TBirdSCIL
League Member
(FADE-IN: A computer generated shot of the Great Lakes being passed
overhead at a very rapid speed. As the camera zooms past the shimmering waters, the glare forms the letters G L C W, the background fades to black as the letters glow brighter, and show the letters in shining golden form. FADE TO: The main strip of Wisconsin Dells, Wisconsin. The strip is crammed full with water and amusement parks. We PAN IN on Tommy Bartlett's Water World on the edge of the mighty Wisconsin river and smack dab in the middle of the strip. We CUT TO the interior of the park, where the GLCW ring is set up in the middle of the open air arena. The arena is packed with 10,000 plus fans, and a huge host of boats float along the river to see the show. The boat crowds are if anything more rowdy than the arena set, and many of the boats have been ‘blurred’ by the censors due to the large number of women exposing themselves to the cameras. We CUT TO the announce table, where Tony Ross and Rick Wiseman are seated. Jake Shades enters the shot and fumbles with his headset.)
TONY ROSS: “Hello, ladies and gentlemen! I’m Tony Ross welcoming you to Riptide, from the incredible Tommy Bartlett’s Water World! Alongside me are Rick Wiseman, and wonder-of-wonders, our … (ahem) … ESTEEMED color commentator, Jake Shades. Nice of you to join us this week, Jake.”
JAKE SHADES: (SFX: Feedback from the headset) “ Cram it, Ross. I’m a busy man, an IMPORTANT man. You’re lucky I even had time for you this week.”
RICK WISEMAN: “Folks, as always we’ve got an incredible show lined up for you tonight. Rookie Scottie Sanders is set to go up against Jared
Justice, who got edged out last week by M.W. Grossard. Justice’s head
hasn’t quite been in the game over the last few weeks, but he’s looking to turn things around tonight in Wisconsin. We’ve also got the Jobber taking on Cameron Cruise. The Jobber has been having a hard time of it in recent weeks, and he’s got no easy task in store for him tonight against Cameron Cruise.”
ROSS: “Also on the lineup, the man called Minion takes on the big Texan, Golden Hawk. Hawk’s looking to build momentum after last week’s defeat by Michael Manson, and both men have had some harsh words for one another.”
WISEMAN: “Also tonight, in tag team action Southern Thunder goes
toe-to-toe with Major Impact, and the Dogs of War vie with The Movement to decide who goes home with the vacant GLCW Tag Team titles. The GLCW tag team scene has been on fire in recent months, and I for one am looking forward to these great matches.”
SHADES: “Oh give me a break. The tag team scene has gone straight down
the TOILET since the public retirement of the GREATEST tag team in the
world, the Unholy Alliance. Any other championship reign will be nothing more than a hollow mockery of Kraven and Flatliner’s ascension to power.”
ROSS: “Settle down, will you? Later on tonight we’ll see the incomparable Larry Tact going one-on-one with Jarod Poe, who seems to be more than a little preoccupied by a stalker that’s popped up in recent weeks. Poe has been playing it off, but his performance in the ring has begun to suffer somewhat.”
WISEMAN: “Also up tonight, M.W. Grossard faces off against “Rage o’ Fire” Jared Wells. Grossard seems to have been going through something of a forced identity crisis, but he’s looked great in the ring.”
ROSS: “Also tonight, we’ve got Manson and Jonathan Marx taking on Jean
Rabesque and Dakota Smith, and in our main event, the Cannonball Kidd
makes his bid for the GLCW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP when he takes on the incomparable Maelstrom! Ladies and gentlemen, you don’t want to miss this!”
WISEMAN: “But first, let’s take you to Lady V, who took some time to
speak with Major Impact before we went on the air tonight.”
(CUT TO: Prerecorded footage of Lady V alongside Major Impact and
“General” Johnny Wildside)
LADY VERONICA: “General, Major Impact, it's my understanding that you
guys have something to say....”
THE GENERAL: “Lady V... the team of Major Impact is one angry force to be reckoned with. Instead of being in tonight's tag team title match, we're relegated to facing the Southern cow patties BEFORE the cameras come on. We've rid the GLCW of the Oak Street Beach Patrol ...”
(SFX: Crowd going “hoot hoot hoot")
THE GENERAL: “...and the Unholy Alliance was so terrified of us they
retired before they even had the chance to face us. And now, we must
watch the bowel....movement and the pansies....of....war......square off for the prize that SHOULD BE OURS????? I guarantee you that tonight, during the tag team title match, one or both teams ... will ... feel ...a … MAJOR ...IMPACT ... C'mon boys, let's go to work.”
