church of the Unholy Death Metal Record Label: Label Name - Unholy Brethren, Inc. Bands signed - Castration of the Defrocked Priest, Village of the Inbred, Possession of the Demonic, Humanoid Subcreature

Unholy World Tour: The COTU has officially announced that it will be starting the Twisted Flesh World Tour 2008 as of March 1, 2008
PTC Events: Unholy Antichrist Presidential Candidate Johnathan Richard Mabus took part in the latest IG round, Lost
Space Condom Monster of Death will be competing in IG Round 49
TEAM Events: Evil James is taking part in the TEAM TiT 2008

Circus of Doom (joint merger of groups)
Galactic Empire
Alliance Of Monsters
Brotherhood of Evil Creatures
Hades Corporation
The Dictator/Russian Federation
The Dictator’s Assassins (The Misogynist, Pufferfish, Raptor)
Groundhog Men (evil subterranean race out to take over the Earth)
Straightor (he controls Castle Gayskull and Eternia)
Netherrealm Kingdom
Chaos Dimension
Evil Fish Construction Company (Moneymaster, Piranha Lady, Raper, Painmaster Tyrone, slimy investors, various evil minions)

United States Government
United Nations
People’s Republic of China
Vatican City
The Fishermen (Aquadude, Fish Boy, Beach Girl, Surf Man, Doctor Libido, Water Woman, Espionage, Professor S)
Nerdy Afro Guy
Koala Man and Kangaroo Kid
Killer Pirates of the Outer Caribbean
The Hulk Family (Cave Hulk, Hobo Hulk, Sombrero Hulk, Inbred Hulk, Cyclops Hulk, Construction Hulk, Fast Food Hulk, Gay Hulk, Bondage Hulk, Prehistoric Hulk, Prehistoric Cave Hulk, Macho Hulk. Stoner Hulk, Incest Hulk, Blue Hulk (member of the Jedi Order), Green Hulk (member of the Jedi Order (relocated, Devonia), The Hulk (member of the Jedi Order), Inbred Hulk, and Shaman Hulk)
The Oid
Prince of Shrooms and the Shroom Nation
Porno Yoda, a green painted midget porn star
Green Peace
Hermit the Crab
Red Panda (a mysterious man from China)
Gaylord of the Universe (he lost control of Castle Gayskull to Starightor, now is on the run yet again)
Fluffy (Gaylord of the Universe's Gay Tiger, Gaylord's pet tiger)
Psycho Bunny (half-man, half-bunny creature that hates all life - human or no human, has made it his mission to destroy wrestling, the most wanted criminal from the future Earth where he has killed millions and said he did it 'just for fun,' James Varga's oldest character, was created for a project in the second grade as a camoflaudged army bunny)

Official Myspace Page: www.myspace.com/churchoftheunholy
Retrieved from "http://ptcpedia.primetimecentral.net/index.php/Church_of_the_Unholy"

* * *

Sample Promo:

A few months ago, the Church of the Unholy was disbanded by the governments of the United States and China after they were caught trying to steal weapons from a military complex in China. After all was said and done, there were only a handful of Church members left that were not incarcerated. The group was all but dead.

Then remnants of the Church reformed a few months later and made up their plans for revenge. They founded a new base after their original Church building in Rome was closed and boarded up by the Italian government.

Their new base is the Castle of Blood located in Transylvania. The Church also pulled in some new membership and with the help of Darth Varga made alliances with other evil organizations. After making these alliances, the most notable of which is a joining of forces between the Church and the Circus of Doom, the Church made their plans. Plans that involve their revenge upon society for their group almost being disbanded.

This revenge was planned at the Castle just today as a matter of fact…

* * *


Deep in the darkest bowels of the Castle of Blood, the Church of the Unholy is plotting their revenge on the world that almost destroyed them. The dungeon of the Castle is dark and dingy, with skeletons hanging on the wall and an old furnace in the background. There the membership of the Church starts plotting. The main leaders are now Darth Varga, the Horny Mathematician, Dr. Acula, Mr. C.G. Murder, and Wolfen.

Darth Varga: Now I have come from galactic space. There is reason I have come back to this planet and it’s because the Circus of Doom has merged with the Church of the Unholy. This new union will give us the strength and the resources to survive any attack on out joint faction.

Murder: We will kill them all. I just want to rape and murder everybody.

Horny Mathematician: During intercourse, the theory of relativity is that the sperm will enter the egg.

