Unlucky for Some 2013: Louisville

[fugginVOSS]

Unlucky for Some 2013
Show I: Louisville
Broadbent Arena, Louisville, Kentucky
Attendance: 5,322​

[Opening titles start up with a slow fade from black to the IGC Space Invader symbol as “Cough cough” by Everything Everything begins to play. Fading to an image of LEYENDA DE OCHO standing across the ring from PHIL ATKEN inside a cage at V FOR VICTORALICIOUS.]

♫ Yeah you’re ravenous, you’re champing at the bit ♪

[TRANSITION-TO: MAGNUS DESTRUCTO with a blood caked face roaring at the fans.]

♫ Just a cog next to a cog next to a pit ♪

[TRANSITION-TO: VIZIER TA SETI locking up with HORNET at FLY ME TO THE MOON with the fans in the background bursting to their feet.]

♫ I would burn to break away and rest my ears ♪

[TRANSITION-TO: JACK HARMEN leaping off the top rope and missile dropkicking MAGNUS DESTRUCTO in the back of the head at SORRY YOU’RE NOT A WINNER.]

♫ No more lighting, no more solace in arrears ♪

[TRANSITION-TO: SYLO with XOESH THE ZITH in a Fireman’s carry before nailing the Systematic Shutdown.]

♫ Bad - and it’s creeping it’s way through my windows ♪
♫ And it’s slithering under my door ♪

[TRANSITION-TO: TROY MATTHEWS jabbing the end of a sledgehammer into the face of CHRISTOPHER RYAN EAGLES and the Cancer of TWOstars drops ringside.]

♫ And it’s in my peripheral vision ♪
♫ And it’s pourin’ up under my floor ♪

[TRANSITION-TO: HORNET leaping into the corner with a big Hornet Splash on VIZIER TA SETI.]

♫ And it’s whisperin’ into my eardrums ♪
♫ And it’s tellin’ me that I want more ♪

[TRANSITION-TO: PHIL ATKEN hitting a diving DDT on MAGNUS DESTRUCTO.]

♫ But I’m comin’ alive ♪
♫ I’m happenin’ now ♪

[TRANSITION-TO: LEYENDA DE OCHO Sunset flipping SABRE out of the ring at ULTRATITLE: SURVIVALISM.]

♫ But I’m comin’ alive ♪
♫ I’m happenin’ now ♪

[TRANSITION-TO: DRAGON JONES hitting SABRE with a Deejsault.]

♫ And the eureka moment hits you like a cop car ♪

[TRANSITION-TO: HORNET with TA SETI locked into the Scorpion Deathlock, nodding his head maniacally in silent urges for the challenger to tap out.]

♫ And you wake up just head and shoulders in a glass jar ♪

[TRANSITION-TO: LEYENDA DE OCHO hitting an Actualizar on EDDIE WHISKY before bouncing off and hitting one on STEVE “AXION” JACKSON.]

♫ You clear your throat you raise your eyebrows but you don’t say ♪

[TRANSITION-TO: MAGNUS DESTRUCTO powerbombing GOLLOMACH through a table, down onto SYLO, and through a second table to the exposed concrete ringside.]

♫ But I’m comin’ alive ♪

[TRANSITION-TO: ATKEN with OCHO trapped in the It’s a Figure Four with OCHO tapping as the DOUG KEITH calls for the bell.]

♫ Cough cough ♪

[TRANSITION-TO: PHIL ATKEN on his knees, head thrown back, Intergalactic Championship in one hand raised in the air and the other balled into a victorious fist as it fades out.]

 

[fugginVOSS]

Let the Tour Begin

Let the Tour Begin​

SFX:BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

[Pyros explode on the stage before the entrance way as Louisville, Kentucky, bursts to it’s feet. Indeterminable crunching metal riffs play as more pyro bursts out of the stage. FLASH CUT-TO: fans in the arena high fiving themselves. Signs are littered throughout the arena. FLASH CUT-TO: “HORNET WINS!” sign, held by a fat frat boy with a beer helmet on. FLASH CUT-TO: “NO, I’M PHIL ATKEN!” held by a stunning red headed woman. FLASH CUT-TO: “LEVEL 8 BOSS” held by a teen wearing a Sonic style Ocho mask. FLASH CUT-TO: “I SHOULD’VE TAKEN THAT LEFT AT ALBUQUERQUE” sign held by a man wearing a pain GRILLE mask. FLASH CUT-TO: “THEY LIVE AMONG US!” sign, with a picture of Xoesh the Zith’s head on the side. FLASH CUT-TO: the announce table where “PLAYBOY” HARRY BALKIN sits, wearing a tye died three piece suit with a bright yellow shirt beneath. His patent rose coloured glasses are not seen as he wears a RIP HAMILTON style face mask since DESTRUCTO broke his nose at V FOR VICTORALICIOUS. He sits beside “THE RAGING FEAR” AUGUST MONDAY, who wears a black IGC t-shirt beneath a bikey looking vest. His grizzly beard is pulled into a beard ponytail, as is his long red hair.]

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“Guys an’ gals, welcome to the FIRST SHOW OF THE TOUR. IGC presents it’s Unlucky for Some Twen’y Thirteen tour and the first stop is Louisville, Kentucky, and you’d think Colonel Sanders hisself was in this building listenin’ to the mad pops this crowd is givin’ us. WOOOOOOOOOO!”

AUGUST MONDAY:“Harry, it’s sure good to be here in ol’ Kentucky to kick off this tour. These fans are loud and they’re proud and we’ve got one Helluva a show to kick off the tour.”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“We got plenty’f IGC qualifyin’ matches, Augie, but we ALSO have the kick off of the Intergalactic Team Championships of the Universe division with two new teams; Funicide versus the Monsters of the Pacific. “

AUGUST MONDAY:“Well, Har’, it’s good to see the IGC expandin’ their operations and gettin’ some freebirds action goin’. I love this idea. I love this concept. I can’t wait t’see who wins them belts.”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“Well, Augie, funny you should mention it. The Commission has said it’s not gonna give out any belts. There’s gonna be a trophy and the Champs can carry that around with honour once they win. Same rules apply as the Intergalactic Championship, you gotta win two matches to qualify for a title match.”

AUGUST MONDAY:“Well, what if we only get one damn team winnin’ two matches in a row, Har’?”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“Simple. They thought of that, brother. If only one team has won two in a row... if they win a THIRD in a row... we got us some champs.”

AUGUST MONDAY:“I guess that’s why they pay Murphy the big bucks.”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“It ain’t for his looks!”

[Both men burst into loud laughter. MONDAY pats BALKIN on the back and wipes away a tear.]

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“Anyways, tonight’s gonna be one heck of a card, Augie. Not only do we have team match up and THREE IGC Qualifiers but our main event is one doozy if I ever seen one, brother.”

AUGUST MONDAY:“That’s right, Har’. Tonight, Intergalactic Champion, Phil Atken, defends his championship against the man he fought at Sorry You’re Not a Winner, Magnus Destructo. And if I were Atken I’d be shakin’ in my boots coz you can guaran-damn-tee there’s gonna be Hell to pay for that end.”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“Roll the footaage.”

[FLASH CUT-TO: REPLAY! ATKEN leaping with a clothesline but DESTRUCTO catches him mid-air, charging forward into the corner and drives him spine first into the turnbuckles before staggering back a couple of steps and tossing PHIL over his head with a overhead release belly-to-belly suplex.]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“HOLY (bleep)! DESTRUCTO JUST KILLED ATKEN!”

MORTON MURPHY:
“COVER!





“ONE!





“TWO!







“THREE!





“KICKOUT! OH MY GAWD!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“AW (bleep), SON! PHIL KICKED OUT!”

[DESTRUCTO bursts to his feet, limping angrily at the referee holding up three fingers. Realising his argument was falling on deaf ears, he returns to ATKEN and pulls him to his feet. Holding PHIL by the head MAGNUS runs a thumb across his throat and roars at the fans.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“MAGNUS DESTRUCTO! Putting an END to this!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“We’re gonna see another Destructo-LOW BLOW!”

MORTON MURPHY:
“The referee never saw it!”

[DESCTRUCTO, clutching his groin, dropped to one knee as ATKEN falls into the corner to recover. He charges forward , step ladders off MAGNUS’ bent knee and drives a knee into the face of DESTRUCTO that flattens him out. ATKEN clambers up the turnbuckle to the top rope.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Phil, up top! Destructo rising! PHIL LEAPS!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“DDT!”

[ATKEN launches, capturing DESTRUCTO in a diving DDT and drives him head first into the canvas and clambers on top of him, rolling him up.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“PHIL’S COVERING!






“ONE!





“TWO!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“HE’S GOT A HANDFUL OF TIGHTS! A HANDFUL OF TIGHTS!”

MORTON MURPHY:
“THREE!”

***DING! DING! DING!***

MORTON MURPHY:
“HE’S DONE IT! PHIL ATKEN HAS RETAINED THE INTERGALACTIC CHAMPIONSHIP!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“PHIL HAD A HANDFUL OF TIGHTS, MORT!”

MORTON MURPHY:
“Phil Atken, with a handful of tights, nailed Magnus Destructo with that diving DDT and rolled him up. He has RETAINED the Intergalactic Championship!”

[The referee takes the Intergalactic Championship belt from ringside and ATKEN snatches it, rolling out of the ring as MAGNUS DESTRUCTO rises to his feet, pure unadulterated rage coursing through his veins. CUT-TO: PHIL ATKEN hoisting the Intergalactic Championship high above his head as he backs up the ramp.]

[FLASH CUT-TO: MONDAY and BALKIN at the table. AUGUST shakes his head, visibly disappointed with what he saw.]

AUGUST MONDAY:“I was there, Har’. And that low-life, cheatin’ sonofayouknowhwat got away with STEALIN’ that belt from Destructo.”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“I ain’t arguin’, brother. I’m sure tonight we’ll hear from the Champ and we’ll hear from the challenger, Augie, as to how tonight’s match goes down but I can tell you now... Morton Murphy ain’t gonna let Atken lie and cheat his way outta this one.”

AUGUST MONDAY:“Well the sonofagun cheated Ocho out of the damn title, too!”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“That’s right. Just a couple weeks ago, Phil Atken defeated Leyenda de Ocho by BITING him on the wrist like some sort’f pervert, Augie, and Ocho fell from that scaffold ALLLL the way to the ring.”

AUGUST MONDAY: “It was a brazen show of arrogance, Har’. Phil Atken ought to be taken down a notch.”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“Well, Destructo’s probably the man to do it.”

