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The ScooteR Gripe for EPW Russian Roulette 2007

JABolich

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The views in this feature do not necessarily represent the opinions of Bolich. Actually I thought most of the matches and angles were pretty good.



- The ScooteR Gripe for EPW Russian Roulette 2007.

- Posted on 10/2/2007.

- So it's been awhile since I've sank my teeth into an EPW show and I've heard that Russian Roulette was watchable. While I have my doubts, I'll give it a shot.

- WE ARE LIVE FROM THE A-T-L and also from my basement. Not just pizza today - I've got a bucket of wings!

- Opening promo: The Raging Roid Retard lets us know that IrishRed is mercifully gone and that he takes control of EPW again next week on Aggression. Yeah, great idea, guys, use your Pay-Per-Views to sell your free TV show. I can't believe they're still dragging out the Beast feud, but I guess a mouthful of Ryan cock goes a long way towards keeping your spot.

- Stalker vs. La Butch Nakita. Oh, great choice for a hot opener, guys - the heat vacuum herself. Neely buries Stalker on commentary. They do a retarded INTENSITY spot, and Stalker goes punchy on her and pulls at her hair. Splash sets up the triple Russian legsweep, and the fisherman's buster gets 2. Niki-tiki-tonga kicks him and gets the rope-assisted DDT. A sloppy lionsault follows, which hits hits mostly mat, and she suplexes Stalker and lands another moonsault. The superkick gets a nearfall. Suplex onto the rope sets up the spear off the apron. Back in, and Stalker gets a drop toehold. CLUBBERIN', CLUBBERIN', THEY BE CLUBBERIN'! Stalker pulls out a fisherman's DDT for some reason, and then the front legsweep, but Dahaka counters a backdrop into a powerbomb to the outside. Stalker eats ring apron. Back in, and a lazy tornado DDT gets 2 for Dakalaka. She whiffs on a corner charge, though, and eats a DDT for 2. Cradle piledriver gets 2, and that should've been the finish. A contrived counter sequence leads to Stalker hitting another DDT for the pin. 1/2* Just a spotfest with no psychology and crappy selling from Stalker.

- Beastlet shows off some T-shirts. They advocate homophobia. Did I just miss some kind of bizarre Dan Ryan Roid Clique in-joke?

- Ice Tre IS HERE. He's come to get a contract extension and punk out Sean Stevens, who is apparently a *****. Did I mention that "the Ice Age" is the best catchphrase in the last four or five years? Someone let this man win matches!

- Simply Beautiful vs. Cameron Cruise vs. a mystery opponent. Except we get backstage sportz entertainment with Homeland Security threatening to shut down the show over the arriving mystery man. It's Olvir Arsvinnar, thus constituting the worst payoff to a mystery-man angle since the Gobbledy Gooker. I was betting on Eric Davis, myself. Olvir no-sells a dropkick and stomps Cruise, then cleans house on the smaller guys. Powerslam on Cruise, but SB breaks it up with a neckbreaker. Enziguri and the gutwrench backbreaker kill Cruise, but a chokeslam from the Viking kills SB in return. Low blow is no-sold. Three-way corner shenanigans ensue. Piledriver from SB puts Olvir down. Fist drop from Cruise kills SB. They brawl, and Olvir gets a noggin-knocker. Cruise gets slammed, but SB reverses an Olvir MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSTER into the tornado DDT for a close fall. Italian deathlock is broken up by Olvir's big foot. Berzerker Bomb to Cruise follows; Mercedes breaks the count, and Olvir gives chase. Back in the ring, SB buries a dead Cruise with the New York Nightmare for the duke. 1/2* Olvir is worthless, but Cruise sold like death to try and get him over, and it worked out alright. The piped-in Olvir chants were pretty blatant, though.

- Backstage, Ice Tre goes to show some groupies the gorilla position. HI, SMARKS! HI! HAVE A BONE!