LADY V: “Well, there's one determined tag team in Major Impact. Guys, lets get back to you.”
(CUT TO: Ross, Wiseman, and Shades at the announce table)
ROSS: “Earlier tonight, Major Impact met up with Southern Justice in the debut match of the masked cowboys.”
SHADES: “Masked cowboys. Give me a break.”
WISEMAN: “General Johnny Wildside and Ric and Jon Savage have been
professing their anger to the world, and they certainly showed it
tonight. Let’s take a look at the action.”
(CUT TO: Ric and Jon Savage coming to the ring, followed closely by The General. The brothers Savage talk trash the whole way down, even pointing and laughing at Thunderbolt and Black Heart, who are in the ring and ready to go)
WISEMAN: “These two sibling tag teams have had a lot to say about each
other recently, and none of it was very pretty.”
SHADES: “Thunderdolt and Blackwart even had the tenacity to not only
question the sexuality of Major Impact, but of the entire federation as well. They’re lucky Krusher didn’t fire them on the spot.”
ROSS: “That’s not how the Commissioner operates, and you know it.
(CUT TO: Ric Savage and Thunderbolt in the ring as the referee calls for the bell. Savage and Thunderbolt tie up, and Thunderbolt lands a knee to Savage’s midsection. ‘Bolt follows up with a clubbing forearm across the back which puts Savage on the mat, but he’s up in a flash and laying in right hands. CUT TO: Thunderbolt laying in a series of knife-edge chops to the chest of Ric Savage. CUT TO: Savage with a running clothesline that flattens Thunderbolt. Savage applies a rear chinlock and makes an attempt to unmask’Bolt, but he replies with a thumb to the eye to break the hold. CUT TO: Thunderbolt with a vertical suplex followed with a tag to Black Heart. CUT TO: ‘Heart stomping at the chest of Ric Savage as the General hops up on the apron and flails around, distracting the ref. CUT TO: Jon Savage
coming in as the General has the ref distracted and laying a viscous kick to the head of Black Heart. Jon rolls Ric out of the ring and takes his place. Thunderbolt sees it, and jumps into the ring to attack Jon. CUT TO: Black Heart and Thunderbolt tossing Jon out of the ring to the arena floor. CUT TO: All four men brawling on the floor as the ref desperately tries to get them back into the ring. CUT TO: Jon Savage applying a blatant choke to Dark Heart on the outside. The ref tries to break it up while Ric keeps Thunderbolt occupied. CUT TO: The General sneaking up on Thunderbolt, steel chair in hand. The General checks to make sure the ref isn’t looking before slamming the chair into the back of Thunderbolt. The General discards the chair and assumes an innocent look as Thunderbolt rolls around on the floor clutching his back. CUT TO: Ric rolling Thunderbolt back into the ring as the ref finally separates Jon and Black Heart. CUT TO: Ric scooping up ‘Bolt and hitting a jumping piledriver, rolling him up for the pin. The referee makes the count while Jon stops
Dark Heart from breaking it up, and the ref calls for the bell. Time of the match: 7:02)
ROSS: “The newcomers Black Heart and Thunderbolt took the fight to Major Impact tonight, but they came up short thanks to a little help from the General.”
WISEMAN: “It was a solid debut for the masked siblings, but the ring
savvy of Major Impact and the presence of General Johnny Wildside
cemented the victory for Major Impact.”
SHADES: “Oh, come on. Could you ever expect anything better from a couple of cowboys? In masks? Gah.”
ROSS: “Folks, also before we came on the air tonight we saw Scotty
Sanders taking on Jared Justice. The last couple of weeks have been
rough for Justice, coming off of back-to-back losses at the hands of
Cameron Cruise and M.W. Grossard.”
WISEMAN: “Not to mention that horrible fire attack following his match
against Cameron Cruise last week on Riptide. Let’s take a look.”
(CUT TO: Riptide last week. Jared Justice appears, heading down the
hallway, his back to the camera. Justice is muttering angrily, apparently upset by his loss to Cameron Cruise.)
ROSS: (V/O) “This was the scene last week in Columbus right after Cameron Cruise won a hard-fought victory over Jared Justice.”