AUGUST MONDAY:“Well, I dunno if we’re gonna see two healthy men in tonight’s match, Har’. Magnus Destructo had t’overcome the SuperBeast at V for Victorlicious in a Monster’s Ball match and Atken went through Three Stages of Zelda.”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“They say time heals all wounds but will there have been enough, brother, between those demonic battles and tonight’s fight?”

AUGUST MONDAY:“And that’s zackly what it’s gonna be, Har’. Destructo is gonna come bringin’ his fists at the ready and he’s gonna have to keep it on a leash. He gets out of control and it's gonna cost him the belt. It won’t change hands on a count-out and I’m sure Atken will be as despicable as ever to keep out’f Maggie’s clutches.”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“Either way, Augie, these fans in Kentucky are gettin’ spoilt like a big money hooker in Washington D.C. coz that mat--”

[CUE: “Good From Afar” by Horsell Common. FLASH CUT-TO: the entrance ramp where the CEO of the IGCC, MORTON MURPHY, emerges from the back with two fists raised victoriously in the air. He immediately heads down toward the ring, slapping hands as the fans cheer.]

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“Well here comes the big ol’ boss man, Augie, and he’s lookin’ proud as punch right now.”

AUGUST MONDAY:“He oughta, Har’. He’s put together this tour. He got a good ol’ TV deal on ESEN. He’s near sold out the Broadbent Arena and these fans are noisy. What’s he got to be upset about?”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“Well, I sure as Hell can’t tell ya what he’s gotta be upset about apart from lookin’ like my ass plucked bare and dipped in ugly.”

[The two commentators start laughing heartily again as the not-nearly-as-ugly-as-the-announce-team-suggest MORTON MURPHY steps up the ring steps, taking a microphone as he enters the ring, and stands in the center.]

MORTON MURPHY:“Why hello there Kentucky, and welcome to the Intergalactic Championship Commission’s Unlucky For Some Twenty-Thirteen Tour!”

[POPS!]

MORTON MURPHY:“We have one Helluva show to put on tonight and you’re sure to attest that every dollar you spent on those tickets you got the bargain of a lifetime. This is the IGCC, people. This is the place where the dreams are sitting up in the stars and there’s only ONE person who can achieve those dreams.

“And that’s who dares to take the risk to take it all to become the champion.”

[The fans cheer loudly.]

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“And I think it’s pretty safe to say, like him or hate him, Phil Atken does whatever it takes to snatch those dreams away from everybody else.”

AUGUST MONDAY:“Well he is a bit of a jerk, Har’, but you can’t put it past him. The man has fought tooth and nail to stay as the champ.”

[MURPHY lets the crowd’s cheer dwindle before speaking again.]

MORTON MURPHY:“Not only do we have men fighting toward becoming the Intergalactic Champion tonight but we are debuting our new team division for the Intergalactic Team Championships of the Universe.”

[POPS!]

MORTON MURPHY:“And regardless of what you think, you gotta earn our championships. Our championships deserve the prestige and honour that comes with being the best wrestler in the galaxy. Every time we’ve held an event you know we bring you the best wrestlers who put on the best shows to make the IGCC the best thing going around in this industry.

“Which brings me to our Intergalactic Champion...”

[BOOS!]

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“Kentucky don’t like Phil!”

AUGUST MONDAY:“I ain’t so keen on him myself.”

MORTON MURPHY:“I know you’re sitting back there, Phil, plotting out how the Hell you’re gonna keep that title wrapped around your waist. Plotting. Planning. Spotting out every single demented little step you take but I’m telling you now... you will EARN YOUR KEEP!”

[POPS!]

MORTON MURPHY:“See, you can try your darndest to cheat but I’ve made sure that the official for this evening’s contest, Jarvis Jolt, is keeping his eye on you, Phil. Pull the tights. Low the blows. Spit Asian mist for all I give a crap about, Phil, coz here comes the stinger...”

[The fans grow silent in anticipation for MURPHY’s words.]

MORTON MURPHY:“Tonight the Intergalactic Championship will change hands if you get disqualified.”

[Louisville pops loudly as MURPHY paces back and forth nodding his head.]

MORTON MURPHY:“That’s right, Phil, if you do anything at all that Jarvis Jolt thinks twists the rules too far he will DQ your skinny little Scottish ass and call that match off and hand the Intergalactic Championship over to Magnus Destructo and you can cry yourself all the way back to the New Frontier.

“That business won’t go down on my watch. If you walk out of Louiville, Kentucky, tonight as the Intergalactic Champion it’ll be on MY terms. MY terms, Phil.”

[The fans cheer loudly again.]

MORTON MURPHY:“And if by some means you’ve managed to snake your way all the way to the end of this tour and still have that belt wrapped around your scrawny, little waist you’re going to have another problem. And you won’t be able to bite your way out of this one.”

[The fans boo at the thought of how Atken retained his title at V for Victoralicious.]

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“He’s talkin’ about the bite that sent de Ocho tumblin’ down to the ring, Augie.”

AUGUST MONDAY:“Just another reason to think Phil Atken is a low-life, Har’. One more to add to the list.”

MORTON MURPHY:“Because if by some way... if that snow flake manages to survive the infernos of Hell you’ve got THREE problems, Phil. THREE problems.

“Problem Number 1: At the end of this tour, just prior to Synchronise Your Watches, the very first PAY-PER-VIEW of the Intergalactic Championship Commission...” (POPS!) “...I will name a tour MVP. And that tour MVP will get a guaranteed Intergalactic Championship shot in the main event of Synchronise Your Watches and they will face YOU, Phil!”

[The fans roar their approval as MURPHY stands there, holding one finger up to number the problems. He shows off a second finger.]

MORTON MURPHY:“Problem number two: At Opporknockity Tunes, our 30 man Royal Rumble, only on PAY-PER-VIEW...” (cheap pops) “...the winner of that match gets not one but TWO Intergalactic Championship shots. The first one to be booked at the following show and the second to use whenever the Hell they WANT!”

[The fans roar loudly at the premise of some lucky superstar winning two Intergalactic Championship shots.]

AUGUST MONDAY:“Two Intergalactic Championship shots? Oh, business just picked up in the IGC.”

[MURPHY adds a third finger to the other two and holds his hand up high.]

MORTON MURPHY:“And problem... number... three...”

[CUE: “I’m Alive” by Jeremy Camp. Louisville launches to their feet and a ear shattering roar is heard from the fans as MURPHY turns to look at the entrance with a grin from ear-to-ear.]

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“HORNET! HORNET! HORNET!”

AUGUST MONDAY:“Well I’ll be DAMNED!”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“Morton Murphy, layin’ down the law like John Wayne kicked ass and laid out the problems Phil Atken would face if he could defeat Magnus Destructo tonight in Louisville, Kentucky, and here comes another problem for the Intergalactic Champion.”

[FLASH CUT-TO: the stage as the driving chorus hits, HORNET steps onto the stage as green fireworks fire in pattern above his head and gold sparks fall in a wall behind him. He looks to the crowd on the right, then on the left, bounces up on the balls of his feet and raises his arms. As he slams his arms down and takes off down the ramp for the ring, a large green-and-gold explosion goes off above the stage. FLASH CUT-TO: Fans in the stands cuddling. FLASH CUT-TO: a fat man in a HORNET t-shirt holding the bottom of the shirt out on display as he throws his head back and “WOOOOO”s. FLASH CUT-TO: The announce table where AUGUST MONDAY and HARRY BALKIN stand and applaud. FLASH CUT-TO: MORTON MURPHY standing at the ropes and applauding as well. FLASH CUT-TO: HORNET walking down the ramp slapping hands with outreaching fans.]

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN: “At Fly Me to the Moon, Hornet took on IWF’s Vizier ta Seti to face off for a banked Intergalactic Championship shot to be used at a show of his choosing and here he comes.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Rumours surfaced a few weeks back that Hornet was gonna announce his challenge date and if I were Phil Atken... even if I were Magnus Destructo... I’d be quakin’ in my BOOTS right about now.”

[HORNET climbs the steps and waves to the crowd before stepping through the ropes. He accepts a microphone from MURPHY, who then climbs out of the ring. HORNETstraightens the collar on his shirt and points to a group in the crowd that are spelling out ‘HORNET WINS!’]

HORNET:
“I’ve been introduced as a lot of things in my life, but ‘problem number three’ is a first.” (He grins.) “Phil Atken, your problem right now is that you have the Intergalactic Championship around your waist. And I’ve been champion of a lot of things. I’ve been a World Champion dozens of times. I’ve been the Ultratitle Chamipion. I’ve been UNIFIED Champion three times. I even had one little belt that said I was the “Universal” Champion, but I don’t think that universe exists anymore. But I’ve never been the champion of an entire GALAXY, Phil. And you people know I can’t turn down a challenge. Right, Louisville?

“Phil, problem number two for you. Despite this big space invader logo I’m standing on here in the ring, the time for video games is over. You may have glitched Leyenda de Ocho by sinking your razor sharp baby teeth into his wrist, but here’s the thing… I know Zelda. Zelda is a friend of mine. And you sir, are no Zelda… or Link… or Mario or Snake or Master Chief or… well, that exhausts my list. Point is, in the end, this isn’t about games, it’s about wrestling. I’ve seen the tapes, Phil – I know you can wrestle when you have to. But that brings us to problem number three.

“See, the problem is that despite being slightly busy taking over the CSWA, rebuilding a business and dealing with the headaches of putting every last red cent I have into it, your friendly neighborhood Intergalactic Championship Commission came calling. They laid out a schedule for me and there just happened to be a date on it where the seas parted, the sun came out and a beautiful path to the title was laid out right before.

“Problem number three is that in Steubenville, Ohio, at the second worst named wrestling event in modern history (behind Fish Fund of course), at Opporknockity Tunes, the champion of the galaxy meets the best wrestler in the universe. And if you’re still the champion by then, Phil, I’ll make sure you leave a few pounds lighter by taking the gold and knocking out some of those baby teeth along the way.”

[HORNET looks straight into the camera with a glare.]

HORNET:
“The time for games is over. The time for a juvenile delinquent champion has ended. And the best wrestler you will ever step into the ring with is coming for you.”

“You can call me problem number three.”

“Or you can just call me Champ.”

[HORNET drops the microphone to the mat and rolls out of the ring. He steps to the guardrails and starts signing autographs.]

