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The plaque for the alternates is down in the ladies room

Matt Meyhu

League Member
Feb 22, 2015
“...You need any help? Have you figured it out yet?”
“What’s that?”

“Who’s the best wrestler?”
“No, I think I can figure that one out on my own.”


[The scene opens with “The Marvel” Matt Meyhu sitting on his couch, phone in hand. He might be texting. He might be playing a game. He might be flipping through a picture album of nothing but selfies. Whatever it is, he is sucked in completely. A pounding sound is coming from the front door of Matt’s house. Not the sound of a knock, more like somebody is kicking the door. Finally, the door bursts open and Matt’s girlfriend Tiffany stumbles into the house. She has both arms loaded with grocery bags and she looks less than pleased. Matt hears her enter and looks up from his phone.]

Matt: Hey.

Tiffany: ...Hey?! I was kicking the door for like five minutes!

Matt: Oh, sorry! I guess I didn’t hear you. Although…

Tiffany: Yes?

Matt: It’s just… Well, typically people knock on the door. Really use their knuckles, you know? Makes a better sound. Much clearer.

Tiffany: Excellent advice.

[Tiffany looks down at her arms. She gives each bag a second or two. Matt chimes in.]

Matt: I’ll let it slide this time. After all, you’ve got quite an armload there.

Tiffany: Appreciate it. Really. Care to give me a hand?

[Matt raises both hands in front of his face but is quickly interrupted.]

Tiffany: If you clap…

[Matt shrugs and gets up. Tiffany drops the bags on the floor, leaving them all for him.]

Matt: Didn’t realize I would be doing all of the work. What is this stuff for?

[Matt picks up the groceries and follows her into the kitchen.]

Tiffany: All of the… Forget it. We’re having people over tonight. I told you earlier today. I told you yesterday. I’m pretty sure I told you the day before that.

Matt: Alright, alright. Chill your nips. I was just kidding! I remember.

[Tiffany looks at Matt with skepticism.]

Matt: The, uh… Book club.

Tiffany: Yes. The Boardwalk Wrestling Book Club.

Matt: Really? They have a book club?

[Even Matt sounds surprised.]

Tiffany: They do not, no. But some of the staff will be over here. We’ve got business to take care of.

[Matt lets out a groan.]

Matt: Do you still work there?! Why are they coming here? Do I have to be here?

Tiffany: Yes I still work there! And they’re coming over because I volunteered to have them. You can leave if you’d like. But I would appreciate you being here.

Matt: Why? So they can all beg me to come back?

Tiffany: Your name is nowhere on the agenda.

Matt: ‘Matt, we’d love to have you back. No, we NEED to have you back!’ Oh, Pettis. You flatter me.

Tiffany: You’re the only person I have ever heard say that. And, oddly, that is now the third time I’ve heard you say it.

[Matt shrugs again before being hit by reality.]

Matt: Wait. They really don’t want me back?

Tiffany: I wouldn’t say ‘don’t.’ More like ‘not actively pursuing.’

Matt: Hmm…

[Matt is visibly irritated. He drops the groceries down to the floor and begins to walk back into the living room. Tiffany rolls her eyes and follows him.]

Matt: That’s great! You know, the pressure of returning there has always been on my shoulders. Now I get to play the field, you know?

Tiffany: I’ve told you many times that you are welcome back whenever you want.

Matt: I am officially a free agent. It’s awesome! Seriously. Let the bidding begin. There’s no telling where “The Marvel” ends up next, Tiff.

Tiffany: Uh huh.

Matt: Who wouldn’t want me? You guys are missing out. Make sure you let them know that. They’re losing out on one of the elite. The best of the Best.

Tiffany: Oh god…

[Matt picks up a pair of aviator sunglasses up from the coffee table and puts them on. He looks serious.]

Tiffany: I am going to regret asking this, Matt. But what did you do today while I was gone?

Matt: That’s classified. I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.

Tiffany: That’s what I thought. Top Gun AGAIN?!

Matt: It’s a great movie.

Tiffany: Whatever you say. Especially great the third day in a row?

Matt: It sure seemed like it. Say, third day in a row... You think there’s a connection between Top Gun and me not hearing you say we’re having people over tonight?

[Tiffany throws her hands up and begins to stomp away. She stops just short of the kitchen and turns back to Matt.]