(Justice stops, turning towards his dressing room door. He yanks the door open, and as he does a huge plume of flame shoots out, whiting out the camera for a moment. Justice flings himself to the side, just managing to avoid the flames)
ROSS (V/O): “MY GOD! FLAMES JUST ERUPTED FROM JARED JUSTICE’S DRESSING
ROOM!”
WISEMAN (V/O): “It looks like someone is trying to send Jared Justice a message, but Justice could have been seriously hurt.”
(Justice regains his feet and strides into the dressing room, swatting
out the few remaining flames with his bare hands. We catch a glimpse of a lit Zippo lighter and an aerosol can balanced on a chair just behind the door, and a clever system of ropes and pulleys rigged to the doorknob.)
ROSS (V/O): “Someone obviously took great care in planning this and
getting it set in place.”
(Justice grabs the aerosol can. A note is taped to the can, written in
bold, slashing Magic Marker strokes. As Justice turns, we get a good look at the note, which reads: “The FLAME is RAGING at you, Justice.” Justice throws the can with a yell, kicks over the chair and storms into the dressing room, slamming the door shut behind him. CUT TO: Ross, Wiseman, and Shades at the announce table)
SHADES: “Now, that was his own damn fault! You can’t go around setting
people on fire all the time and not expect someone to take exception to it. It’s karma, baby.”
ROSS: “Well whatever it was, Justice managed to escape physical injury. However, the damage may have been done in less noticeable ways. Later that week on Wired, Justice suffered yet another loss to M.W. Grossard, after Grossard got a little too … familiar with the personage of Jared Justice.”
WISEMAN: “Familiar? The man was nearly raped, Tony. It was more than a
little disturbing.”
SHADES: “Bah. His concentration was only off because he enjoyed it so
much.”
ROSS: “Will you stop? Justice took some exception to the words of Scotty Sanders, and he was looking to change his luck earlier tonight. Let’s take a look at the footage.”
(CUT TO: Jared Justice and Scotty Sanders standing toe-to-toe in the
ring. Justice looks like he wants to lock up, but Sanders begs off,
saying something about ‘getting the gay on him’. Justice retorts with a pair of right fists, to the delight of the crowd. CUT TO: Justice fires Sanders into the ropes looking for a back bodydrop, but he lowers the head too soon. Sanders seizes the opportunity with a faceplant. CUT TO: Justice hitting a vertical suplex and a floatover, but Sanders kicks out after two. CUT TO: Justice laying Sanders out with a running cross chop. CUT TO: Justice going for a Northern Lights suplex, but Sanders reverses into a big DDT. CUT TO: Justice and Sanders trading right hands. CUT TO: Sanders with a rollup for two. CUT TO: Justice hitting a back elbow off the ropes and going for the cover, but Sanders kicks out at two. CUT TO: Sanders with a leg grapevine, working it hard. Justice struggles, digging in and reaching for the ropes. The ref comes in to check Justice, who
isn’t ready to give it up. CUT TO: Justice inching forward, and getting hold of the ropes. The referee forces Sanders to break the hold and Justice rolls outside for a quick breather. CUT TO: Justice firing Sanders into the ropes. Justice catches Sanders for a spinebuster, but Sanders reverses into a sit out faceplant. CUT TO: Justice with an inverted DDT and a cover for two. CUT TO: Justice firing Sanders into the corner, following up with a running clothesline. Justice fires Sanders into the opposite corner, and slams him with another running clothesline.
Justice fires Sanders into the corner again. Sanders staggers out, and
gets shoulderblocked to the mat. CUT TO: Sanders hitting a snap suplex
and a cover for two. CUT TO: Sanders laying in a series of hard rights, and following up with a clothesline. Sanders begins laying in the boots, and Justice does his best to cover up. CUT TO: Sanders getting fired into the corner. Justice climbs up to the second turnbuckle and starts laying in the rights, the crowd counting along with each shot. After five, though, Sanders cinches in a waistlock and battles back with an inverted atomic drop. CUT TO: Justice firing Sanders into the corner again, charging forward for another running clothesline. Sanders sidesteps at the last minute, and Justice slams chest-first into the turnbuckle. Sanders comes in on the rebound with a crucifix pin for the three count. Time of the match: 10:02)
ROSS: “Jared Justice seemed like he was someplace else during this entire match. He made mistakes left and right, mistakes that a veteran like Justice should never make.”