AUGUST MONDAY:“Did I say business picked up or what?”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“You did, Augie. You did. And if you were dumb enough not to see the forest for the trees the God damn forest fire has arrived and Hornet will be challenging the Intergalactic Champion at Opporknockity Tunes!”

AUGUST MONDAY:“I think our buy-rate just went through the roof.”

 

[fugginVOSS]

Intergalactic Championship Qualifying Match: THE Sam Skull v. Ajax

Intergalactic Championship Qualifying Match
THE Sam Skull v. Ajax​

[FLASH CUT-TO SPLIT SCREEN: LEFT: THE SAM SKULL standing on the stage wearing his silver skull mask as he steps down to the ring. His black trunks have a matching silver skull on the front and SKULL looks downright powerful and in the zone. RIGHT: AJAX, wearing his cyan and gold MMA style shorts and mis-matching colour pads and boots in the same cyan/gold theme, pulling on the top rope and leaping over the top into the centre of the ring. FLASH CUT-TO WIDE SHOT: AJAX and SKULL tying up with SKULL pulling AJAX into a side headlock. FLASH CUT-TO: SKULL German suplexing AJAX and rolling it into a second. FLASH CUT-TO: AJAX pressed against the corner as SKULL unleashes a flurry of machine gun chops. FLASH CUT-TO: AJAX in a tree of woe with SKULL leaping down from the top with a double foot stomp to the face.]

[FLASH CUT-TO: SKULL hanging AJAX out to dry on the top rope with a flapjack. FLASH CUT-TO: SKULL creaming AJAX with a leaping leg lariat into the corner. FLASH CUT-TO: SKULL with AJAX on his shoulder hitting a gutbuster on his shoulder before flipping him in front of him down into a backbreaker. He drops to cover but pulls AJAX off the mat before referee JANE RUSSELL could strike a third time.]

[FLASH CUT-TO: SKULL hitting his Skull bomb (Ganso bomb) on AJAX before locking in the Skull Clutch and AJAX tapping out almost immediately.]

***DING! DING! DING!***

[SKULL doesn’t relinquish the hold, even as RUSSELL tries to pull him off of AJAX to no avail. Security rush from out the back to prise SKULL away, eventually managing to release the grip SKULL has. Security keep between SKULL and AJAX as SKULL exits the ring and backs up the ramp, removing his mask to show the sick sadistic grin hidden beneath it.]

Hardkore-Saurus RexFace

[CUT-TO: standing before an IGC locker room with the most abominable looking skanks standing around him, running their hands over his body, stands BOOKFACE, wearing the WREX Hardcore Championship draped over his shoulder. Wearing his famous mask, a book smashed into the face of a lucha mask, with blood running down his face and onto the chest the skanks caress.]

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“There’s BookFace, Augie. He won that belt he’s got hangin’ on his shoulder in the little sideshow you were runnin’.”

AUGUST MONDAY:“Well, ESEN weren’t real happy with the ratings of our pilot, Har’, and they canned it pretty quick.”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“Looks like Booker kept hisself a souvenir!”

[BOOKFACE adjusts the title on his shoulder and snarls at the camera.]

BOOKFACE:“I dunno whassup with these mongoloids runnin’ this here pony show, FRIENDS, but the Greatest Social PhenomeNOM-NOM-NOM Since ya Mother’s Gapin’ Gape-hole ain’t happy. Got me, like, near jerkin’ the maaaa-faaa curtain like.. I dunno... like Ikan Jobtayoo!”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“AHHH-HAHAHA-- he’s facin’ Ike tonight, Augie!”

BOOKFACE:“As you can, like, totz see here, my peeps, these skanks know a star when they see’s it. They was, like, on their knees slobberknockin’ right before this mongoloid..” (points off-screen at a producer) “...made me come out here and, like, totally entertain the livin’ HELL out’f you FRIEND REQUESTORS!

“But FRIENDSHIP DENIED! You’re lookin’ at the one and only ever, like, WREX Hardcore Champ, peeps. Y’ain’t gonna get some of this...” (runs a hand over his own chest) “...without bein’, like, totz awesome, like me!”

OFF-SCREEN: (Voice)“OOOOH! SHINING!”

[CUT-TO: WIDE SHOT: IKAN JOBTAYOO standing a few metres form BOOKFACE, who snarls at the Prince of Pinfall. The skanks look him up and down, focusing a little too long on his nether regions as IKAN eyeballs the belt on BOOKFACE’s shoulder.]

IKAN JOBTAYOO:“Are we having zee title change match?”

BOOKFACE:“Wha? Listen here, biz-nitch--” (BOOKFACE struts over and prods a finger into IKAN’s chest) “Firstly it’s called a title match. And it ain’t happenin’. And it, like, totz ain’t a title CHANGE coz you’d never take this, like, off me EVAAAAHHHHH! Coz I’m me and you’re, like, totally got no friends. I”VE GOT MILLIONS!”

IKAN JOBTAYOO:“Willing you be zee Ikan friend?”

BOOKFACE:“You spriken de Ingrish, GUY? HUH? What part of I’m gonna kick the livin’ TWEETS out’f your dumb ass don’t you get. You know what? I’m so confident I could kick your, like, butt all over Kentucky I WILL TOTALLY put my belt on the line.”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN: “That’s not even a sanctioned title!”

BOOKFACE:“Hardcore match. Me and you. Whaddaya, like, totally say, Ukan Jobtamee?”

[The fans in the arena are cheering loudly as IKAN switches his gaze form BOOKFACE to the WREX Hardcore title and back. Then a quick glimpse at the girls.]

IKAN JOBTAYOO:“And zee pretty lady friends?”

BOOKFACE:“HELL YEAH! You - me - winner gets, like, my belt and these totz slappers. Done deal. You come out there and WATCH the latest STATUS UPDATE...” (splays a hand across the air like he could see the words) “...BookFace retains over mongo!”

[BOOKFACE drops a shoulder into JOBTAYOO as he passes by. The skanks stop to eyeball him and lick their lips before they follow BOOKER.]

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“TWO TITLE MATCHES!”

AUGUST MONDAY:“That belt ain’t even real, Har’. He can’t defend that in the IGC.”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“Well, you tell HIM that, Augie.”

 

[fugginVOSS]

8-Bit Man Crush

8-Bit Man Crush
​

[CUT-TO: MORTON MURPHY sitting in his office on his iPhone 5, mid-conversation.]

MORTON MURPHY:“We’re very happy to be discussing this sponsorship offer, sir, and I can guarantee that Hornet WILL appear at Opporknockity Tunes. Yessir, that’s a guarantee.”

[Holds three fingers up as if the person on the other end can see.]

MORTON MURPHY:“Scout’s honour.”

SFX:BANG!

[MURPHY spins in his chair to the door. FLASH CUT-TO: PHIL ATKEN standing in the threshold with the Intergalactic Championship title draped over his shoulder.]

PHIL ATKEN: “If it isn’t the most canniving man I’ve ever had the displeasure of feasting my eyes upon. Look at you. So smarmy sitting behind the mahogany pulling the strings like a sadistic little puppet master.”

[CUT-TO: WIDE SHOT: MURPHY behind the desk with the phone pressed to his face. ATKEN crossing the threshold into his office.]

MORTON MURPHY:“I’ll call you back.” (hangs up) “What do I owe this pleasure, Phil?”

PHIL ATKEN:“You don’t want me as your champion, Murphy. I get that. I get that you don’t see me selling a squillion t-shirts. I get you want some lackey that answers your beckon call. I GET that, Murphy. But what you don’t get is that there’s only one way you can take this title off me and everybody you keep sending at me just can’t seem to get that job done.”

MORTON MURPHY:“Famous last words, champ. You think you’re smarter than the average bear. You keep finding some way to lie and cheat your way into keeping that belt but the clock’s ticking.”

[ATKEN puts a hand up stopping MURPHY from talking.]

PHIL ATKEN:“Don’t think I don’t see what you’re doing. You playing this whole catastrophe to that little [bleep]ant Ocho every time the IGC rolls into a town. You even made your stupid website look like a bloody vidja game. Is this the IGCC or the Leyenda de Ocho Tribute Show?”

[MURPHY goes to speak but ATKEN’s hand goes up again.]

PHIL ATKEN:“Don’t answer that. I don’t think I can stomach any more of your bull[bleep]. God knows I ran out of Mylanta after you ran your mouth to give Ocho the rub with that stupid bloody Three Stages of Zelda crap. Your bloody WEBSITE is mad about Ocho, too! In case you haven’t been watching your own bloody show, Morton, Ocho can’t get the job done. TWICE I’ve made him tap. The last time just to prove I’m the better wrestler. And then I sent him tumbling down to his demise from the top of that scaffolding. He can’t beat me, Morton. And neither can you.”

[MURPHY chuckles to himself.]

PHIL ATKEN:“What’s do damn funny?”

MORTON MURPHY:“Just coz you’ve got my strap on your shoulder, Phil, doesn’t mean you own me. And I’m telling you come Hell or high water I’ll make every day you carry it the longest days of your life.”

PHIL ATKEN:“YOU CAN’T BEAT ME, MURPHY! YOUR MONSTER CAN’T BEAT ME TONIGHT! YOUR VIDJA GAME STAR CAN’T BEAT ME EVER!”

[MURPHY moves past his desk and opens the mini-bar, reaching inside and grabbing a can from the fridge.]

MORTON MURPHY:“Chill out, Phil. Have one on the house.”

[He tosses the can of beer at ATKEN and exits his office, leaving the Intergalactic Champion standing there seething with rage. He looks down at the can in his hand and anger consumes him. 8 Bit Ale. He tosses the can hard into the wall and it bursts open.]

PHIL ATKEN:“Bloddy Ocho.”

 

[fugginVOSS]

Haughty by Nature - Not Coz I Hate Ya

Haughty by Nature - Not Coz I Hate Ya
​

[FLASH CUT-TO: THE HAUGHTY TROPE, gingerly making their way from the backstage area. “Bullseye” by Lakeside plays over the pa system as they try to slap the disinterested fan's hands. The MUNCHY MAN has a shirt that shows GREMLINS dressed like the TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES, while the BULLSEYE KID wears his trademark red mask featuring a white target over his face.]

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“What’re these two idiots doin’ comin’ out here?”

AUGUST MONDAY:“Play nice, Har’. They filled in for you when Destructo caved your face in.”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“They’re VULTURES, Augie. Willin’ to pick a bone even before the poor bastard’s dead.”

[The two slide into the ring, showing extreme enthusiasm as they each climb the turnbuckles. THE BULLSEYE KID calls for the microphone, and taps it twice.)

