GreggG
Moderator
- Joined
- Jan 1, 2000
- Messages
- 810
- Points
- 18
(CUT TO: The Ultratitle 2012 Banner! Longtime CSWA personality RUDY SEITZER stands next to the banner, holding a pencil-thin microphone as he wears a blue blazer, starched white shirt, red tie and grey pants.)
RUDY: "Hello there wrestling fans! This is Rudy Seitzer here, excited as always about THE ULTRATITLE -- the biggest prize in professional wrestling history! The world has been ablaze with rumors of who will enter this tournament. And one man we have not heard from in years has decided to join the frey. He won the MLW Tag Team Championships alongside partner Chris Wink in a tag team known as 'Masters of the Sleeperhold' in 1992 and also briefly held the NGEN's American Title during the same time period. He is joined by the second-place winner of the 1989 'Miss Texas Panhandle' contest LADY ALLISON! I bring you 'ICEMAN' KEVIN KEARNS!"
(Lady Allison walks out first. She has clearly seen better days. She has a dyed blonde perm parted down the middle, split ends galore, with heavy blue eye shadow and a pock marked face. Still, she wears a tiarra. She's wearing a low-cut thrift store wedding dress. She also has "KEVIN" tattooed in blue cursive on one side of her neck and "KEARNS" tattooed on the other. Behind her is The Iceman himself, cue-ball bald on the top, save for some remnants of a combover, but he still has unkepmt hair in the back and a small ponytail. For some reason, his left eyebrow has been singed. He is also missing most of his upper molars. He's wearing a white tank top that has 'THIS ICE DON'T MELT' in electric blue airbrush.)
KEVIN: "Come on, Allison -- move it!"
(Kevin shoves Allison hard and she bumps into Rudy, who stands there with his mouth slightly open. He takes a step backwards.)
KEVIN: "You dumb idiot. Apologize to Mr. Seitzer right here for fallin' into him like that--"
(She stares down, her hands cupped. She's made a lot of apologies. Kevin stands next to her, bent over, an inch from her face staring at her menacingly.)
ALLISON: "I am so sorry, Mr. Seitzer for falling into you like that. I am a total moron who cannot even walk--"
RUDY: "It's okay, Allison--"
KEVIN: "It's LADY Allison--"
RUDY: "It's quite okay, Lady Allison. Now, Kevin, it was certainly a shock to see your name entered into the competiton! We haven't heard from you in years--"
KEVIN: "Well, that ain't no one's fault but the US government's! What a man does on his land should be HIS right and the drug laws in this country are corrupt as hell anyways. But I heard about this contest and I have to tell you that my eyes perked up at the grand prize. Did I hear correctly that the winner of this thing receives a $100 Amazon gift card?"
(Rudy flinches and pauses, completely unsure what to say. Lady Allison continues to stare down as Kevin grips her arm hard.)
KEVIN: "Because I'll tell you what! Ain't NO ONE needs a $100 Amazon gift card like I do. Now, I don't even know what no Amazon even is--"
ALLISON: "It's a computer thing--"
KEVIN: "I TOLD YOU TO STOP USING THE COMPUTER! We don't got all that power in the trailer and, plus, I got pictures you ain't supposed to see. Now, this Amazon thing... can I buy cold medication in bulk on Amazon, preferably sent to a PO Box?"
RUDY: "What would you need all of that cold medication for?"
KEVIN: "Are you a narc? Because you have to tell me. Nah, you ain't no narc. I love you, Rudy Seitzer. Like a brother."
(Kevin bearhugs Rudy who stands frozen as Lady Allison continues to stare down mumbling about 'those pictures.' Kevin then stops the hug and gets in Rudy's face.)
KEVIN: "You lookin' at my wife's titties? HUH? YOU LOOKIN' AT HER BOOB JOB--"
ALLISON: "I don't have no boob job anymore! Remember, they gave me that staph infection--"
KEVIN: "APOLOGIZE TO MR. SEITZER FOR YOUR BOOBS!"
(Allison stares down.)
ALLISON: "Mr. Seitzer, I am truly sorry for having whore boobs--"
RUDY: "You really don't need to apologize--"
KEVIN: "YEAH SHE DO! AND YOU DO TOO FOR DISRESPECTING ME!"
(Rudy screams as Kevin knees him in the nuts and starts ripping off his blazer, throwing him to the ground.)
KEVIN: "AIN'T NO MAN KEEPING ME FROM MY AMAZON GIFT CARD! COME ON, ALLISON! LET'S GO!"