WISEMAN: “Justice has been in quite a slump recently, and you’ve got to wonder what it’s going to take to turn it around. Justice is a gifted competitor, and I for one am betting that he can get his head back into the game and turn things around.”
SHADES: “Please, Wiseass. Jared Justice is a joke of epic proportions.
Three matches in a row he’s lost. THREE. There’s no coming back from a
slump like that. I wouldn’t even call it a slump. It’s more of a
collapse. A liquefying of the bone structure. A … “
ROSS: (cutting off Shades) “We get the picture, Jake. Regardless, rookie Scotty Sanders scores a HUGE upset over Jared Justice here tonight.”
WISEMAN: “What a stepping stone for the newcomer! How many rookies can
say they’ve got a victory over the venerable Jared Justice? This could be the start of great things for Scotty Sanders.”
ROSS: "OK folks, let's get this show on the road! Take it away Matt!"
(CUEUP: “Lawnmower” – Worthless United)
MATT FALEY: “Ladies and gentlemen, making his way to the ring, from
Whitelandia, USA and weighing in at TWO hundred TWENTY pounds, this … is… the … JOOOOOOOOOOBBERRRRRRRRRR!
(The Jobber appears at the top of the ramp, receiving a somewhat
less-than-warm reaction. He looks out over the crowd before stalking
purposefully down to the ring)
ROSS: “And here comes the Jobber, former GLCW TV Champion kicking off
this edition of Riptide. The Jobber has had more than his share of hard luck recently, but things may be turning around for the Whitelandian!”
WISEMAN: “That’s right. After fighting Golden Hawk to a no-contest at
Ringlords, and a win over Scotty Sanders on Wired last week, Jobber might just be building some momentum.”
SHADES: “The Jobber don’t NEED momentum. He was one of the greatest TV
champions ever, and in time he will rise to power once again!”
ROSS: “Well, let’s see if the Jobber’s good fortunes hold tonight. He’s got a very worthy competitor in Cameron Cruise.”
FALEY: “And his opponent, (CUEUP: “Battery” – Metallica) … from
Jacksonville, North Carolina, and weighing in at TWO hundred FORTY EIGHT pounds, here is … CAAAAAAAAAMERONNNNNNN CRRRRRRRUUUUUUUISSSSSSE!”
(Cruise comes through the curtain clad in light blue tights with white
trim, a focused look on his face. The crowd gives up a big pop for Cruise as he makes his way to the ring)
WISEMAN: “Cruise is fresh off a victory over Jared Justice in his return match on Riptide last week. Cruise is looking to build up a head of steam, and he’ not about to let the Jobber stand in his way.”
SHADES: “He’s not gonna have a choice, Rick. The Jobber is gonna go
through him like Ex-Lax through your rectally incontinent momma!”
WISEMAN: “Hey, now! Man, why couldn’t you have skipped the first half of the evening again tonight?”
ROSS: “Cruise is offering the Jobber a handshake to start things off, but the Jobber just swats Cruise’s hand away. The referee calls for the bell, and this one is underway. (SFX: DING DING DING!) Cruise and the Jobber circling now, and Cruise looks a little wary of the Whitelandian.”
WISEMAN: “And with good reason. Jobber is one of the most technically
sound wrestlers in this sport, and he’s got a devastating arsenal of
moves. Cruise is not to be counted out, though. He’s also got a great
offence, and he’s got a bit of a weight advantage going into this
matchup.”
SHADES: “It’s not going to do him any good, though.”
ROSS: “You’re not biased in the least, are you?”
SHADES: “Of course not. I’m an equal opportunity hater, Ross.”
ROSS: “Here we go! Collar-and-elbow tieup, and both men are jockeying for position. Jobber with the arm wringer, winding up Cameron Cruise. Cruise ducks under a short clothesline attempt by the Jobber and reverses into a hammerlock. Jobber now, with an elbow to the head of Cruise and a standing switch into a rear waistlock. Reversal by Cruise, and a back side slam brings Jobber crashing down to the mat!” (SFX: Pop!)
WISEMAN: “The key for Cruise in this is to keep on the Jobber, and not
give him a chance to hit any of those crippling high-impact moves that
he’s famous for. He’s also got to remember that the Jobber has a
punishing array of submission holds.”
SHADES: “So what are you saying, Rick? That the key for Cruise to win is to not get hit? That’s freakin’ BRILLIANT. The Jobber will get hold of him soon enough, and then Cruise will be nothing more than a greasy stain on the mat!”