THE BULLSEYE KID:
“Heeeeeelllo Louisville!”

[The fans cheer. TBK pumps his fist in excitement as MUNCHY MAN stays on the far turnbuckle, raising his arms to get the fans in a frenzy. It's not quite working.]

THE BULLSEYE KID:
“Thank you! Thank you! We are the Haughty Trope.”

[A swell of noise wells up in the arena. TBK no doubt blushes underneath his red mask.]

THE BULLSEYE KID:
“You are TOO kind!”

[He doesn't notice it's for someone new sliding into the ring. Wearing a beige and black mask resembling that of a sandstorm, and coarse tights that resembled sandpaper, this man held an acoustic guitar and stood directly behind TBK. The crowd murmerred in anticipation.]

THE BULLSEYE KID:
“Thank you! I did NOT expect THIS!”

[MUNCHY MAN continues to face the crowd, thinking his arm motions are getting them into a fever pitch. The man in the beige and black mask taps THE BULLSEYE KID on the shoulder. He turns around, confused.]

THE BULLSEYE KID:
“Yessss...?”

[With a sudden strike, the acoustic guitar is splintered over it's target, the mask of THE BULLSEYE KID. The crowd cheers.]

MASKED MAN:“HARMATTAN!”

[TBK falls LIMP to his knees and then face first to the mat, with the guitar splintered around his skull. MUNCHY MAN turns to see his partner knocked unconscious, but nothing can be done as this mysterious assailant has disappeared back into the crowd. MUNCHY rushes over to TBK”s side and calls for EMTs.]

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“What the Hell was that? Who the Hell is that guy?”

AUGUST MONDAY:“Did he scream out Harmattan?”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“Sounds like that. Or Rattan. I dunno why he’d scream out about wicker furniture.”

AUGUST MONDAY:“Well, I’m sure the Haughty Troupe will have somethin’ to say about that coz that guitar smashed to PIECES in the face of TEE BEE KAY.”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN: “We gotta take a break.”

 

[fugginVOSS]

Intergalactic Championship Qualifying Match - Hardcore Rules: Ikan Jobtayoo v. BookFa

Intergalactic Championship Qualifying Match - Hardcore Rules
Ikan Jobtayoo v. BookFace​

[FLASH CUT-TO SPLIT SCREEN: of IKAN JOBTAYOO on the right and BOOKFACE on the left. JOBTAYOO bounces around on the stage before running, hand out slapping high fives with fans. BOOKFACE struts out with the WREX Hardcore Championship wrapped around his waist. The skanks who came out earlier by his side with their arms linked in his. FLASH CUT-TO: WIDE-SHOT: BOOKFACE holding the belt up high before handing it to REFEREE MASK I who tosses it over the top rope to MOSES MONK at the timekeeper’s table. FLASH CUT-TO: test of strength turning into a cheap kick from BOOKFACE before a side headlock takedown into a bulldog. FLASH CUT-TO: BOOKFACE whipping IKAN into the ropes and hitting a leg lariat. FLASH CUT-TO: BOOKFACE dropkicking IKAN through the ropes to the outside.]

[FLASH CUT-TO: BOOKFACE trying to pull MOSES MONK out of his chair before grabbing one from the front row of the audience and clobbering IKAN with the edge. FLASH CUT-TO: BOOKFACE Irish whipping JOBTAYOO into the steel steps. FLASH CUT-TO: JOBTAYOO being vertically suplexed onto the steel chair ringside before BOOKFACE slides into the ring and out again to stop the count. FLASH CUT-TO: BOOKFACE snatching a box of chocolates off of a fan ringside, emtying them into his hand and tossing them one-by-one at the downed JOBTAYOO. FLASH CUT-TO: BOOKFACE clearing the announce table of belongings and pulling out monitors. FLASH CUT-TO: BOOKFACE rolling JOBTAYOO up onto the table and then stepping over to the nearby guard rail where he launches off with a somersault senton, driving JOBTAYOO through the announce table. BALKIN and MONDAY put their hands on their heads as BOOKFACE rolls into the ring and awaits the referee to make the count.]

ONE! TWO! THREE!

[FLASH CUT-TO: JOBTAYOO stirring as REFEREE MASK I counts. MONDAY offers a hand to pull JOBTAYOO to his feet.]

FOUR! FIVE! SIX!

[FLASH CUT-TO: One of BOOKER’s skanks coming up to JOBTAYOO, trying to distract him. JOBTAYOO pushes past them, only to be turned around and slapped in the face. IKAN pushes her away from him. FLASH CUT-TO: BOOKFACE charging, leaping onto the top rope and flying for a high cross body, but JOBTAYOO sees him coming, picks up the steel chair ringside and clobbers it over BOOKFACE’s midsection. JOBTAYOO raises the chair and smashes it down. FLASH CUT-TO: BOOKFACE reversing an Irish whip and sending JOBTAYOO into the guard rails. FLASH CUT-TO: BOOKFACE rolling IKAN under the bottom rope into the ring before tossing the steel chair over the top rope into the ring.]

[FLASH CUT-TO: BOOKFACE whipping IKAN into the corner, snatching up the steel chair and jamming the edge into his jaw. JOBTAYOO drops to the ground where BOOKFACE hits him with a stiff enzuiguri. Cover!]

ONE!

TWO!

THR-KICKOUT!

[FLASH CUT-TO: BOOKFACE shoving REFEREE MASK I. He turns around and walks into a boot to the belly and a side Russian legsweep onto the steel chair. FLASH CUT-TO: JOBTAYOO hitting a middle rope springboard double knee drop. Cover!]

ONE!

TWO! -- SHOULDER UP!

[FLASH CUT-TO: JOBTAYOO pulling BOOKFACE to his feet before BOOKFACE reverses an Irish whip into the ropes where JOBTAYOO rebounds, moving at breakneck pace, and leapfrogs over BOOKFACE and nails a falling jawbreaker on BOOKFACE that turns out his lights. FLASH CUT-TO: JOBTAYOO positioning the steel chair on BOOKFACE’s midsection, hitting the ropes and executing a Rolling Thunder onto the WREX Hardcore Champion. Cover!]

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

***DING! DING! DING!***

[FLASH CUT-TO: MOSES MONK passing the non-sanctioned WREX Hardcore Championship belt under the ropes to REFEREE MASK I who hands it to JOBTAYOO and raises his wrist victoriously into the air. FLASH CUT-TO: the skanks entering the ring, not even reluctantly, to link their arms through IKAN’s and lead him to exit the ring. FLASH CUT-TO: JOBTAYOO walking up the ramp, arm-in-arm with the skanks, and in the background BOOKFACE rises to his feet with the use of the ropes, mouth gaping open in surprise.]

 

[fugginVOSS]

Road to the Space Invader Belt

Road to the Space Invader Belt

[CUT-TO:Backstage in Broadbent Arena. SANDRA DEE, looking gorgeous as ever, stands with a microphone.)

SANDRA DEE:
“Ladies and gentlemen, I am joined at this time by a man who has made great waves in the IGC, and the man who will face Xoesh the Zith, LEYENDA DE OCHO!”

[Big crowd cheers in the backdrop as LEYENDA DE OCHO steps in view of the camera. He wears a white mask featuring a block of black space invaders across his scalp, a ship firing away on his left cheek, as well as white wrestling tights with large pixilated 8s on each outer thigh and black boots.]

SANDRA DEE:
“Ocho, when we last saw you, you were moments away from the Intergalactic Championship before Phil Atken sent you crashing to the mat from high above the ring. What is your state of mind, knowing that you have to start from scratch once again and the current champion has now defeated you twice?”

LEYENDA DE OCHO:
“Sandra, it’s been really, really tough. Anyone who knows me knows that the Space Invader championship is a pinnacle I’ve aspired to climb since day one, and it’s been absolutely CRUSHING to lose the opportunity twice. The first time was an epic battle in front of the entire world at Survivalism, the second time in a match I thought I would have an advantage in…then he bit my wrist and sent me crashing. I think I’ll carry that memory with me for a long time, Sandra.

“But my state of mind? Inspired. I know the crowd is behind me.” (Crowd cheers!) “I know that whatever it is I’m doing is going to eventually get me where I want to go. I’m early on in my journey, Sandra. There’s no reason to despair, not yet. Not when you have fans write to you, who send you messages about how you’ve made them believe in something. The championship will come…I know it will.

“As for Xoesh the Zith? Well…he picked a BAD TIME to try to poke my soft spots. I wanted to respect him…and he’s crossed lines he shouldn’t have crossed.

“I’m ready to make this road count, Sandra. And that’s all anyone can do.”

[OCHO nods to SANDRA before bouncing up and down and running off-camera. SANDRA smiles and turns to the audience.]

SANDRA DEE:
“It looks like Leyenda de Ocho’s wasting no time, and he’s looking to make his mark on the IGC faithful once again! And here’s my next guest...

[PAN LEFT: SANDRA DEE stands with THE SAM SKULL, who has removed his skull mask. He barely looks as if he’s wrestled a match, except for the slight colouring in his cheeks. He impatiently awaits things to proceed as he looks off in the distance uninterested.]

SANDRA DEE: “I’m here with THE Sam Skull, who earlier this evening defeated Ajax to win the first of TWO consecutive matches to compete for the Intergalactic Championship. Sam, how does it feel to get a running start at the Intergalactic Champion with your first win under your belt.”

THE SAM SKULL:“Listen, Sandra. Nevermind that. Nevermind me winning. THAT was academic. It was always going to happen. The idiot, Ajax, doesn’t have the cut to stand inside of a wrestling ring for twenty minutes with me. I proved that. You saw that. Case closed. Nothing to talk about.”

SANDRA DEE:“But Sam-”

[SKULL puts a hand up in front of her face, stopping her in her tracks.]

THE SAM SKULL:“Shut your mouth, woman. I’m not finished yet..

“Morton Murphy... I have to tell you something. I’m VERY disappointed with the product you’re pushing down the throats of youths who look up to this industry. See, you’re just like every other two-bit promoter I’ve worked for. You’re just the same. You’re all the same idiots painted with the same brush. And you paint with the blood of the up-and-coming. The spinal fluid of those who aspire to be the greatest.

(pointing towards the ring area) “WHAT I just saw out there, with Ikan Jobtayoo and BookFace, smashing each other with chairs like idiots, made me sick to my stomach. I was physically SICK because you let this nonsense go on.”

[SKULL shakes his head and clucks his tongue.]