- Beast vs. Troy Douglas. Part 93875492368. I love how EPW always goes back to this match when they need a decent power match to round out a card. They tie up and go to the headlock. Douglas tanks some power moves and ducks the lariat. Neckbreaker is countered to a backslide for two. Loafy slugs away, but eats knee in the corner. Forearm and a DDT ensue, followed by a suplex and a delayed repetition of the same. Knees to the back follow. Douglas telegraphs a back body drop and eats boot. Beast chops the **** out of him in the corner. Turnbuckle clothesline sets up the belly-to-belly suplex. Underhook suplex follows, but Beast hits post on a spear into the corner and gets hit with a German suplex for a near-fall. Douglas lays in the belly-to-belly slams as the commentators actually reference Scott Steiner. That gets two. Clothesline gets two. European Uppercut follows. AWW YEAH! Lariat is ducked, and the Loafy Forearm turns the tide. They recover, and Beast kills him with the MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSTER. More pausing to let Loafy catch his wind, and a powerslam gets two. Piledriver sets up the Absolution, which is reversed into a pin. Beast is all SCREW THAT and clotheslines him anyway, though. Judas Cradle is evaded. Sharpshooter is turned into a pin by Douglas. Neckbreaker puts Doug in control, but he whiffs on the flying headbutt. You know, that's a little tasteless right now. Gore kills Douglas, and Beast plays to the crowd, apparently loafing up. This prompts Dan Ryan and Anarky to show up for the obligatory Beast sackbeating, and they roll Douglas onto Beast for the screwjob. **1/4 Was going along just fine until the stupid finish. Post-match sackbeating ensues, prompting Cross to return and run off the heels on the grounds that Ryan's turning EPW into Sodom and Gomorrah. And the Roid Clique grows.

- Tag title #1 contendership: The Forsaken vs. Highland Park Social Club vs. Crimson Calling. What's with all the three-ways? Are we just striving to get everyone a payoff? From the looks of things Adam Benjamin's missed another opportunity to get over. First and Dope send the CCs out. Suicide tope by Dope. Hey, similar spelling. Frog splash smacks Benjamin, while Dope avoids Big Fat Russian Corner Shenanigans. The HSC get control as Banjo and First finally get into the ring. They do some chain wrestling, and with the outside shenanigans I think I'm just going to give up trying to play-by-play this. Dalkichev is fat, and nobody is selling. Cluster****ery follows, and Black gets the pin on Banjoman following a CC double-team. DUD Could've been something without one of the teams. As it was, it was just a cluster**** with any hints at psychology and selling lost in the sea of gratuitous spots.

- TV Title: Shawn Hart (c) (w. Frankie Scott) vs. James ZOMG IRISH (w. Sergeant). They trade eye rakes. Gingerly. Come on, ladies! OOOOH. CLUBBERIN', CLUBBERIN', THEY BE CLUBBERIN'! Irish takes control with a laughable MMA ground-pounding sequence. Hart turns it into a one count, then takes a powder. Sarge cuts him off, and Irish drags him back in. Irish chops, but whiffs on a clothesline, and Hart works over the shoulder and goes to the hammerlock. Gasp! Psychology? In an EPW match?! Dean Matthews rules here, calling the mechanics behind the hold. Hart bumps Irish's shoulder into the corner and rolls him up for two. Pele kick whiffs, and Irish sweeps him and brawls, only to get backdropped on the shoulder. Snap suplex, but Hart whiffs on a knee drop. Irish baseball slides the bum knee and gets the facebuster for two. Knee lift sets up the DDT, but Scott puts Hart's foot on the ropes. Sarge goes for Frankie and the ref puts a stop to it, and Hart goes low and hits the powerbomb for two. Irish gets the LEFT shoulder up. Front suplex sets up some brawling and a corner clothesline. Twisting blockbuster gets two. Hart Attack is blocked into a hook kick, and the powerbomb gets two, as Irish chooses now to stop selling the shoulder. Missile dropkick gets two. Osaka Street Cutter is reversed, and Hart gets two off a German. Belt shot misses, but an Irish schoolboy gets two. Headbanger's Ball sets up the butterfly brainbuster, but Hart breaks the Fredonia Cloverleaf. He whiffs on a corner elbow, though, and Hart ranas right back to the right shoulder with a fujiwara armbar. Crowd is getting hot. Irish makes the ropes. Hart Attack is blocked again, and Irish fights him with one arm. Swinging DDT gets two. Air Check is blocked by an eye poke, and the atomic drop sets up the superkick, which whiffs. Enziguri sets up the somersault legdrop, and Irish gets the pin and the title. **** About time we saw some psychology on this show. Best offering thus far.