ROSS: “Cruise has a side headlock applied, but the Jobber is struggling to his feet. A pair of elbow shots by the Jobber to Cruise’s midsection, and that broke the hold. Jobber fires Cruise into the ropes, Cruise off the other side, and the Jobber takes Cruise down with a rolling key lock! That modified chicken wing will separate a shoulder just like that!”
WISEMAN: “A hold like that can end a match in a second, not to mention a career.”
SHADES: “Assuming, of course, that you call whatever it is that Cruise
does a ‘career’.”
WISEMAN: “Does being an ass come naturally, or did you take a classes?”
ROSS: “The Jobber is wrenching in that hold, but Cameron Cruise gets a
foot on the ropes. The referee in to break the hold, and the Jobber
reluctantly makes the break. Both men to their feet, and the Jobber
wastes no time as he fires off a HUGE standing dropkick into the face of Cameron Cruise! Cruise falls back through the ropes, and the Jobber looks like he’s gonna follow. He’s on the apron, but … now he’s getting back into the ring.”
WISEMAN: “Smart move by Jobber. He’s probably remembering his match with Golden Hawk at Ringlords, and he’s not gonna risk making that mistake a second time.”
SHADES: “That’s because unlike the majority of these slobs, the Jobber is an intelligent man. The thinking man’s wrestler. That’s probably why you don’t like him, Ross. He’s simply beyond your scope.”
ROSS: “I like the Jobber as much as anyone. Cruise regrouping on the
outside, and now he’s making his way back into the ring. Cruise is eyeing the Jobber warily, and after that solid offensive flurry by the Jobber, can you blame him? Cruise now, with a right hand to the Jobber. Irish whip by Cruise, Jobber into the ropes. Cruise with a leapfrog, Jobber off the other side, and a flying cross body by Cruise catches Jobber on the way back, but JOBBER ROLLS THROUGH! Jobber with a cradle, ONE, TWO, but Cruise gets the shoulder up.” (SFX: Crowd pops for the exchange)
WISEMAN: “Now that’s more like the Jobber of old! This one might be a
show stealer!”
SHADES: “I told you. The Jobber OWNS Cameron Cruise.”
ROSS: “Both men back up now, and the Jobber lances a huge knife-edge chop across the chest of Cameron Cruise. (SFX: WHOOO!) But look at this! Cruise is on the offensive, looking to take control of this match. HARD right fists by Cameron Cruise, and the Jobber is staggered. Front facelock by Cruise, he goes for the vertical suplex but Jobber snakes a leg in for the block. Second suplex attempt by Cruise, and he’s got the Jobber up, but JOBBER COUNTERS! Midair reversal by Jobber into a sunset flip, but Cruise rolls through, AND A REVERSAL BY CRUISE! Cruise rolled through the sunset flip and rolled Jobber over into a Boston crab!”
WISEMAN: “Incredible! Reversal of a reversal of a reversal!”
SHADES: “Okay, you’ve covered the blind. Now say it again loud for the
hearing impaired.”
WISEMAN: “…”
ROSS: “Cruise is really wrenching on that crab, but look at this! The
Jobber is bridging, pushing himself up with his arms! Cruise is
struggling to sit back and apply pressure to the hold, but the Jobber is fighting it for all he’s worth … CRUISE LOST IT! REVERSAL! REVERSAL BY THE JOBBER, and we’ve got to take another look at that.”
(CUT TO: Slow-motion replay. Jobber shoves up while Cruise struggles to sit back. Jobber hunches forward, and Cruise looses his balance. Cruise falls face-first on the mat, allowing Jobber to capture Cruise’s legs in a Boston Crab)
WISEMAN: “What a technique by the Jobber! I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Boston crab countered like that before.”
SHADES: “It’s exactly that sort of thing that sets the Jobber apart from the rest of these slobs. A THINKING man’s wrestler. Do you think Golden Hawk could come up with a move like that?”
WISEMAN: “Well, that’s not really Hawk’s style …”
SHADES: “Stop making excuses.”
ROSS: “Cruise has made it to the ropes, and the Jobber is forced to break the hold. Cruise is favoring that lower back a bit, and I don’t think the Jobber has fully recovered from that exchange either. But Jobber makes it up first, and now he’s stomping away at the knee of Cameron Cruise. He’s not going after that already tender lower back, instead shifting his focus to the legs of Cameron Cruise. Jobber now, bringing Cruise up OHHH! Dragon Screw legwhip by the Jobber just brought Cruise back to the mat, and he’s got to be setting Cruise up for the stepover toehold.”
