PaulNJ21
I shunned a voodoo witch, decapitated a black cat
BRADON JACOBS: And now ladies and gentleman, we head into our next match, Felix Red vs. Luster.
VIC WATERS: The boy who destroyed the world vs. the man who makes me vomit. If I have to see Luster thrusting his crotch once, it’s one time too many.
BRANDON JACOBS: Luster has been on a losing streak as of late, and has been very nervous with himself going into this match.
VIC WATERS: Come on! Luster has been screwed out of the victory time and time again. He’s just…lost his smile! Yeah, that’s the ticket. He lost his smile.
BRANDON JACOBS: …And we go ringside.
::: Bell rings :::
RING ANNOUNCER: The following match is scheduled for one fall, introducing first…
::: Cue up: "Lux Aeterna" by Clint Mansell and the Kronus Quartet :::
RING ANNOUNCER: Making his way to the ring, weighing in at 213 pounds and standing at 6 feet, three inches, “The Boy Who Destroyed The World”, FELIX RED!
BRANDON JACOBS: Felix has shown that he knows his way around the mat and can deliver a nice mat offense and a good high flying assault.
VIC WATERS: Won’t do much good for him when he has those 250 pounds of man-flesh smashing his skull.
::: Cue up: "Funkytown" by Disco Fever :::
RING ANNOUNCER: On his way to the ring, weighing in at 250 pounds and standing at 6 feet 6 inches, “The Master of Style”, LUSTER!
::: Luster swivels his hips in the direction of the ladies in the audience :::
VIC WATERS: What a revolting STUD this guy is.
BRANDON JACOBS: If Luster could hear you, he’d be thanking you…I think. And the match is on as both men are circling. Luster charges in but the smaller Felix red dives between his legs behind him and rolls him up with a schoolboy! 1! 2! Luster kicks out! Red almost had him there with the element of surprise!
VIC WATERS: Well. I guess Luster’s going to have to take this little fungus seriously in this match.
BRANDON JACOBS: Both men back up as Luster again charges at Felix Red, who drop toeholds him into the second turnbuckle! Felix runs to the opposite corner, and now seems to be shaking his hips as if to mock Luster, and runs at him, and hits him with some sort of weird inverted bronco buster! Felix Red just dropped a package of his own on Luster! Luster is back up and he’s FUMING.
VIC WATERS: Now you’ve done it, Fungus. You’ve kicked a bull in the balls, and now he’s going to tear your heart out.
BRANDON JACOBS: Felix bounces off the far ropes, runs toward Luster, who hits Red with a HUGE powerslam! He covers, 1, and Red is out pretty quickly.
VIC WATERS: Well, I have to hand it to the kid for lasting this long with that hoss.
::: Camera purposefully zooms in on Luster’s groin as he picks Red up :::
VIC WATERS: Oh, oh, AWWW! Someone fire that camera man!
BRANDON JACOBS: And after that blatant crotch shot we see Luster picking up Felix Red, turning around, and kicking him in the groin with his calf! The ref doesn’t see it! From his viewpoint, it looked like a harmless kick to the gut. Red is reeling in pain, and Luster comes behind him and RAKES the back of Felix Red with his fingers! The ref warns Luster, but he ignores.
VIC WATERS: Felix Red has to expect to fight dirty when you’re in the ring with someone who’s as awesomely nasty as Luster. Luster doesn’t care how he wins, as long as all the ladies know he’s the one who wins.
BRANDON JACOBS: Well, there’s no doubting that Luster is quite the physical specimen—
VIC WATERS: What’s that, Brandon? You find Luster ATTRACTIVE?
BRANDON JACOBS: Luster whips Felix Red to the ropes, and then hits him with a beautiful hip toss! Umm, I mean, uh—
VIC WATERS: He has beautiful hips, you say?!? Why, Brandon, is there something you need to tell us?
BRANDON JACOBS: I need to tell you to shut up. Felix Red is now feeling it in his back after that huge hip toss. Luster picks up Red again, and is perhaps going for a powerbomb, but Felix Red wraps his legs around his neck and snaps him through in a hurracanrana rollup! 1, 2, Luster’s out! Felix Red once again almost catches Luster with the surprise maneuver.