- Beau Michaels vs. Anarky. Oh boy, another Beau Michaels match. Someone call the FCC. 'Faggot' chant starts. Michaels makes kissy faces, so Nark belts him and chokes him out. He breaks clean, but punches him again anyway. Elbow, and the whip to the corner sets up a back suplex, which is flipped out of. They reverse into German positions, and Michaels grinds his ass against Anarky to break, but Anarky slugs him down. Kick to the chops ensues. Anarky takes him by the hair, prompting Michaels to nuzzle his crotch, setting up a shoulder charge. See, the psyche-out, then the move. Anarky again slugs him down, and a front suplex gets two. Snake Eyes is blocked, and Michaels gets the ass-groping roll-up for two. Drop toe hold, and Michaels dry-humps him on the mat. Anarky powers out and hits a snapmare, then smacks Beau in the back of the head. I so love this. Clothesline, forearms, and the DDT spikes Michaels, but Beau crotches him on the top rope. Michaels goes for the trunks and they fight over it, and a superplex kills Anarky. Kneeling pins with the crotch to the face get consecutive two counts. Bulldog gets two for Michaels. Irish whip is countered into an Anarky crescent kick, but Michaels grabs the ropes and Anarky whiffs. Legdrop gets two for Michaels. He pulls Anarky into an extremely gay headscissors. Pedigree is blocked into a backdrop, but Michaels holds on and snuggles Anarky's ass upside down, earning him a backdrop driver. Moonsault by Anarky sets up the catapult and the savate kick, and the split-legged moonsault gets two. Michaels takes a powder, but Anarky topes and catches both him and the Chicken. Back in, and the flying Thesz press connects. Chops and a clothesline dump Michaels again. Hotshot stuns Anarky, and the hurricanrana sets up the gay cover for two. European uppercut by Beau. AWW YEAH! Short-arm hook kick sets up a Samoan drop for two. Delayed suplex hits. Axehandle is countered by a midair superkick for a really close fall. They recover slowly, and Anarky slugs away. Crescent kick sets up a brainbuster for two. Anarky chokes him out and goes for the whip. Crucifix by Beau is countered by Anarky backing him into the corner. Michaels sells it like death, but again goes for the pants, but Anarky pounds on him enough to bust him open hardway. Chaos Breaker ends it. ***1/2 Finish was a touch anticlimactic, but the psychology was phenomenal, with Michaels playing mind games and Anarky having none of it.

- Backstage time, as Triple X got Ice Tre's contact extended so he can kill him legally. Ohhhhh-kay.

- Intercontinental Title: Karl Brown (c) vs. Foxx. Isn't it time for Brown to drop the belt yet? They do some reversals to set up the Foxx leg lariat. They circle, and Brown goes to the hammerlock but gets countered and chopped. Brown gets a belly to belly, but whiffs on a lariat and gets caught with a cross body. They do a martial arts sequence that seems totally out of place. Tiger suplex from Brown sets up more chain wrestling, and Foxx grabs an armbar. She works in the wristlock and gets the armbar DDT for two. Side Russian legsweep hits. They crisscross, and Brown tiltawhirls her for two. Snap suplex sets up the D-D-D-DRAGON SCREEEW! Leglock ensues. Brown stomps the leg, slams the knee, and hits the sideslam to set up another leg stretch. Foxx gets the ropes, but Brown German suplexes her on her NECK in a badly blown spot. Spinning toehold, into a figure four. She fights it, though, and reverses, only for Brown to painstakingly escape. Foxx chops, but the hurricanrana is blocked by a powerbomb for two. Whip to the corner, but Brown eats turnbuckle on a splash, and Foxx sidekicks him and scores a reverse DDT for two. Snapmare and the flip elbow get two. She works over the arm and nails a hammerlock suplex for a close fall. Straitjacket ensues, turned into a pin, but Brown's feet are under the ropes. Pele kick kills him dead. She grabs a leg hook, but Brown kicks her into the referee. Brown kicks the leg, and gets the European uppercut. AWW YEAH! Brainbuster follows. Bite is countered into a German, Dragon, and Tiger suplex combo, but Brown kicks out. Inside cradle by Brown follows. Top rope shenanigans, and Brown is dumped. She foolishly planchas him, though. They beat each other up on the floor, and Foxx blocks the INEXPLICABLE CAMERON CRUISE FINISHER with a flip legdrop. She goes to suplex him through the table, but gets dragon suplexed through the Spanish announce table, and the production truck mute the crowd noise (very obviously - you can TELL there's a holy **** chant going) as the commentators all get their Owen Voices on. Is that a Sportz Entertainment Finish? Yes sirree Bob. **1/2 Technically sound, but it went on for far too long, and the slow pace at the beginning killed it, as did the angle at the end and the whole soap opera build. This **** belongs on General Hospital. The match itself should've gone for ten minutes less and ended with a clean finish.

- #1 contendership: JA vs. Kin Hiroshi vs. Rude of the Turks. I'm tired of three-ways; I'm not even going to call this. Too much hassle. Suffice it to say that it's pretty good, and ends with Stalker hitting a DDT on Rocko onto a chair and JA pinning him with a Karelin Driver. *** I have to say a few things. While I'm sure all the little kiddies out there are marking out for the commentators talking about the Muta scale and sick bumps, it needs to ****ing stop. That ****'s smark stuff - review fodder. I expect the announcers to not break kayfabe and not get into the industry lingo on-camera. It's **** like this that's killing the mystique of the business. At least JA doesn't suck.

