(Cut to: "Light As A Feather" Freddie Meriweather, manager of new CSWA superstar "What Goes Around Comes Around" Bobby Karma sitting in a hotel room with a bowl full of popcorn and a case of beer right next to him in front of a television ready to watch the CSWA Anniversary 18 Annual Gold Rush Tournament finally get on the air.)
"I can't believe it its finally here. I can't wait to see Bobby make his debut and whoop all of your asses from one end of the US Title ring to the other end of the Center ring and come away with not only the CSWA United States title but become the next CSWA Unified World Champion. I can't bare the wait any longer."
(Suddenly the television cuts to the latest promo of Professor Tremendous' latest promo hits the airwaves right before Meriweather's eyes.)
"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?"
(CUT TO: Professor Tremendous standing before what looks to be a circa 1998 CSWA banner. He wears his CSWA UNIFIED* World Title Belt proudly.)
PROF: Greetings to all of you CSWA Maniacs and Maniacitas out there in TV-Land. I am Professor Tremendous and it is my regretful duty to inform you that the CSWA Gold Rush Event will not be appearing tonight.
Unfortunately it seems that the full set of Master Tapes for the show somehow got lost on their way to the production truck. Word is that they may have fallen into a vat of acid or something and be lost for ever, but I habe so far not received any direct conformation of that.
So anyway, I figured I'd be a good guy and come on out here to tell you exactly what you missed.
It's like this:
Basically, I what critics are calling one of the greatest wrestling matches of a generation (if not a lifetime), I pinned everyone and left with the belt.
So that's it. I am still the champ.
Thanks for tuning in to the Official* CSWA Gold Rush Update.
OFFSTAGE VOICE: Cue to commercial.
ALLWORLD (Off Stage): So Boss. What do you want us to do with these tapes?
PROF: I don't care. Stick them under your bed or something.
(CUT TO: A couple of Cavemen eating a Gekko sandwich.)
(Just as the PT promo cuts off, Freddie Meriweather sits absolutely shocked, silent, and totally flabbergasted by what he just saw and heard. Finally he chimes in the first words of what he needs to say in anger.)
"Son of a b(FCCbeep)tch! We've been had! I want my money back Who put this mealy mouthed immitation dumb ass on the air? That's what the fans are screaming about as they watch this A-HOLE dibble his fowl assed propoganda and smears it all over the CSWA airwaves! Where's the Gold Rush Tournament? Where's the part where Bobby Karma eliminates each and every participant one right after the other on his quest toward destiny? Where's the part where Bobby Karma hands people like this guy a truely bonefide southern ass mauling? Where's the part when Bobby Karma unleashes his own brand of southern hospitality...er I mean karma on Kin Hiroshi's ignorant clueless ass? Where's the part where Troy Lindsey Windham gets beat down like he was his wife's red-headed step child?"
(Suddenly Freddie stops in the middle of his huge rant trying to calm himself down.)
"This is not the way the manager of would be champions should be speaking here. I must be in control. I must put on my best GOOSEFRABBA face and exercise self control. Obviously its what this this Professor Tremendous wants."
(He lowers his head and begins taking deep breaths in a meditative like ritualistic like manner.)
"Gooseblabba...er I mean GOOSE FRABBA...Goose Frabba...Goose Frabba!"
(Finally Freddie comes down enough to speak a little more clearly and not so upset.)
"Dude...I only asked this simply because me and my client...er I mean my client and I are still very new to the CSWA and don't know anyone short of that muffin makin jackoff Kin Hiroshi and the people in the US Title and Center rings of the tournament like Windham, Simon Alvin Theodore III...add the two, carry the three, multiply the four, divide the...and get Who gives a Spelling Bee Champion hoot, or people like Troy Douglas, Zell Hunter, or Cyclops NOVA blasting dipsticks."
"However, YOU! I do not know you at all sir. My Client Bobby Karma does NOT know you. So I say unto you right here and right now. This one profound stage that even you as a mere professor can truly understand...
WHO...IN THE SWEET...HIROSHIMA BERRY MUFFIN...MORE FIBER THAN I CAN STOMACH...MUCH LONGER THAN I CARE TO SIT ON A TOILET...HeeeeeeLLLLLLLLL....
(Long pause milking the finished completion of his sentence dry for all it is worth before says his final wordings.)
(Freddie stands dignified and proud of his little cutdown and then a sudden realization hits him as he soon becomes disgusted with himself.)
"Oh MAN....Did I just do a shameless promotional plug with Kin Hiroshi and his Muffins? Crap puppies! That just really BAKES MY MUFFIN! CRIPES! I did again! Shut up FREDDIE shut up! Moving on with my speech."
"No really, I wanna know. I don't know you. I never met you. I never have seen you before in my entire life, let alone my client has never met you before. But yet you come on CSWA TV with this title that you call yourself the CSWA Unified World Champion. Forgive my ignorance, because I do not know wht spurned this on, but las time I checked even though I absolutely hate the bastard, Troy Windham was the true champion. But you sir are NO CHAMPION! This must be you trying to fill some sort of 1-900-867-5309...Jenny, call for a good time wet dream. This must be some makeshift way to attempt to give you some attention and television exposure. Well newsflash mister Professor Tremendous person you. This is the land of the US of A and the American people...namely MYSELF doesn't like being played for fools and wasting hard earned money that we slaved over all week long just to buy Windham or Hiroshi, and what will soon-to-be-inevitably...BOBBY KARMA merchandise! You sir, my dear professor with no Mary-Anne and Ginger in sight are a lair and a scam artist and I refuse to this charade any longer. Ceise and desist this perposterous activity at once."
"Or else....I'm not a threatening man or anything but I will say this that KARMA always wins...in the end. A little thing called 'what goes around comes around.' What? You actually thought that I would do something about it? Please my not-so-good man, I'm a lover, not a fighter. I represent the truly destined champion of all champions. I represent the SULTIN of ZIN! I represent the man that will be the man that puts the whoop in your ass whoopin! I represent Bobby Karma! Just a thought for you to think of my friend. So the next time before you mislead World-wide viewers in an attempt to spread your meaningless propoganda, you might want to think first and fast."
"This message has been brought to you by the manager of destiny "Light As A Feather" Freddie Meriweather. Recognize the rhyme scheme professor because if you really are Tremendous then this should be child's play even for you...take note Kin Hiroshi, NOW THAT'S TRASH TALKIN! Stiff as a board my ass you lame ass stupid f(FCCbeep)k! I drip with charisma, I am saturated with it. I'm flowin like a bottle of Drain-O baby......
His name is Bobby Karma...
REMEMBER IT always!"
(The scene fades out.)