Darth turns and gives him a look.

Darth Varga: Shut up before I kill you.

The Mathematician raises an eyebrow.

Horny Mathematician: Before you kill me? HA HA HA! Giant Chickens! ATTACK!

Suddenly three Giant Chickens come running down to the dungeon from down the stairwell and charge at Darth Varga! Darth simply uses a Force Push to knock down two of them and when the third one comes close, he grabs it into a Force Choke. The rest of the leadership shakes their head in disbelief.

Dr. Acula: This bickering is pointless. Varga, release the chicken.

Darth Varga: As you wish…

Darth Varga stops choking the chicken and the three Giant Chickens run out of the room.

Dr. Acula: We’re all going to have to coexist in order for this to work. We have many enemies and the last thing we need is to have fighting within our ranks.

Wolfen: *growl* I agree. Don’t make me pee on anyone’s leg.

Murder: We need to kill people and then rape them and then kill them again.

They all turn and give him a look.

Dr. Acula: Raping a dead corpse is not good for the human body.

Horny Mathematician: But it sure makes the penis feel good.

Darth turns and glares at them.

Darth Varga: ENOUGH! No more necrophilia talk in my presence. And if anyone pisses me off again, they deal with the Space Condom Monster of Death.

Dr. Acula: The what?

Darth Varga: (yelling) MONSTER!!!!!!

Into the dungeon from down the stairs comes a giant condom monster from space. It stands at eight feet tall and has latex flesh with claws on its hands. There appears to be some type of fur underneath the latex. The creature floats into the room and stands next to Darth who smiles.

Darth Varga: Now back to what we were talking about before. Our first order of business is to get revenge on those who broke up our group in the first place.

Wolfen: *snarl* He’s right. Revenge is our first priority.

Dr. Acula: And how we go about getting this revenge will start when Darth’s knowledge of the dark arts and black magic is used on the continental United States of America.

Murder: What are you going to do? Use voodoo dolls or something on a million people?

Darth cackles over this.

Darth Varga: No you fool. I am going to create zombies and then unleash them upon the masses. The more they kill the more of them there will be. So basically it’ll crush them before we even have to use any Ninjas of Doom.

Horny Mathematician: The cloning labs to build the ninjas are almost up and running again.

Dr. Acula: What happened to them?

Darth Varga: One of my experiments almost blew up the entire planet and everyone almost died on planet Earth.

The room falls silent. After a few moments, the silence is broken.

Dr. Acula: Oh…that sucks.

Darth Varga: Well I did get sent off into outer space where my capsule was captured by the tractor beam of a Galactic Empire Super Stardestroyer and I made an alliance with them that allowed me to come back here.

Horny Mathematician: I have a question.

Darth Varga: What is it?

Murder: Hopefully the question’s answer involves us killing people.

Horny Mathematician: Is the Galactic Empire shaped like a giant penis?

Darth Varga growls.

Darth Varga: I want to kill you.

Wolfen: *growls* Don’t make me stop this car.

Dr. Acula is left shaking his head.

Dr. Acula: Boys, boys. Calm down. I like this zombie invasion idea but we need to stop all this arguing. Now what we need to do is figure out how to get these zombies into the continental United States without the government knowing about it.

Horny Mathematician: Maybe we can have Rodan fly in there and drop them off using his claws!

Darth Varga: You idiot. They have the Giant Claw flying around there. We need to do something a bit more…inventive.

Dr. Acula looks intrigued.

Dr. Acula: What did you have in mind?

Darth Varga cackles under his breath before telling them what his master plan is.

* * *

Three days later…

A news reporter is on the Arizona-Mexico border in the middle of the night with his camera feeding live footage to Phoenix Fox affiliate station Channel 8 News.

Reporter: Hello! I am live here at the border where it appears that an army of zombies is illegally coming into this country as an invading force. Yes, you heard that correctly. An army of the flesh eating undead is illegally immigrating into this country to attack living human beings and eat their flesh.

The reporter then turns around to see his cameraman being attacked not by zombies, but by the notorious serial killer the Masked Halloween Psycho Killer, who is a Church of the Unholy member. He slices the reporter’s throat and then stabs the reporter in the head. After the reporter falls to the ground in a heap, the Killer pulls his knife out of the guy’s head and lets the zombies feed on him as he sneaks into the shadows without anyone noticing.


League Member
Jun 5, 2007
Yes! This could help out with the legion/varga feud greatly...

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