Tiffany: You’re driving me crazy.

[Matt takes the glasses off and holds them in his hand, almost pointing them at Tiffany.]

Matt: I can see that it’s dangerous for you…

[Tiffany storms back to Matt and rips the aviators from his hand. She throws them across the room.]

Tiffany: Really? Is this how you’re going to act all night now?

Matt: Maybe I won’t be here! Maybe I’ll go to the bar with Goose!

Tiffany: Good. Have a wonderful time!

Matt: Oh we will!

[Matt begins to walk over to the door. Tiffany cuts him off.]

Tiffany: There are a few more bags in the car. Be a doll and bring them in before you go, Maverick.

Matt: I’m Iceman.

Tiffany: Not what you said yesterday.

Matt: Yeah? Well I’d like to see you pick just one character from that movie! It’s hard!

[Matt exits the house and slams the door behind him. Outside, he takes one step toward the car before stopping in his tracks. He enters the house again and closes the door behind him. A few seconds later, he reemerges with the sunglasses on and a big toothy grin.]

Matt: Well that was easy!

[Matt walks out of the shade of the house and into the sun. It’s not particularly bright, certainly not worthy of sunglasses. But Matt Meyhu doesn’t turn down an opportunity to wear sunglasses. We walks up to Tiffany’s car. The trunk has been open this whole time. Matt stares down at them and then back at the camera.]

Matt: Not a big fan of that movie. But I know she hates it. Its almost too easy…

[Matt removes the bags from the trunk and slams it shut. He takes a step back to the house before stopping and looking over his shoulder at the camera.]

Matt: I mean, it’s an alright movie.

[He continues his short trip back to the front door, this time while humming ‘Danger Zone.’ He stops just short of the door and this time turns completely around to the camera. He sets the bags on the ground.]

Matt Meyhu: Catchy tune. There are certainly worse movies in the world. I’d probably rate it in the top half or so?

[Tiffany swings the door open and stares at Matt impatiently.]

Tiffany: Could you be slower?

Matt: ...Yes…

Tiffany: Is this everything?

[She grabs the remaining few bags from the ground and carries them in.]

Matt: That’s classified. I could tell you but then…

[Tiffany slams the door in Matt’s face. Matt slowly turns around with a sheepish look on his face.]

Matt: Okay, look. It’s a great movie. Nobody can argue that. I’m not gonna apologize! I have an eye for greatness. I know a great song when I hear one. I know a great movie when I see one… Several hundred times… And I know a great, even superior, wrestler when I see one. And damn it, I see one every time I look in the mirror. With or without the kick ass sunglasses.

[Matt smirks and shakes his head.]

Matt: I’m trying to stay out of the way of all garbage these guys and girls have been slinging. I’m sure my name has been making the rounds. Matt Meyhu, that guy has won one of these rumbles before. He’s undefeated in this match. He’s the most impressive athlete in the match. He’s got me scared out of my mind. Maybe I should just be content with a second place finish. Blah, blah, blah. I know. I get it. Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?

[Matt pulls his cell phone out of his pocket. He uses it as a mirror and fixes his hair quickly. He begins walking toward the sidewalk with a smile on his face, satisfied with his look.]

Matt: That isn’t really part of my skillset. No time feeling sorry for the little guys. But don’t get me wrong, I understand the pressure you’re under. Really, I do. The problem I have with that, however, is that you’ve put that pressure on yourselves. Didn’t you hear I was going to be part of this? Maybe the plan is fame by association…

[A woman jogs by right in front of Matt. He raises his eyebrows and she smiles at him from ear to ear. He salutes her.]

Matt: Sounds like a stupid plan to me. Hey, that’s okay though. You all do what you have to do. Get what you can from this opportunity. I know I sure am. I’m in the best position of anybody in this match. I don’t just mean to win the match. I’m talking about the future here. I’m heading into this thing as a free agent. I am associated with Boardwalk Wrestling. Partly due to my past. Partly because of her.

[Matt makes a half-assed gesture toward his house.]

Matt: It’s like nobody realizes that I haven’t been wrestling there for a while. They will notice soon enough, though. I can guarantee you that. I know plenty of big wigs in the business have sure noticed.

[Matt looks at his phone once again. He lifts his sunglasses off for a second as he scrolls through his call log.]