WISEMAN: “That’s right. We’ve seen the Jobber take it to the legs many
times before in preparation for that punishing hold.”
SHADES: “Does being so obtuse come naturally, or did you take a class? Of COURSE that’s what he’s doing, any idiot can see that.”
ROSS: “Cruise is on the mat and the Jobber is busy stomping away at the knee of Cameron Cruise. Cruise now, rolls under the ropes and to the outside, buying himself room to breathe and trying to put some space between him and the relentless onslaught of the Jobber.”
WISEMAN: “Cruise started this match off strong, but he’s made too many
mistakes already. Jobber has stayed more than a step ahead of Cameron
Cruise throughout this entire match. This is not the Cameron Cruise we’re used to seeing, Tony.”
ROSS: “Cruise is hot on the heels of a grueling match against Anarky on Wired, and you’re right. This does not seem like the same man who
garnered a standing ovation from the crowd in Akron last week.”
WISEMAN: “Cruise simply has not been in this match. He hasn’t been able to sustain any sort of offense, and he hasn’t been able to come up with anything the Jobber couldn’t counter. It may be that Cruise is nursing some hidden injury from that brutal match against Anarky last week.”
SHADES: “Or maybe Cruise just sucks. There’s nothing wrong with Cameron Cruise, the Jobber’s just that much better.”
WISEMAN: “Get off your knees for a minute, Jake. We’ve got a match to
call.”
ROSS: “The Jobber has Cameron Cruise’s leg draped over the bottom rope
now, and OHHHH! (SFX: Crowd buzzing) Jobber just dropped the elbow across the knee of Cameron Cruise. The ref is admonishing the Jobber, telling him to let Cruise off the ropes. Jobber takes an obliging step back, and Cruise is struggling to his feet with the help of the ring ropes. Cruise seems to be able to stand, but he’s a little ginger on that right knee.”
WISEMAN: “It looks like his mobility is intact enough to keep him in this match, though.”
ROSS: “Not only is he mobile, he’s fighting back! Right hand by Cruise! Chest chop! (SFX: WHOOOO!) Right hand! And another! And another! Cruise now, with a front facelock, and a DDT BUT NOOOO! Cruise went for the DDT, but Jobber caught hold of the ropes and slipped out! Cruise just went crashing to the mat, and the Jobber is on him before Cruise had time to blink! Jobber now with … Jobber with an INVERTED figure four!”
WISEMAN: “That’s a move you don’t see very often, but they’re too close to the ropes. As soon as Cruise realizes it, he can break the hold.”
SHADES: “That might take a while. I think you’ve got to manually crank
the generator before Cruise’s synapses start firing.”
WISEMAN: “Are you volunteering to turn Cruise’s crank?”
ROSS: “Enough. Cruise realizes the situation and he’s got hold of the
bottom rope, and the referee is forcing the break. Jobber quickly back to his feet, but Cruise is a whole lot slower in getting up. The damage has been done to the legs of Cameron Cruise.”
WISEMAN: “And the Jobber knows it. Jobber is in the center of the ring, waiting for Cameron Cruise. He knows that there’s nowhere else for Cruise to go.”
ROSS: “Cruise in with a right hand, blocked by Jobber. Jobber with an
Irish whip, Cruise into the ropes, and a boot to the gut stops Cruise
cold. Jobber’s got the arms hooked, and here we go … TIGER DRIVER! TIGER DRIVER! (SFX: Crowd pops) Jobber just DRILLED Cruise with the Tiger Driver, and here’s the STH! Jobber hit the Tiger Driver, he’s got the stepover toehold locked in, and they’re in the center of the ring. There’s nowhere for Cameron Cruise to go!”
SHADES: “It’s only a matter of time, now.”
ROSS: “Cruise is reaching for the ropes, but there’s a looooong way to go before he gets there. Cruise doesn’t have any leverage to move, and now … HE’S TAPPING! HE’S TAPPING! CRUISE SUBMITS!” (SFX: DING DING DING!)
FALEY: “Here is your winner … (CUEUP: “Lawnmower” – Worthless United)
THEEEEE JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!”
(The crowd jeers at the Jobber as the referee moves to raise his hand.