VIC WATERS: He just comes at you when you least expect it. Yeah, he’s like mononucleosis. Or AIDS.
BRANDON JACOBS: Luster is up and again charges Red, who sweeps the legs out from under Luster, goes for a quick cover, and Luster wraps his arms around Red, and he gets to his feet without letting go of Red! He just lifts him up like that, and now hits Red with a huge fall-away slam! Luster now laying in some furious boots to the ribcage and back of the prostrate Felix Red. Luster is now signaling for the Funk and Wagnell! He’s going to put Felix Red away and he’s going to do it now!
VIC WATERS: like we all know, Jacobs, F-U-N-K A-N-D W-A-Um…spells relief. And there goes Red.
BRANDON JACOBS: Luster hoists up Felix Red for the powerbomb, but Red keeps the momentum going and has now flipped over Luster, but holds on to the head and hits Luster with some sort of modified neckbreaker! Luster’s up!
VIC WATERS: NO! NO!
BRANDON JACOBS: Red goes for the ropes, and bounces off going for an Asai moonsault, no! He catches Luster in an inverted face lock and hits Luster with a diving reverse DDT!
VIC WATERS: Wow! I mean, for the filthy little paramecium this kid is, he can really go! Come on, Luster! Up, boy!
BRANDON JACOBS: Felix Red has climbed the top turnbuckle, and the fans know what’s coming! A SHATTERED HORIZON! A simply beautiful twisting swanton bomb! Felix covers, 1, 2, 3! Red wins! Red Wins!
::: Bell rings :::
RING ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match, FELIX RED!
VIC WATERS: Luster, you LOSER! I knew you were going to get punked out from the very start.
BRANDON JACOBS: Oh hypocrisy, thy names is Vic Waters.
VIC WATERS: Hey, Brandon, what was that you were saying about Felix Red being simply beautiful?
BRANDON JACOBS: And we must cut to a commercial break, ladies and gentlemen. Stay tuned, as up next is the handicap match with C.O.C.K.S. vs. Manson and Andre Eian.
VIC WATERS: The boy who destroyed the world vs. the man who makes me vomit. If I have to see Luster thrusting his crotch once, it’s one time too many.
BRANDON JACOBS: Luster has been on a losing streak as of late, and has been very nervous with himself going into this match.
VIC WATERS: Come on! Luster has been screwed out of the victory time and time again. He’s just…lost his smile! Yeah, that’s the ticket. He lost his smile.
BRANDON JACOBS: …And we go ringside.
::: Bell rings :::
RING ANNOUNCER: The following match is scheduled for one fall, introducing first…
::: Cue up: "Lux Aeterna" by Clint Mansell and the Kronus Quartet :::
RING ANNOUNCER: Making his way to the ring, weighing in at 213 pounds and standing at 6 feet, three inches, “The Boy Who Destroyed The World”, FELIX RED!
BRANDON JACOBS: Felix has shown that he knows his way around the mat and can deliver a nice mat offense and a good high flying assault.
VIC WATERS: Won’t do much good for him when he has those 250 pounds of man-flesh smashing his skull.
::: Cue up: "Funkytown" by Disco Fever :::
RING ANNOUNCER: On his way to the ring, weighing in at 250 pounds and standing at 6 feet 6 inches, “The Master of Style”, LUSTER!
::: Luster swivels his hips in the direction of the ladies in the audience :::
VIC WATERS: What a revolting STUD this guy is.
BRANDON JACOBS: If Luster could hear you, he’d be thanking you…I think. And the match is on as both men are circling. Luster charges in but the smaller Felix red dives between his legs behind him and rolls him up with a schoolboy! 1! 2! Luster kicks out! Red almost had him there with the element of surprise!
VIC WATERS: Well. I guess Luster’s going to have to take this little fungus seriously in this match.
BRANDON JACOBS: Both men back up as Luster again charges at Felix Red, who drop toeholds him into the second turnbuckle! Felix runs to the opposite corner, and now seems to be shaking his hips as if to mock Luster, and runs at him, and hits him with some sort of weird inverted bronco buster! Felix Red just dropped a package of his own on Luster! Luster is back up and he’s FUMING.