Matt: Boy, have they. The opportunities are endless! I’m not going to say that I don’t care about winning this match. I would be lying, and that’s not my style. Brutal honesty is what I believe in. I want to win. I plan to win. But you better bet that I’m covering all bases on this one. Win or, somehow, lose… I’m walking out of the arena with a new deal in my hands. That’s the real prize for me. I’m tired of being selfish. It’s time for me to share all of this with the world! It starts with Battlemania and ends with the highest bidder.

[Matt’s phone rings while in his hand as a text message comes in.]

Matt: Speak of the devil! You’re high on the list, man.

[Matt puts his phone away and wipes the grin off his face.]

Matt: In all seriousness, this is just business as usual for me. Another day another dollar, right? Wait… Am I getting paid for this? Doesn’t matter. My eyes are on the big payday. Call me the Battlemania Mercenary.

[Matt replays the name ‘Battlemania Mercenary’ in his. He nods in approval.]

Matt: Damn, I’m good… Let me give you all a little bit of advice. It may seem obvious, but I just don’t think any of you are grasping the concept. Friendships mean nothing in this situation. I don’t care if they’re lifelong or created mid match. They will go right out the window during this match. And I think the thing that will be even harder for you fools to understand is that rivalries don’t mean a damn thing here either. If you make one man or woman your priority in this thing, you are toast. Everyone seems to have somebody in this match. Good or bad. Everyone except me.

[Matt impatiently looks to each end of the street, anxious for something.]

Matt: I usually forget a face the second it walks away anyway. Just a bunch of faceless names. Or nameless faces? I don’t know. That doesn’t matter. Twenty-nine nobodies! That’s the mindset I’m going into this with. And sure, to be fair, that’s probably the mindset anybody watching from home is going to have. Perfectly reasonable thought to have. Not much acting required on my part. I’m a natural. But I don’t want you to worry. I appreciate the extras! Maverick and Iceman need a cast around them. I’m sure there is a Wolfman in the bunch. A few Sliders, maybe. Certainly a whole bench of Gooses. Geese?

[Matt checks his watch and looks displeased. Suddenly, Tiffany sneaks up on him.]

Tiffany: Hey!

Matt: Jesus! Hey Charlie.

Tiffany: Umm, don’t call me that. You sticking around?

Matt: No way, Jose.

Tiffany: Am I Charlie or Jose now? And why the hell not? You act like you want to come back but you refuse to talk to the guys that can make it happen! You won’t even really talk to me about it. I’ve got the power.

Matt: Dun… Dun, dun dun-

Tiffany: Stop it! I’m being serious!

Matt: So am I. I know what they’ve got to say. I am well aware of what kind of offer is on that table, Tiff. I’m going to sit at a few tables before I commit to one, thats all.

Tiffany: Wha…

Matt: Sorry. I’ve gotta find the right situation.

Tiffany: Whatever. Good luck, I guess.

[Before Matt can even respond, Tiffany has turned away and is stomping back to the house. The camera pans back to Matt. The door can be heard slamming and Matt cringes a little.]

Matt: Seriously… That went about ten times better than I expected it to.

[Matt looks back at the house momentarily before rolling his eyes.]

Matt: A wise Naval Aviator once said: “If you think... you’re dead.” Keep that in mind, ladies and gentlemen. While I’m out sipping on cocktails and squeezing every penny out of every owner that approaches me, you’ll be up all night. Thinking. Thinking about ways to survive. Thinking about ways to stand out. Thinking about ways to get around me. Killing yourselves.

[Matt looks to his left and a car pulls up. Matt’s brother Mike is driving and wearing an identical pair of sunglasses to Matt. Mike reaches over and unlocks the passenger side door. Matt walks over to the car. He grabs ahold of the door handle but does not open the door.]

Matt: Lighten up, guys. Look at it this way, you’re lucky to even be here! In the presence of ‘The Marvel.’ And after I win at Battlemania and cash in big time on it, the drinks are on me! Matt Meyhu is leaving Atlantic City and moving on to bigger and better things. Keep your eyes open.

[Matt pulls the door open and slides into the car. The brothers exchange a nod before Mike speeds off just as a car with Boardwalk Wrestling executives pulls up to the house. The scene fades to black…]


“...this match is about combat. There are no points for second place.”

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