Jobber rolls out of the ring and heads back up the ramp, not sparing
Cruise a second glance as he rolls on the mat in agony)
ROSS: “And the Jobber picks up the win here on Riptide, DECIMATING
Cameron Cruise.”
SHADES: “Was there ever any doubt?”
WISEMAN: “Jobber appears to be clawing his way back up after a long and frustrating slump. Once he gets his momentum going, there’ll be no
stopping the Jobber. He was the FIRST GLCW Television Champion. He’s the longest reigning TV Champion in history. Love him or hate him, it’s only a matter of time before the Jobber is back on top.”
(CUT TO: Backstage. Anarky is standing next to a monitor, a cup of
something in hand as the Cannonball Kidd approaches)
CANNONBALL KIDD: “Anarky…just the man I was looking for. Now, don’t get too excited…unfortunately, my Message tonight is for Maelstrom, so you’ll have to wait your turn. But it’s come to my attention that you’ll be the number-one contender for the Great Lakes Heavyweight Title once I take it from Maelstrom tonight. And I know that these days, Maelstrom is the man to beat in GLCW. So I’m slightly concerned that someone – and I’m NOT going to directly accuse anyone, Anarky – might take it upon himself to interfere in my match in some way to ensure that Maelstrom retains the title tonight. I just thought I’d let you know that I’m cool with facing you after I beat
Maelstrom, even though you only got the title shot by winning a match
that, had it been a fair fight, I would have won. Just remember…Maelstrom may be the “man to beat” these days, but he can’t help you become self-actualized, only I can. So try and pass the word along that everyone should stay out of this match. I mean, if you don’t, that’s fine, but …”
(Kidd’s eyes go wide)
CANNONBALL KIDD: “NO NO NO NO NO!”
(The camera PANS OVER to show “Man of Action” Joe Clarke right behind
Anarky with a large length of steel pipe. He looks quizzically at Cannonball)
CANNONBALL KIDD: “Excuse me.”
(Cannonball goes over to Clarke)
CANNONBALL KIDD: “I SAID, not unless he interferes…the self-actualized don’t just savagely attack people for no reason, remember?”
(Clarke shrugs, drops the pipe, and walks away. Cannonball turns his
attention back to Anarky)
CANNONBALL KIDD: “Just…stay out of the match, okay? It’s the best thing for all of us. Now excuse me, I have to go spread my Message over here.”
(Cannonball quickly scampers out of shot as Anarky seethes in anger. The camera shows Kidd turning a corner and bumping right into Nemesis)
NEMESIS: “Hey, watch where you're...(noticing who it is)...going.”
CANNONBALL KIDD (after a brief pause): “Nemesis.”
NEMESIS: “Cannonball.”
CANNONBALL KIDD (slapping Nemesis on the back, perhaps a little hard): “Good luck with your TV Title match tonight.”
NEMESIS (returning the slightly excessive slap on the back): “Good luck with your Great Lakes Heavyweight Title match tonight.”
(Another brief pause, then...)
CANNONBALL KIDD & NEMESIS (simultaneously): “You're gonna need it.”
(The two stare each other down for a moment, then Cannonball walks
off-screen. Lady V approaches Nemesis as he resumes his stretches.
Nemesis looks up smiling, as Lady V begins the interview.)
LADY V: “Nemesis, if you have a moment...”
NEMESIS: “You bet I do V. You're here to find out what I have to say
about tonight's match? You got it. Morgan... we've had our fun. Wins and losses, we've shared them both. Tonight, this lil' mini-rivalry ends. Tonight a champion becomes a former champion... and me, I get what I've wanted for a while. A chance to win the Television Title from the person in the GLCW I like the least... and that's you, Stevie Wonder. V, if you'll excuse me... I have a title to win.”
(Nemesis smiles at Lady V, and steps towards his dressing room as Lady V looks on. We CUT TO: A commercial for GLCW Rockin’ Wrestling Wristbands, the only Wrestling Wristbands with sweaty mangrip action)
overhead at a very rapid speed. As the camera zooms past the shimmering waters, the glare forms the letters G L C W, the background fades to black as the letters glow brighter, and show the letters in shining golden form. FADE TO: The main strip of Wisconsin Dells, Wisconsin. The strip is crammed full with water and amusement parks. We PAN IN on Tommy Bartlett's Water World on the edge of the mighty Wisconsin river and smack dab in the middle of the strip. We CUT TO the interior of the park, where the GLCW ring is set up in the middle of the open air arena. The arena is packed with 10,000 plus fans, and a huge host of boats float along the river to see the show. The boat crowds are if anything more rowdy than the arena set, and many of the boats have been ‘blurred’ by the censors due to the large number of women exposing themselves to the cameras. We CUT TO the announce table, where Tony Ross and Rick Wiseman are seated. Jake Shades enters the shot and fumbles with his headset.)