THE SAM SKULL:“The nonsense I’m talking about, Morton, is this garbage wrestling you idiot American promoters turn to when you’re scared you’re not going to achieve greatness in the eyes of your demographic. This is NOT nineteen-ninety-nine, Morton. The wrestling audience is smarter than you allow them to be.

“Yet here we are, condoning two young wrestlers to go out there and try to injure one another for the sakes of another idiot crowd to hand over their money hand-over-fist because you can’t give them the RESPECT... to allow those two young athletes to put on a wrestling clinic.”

“Given, they couldn’t hold a candle to my ability, but they could at least hold one to each other’s. Yet you push these two idiots into hitting each other with steel chairs to the mockery of the audience that paid their good money for a wrestling show.”

[SKULL spits on the ground, staring down the camera’s barrel with chagrin. SANDRA steps back from the spit but still keeps the mic an audible distance from SAM.]

THE SAM SKULL:“Morton, you ungrateful idiot, pay us our respect. Allow us to do what we do. WRESTLE! Instead of promoting idiots like Leyenda de Ocho, who wish to jeopardise their existence with gimmick matches that could leave him in a wheelchair for the rest of his days... instead of pushing blood bathes like we saw between Sylo and Magnus Destructo... reward those idiot fans that hand over their cash with proper - wrestling!

“I’m sick and damn tired of all these high spot hacks, these one-trick ponies, these grinder monkeys that dance to the sound of a thousand light bulb death matches spoiling this great SPORT.

“SPORT.

(waggles a finger at the camera)“NOT Sports Entertainment.

“SPORT!

“And I promise you, Morton, that I will bring repute to this organisation as long as you keep your chair wielding idiots out of my reach. Because if you dare put me inside a ring with ANYTHING to do with this garbage wrestling BEE ESS...”

[He leans in good and close to the camera.]

THE SAM SKULL:“I will personally lock you into the Skull Clutch, much like I did that idiot Ajax, and leave you there until you pass out or I crush your skull.

“It is wise that you heed my advice, Morton.

“Coz I’m NOT just man... I’m a GOD - DAMN - WRESTLING - LEGACY!”

[Slapping SANDRA’s wrist from his face, SKULL spits on the floor again like he’d had a mouth full of venom and leaves the camera shot. DEE looks after him, as he heads off, sighing a breath of relief as someone shoulders past her, with long blue hair. SANDRA DEE double takes as she looks after the person who shouldered past before grabbing the camera by the barrel and forcibly shifting the camera down the corridor.]

SANDRA DEE:“That’s Sylo!”

[The camera barely captures the SuperBeast as he turns a corner and heads off down another hall.]

SANDRA DEE: (off-screen)“What’s HE doing here?”

 

[fugginVOSS]

Intergalactic Championship Qualifying Match: Leyenda de Ocho v. Xoesh the Zith

Intergalactic Championship Qualifying Match
Leyenda de Ocho v. Xoesh the Zith​

[CUE: “Random” by Spontaneous Devotion. CUT-TO: LEYENDA DE OCHO steps out from behind the curtain, pauses and raises both arms up holding out four fingers on each hand. Beside him is KYLE, wearing a “1UP” t-shirt and his own OCHO mask. OCHO turns to KYLE and pounds fists with him before the duo step down the ramp as the drum beat kicks in. He pulls KYLE onto his shoulders and semi-sprints down the ramp and around to the announce table. He puts KYLE on the table who poses with the eight finger gesture while OCHO raises a fist and cheers KYLE along with Louisville. KYLE and OCHO both exchange high fives with HARRY BALKIN and AUGUST MONDAY before OCHO leads Kyle to ringside and lifts him over the guard rail to his awaiting parents.]

[CUE: the theme from Close Encounters as XOESH THE ZITH emerges from the back in his neon green mask and purple outfit, as the lights dim and multi-coloured lights flicker aroundthe Broadbent Arena. He holds his spaceship/trash can into the air before making his way down the ramp. FLASH CUT-TO: ZITH ringside when he notices KYLE. He tilts his head from side-to-side and makes his way closer. FLASH CUT-TO: OCHO noticing that XOESH is moving closer to his little fan. FLASH CUT-TO: XOESH outstretching a hand and he puts it on top of the boy’s head. POOF! A flash of smoke rises from the ground beneath KYLE until the whole front row is next to invisible, the only thing visible is the shadow of XOESH standing amidst the smoke. As it clears, KYLE is no longer standing there and XOESH holds the OCHO mask KYLE was wearing. The fans go deadly quiet as XOESH holds the mask up to inspect. FLASH CUT-TO: OCHO in the ring, completely shocked. Then the shock turns to anger. OCHO hits the ropes and rebounds, leaps onto the top rope, springboards and drives XOESH’s face into the crowd barrier with a modified arm-crook lariat/bulldog.]

[FLASH CUT-TO: DOUG KEITH calling for the bell as OCHO searches the front row for KYLE. FLASH CUT-TO: a distracted OCHO being hit from behind with a clothesline. FLASH CUT-TO: XOESH lifting OCHO with a back body drop onto the crowd barrier. FLASH CUT-TO: XOESH rolling OCHO under the bottom rope, leaping onto the apron in one jump before using the ropes for a slingshot crossbody onto the downed OCHO. Cover!]

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

SHOULDER UP!

[FLASH CUT-TO: XOESH getting on with business, whipping OCHO into the corner and charging in behind him and leaping into the corner with a leg lariat. FLASH CUT-TO: XOESH scoop slamming OCHO to the canvas, hitting the ropes and nailing a running somersault senton. FLASH CUT-TO: ZITH with a front facelock, half lifting for a vertical suplex before falling back with a DDT. Cover!]

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

KICK OUT!

[FLASH CUT-TO: XOESH pulling OCHO off the canvas only for OCHO to slap his grip away, deliver a boot to his belly and puts him into a double underhook position before driving several knees into XOESH’s midsection before lifting him up slowly and shakey and barely off the ground before slamming him down into the canvas with a double underhook facebuster. Cover!]

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

POWER OUT!.

[FLASH CUT-TO: OCHO hitting the ropes, leaping onto the second rope for a springboard moonsault. FLASH CUT-TO: XOESH slowly rising, not realising OCHO is on the top rope. OCHO flies and flips forward, nailing ZITH with a flipping double axe-handle that puts him back on the canvas. FLASH CUT-TO: OCHO grabbing ZITH by the leg and rolling him over into a single leg Boston crab, only he can’t get him all the way. XOESH rolls back onto his back, puts a foot into OCHO’s back and pushes him into the corner, where his shoulder rams into the turnbuckle. FLASH CUT-TO: XOESH pulling OCHO’s upper body through the middle and top ropes. ZITH charges the ropes, rebounds, springboards off the top rope and lands a legdrop across the back of OCHO’s shoulders. FLASH CUT-TO: XOESH walking ringside as OCHO still dangles between the ropes, delivering a European uppercut into OCHO’s throat. FLASH CUT-TO: XOESH back in the ring, holding OCHO’s legs in the wheelbarrow position, using his 60 pound advantage to lift him out from the ropes and into the air before spinning and driving him into the canvas with a wheelbarrow facebuster. Cover!]

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

KICK OUT!

[FLASH CUT-TO: XOESH in shock and holding three fingers up at DOUG KEITH. FLASH CUT-TO: XOESH reluctantly pulling OCHO to his feet and drop kicking him to the canvas again. FLASH CUT-TO: OCHO sitting in the corner with XOESH charging towards him and nailing a massive dropkick into his face. FLASH CUT-TO: XOESH vertical suplexing OCHO in the centre. FLASH CUT-TO: XOESH in the corner, leaping onto the top rope split-legged for a moonsault but OCHO lifts the knees. FLASH CUT-TO: OCHO with a standing leaping spinning legdrop across the face of XOESH. FLASH CUT-TO: OCHO whipping XOESH into the corner only for ZITH to reverse it and charge after him, but OCHO runs up the turnbuckles and hits a dropkick on XOESH. FLASH CUT-TO: OCHO on the second rope, with his hands raised above his head, holding up four fingers on each hand. He screams “FOR KYLE!” and launches to hit the Actualizar. Cover!]

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

KICK OUT!

[FLASH CUT-TO: OCHO on his knees, bug-eyed, not believing XOESH kicked out. CUE: “Miracle (Pale Horse Remix)” by Nonpoint. FLASH CUT-TO: SYLO emerging from the back. FLASH CUT-TO: OCHO looking more bug-eyed. FLASH CUT-TO: SYLO heading down toward the ring, pointing into the rafters before making belt gestures. FLASH CUT-TO: OCHO pulling XOESH to his feet and whipping him into the ropes before nailing a spinning heel kick into ZITH’s gut. He gets to his feet, eyeballing SYLO as he stands on the apron. FLASH CUT-TO: OCHO and SYLO face-to-face in a staredown over the top rope. FLASH CUT-TO: XOESH charging at OCHO but SYLO points behind OCHO who ducks out of the way and XOESH quickly comes to a stop before running into SYLO. FLASH CUT-TO: OCHO rolling up the distracted XOESH from behind.]

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

***DING! DING! DING!***

[FLASH CUT-TO: OCHO rising to his feet, fists raised valiantly above his head as SYLO steps through the ropes. OCHO goes to high five SYLO who catches him by the wrist. He points between himself and OCHO and then to the ring. OCHO looks to the fans who are roaring loudly as OCHO gauges their response. They’re cheering loudly as SYLO and OCHO get as face-to-face one a five-foot-eight man can get with a seven foot monster. OCHO’s nodding his head. SYLO’s grinning sadistically. IGC cuts to a break...]