- Backstage, Triple X beats up Rocko and makes out with his wife. Humiliating Rocko? I'm all for it.

- World Title: Old Man (c) vs. Hot Chick vs. Just Hired Last Week. Yes. Yes I'm annoyed. Shut up. Here's hoping EPW buries this stupid Melton Brothers angle down deep, right beside IrishRed and Jonathan Marx. As I'm tired of three-ways, I am again not going to play-by-play this in detail. Too frustrating. They fight, and the men one-up each other. Many nearfalls ensue. Divine Right on Melton, but XXX breaks it up. More fighting. Ice Tre run-in cleans house on XXX's opponents but fails to get the pin. They recover, and the X-Terminator kills Melton to give XXX the pin and the title. ***1/2 I hate three-ways, but this was pretty good. Still not sure why they'd put the belt on XXX, though. I am so sick of CSWA's castoffs drifting around the EPW main event. Push some homegrown talent!

- THE BOTTOM LINE:

I hate three-ways. Nobody knows how to work them anymore - they just lurch from high spot to high spot without giving the crowd a chance to ebb and flow. Most of the matches were pretty good, though not up to EPW's usual standard simply because three-ways suck, but while the wrestling is generally good there is a lot of crap to wade through. The undercard is still really weak, and some of the lower guys really need to learn psychology before they're worth giving a big push to. In general, though, a lot of the angle stuff left a sour taste in my mouth - pushing a jobber in Ice Tre to a main event feud, pushing a lower-midcard guy like Stalker into an upper-card feud when he has absolutely no heat, and hiring Olvir McUseless and pushing him at ALL. As with Wrestleverse, it's worth seeing for some of the good matches, but nothing worth going out of your way for unless you're a big Triple X fan.

Thumbs in the middle.
 
Last edited:

DBrunkGXW

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For those of you unfamiliar with the Scooter Gripes - Bolich does these for fun as a take off on cynical internet reviewers.

And no, Scooter doesn't like angles - not ANY angles...LOL Scooter likes Ring of Honor-like wrestlefests, which we aren't. Heh. So - don't take any of this to heart. It's for entertainment purposes only.

And yes - I did this to prevent any "what the **** is his problem?!" private messages to me. And yes - I have received them in the past.

Thanks Jeff. :)
 

jediPREZ

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For those of you unfamiliar with the Scooter Gripes - Bolich does these for fun as a take off on cynical internet reviewers.

And no, Scooter doesn't like angles - not ANY angles...LOL Scooter likes Ring of Honor-like wrestlefests, which we aren't. Heh. So - don't take any of this to heart. It's for entertainment purposes only.

And yes - I did this to prevent any "what the **** is his problem?!" private messages to me. And yes - I have received them in the past.

Thanks Jeff. :)

Hmmm...I probably should've posted a note like this after quite an explosive NFW show... :cool:

Good to see Scooter back, although I'm sure he's right at the front of the line with PETA and M.A.D.D in protesting NFW. hehehe
 

DBrunkGXW

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Hmmm...I probably should've posted a note like this after quite an explosive NFW show... :cool:

Good to see Scooter back, although I'm sure he's right at the front of the line with PETA and M.A.D.D in protesting NFW. hehehe

LOL!

Scooter thinks EPW has too much Sports Entertainment.

NFW would make his head spontaneously combust. :)
 

JABolich

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Scooter lusts for Rabesquedor and Bryan Danielson. :p Yes, don't take the ScooteR Gripes as my opinion. I write them as an amusing aside and a poke at Scott Keith.

The snippiness is also kind of a product of the E-fed universe being necessarily anomalous where booking is concerned because it's harder in an E-fed to keep people off the card.
 

RStrawsma

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For those of you unfamiliar with the Scooter Gripes - Bolich does these for fun as a take off on cynical internet reviewers.

And no, Scooter doesn't like angles - not ANY angles...LOL Scooter likes Ring of Honor-like wrestlefests, which we aren't. Heh. So - don't take any of this to heart. It's for entertainment purposes only.

And yes - I did this to prevent any "what the **** is his problem?!" private messages to me. And yes - I have received them in the past.

Thanks Jeff. :)

*sets down the brick*
 
P

Phenomenal

Guest
I like how ScooteR has a secret "man crush" on Frankie. ;)
 

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