Joey Melton Sponsorships
(FADEIN: Joey Melton in front of an EPW backdrop.)
MELTON: Why?
That's what the world is asking. Well, maybe not the world, but Cruise at least.
Cameron, you've been in more quality places than most men who actually have talent. Needless to say, you have to have comprising pictures of somebody important on file, or something.
How does a man like yourself collect paychecks from some of the biggest promotions in our sport today, and do so little to earn them?
They say there's a man for every job, and maybe spending weekends on your back across the country is yours, but can that really make your life worth living?
Don't you dream of more?
Haven't you picked up on Mercedes excusing herself to the bathroom after sex to masturbate to visions of a real man, just so she can join you in being able to get off?
This may sound like I'm down on you Cameron..but no sir, I beg to differ.
There's gold in 'dem there hills, you've just never been taught how to climb and fetch it.
Seeing "The Passion Of Christ" has made me wonder if I'm doing enough good works. I'm a charitable guy, Cameron, but does just signing autographs at $75 a pop for cancer patients make me whole? Should I be doing more? Extra credit in an effort to drop my lowest test score.
I say yes.
Which is why I've chosen you as the first recipent of the "Joey Melton Social Sponorship."
It hit me as I was browsing the net for online Vegan cookbooks, and stumbled across a Wildlife Sponorship site.
I laid across Troy's bed, using her laptop and paged through the headshots of animals, all of whom needed medical attention. For $75 a year the site let me sponsor the animal of my choosing, and in return I'd get montly letters, an 8x10 glossy, and the satisfaction of knowing my money paid for medical expenses.
I felt great about myself already, before hitting submit on the type of payment.
Wildlife Sponorships...
I wondered, Cruise...would the idea work on professionally inept humans?
I've choosen to work in the EPW without pay as your Sponsor Cameron.
I apologize on behalf of humanity that, thousands of people across the states have given money to help a grey fox back on it's feet, but no one, not a single soul has lent you a helping hand, or bought "Wrestling For Dummies" for you as some helpful downtime reading.
I'm sorry, I'm the first to openly say, "I care."
Well, Cruise..I honestly do.
Now, admittedly I couldn't come out of the closet with this in the CSWA, or NFW. I needed someplace a little smaller.
But that doesn't demean my interest in any form.
"Why?"
I say, "Why not?"
To many people ***** about politics but don't vote.
To many people cry over how animals are mistreated, but still engorge themselves on meat products.
To many people long for something, someone different, but won't get out and help Ralph Nader get on all 50 state ballots.
The Green Party's not just about being a 'tree lover' Cruise.
It's about loving your fellow man.
About Government being governed.
You've slipped through the cracks in the system.
But, Joey Melton...your Wrestling Sponsor has said enough.
It's time you were able to call yourself a man.
And we start this week...against.....
Well, whoever the hell we're facing....it's EPW...I haven't paid that much attention.
Melton and Cruise........baby..........yeah.
A Jedi Master and his Padwaan Learner.
Be mindful of the past Cruise, and smart enough to watch my lead.
(FTB)