 

[fugginVOSS]

Intergalactic Team Championships of the Universe Match: Funicide v. Monsters of the P

Intergalactic Team Championships of the Universe Match
Funicide v. Monsters of the Pacific​

[FLASH CUT-TO SPLIT SCREEN: FUNICIDE on the left. MONSTERS OF THE PACIFIC on the right. SCALZO emerges from the back with a bitter look on his face, ranting at fans and spitting on the ramp as he makes his way down. LITHERLAND walks alongside him, rolls under the bottom rope as shoots a finger gun at the fans. SCALZO intimidates the corner ferociously. As the MONSTERS head down to the ring the lighting changes to lots of blue, red and silver wash. CAPTAIN JUSTICE plays to the front row, slapping hands with fans and stopping to kiss a baby as ULTRAJIRA just focuses on the opponents in the ring. FLASH CUT-TO: FUNICIDE blind siding the MONSTERS, pushing them both back into the corners closest to the ramp. SCALZO with blatant fists. LITHERLAND with a forearm frenzy. In unison, they whip the MONSTERS across the ring so that they crash awkwardly into each other’s side. FLASH CUT-TO: SCALZO grabbing ULTRAJIRA in a front facelock and simply lifting him over the top rope to the outside and following. FLASH CUT-TO: LITHERLAND headbutting JUSTICE in the back until he drops to a knee before running through him with a lariat. FLASH CUT-TO: SCALZO whipping ULTRAJIRA into the crowd barrier and spitting at him before heading back to his own corner. FLASH CUT-TO: LITHERLAND hitting a tiger suplex. FLASH CUT-TO: LITHERLAND with JUSTICE in a side headlock, charging at the corner, only for JUSTICE to over power him and shove him chest first into the turnbuckle. LITHERLAND staggers out into JUSTICE’s open arms and is driven into the canvas with a Bionic elbow.]

[FLASH CUT-TO: JUSTICE Irish whipping LITHERLAND and launching through him with a shoulder tackle. FLASH CUT-TO: JUSTICE nailing a vertical suplex. FLASH CUT-TO: JUSTICE lifting LITHERLAND with a Miltary press only for SCALZO to slip through the ropes and chop block his leg out from underneath him. FLASH CUT-TO: SCALZO release flapjacking JUSTICE into the air, stepping to the side as LITHERLAND comes in on bended knee and they both spike him down chest first onto the knee. FLASH CUT-TO: LITHERLAND making the cover!]

ONE!

TWO!

[FLASH CUT-TO: SCALZO hitting ULTRAJIRA with a forearm as he clambers onto the apron.]

THREE!

KICKOUT!

[FLASH CUT-TO: SCALZO being forcibly removed from the ring by DOUG KEITH. FLASH CUT-TO: LITHERLAND flattening JUSTICE with a short-arm forearm to his forehead. FLASH CUT-TO: LITHERLAND driving JUSTICE into the canvas with a hammerlock inverted DDT. Cover!]

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

BROKEN UP BY JIRA!

[FLASH CUT-TO: ULTRAKIRA taking LITHERLAND to the corner and slamming his face into the turnbuckle. SCALZO steps onto the apron. ULTRAJIRA nails a throat thrust on SCALZO sending him toppling from the apron to the outside. He hits his head on the crowd barrier. FLASH CUT-TO: LITHERLAND hitting a delayed back body drop on ULTRAJIRA. FLASH CUT-TO: LITHERLAND tosses ULTRAJIRA over the rope into a running knee from SCALZO before he can even hit the mats ringside. FLASH CUT-TO: LITHERLAND applying a standing armbar on CAPTAIN JUSTICE, guiding him toward his corner where SCALZO leans over for a tag. SLAP! FLASH CUT-TO: SCALZO stepping over the rope into the ring, hitting JUSTICE with a double axehandle.]

[FLASH CUT-TO: SCALZO with a pumphandle slam. FLASH CUT-TO: SCALZO whipping JUSTICE into the ropes and missing with a lazy big boot as JUSTICE ducks under and hits the ropes on the other side. JUSTICE leaps onto the middle rope and hits a slingshot shoulder block into SCALZO, driving him into the canvas. FLASH CUT-TO: JUSTICE heaving SCALZO to his feet and nailing the Liberty Bell clap (Mongolian chop mod). FLASH CUT-TO: SCALO walking straight into JUSTICE’s clutches and tossed away with a fallaway slam as Lousiville rises to it’s feet. FLASH CUT-TO: JUSTICE whipping SCALZO into the corner, following with a big clothesline. FLASH CUT-TO: Lousville, Kentucky, counting along with the Ten Gun Salute as JUSTICE wails open hand slaps onto the chest of SCALZO. FLASH CUT-TO: JUSTICE with SCALZO in the corner with shoulder thrusts. FLASH CUT-TO: SCALZO in a side headlock as JUSTICE makes his way to his corner to tag in ULTRAJIRA. SLAP! FLASH CUT-TO: ULTRAJIRA nailing a massive forearm across the back of SCALZO, sending him to the canvas.

[FLASH CUT-TO: ULTRAJIRA with a shortarm clothesline. FLASH CUT-TO: ULTRAJIRA whipping SCALZO into the corner. JIRA follows with a running butt-bump. FLASH CUT-TO: ULTRAJIRA in the face of LITHERLAND. CLIFF slaps ULTRAJIRA. ULTRAJIRA nails him with a throat thrust and LITHERLAND threatens to enter, only for KEITH to step in his way and try to force him back. FLASH CUT-TO: JUSTICE whipping SCALZO into the ropes, popping him up with a flapjack and ULTRAJIRA smashes him in the face with his elbow. JUSTICE rolls out as ULTRAJIRA makes the cover just in time for referee DOUG KEITH to see. Cover!]

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

BROKEN UP BY LITHERLAND!

[FLASH CUT-TO: LITHERLAND pulling ULTRAJIRA to his feet and nailing a stiff headbutt. FLASH CUT-TO: LITHERLAND pulling SCALZO to hit feet. ULTRAJIRA has his back pressed to the ropes. SCALZO and LITHERLAND charge forward with a double clothesline and they take ULTRAJIRA down to the floor below, toppling down after him. FLASH CUT-TO: JUSTICE in the ring and running fast as he can toward FUNICIDE and launching over the top rope with a no hands suicide dive, smashing into SCALZO and LITHERLAND. FLASH CUT-TO: JUSTICE pulling LITHERLAND to his feet and whipping him into the crowd barrier. FLASH CUT-TO: ULTRAJIRA pulling SCALZO to his feet and nailing him with a stiff knee before rolling him into the ring. FLASH CUT-TO: SCALZO hanging ULTRAJIRA out to dry on the top rope. FLASH CUT-TO: LITHERLAND reversing an Irish whip and sending JUSTICE crashing into the ring steps. FLASH CUT-TO: LITHERLAND rolling ULTRAJIRA into the ring to the awaiting SCALZO. FLASH CUT-TO: SCALZO spitting in ULTRAJIRA’s face, momentarily blinding him. ULTRAJIRA turns to wipe his eyes and SCALZO comes up from behind, lifts him with a waistlock and turns it into a wheelbarrow release suplex, the Sam Kenison. Cover!]

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

***DING! DING! DING!***

[FLASH CUT-TO: LITHERLAND sliding into the ring to raise his partner’s hand, sneering down at ULTRAJIRA. FLASH CUT-TO: JUSTICE pulling ULTRAJIRA out of the ring by the wrist. FLASH CUT-TO: SCALZO spitting at the duo as they head up the ramp. FLASH CUT-TO: LITHERLAND shooting at the fans with his finger gun.]

 

[fugginVOSS]

The Dark Shadow of Damnation Falls Upon Us

The Dark Shadow of Damnation Falls Upon Us​

[FADE TO: a dark place backstage, likely the staging area on the other side of the curtain. A reddish light from below casts itself over a blood-spattered IGC logo in the background, while the black silhouette of a FEROCIOUS MONSTER looms before the camera, spiked-shoulders heaving, enormous hands clenching in rhythm.]

MAGNUS DESTRUCTO:
"TREMBLE, YOU WEAK AND WRETCHED PEOPLE OF EARTH... FOR THE DARK HOUR OF DAMNATION IS UPON YOU ALL!!"

[Red foreground lighting slowly fades in, revealing the features of this ghastly shadows. We can see him clad in a BLACK STEEL BREASTPLATE, his face painted in a demonic black and white design, with his inhumanly REDDISH EYES glaring murderously into the camera.]

MAGNUS DESTRUCTO:
"AFTER TONIGHT, MY HORRIFIC SHADOW WILL FALL OVER EVERY LAST STAR, SPIRAL, AND ROCK IN THIS WASTED UNIVERSE... AND EYE WILL BE ITS SUPREME RULER AND INTERGALACTIC CHAMPION!!"

[As the lights come up the rest of the way, the sneering DREADED DEVOURER lunges at the camera, his horrible visage filling every corner of the screen.]

MAGNUS DESTRUCTO:
"AND AT LONG LAST, ALL SHALL QUAKE IN FEAR BEFORE THE MIGHT AND THE MALICE THAT IS THE SOON-TO-BE INTERGALACTIC BARON OF BRUTALITY... MAGNUS DESTRUCTO!!!"

[DESTRUCTO steps back, huffing and puffing like the proverbial big bad wolf blowing down a house of straw with his thunderous voice.]

MAGNUS DESTRUCTO:
"BUT FIRST, THERE IS THE MATTER TO ATTEND TO IN THE GRISLY EXECUTION OF THE CURRENT FARCE OF A CHAMPION!! THAT SACK OF RAT-[bleep] WHO GOES BY THE NAME PHIL ATKEN!!

"ALL WEEK, THAT CHUMP HAS BEEN HIDING UNDER HIS BEG, CLUTCHING HIS BELT TIGHT LIKE A [bleep]ING BABY'S SNOT-RAG, HOPING IF HE CLENCHES HIS EYES TIGHT ENOUGH, THIS BIG, BAD BOOGEY-MAN WILL JUST DISAPPEAR BACK INTO THE CLOSET FROM WHICH HE CAME!!

[A hungered grin overtakes MAGNUS' face as he fervently shakes his head.]

MAGNUS DESTRUCTO:
"NOT A CHANCE, ATKEN... CUZ YOU BEEN SLACKIN'!!

[DESTRUCTO reaches out of the frame for a moment and yanks his favored morningstar into view, brandishing it wildly like a coked-out warlord of ruin.]

MAGNUS DESTRUCTO:
"AND TONIGHT, SINCE WE ALL KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE A SPINE FOR ME TO RIP OUT, I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO SETTLE WITH PULVERIZING YOU INTO A GELATINOUS PULP OF BLOOD, GUTS, BONE, AND [bleep]!!

"YOU'LL NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT BUCKLING UNDER THE PRESSURE OF HOLDING A BELT AGAIN, SINCE YOU'LL BEING LEAVING THE RING IN A [bleep]ING BEDPAN!!

"HAH HAH HAH HAHAHAHA-HAAAWWWWW!!!"

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“That guy gives me the creeps. I’d hate t’be Phil Atken, Augie.”

AUGUST MONDAY:“Morton Murphy don’t own enough cash to get me to stand inside that ring with Magnus.”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“And he’s called the Ragin’ Fear, folks!”

