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Pressure Chief
Jan 1, 2000
(FADEIN: To a decent looking hotel room, looking as decent as something in North Carolina can look. We see a couch, an armoire (That's a big dresser with shelves in it, in case you didnt' know) with a 27" TV resting inside, A rousing NBA 2K2 Lakers vs Sixers game playing on it. the camera pans down on the Dreamcast system sitting on the floor in front of the TV, then pans up the cord, finally taking us to 'Hot Property' EDDIE MAYFIELD, stting on the side of the bed, in socks, jeans and a black T-shirt, no logo. MAYFIELD has a Camel hanging out the side of his mouth, blazing. MAYFIELD works the huge controller, cursing under his breath, a bead of sweat forming on his forehead.)

MAYFIELD: (Swearing) "SUNOFA -... (inhales, then throws the controller on the bed) Man... Hacking freaking Shaq, man... The computer cheats like a bastard. (Smirks then turns to the camera) And that leads us into our next episode of 'Eddie Speaks'. Let's talk about cheaters. They say they never prosper. They say they never win. They say that they have beady eyes and oily skin. (Feels his arm, laughing) Well, let's just say that I've been known to cheat in my day - but I don't ALWAYS. In the case of the upcoming roofed cage match between myself, The original E Class, Eddie Mayfield, heh - The Cocky One Craig Miles and those freaking panty-waists, Simply Slampigs, People are startin' to talk. They're asking me - Hey E Double, do you REALLY think that Simply Stunning aren't all that? Do you REALLY think that they ain't the BIZOMB? Well first, yes, I DO think that they ain't all that. Secondly, I would NEVER say 'Bizomb'. What does that mean? Well, it means that Wilcox and Hardy? I DON'T F'ING SWEAT YOU. Miles AIN'T SWEATING YOU. We ain't nice doods. We ain't necessarily wearing the white hats and rock the all-white horses. What we WILL do, is ride off into the sunset with those two gold belts, that tell all of you marks at home who the champs really are. You don't think that we can do it? Heh. You MUST be smoking dope. Simply Stunning - I told you weeks ago that you were put on notice - this ain't some BS tagteam with a bad haircut and halitosis that Merrit pulled out of a deck of Pokemon cards and thought would be a good idea to make a team out of. Nobody tapped Mana and put little stones on a board to create us. No freaking muppets, and no crap. No british, bad-toothed retards who drop E before matchtime to get a glow is gonna outshine ME one on one. And that's for real for real. And I don't EVEN have to cheat or swerve ya'll to get it done. That's how much I think of you two. (Snorts)

You see, I saw your last little promo, and maybe I missed an episode, but I don't really remember hearing either of you talking about how you were gonna get out of this match with those belts. I listened to you two fight over who got to lay some rat actress that you paid food stamps to, for the promo. See, I don't need to pretend. I don't need to play make-believe, because the cold, harsh reality of PRIMETIME, is that the PEE ARE OHS are gonna huff... (smirks) we're gonna PUFF... (Takes a drag off of his cigarette) and we're gonna BLOW YOUR FREAKING HOUSE DOWN. And while you're trying to figure out where your stereo butt-plugs went in the debris, we're gonna be walking tall with 20 pounds of plate gold on our waits, or ... wait (Puts up a finger) ... or lovingly cradled in the crook of my arm. (smiles) I know ya'll like when I drop that one on ya.

See, the time to put up or shut up is upon us, and you know me - hell, I could talk all night! But what is GONNA happen, is that those belts are gonna get put up in that damned cage match, and hook or crook - you ain't leaving with them. You don't think we got the props to do it? Try me. You think 'Mid-Card Hacks' could make you sh*t your shorts? Check them drawers, fellas. Because in a few days, The Pros are checking for bacon strips, just like back in grade school in a locker room shakedown - we're putting you two on display. And if your sh*t ain't correct - YOU'RE GONNA GET SMOKED. The games are over, fellas. Shine those belts up real nice, so I can see myself in the glow - because anything less when we beat your asses in the middle of the ring at PRIMETIME? Would simply be... UN-PROFESSIONAL."

(FADEOUT As MAYFIELD goes back to playing his game, cursing at Shaq smacking down Iversons Lay-up)

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