fugginVOSS
The REAL Funk U. T-shirt
[STATIC!]
[CUT-TO: a horribly close view of a thick black beard. They seem to be fiddling with something behind the shot.]
VOICE:
"Ukan! Is on zee TV, yah? I can seeing your boogers!"
[It was true. There was a horribly too close shot of the man's nose and crystal clear vision of the inhabitants of their nostrils. A hand quickly shot to the nose as the man stepped back. He was a brutish Russian looking man, wearing a Red Line Wrestling t-shirt. Well, it was a white t-shirt with "Red Line Wrestling" written poorly in red Sharpie. But it was a Red Line Wrestling t-shirt. His companiaion, diminutive in stature by his side, smiled stupidly at the camera. He was IKAN JOBTAYOO. He waved.]
IKAN JOBTAYOO:
"Good evenink hello to everybody on zee Interwebz from Winners and Losers Central. Zis is my lounging rooms. And I are here with zee cousin Ukan Jobtamee. Say 'hellos' cousin."
UKAN JOBTAMEE:
"Hellos cousin."
IKAN JOBTAYOO:
"Very good, yah? Okays!" (claps hands) "We are introducitisink us to you, zee fans of Red Line Wrestlink because we are zee real alive wrestlinkers signeding with contract to Chicago wrestling company... Red Line Wrestlink."
[The pair stand side-by-side with their arms by their sides, almost comically. IKAN elbowed UKAN gently, prompting the big man to applaud. A second elbow prompted him to stop.]
IKAN JOBTAYOO:
"We is wrestlink as tag team Winners and Losers because in wrestlink sometimes you win..." (awkward pause) "...and sometimes you lose, yah? We are like to win but is very hard sometimes. There are many very good better wrestlers in America. We are so happy to be here in Chicago, zee City with Wind."
[UKAN shot him a look. IKAN returned it awkwardly and shrugged.]
IKAN JOBTAYOO:
"We are hopink zat you are fans of us wrestlink in Chicago and come to many of mine matches. Where sometimes we win..." (awkward pause) "...and sometimes we lose. I have explainated why to you already."
[Awkward pause.]
IKAN JOBTAYOO:
"Because of very good better wrestlers.
(clears throat) "So if YOU..." (awkward point at camera) "...wantink to see wrestlink good times in Chicago, zee City with Wind, you should come on up and zee down..." (awkward invitiational hand gesture - UKAN joins him) "...to Red Line Wrestlink.
"We hope to seeing you at show, yah?"
[IKAN gives a thumbs up. UKAN just stands there until IKAN elbows him again. He realises that IKAN is giving the thumbs up and then gives his own. They remain standing there until they realise they have to actually turn off the camera. UKAN awkwardly slinks forward, ever so slowly, while IKAN sweats it out for him to turn off the camera, smile waning here and there. Eventually the big Soviet reaches out and switches off the camera.]
[CUT to BLACK!]
[CUT-TO: a horribly close view of a thick black beard. They seem to be fiddling with something behind the shot.]
VOICE:
"Ukan! Is on zee TV, yah? I can seeing your boogers!"
[It was true. There was a horribly too close shot of the man's nose and crystal clear vision of the inhabitants of their nostrils. A hand quickly shot to the nose as the man stepped back. He was a brutish Russian looking man, wearing a Red Line Wrestling t-shirt. Well, it was a white t-shirt with "Red Line Wrestling" written poorly in red Sharpie. But it was a Red Line Wrestling t-shirt. His companiaion, diminutive in stature by his side, smiled stupidly at the camera. He was IKAN JOBTAYOO. He waved.]
IKAN JOBTAYOO:
"Good evenink hello to everybody on zee Interwebz from Winners and Losers Central. Zis is my lounging rooms. And I are here with zee cousin Ukan Jobtamee. Say 'hellos' cousin."
UKAN JOBTAMEE:
"Hellos cousin."
IKAN JOBTAYOO:
"Very good, yah? Okays!" (claps hands) "We are introducitisink us to you, zee fans of Red Line Wrestlink because we are zee real alive wrestlinkers signeding with contract to Chicago wrestling company... Red Line Wrestlink."
[The pair stand side-by-side with their arms by their sides, almost comically. IKAN elbowed UKAN gently, prompting the big man to applaud. A second elbow prompted him to stop.]
IKAN JOBTAYOO:
"We is wrestlink as tag team Winners and Losers because in wrestlink sometimes you win..." (awkward pause) "...and sometimes you lose, yah? We are like to win but is very hard sometimes. There are many very good better wrestlers in America. We are so happy to be here in Chicago, zee City with Wind."
[UKAN shot him a look. IKAN returned it awkwardly and shrugged.]
IKAN JOBTAYOO:
"We are hopink zat you are fans of us wrestlink in Chicago and come to many of mine matches. Where sometimes we win..." (awkward pause) "...and sometimes we lose. I have explainated why to you already."
[Awkward pause.]
IKAN JOBTAYOO:
"Because of very good better wrestlers.
(clears throat) "So if YOU..." (awkward point at camera) "...wantink to see wrestlink good times in Chicago, zee City with Wind, you should come on up and zee down..." (awkward invitiational hand gesture - UKAN joins him) "...to Red Line Wrestlink.
"We hope to seeing you at show, yah?"
[IKAN gives a thumbs up. UKAN just stands there until IKAN elbows him again. He realises that IKAN is giving the thumbs up and then gives his own. They remain standing there until they realise they have to actually turn off the camera. UKAN awkwardly slinks forward, ever so slowly, while IKAN sweats it out for him to turn off the camera, smile waning here and there. Eventually the big Soviet reaches out and switches off the camera.]
[CUT to BLACK!]