ALLISON: "It's my fault, Mr. Seitzer, you got hurt. I'm a moron whith whore boobs--"
(Kevin drags her off-screen, yelling at her. FTB.)
RUDY: "Hello there wrestling fans! This is Rudy Seitzer here, excited as always about THE ULTRATITLE -- the biggest prize in professional wrestling history! The world has been ablaze with rumors of who will enter this tournament. And one man we have not heard from in years has decided to join the frey. He won the MLW Tag Team Championships alongside partner Chris Wink in a tag team known as 'Masters of the Sleeperhold' in 1992 and also briefly held the NGEN's American Title during the same time period. He is joined by the second-place winner of the 1989 'Miss Texas Panhandle' contest LADY ALLISON! I bring you 'ICEMAN' KEVIN KEARNS!"
(Lady Allison walks out first. She has clearly seen better days. She has a dyed blonde perm parted down the middle, split ends galore, with heavy blue eye shadow and a pock marked face. Still, she wears a tiarra. She's wearing a low-cut thrift store wedding dress. She also has "KEVIN" tattooed in blue cursive on one side of her neck and "KEARNS" tattooed on the other. Behind her is The Iceman himself, cue-ball bald on the top, save for some remnants of a combover, but he still has unkepmt hair in the back and a small ponytail. For some reason, his left eyebrow has been singed. He is also missing most of his upper molars. He's wearing a white tank top that has 'THIS ICE DON'T MELT' in electric blue airbrush.)
KEVIN: "Come on, Allison -- move it!"
(Kevin shoves Allison hard and she bumps into Rudy, who stands there with his mouth slightly open. He takes a step backwards.)
KEVIN: "You dumb idiot. Apologize to Mr. Seitzer right here for fallin' into him like that--"
(She stares down, her hands cupped. She's made a lot of apologies. Kevin stands next to her, bent over, an inch from her face staring at her menacingly.)
ALLISON: "I am so sorry, Mr. Seitzer for falling into you like that. I am a total moron who cannot even walk--"
RUDY: "It's okay, Allison--"
KEVIN: "It's LADY Allison--"
RUDY: "It's quite okay, Lady Allison. Now, Kevin, it was certainly a shock to see your name entered into the competiton! We haven't heard from you in years--"
KEVIN: "Well, that ain't no one's fault but the US government's! What a man does on his land should be HIS right and the drug laws in this country are corrupt as hell anyways. But I heard about this contest and I have to tell you that my eyes perked up at the grand prize. Did I hear correctly that the winner of this thing receives a $100 Amazon gift card?"
(Rudy flinches and pauses, completely unsure what to say. Lady Allison continues to stare down as Kevin grips her arm hard.)
KEVIN: "Because I'll tell you what! Ain't NO ONE needs a $100 Amazon gift card like I do. Now, I don't even know what no Amazon even is--"
ALLISON: "It's a computer thing--"
KEVIN: "I TOLD YOU TO STOP USING THE COMPUTER! We don't got all that power in the trailer and, plus, I got pictures you ain't supposed to see. Now, this Amazon thing... can I buy cold medication in bulk on Amazon, preferably sent to a PO Box?"
RUDY: "What would you need all of that cold medication for?"
KEVIN: "Are you a narc? Because you have to tell me. Nah, you ain't no narc. I love you, Rudy Seitzer. Like a brother."
(Kevin bearhugs Rudy who stands frozen as Lady Allison continues to stare down mumbling about 'those pictures.' Kevin then stops the hug and gets in Rudy's face.)
KEVIN: "You lookin' at my wife's titties? HUH? YOU LOOKIN' AT HER BOOB JOB--"
ALLISON: "I don't have no boob job anymore! Remember, they gave me that staph infection--"
KEVIN: "APOLOGIZE TO MR. SEITZER FOR YOUR BOOBS!"
(Allison stares down.)
ALLISON: "Mr. Seitzer, I am truly sorry for having whore boobs--"
RUDY: "You really don't need to apologize--"
KEVIN: "YEAH SHE DO! AND YOU DO TOO FOR DISRESPECTING ME!"
(Rudy screams as Kevin knees him in the nuts and starts ripping off his blazer, throwing him to the ground.)
KEVIN: "AIN'T NO MAN KEEPING ME FROM MY AMAZON GIFT CARD! COME ON, ALLISON! LET'S GO!"
ALLISON: "It's my fault, Mr. Seitzer, you got hurt. I'm a moron whith whore boobs--"
(Kevin drags her off-screen, yelling at her. FTB.)