[FLASH CUT-TO: PHIL ATKEN emerging from his locker room, wearing his Intergalactic robe. He draws a deep breath and bounces his head from side-to-side.]

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“And there’s the Intergalactic Champion, Augie. Can he walk outta Kentucky with the belt strapped round his gut tonight or is he gonna have his gut cut out by the Baron of Brutality?”

[ATKEN stares down the corridor and takes a long breath, dropping his shoulders and closing his eyes. He pulls apart his robe and looks down at the Intergalactic Championship belt wrapped tightly around his waist and gives it a pat.]

AUGUST MONDAY:“Har’, Phil Atken is walking to face the King of ALL Monsters. I saw that match between Sylo and Magnus Destructo. It was one of the most brutal contests I’ve ever seen and I’ve been in the rest of ‘em.”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“Don’t take nothin’ away from Phil, Augie. He’s cunning and smart and if he shakes ya hand you better count your fingers. This will be an epic battle. Will the one-hundred and forty-six day reign of Phil Atken being our EYE GEE Champ come to an end at the hands of the Baron of Brutality or can he survive to face Arkansas as the Intergalactic Champion?”

AUGUST MONDAY:“Guess we’re gunna find out after the break, Har’.”

[ATKEN starts making his way down the hall and the camera remains in place, watching him head off as it fades out to a break...]

 

[fugginVOSS]

Intergalactic Championship Match: Magnus Destructo v. Phil Atken (c)

Intergalactic Championship Match
Magnus Destructo v. Phil Atken (c)​

[CUE: “Progenies of the Great Apocolypse” by Dimmu Borgir. FLASH CUT-TO: the entrance as pillars of fire blast up from the floor. The fans “OOOOO” as the fire bursts skyward. The BARON OF BRUTALITY emerges wearing demonic corpsepaint with a blackened and spikey helmet and breastplate combo which is spattered in blood. FLASH CUT-TO: “PEPPER” PETE PEPPINS standing in the ring with his ten-gallon hat and matching white suit. He has the microphone in his hand.]

“PEPPER” PETE PEPPINS:“The follerin’ contest is scheduled fer one faaaaaalllllll! Introducin’ FIRST the CHAL-LENGE-GERRRRR...”

[FLASH CUT-TO: MAGNUS letting out a bloodthirsty ROAR that can be heard clearly over the PA, and marches down the rampway, accompanied by GOLLOMACH, his servant. On his way down the aisle, he snatches a “HORNET WINS!” sign from a fan and tears it in half before roaring in their face.]

“PEPPER” PETE PEPPINS:“From the KEEPofeternaldarknesssssssss... standing SIXfeetandteninchesssssssss.... weighing THREE - HUNNERD - AND - FOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRteen POWWWWWWNDZZZZZZZZZZZ... He is the BARON - OF - BRUTALITYYYYYYYYYYYYY... MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG - NNNNNNNNNUSSSSSSSSS DEEEEEEEEEEEEE - STRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUCK - TOOOOOOOOOOOOH!”

[DESTRUCTO gets to the ring and does the Warrior shake on all four sets of ropes before roaring at the fans loudly. CUE: “HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD” by REVEREND AND THE MAKERS. KENTUCKY’s boos come louder than the fanfare they gave MAGNUS DESTRUCTO. FLASH CUT-TO: the stage as the arena goes dark and a solitary spotlight hits the stage. ATKEN emerges wearing his black Intergalactic robe that’s covered in bedazzled jewels that are shaped into planets and stars. He stands on the stage with his hands out from his sides, robe open to show off the Intergalactic Championship belt wrapped around his waist. The spotlight disappears as the waterfall of pyro cascades down behind him. The pyro stops, the arena lights return and PHIL begins to walk confidently down towards the ring.]

“PEPPER” PETE PEPPINS:
“And his opponent… from GLASGOWWWWWWWWW, Scotland… he stands SIX feetandoneinch…. weighing in at EIGH-TEE-FIVE kilograms…. the reigning INTERGALACTIC CHAMPYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! PHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-T-KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!”

[As ATKEN gets to ringside, DESTRUCTO presses against the ropes and points down at ATKEN with a sadistic grin flashing through his make-up. ATKEN stops in his tracks, bug-eyed, staring up at the monster as it finally dawns on him who he is facing.]

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:
“Well, our main event has finally arrived and Phil Atken is putting his Intergalactic Championship on the line after Magnus Destructo defeated Sylo at V for Victoralicious, and the look on his face, Augie, tells me that it’s finally come to realisation that he’s putting his championship up against the monster that is Magnus Destructo and there’s a falter in his step, Augie.”

AUGUST MONDAY:“There IS a falter in his step, Har’, coz he knows that he’s gotta play it smart to walk out’f Kentucky as our Champ, and damn son... if he’s gotta do whatever it takes he’s gotta do whatever it takes.”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“Well, Augie, he’s gotta play it cool coz if you recall, earlier in the evening, Morton Murphy told Phil Atken that the title would change hands on disqualification.”

AUGUST MONDAY:“Murphy also laid out three problems Atken would face if he left Kentucky with the title tonight, Playboy. First one is the Tour MVP gets a title shot. Second is the winner of Opporknockity Tunes gets TWO titles shots. Third one... well, Kentucky lifted the damn roof off Har’ when the third problem walked through them curtains.”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“That’s right, Augie, HORNET came out here tonight and told Kentucky that he’s gonna face the Intergalactic Champion in the MAIN E-VENT of Opporknockity Tunes. That’s gotta be somethin’ playin’ on the back’f Phil’s mind tonight.”

AUGUST MONDAY:“He better keep his mind clear in the task at hand coz if he don’t pay attention for just one split second, Har’, he’s a dead man.”

[Standing on the ringsteps, ATKEN advises JARVIS JOLT to get MAGNUS DESTRUCTO the Hell out of his way. JOLT gets between them as DESTRUCTO allows JOLT to back him away, a sadistic grin on his face. ATKEN remains on the steps and removes his robe, handing it to staff ringside.]

AUGUST MONDAY:“There’s only one way Atken walks outta here, Har’”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“How’s that, Augie?”

AUGUST MONDAY:“He cheats like a sonofgun he is. That’s how he wins. Dirty, despicable, pushes the boundaries and makes the most of opportunities, Har’. That’s how he beats Magnus Destructo.”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“And that’s how he beat him last time, Augie. Pulled the tights and got the job done and I can tell ya, brother, Magnus is gonna smack him like he was playin’ Ike Turner in his film biography. WOOOOOOOOOO!”

[ATKEN steps through the ropes and make his way to the centre of the ring. He drops to one knee, removes the belt from his waist and thrusts it into the air, throwing his head back as he does so. His music fades as JOLT requests the belt be handed over. ATKEN regretfully does so. JOLT shows DESTRUCTO the title and his sick grin gets a little sicker. JOLT hands the title to MOSES MONK and makes his way back to the centre of the ring where he calls for the bell.]

***DING! DING! DING!***

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“We’re underway here, Augie, and Atken and Destructo are just circlin’ the ring like a pair of thirteen year-olds who found a Playboy. And not me by the way.”

[DESTRUCTO charges forward and ATKEN ducks beneath his arm as he tries to grab him. He lays a quick boot into the back of DESTRUCTO’s knee but nothing to force him to the canvas. DESTRUCTO swings a wild haymaker and ATKEN ducks beneath it, too. He drives a double axehandle into the back of DESTRUCTO who turns and roars at ATKEN.]

AUGUST MONDAY:“Okay, that’s intimidatin’. ‘specially for a little feller like Phil.”

[ATKEN, bug-eyed, drops to the canvas and rolls out of the ring to the outside to gather himself. DESTRUCTO moves to the ropes, as ATKEN turns his back to the ring, grabs ATKEN by the sides of the head and lifts him into the air, tossing him into the ring.]

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“Look at the power! I ain’t someone pull at a head like that since--”

AUGUST MONDAY:“You’re threatenin’ our TV rating now, Har’.”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN: “Atken bounces to his feet. Charges. Big boot and Atken’s down. Bounces to his feet. Scooped up by Destructo and he’s slammed back into the canvas in next to no time, Augie.”

AUGUST MONDAY:“Atken needs to remember to keep out’f Destructo’s clutches. Find some weaknesses. The man DID go through a war with Sylo just a couple weeks ago.”

[DESTRUCTO grabs ATKEN by the scruff of the neck and hauls him to his feet. He tosses him into the corner, chest first. He spins PHIL ATKEN around to face him and lands a massive open hand chest slap onto the chest of ATKEN. ATKEN hollers in agony and near topples over the top rope from the impact. MAGNUS wails another massive slap on the chest of the Champ.]

AUGUST MONDAY:“Them dinner plate hands are rippin’ apart Phil’s chest and it’s gonna hurt like Hell. And if Phil leaves himself open to the clutches of Magnus Destructo’s power he’s gonna lose his belt tonight.”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN: “You’re right about that, Augie. Destructo -- wraps his hand right around the throat of Phil Atken and he’s chokin’ the life out’f him. And love him or hate him... every girl in this arena sees that snake tongue flickerin’ about and they’re goin’ gooey inside. WOOOOOOO!”

[JARVIS JOLT breaks the hold and threatens DESTRUCTO witha DQ. DESTRUCTO threatens with an elbow before returning his attention to ATKEN. He wraps his massive arms around ATKEN and lifts him into the air with a bear hug and moves toward the centre of the ring.]

AUGUST MONDAY:“That bear hug has gotta hurt. Look at the application, Har’. Magnus Destructo sure knows what he’s doin’ and EVERY - TIME Phil draws breath he can wrap it on tighter and tighter and just squeeze the air out of Phil’s body.”

[Arms trapped, ATKEN wriggles and writhers, trying to free himself when DESTRUCTO launches ATKEN back over his head with a bear hug overhead release suplex and Kentucky can’t help but pop from the impact. DESTRUCTO rises to his feet and slowly saunters over and makes the cover.]

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“Crazy bearhug suplex and now the cover!





“ONE!











“TWO!















“THRE-- NO! KICKOUT! Atken kicks outta that cover and Destructo just gets on with business.”

[DESTRUCTO pulls ATKEN off the canvas and to his feet. Irish whip into the ropes and DESTRUCTO slams his knee into the bread basket of ATKEN and he flipped through the air and landed flat on his back. DESTRUCTO drops with a knee to the chest of ATKEN who near sits up from the pain, despite the three hundred pounds on his chest. It’s answered with a vicious closed fist in the pie-hole.]