VIC WATERS: Now you’ve done it, Fungus. You’ve kicked a bull in the balls, and now he’s going to tear your heart out.
BRANDON JACOBS: Felix bounces off the far ropes, runs toward Luster, who hits Red with a HUGE powerslam! He covers, 1, and Red is out pretty quickly.
VIC WATERS: Well, I have to hand it to the kid for lasting this long with that hoss.
::: Camera purposefully zooms in on Luster’s groin as he picks Red up :::
VIC WATERS: Oh, oh, AWWW! Someone fire that camera man!
BRANDON JACOBS: And after that blatant crotch shot we see Luster picking up Felix Red, turning around, and kicking him in the groin with his calf! The ref doesn’t see it! From his viewpoint, it looked like a harmless kick to the gut. Red is reeling in pain, and Luster comes behind him and RAKES the back of Felix Red with his fingers! The ref warns Luster, but he ignores.
VIC WATERS: Felix Red has to expect to fight dirty when you’re in the ring with someone who’s as awesomely nasty as Luster. Luster doesn’t care how he wins, as long as all the ladies know he’s the one who wins.
BRANDON JACOBS: Well, there’s no doubting that Luster is quite the physical specimen—
VIC WATERS: What’s that, Brandon? You find Luster ATTRACTIVE?
BRANDON JACOBS: Luster whips Felix Red to the ropes, and then hits him with a beautiful hip toss! Umm, I mean, uh—
VIC WATERS: He has beautiful hips, you say?!? Why, Brandon, is there something you need to tell us?
BRANDON JACOBS: I need to tell you to shut up. Felix Red is now feeling it in his back after that huge hip toss. Luster picks up Red again, and is perhaps going for a powerbomb, but Felix Red wraps his legs around his neck and snaps him through in a hurracanrana rollup! 1, 2, Luster’s out! Felix Red once again almost catches Luster with the surprise maneuver.
VIC WATERS: He just comes at you when you least expect it. Yeah, he’s like mononucleosis. Or AIDS.
BRANDON JACOBS: Luster is up and again charges Red, who sweeps the legs out from under Luster, goes for a quick cover, and Luster wraps his arms around Red, and he gets to his feet without letting go of Red! He just lifts him up like that, and now hits Red with a huge fall-away slam! Luster now laying in some furious boots to the ribcage and back of the prostrate Felix Red. Luster is now signaling for the Funk and Wagnell! He’s going to put Felix Red away and he’s going to do it now!
VIC WATERS: like we all know, Jacobs, F-U-N-K A-N-D W-A-Um…spells relief. And there goes Red.
BRANDON JACOBS: Luster hoists up Felix Red for the powerbomb, but Red keeps the momentum going and has now flipped over Luster, but holds on to the head and hits Luster with some sort of modified neckbreaker! Luster’s up!
VIC WATERS: NO! NO!
BRANDON JACOBS: Red goes for the ropes, and bounces off going for an Asai moonsault, no! He catches Luster in an inverted face lock and hits Luster with a diving reverse DDT!
VIC WATERS: Wow! I mean, for the filthy little paramecium this kid is, he can really go! Come on, Luster! Up, boy!
BRANDON JACOBS: Felix Red has climbed the top turnbuckle, and the fans know what’s coming! A SHATTERED HORIZON! A simply beautiful twisting swanton bomb! Felix covers, 1, 2, 3! Red wins! Red Wins!
::: Bell rings :::
RING ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match, FELIX RED!
VIC WATERS: Luster, you LOSER! I knew you were going to get punked out from the very start.
BRANDON JACOBS: Oh hypocrisy, thy names is Vic Waters.
VIC WATERS: Hey, Brandon, what was that you were saying about Felix Red being simply beautiful?
BRANDON JACOBS: And we must cut to a commercial break, ladies and gentlemen. Stay tuned, as up next is the handicap match with C.O.C.K.S. vs. Manson and Andre Eian.