AUGUST MONDAY:“Oh, that was a nasty shot to the face, Har’.”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“Destructo to his feet. Yanks up Atken and rope whip but Atken clutches them ropes for dear life, Augie. This is gettin’ a bit one-sided. Like a CFNM party.”


AUGUST MONDAY:“Use your guile, Phil. That’s what’s gonna help you overcome this.”

[DESTRUCTO charges at ATKEN but as he arrives, ATKEN drops to the canvas, pulling down on the top rope, which sends DESTRUCTO toppling to the outside. ATKEN charges at the ropes on the opposite side, rebounds and as DESTRUCTO rises to his feet he’s hit with a baseball slide from ATKEN that sends him smashing into the crowd barrier. ATKEN stays in the ring, on bended knee in the centre, awaiting DESTRUCTO to make his way back.]

AUGUST MONDAY:“Baseball slide and Atken is content to let the count out take place.”

ONE!

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“It’s smart strategy, Augie. Coz it’s stupidity to just head on outside the ring with Destructo bein’ the beast he is. It’s just gonna plain hurt if ya do that.”

TWO!

[FLASH CUT-TO: DESTRUCTO uses the crowd barrier to pull himself up to his feet as JOLT keeps counting.]

THREE!

FOUR!

[FLASH CUT-TO: ATKEN in the centre of the ring, drawing breath as quick as he can before DESTRUCTO can get back to his feet. DESTRUCTO moves to the apron.]

FIVE!

SIX!

[DESTRUCTO climbs onto the apron and JOLT cancels the count out. ATKEN storms over. DESTRUCTO swings a wild right hand and ATKEN ducks it and drives a shoulder into MAGNUS’ belly between the middle and top ropes. PHIL straightens up and then hags DESTRUCTO out to dry on the top rope. DESTRUCTO flails back to ringside. ATKEN starts climbing the turnbuckle.]

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“Atken is up high and makin’ belt gestures to Destructo. I don’t think Magnus has seen him up there yet.”

AUGUST MONDAY:“I wouldn’t wanna go outside with Destructo. That’s just plain dumb. Atken better be confident he can pull this off.”

[PHIL flies as DESTRUCTO rises and hits a diving DDT on DESTRUCTO, driving his head into the thin mats ringside. FLASH CUT-TO: JARVIS JOLT restarting the count out.]

ONE!

TWO!

[FLASH CUT-TO: ATKEN rises to his feet and rolls into the ring.]

THREE!

FOUR!

FIVE!

[DESTRUCTO sits up, dazed and confused.]

SIX!

SEVEN!

[GOLLOMACH helps DESTRUCTO to his feet and aides him to the apron.]

EIGHT!

[MAGNUS rolls under the bottom rope and ATKEN immediately begins to rain some stomps down into the face of DESTRUCTO, stopping him from getting to his feet. ATKEN leaps onto the middle rope and jumps off, landing with two feet onto DESTRUCTO’s chest. He does it a second time before laying the boots into the ribcage of MAGNUS.]

AUGUST MONDAY:“The true colours of the Intergalactic Champion are startin’ to shine through and we are seein’ some classic Phil Atken.”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“He didn’t win that belt just through sheer luck. He knows how to wrestle. He outsmarted Magnus Destructo once before.”

[ATKEN hauls DESTRUCTO to his feet, whips him into the ropes and catches him on the chin with a vicious spinning elbow that takes DESTRUCTO back down to the canvas. ATKEN hits the ropes and on the rebound hits a sliding dropkick into the ribs of DESTRUCTO. He rises and falls with both knees into the ribcage of DESTRUCTO again and again and again.]

AUGUST MONDAY:“This is what Atken does. He pinpoints a weakness and what could be weaker, after fightin’ a near thirty minute battle with Sylo just weeks ago, than your ribs.”

[Grabbing DESTRUCTO by the wrist, ATKEN raises his arm and stings his ribcage with a vicious kick. Then a second one. Then ATKEN keeps a grip of the arm and steps through the apron before jumping off to ringside, slamming the armpit and ribs of DESTRUCTO into the steel cables of the ring ropes.]

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“Atken workin’ them ribs and soon Destructo’ll be huffin’and puffin’ like a Whitehouse Intern in the Clinton era. WOOOOOOOOOO!”

AUGUST MONDAY:“Atken’s back in the ring. Pulls Destructo to his feet. Whips him into the corner and charges with a rising knee into the ribs’f Destructo. That’s gotta start takin’ it’s toll.”

[ATKEN, getting confident, whips DESTRUCTO across the ring into the opposite corner. ATKEN charging again, leaps with another knee but DESTRUCTO side steps and shoves ATKEN’s momentum into the turnbuckle. ATKEN hits knee first and falls flat on his back.]

AUGUST MONDAY:“Atken’s gettin’ cocky and he just paid the price. That knee’s gotta be achin’ and screamin’.”

[DESTRUCTO pulls ATKEN to his feet, slinks behind and pulls him into a Full Nelson before lifting and smashing him into a backbreaker. ATKEN writhes in agony as DESTRUCTO scrambles over for the cover.]

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“COVER!







“ONE!













“TWO!

















“THREE!”

AUGUST MONDAY:“Kick out by Atken. We near had a new Intergalactic Champion there, Harry.”

[FLASH CUT-TO: GOLLOMACH lifting the apron and removing something from beneath the ring. He holds it close to his body so nobody can see what the item is.]

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“What’s that freak hidin’ from us, Augie?”

AUGUST MONDAY:“I dunno. I can’t get a glimpse of what he’s got.”

[He climbs up onto the apron which distracts JARVIS JOLT. JOLT makes his way across to GOLLOMACH and tries to prise his arms apart to see what he’s hiding.]

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“Hand it over, Gollomach! What have you got?”

[FLASH CUT-TO: MAGNUS DESTRUCTO in the center of the ring, pulling ATKEN to his feet. ATKEN, still pained from the backbreaker, spies JOLT distracted. DESTRUCTO wraps two hands around ATKEN’s neck and lifts him into the air. ATKEN stuffs a hand into the front of his trunks. DESTRUCTO roars in ATKEN’s face. ATKEN smashes a right hand into MAGNUS’. DESTRUCTO drops like a sack of the proverbial.]

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“WHAT’D ATKEN HIT DESTRUCTO WITH? WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?”

[ATKEN removes an item from his hand that glimmers in the light.]

AUGUST MONDAY:“BRASS KNUCKS! ATKEN FLAWED MAGNUS DESTRUCTO WITH BRASS KNUCKS! MAGNUS IS DOWN!”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“AND THE COVER! NO! IT CAN’T END LIKE THIS! IT CAN’T!”

[FLASH CUT-TO: JOLT noticing that ATKEN is covering. GOLLOCMACH can’t believe his eyes and drops what’s in his hands to put his hand over his mouth in shock. FLASH CUT-TO: the item he dropped. The mace. FLASH CUT-TO: JOLT counting the cover.]

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“Gollomach had a mace!








“ONE!













“TWO!
















“THREE!”

AUGUST MONDAY:“POWER OUT!”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“POWER OUT! OH MY GOD! And lookit the blood on Magnus’ face. His forehead has been busted wide open.”

AUGUST MONDAY:“And Atken can’t believe it, Har’. He can’t believe that Magnus Destructo could get punched in the face with a pair of brass knuckles and STILL kicked out!”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“But what about Gollomach tryin’ to sneak that mace into the ring!”

[ATKEN, bug eyed, sitting up, just shakes his head. He rises to his feet and grabs DESTRUCTO by the ankles with a determined look on his face.]

AUGUST MONDAY:“The Intergalactic Champ is lookin’ to get it done with the Figure Four leglock that originally won him the belt, Har’.”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“I still can’t believe Magnus kicked out of the brass knuck shot.”

[With a nod of his head, ATKEN begins attempting to pretzel DESTRUCTO but MAGNUS is too powerful and he kicks ATKEN off him. ATKEN charges and leaps with a Thesz press and some closed fists but MAGNUS powers ATKEN off of him and launches him in the air.]

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“Look at that RAW power, Augie.”

AUGUST MONDAY:“This does not look good!”

[ATKEN gets to his feet as DESTRUCTO gets to his feet. He hits him with a forearm that gets no sold. He hits him with a closed fist -- no sold also. He nails a double axehandle into the gash on his forehead and DESTRUCTO no sells that shot, too. DESTRUCTO wraps two hands around the throat of ATKEN.]

AUGUST MONDAY:“This can’t be good for the champ!”

MAGNUS DESTRUCTO:“rrrRRRRRAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRRRRRR!”

AUGUST MONDAY:“DOUBLE HANDED CHOKESLAM! THAT WAS HUGE!”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“Magnus Destructo smashed Atken into the canvas and he’s PULLING him to his feet. This could be the coffin nail, Augie.”

[ATKEN is pulled into a standing headscissors as DESTRUCTO roars at the fans with all his might.]

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“DEEEEESTRUCTOOOOOOO BOOOOOOOOOOOOMB!”

[MAGNUS drops down and makes the cover as JOLT drops by his side and begins to make the count.]

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“COVER!


















“ONE!























“TWO!






















“THREE!”


















***DING! DING! DING!***

[DESTRUCTO bursts off of ATKEN and roars at the fans, his bloodied face haunting as Kentucky barely knows how to respond to the victory of the MAGNUS DESTRUCTO. FLASH CUT-TO: MOSES MONK handing the championship belt through the ropes to JARVIS JOLT. FLASH CUT-TO: DESTRUCTO on the turnbuckle, eyes wide with adrenaline as JOLT hands the championship up to him. DESTRUCTO snatches it and stares at the belt with a maniacal look. He runs his index finger along his bloodied forehead and then smears a filthy blood “X” across the face of the Intergalactic Championship before rising it high above his head like a trophy of war.]

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“WE’VE GOT A NEW INTERGALACTIC CHAMPION! MAGNUS DESTRUCTO!”

AUGUST MONDAY:“And he EARNT that belt. He took a shot to the head from a set of brass knucks, Har’, and kicked out! Atken couldn’t cheat his way out of this one.”

PLAYBOY HARRY BALKIN:“After one-hundred and forty-six days, Phil Atken has lost the Intergalactic Championship to Magnus Destructo and the era of the conniving champion has passed as the sun sets on a monstrous, bloody era of Magnus Destructo.”

AUGUST MONDAY:“God - save - us all.”

[The images slowly fade out on the bloodied face of DESTRUCTO eyeballing the fans as he holds the belt up like he’d lopped the head off his enemy. We fade to...]