TONY ROSS: “Hello, ladies and gentlemen! I’m Tony Ross welcoming you to Riptide, from the incredible Tommy Bartlett’s Water World! Alongside me are Rick Wiseman, and wonder-of-wonders, our … (ahem) … ESTEEMED color commentator, Jake Shades. Nice of you to join us this week, Jake.”
JAKE SHADES: (SFX: Feedback from the headset) “ Cram it, Ross. I’m a busy man, an IMPORTANT man. You’re lucky I even had time for you this week.”
RICK WISEMAN: “Folks, as always we’ve got an incredible show lined up for you tonight. Rookie Scottie Sanders is set to go up against Jared
Justice, who got edged out last week by M.W. Grossard. Justice’s head
hasn’t quite been in the game over the last few weeks, but he’s looking to turn things around tonight in Wisconsin. We’ve also got the Jobber taking on Cameron Cruise. The Jobber has been having a hard time of it in recent weeks, and he’s got no easy task in store for him tonight against Cameron Cruise.”
ROSS: “Also on the lineup, the man called Minion takes on the big Texan, Golden Hawk. Hawk’s looking to build momentum after last week’s defeat by Michael Manson, and both men have had some harsh words for one another.”
WISEMAN: “Also tonight, in tag team action Southern Thunder goes
toe-to-toe with Major Impact, and the Dogs of War vie with The Movement to decide who goes home with the vacant GLCW Tag Team titles. The GLCW tag team scene has been on fire in recent months, and I for one am looking forward to these great matches.”
SHADES: “Oh give me a break. The tag team scene has gone straight down
the TOILET since the public retirement of the GREATEST tag team in the
world, the Unholy Alliance. Any other championship reign will be nothing more than a hollow mockery of Kraven and Flatliner’s ascension to power.”
ROSS: “Settle down, will you? Later on tonight we’ll see the incomparable Larry Tact going one-on-one with Jarod Poe, who seems to be more than a little preoccupied by a stalker that’s popped up in recent weeks. Poe has been playing it off, but his performance in the ring has begun to suffer somewhat.”
WISEMAN: “Also up tonight, M.W. Grossard faces off against “Rage o’ Fire” Jared Wells. Grossard seems to have been going through something of a forced identity crisis, but he’s looked great in the ring.”
ROSS: “Also tonight, we’ve got Manson and Jonathan Marx taking on Jean
Rabesque and Dakota Smith, and in our main event, the Cannonball Kidd
makes his bid for the GLCW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP when he takes on the incomparable Maelstrom! Ladies and gentlemen, you don’t want to miss this!”
WISEMAN: “But first, let’s take you to Lady V, who took some time to
speak with Major Impact before we went on the air tonight.”
(CUT TO: Prerecorded footage of Lady V alongside Major Impact and
“General” Johnny Wildside)
LADY VERONICA: “General, Major Impact, it's my understanding that you
guys have something to say....”
THE GENERAL: “Lady V... the team of Major Impact is one angry force to be reckoned with. Instead of being in tonight's tag team title match, we're relegated to facing the Southern cow patties BEFORE the cameras come on. We've rid the GLCW of the Oak Street Beach Patrol ...”
(SFX: Crowd going “hoot hoot hoot")
THE GENERAL: “...and the Unholy Alliance was so terrified of us they
retired before they even had the chance to face us. And now, we must
watch the bowel....movement and the pansies....of....war......square off for the prize that SHOULD BE OURS????? I guarantee you that tonight, during the tag team title match, one or both teams ... will ... feel ...a … MAJOR ...IMPACT ... C'mon boys, let's go to work.”
LADY V: “Well, there's one determined tag team in Major Impact. Guys, lets get back to you.”
(CUT TO: Ross, Wiseman, and Shades at the announce table)
ROSS: “Earlier tonight, Major Impact met up with Southern Justice in the debut match of the masked cowboys.”
SHADES: “Masked cowboys. Give me a break.”
WISEMAN: “General Johnny Wildside and Ric and Jon Savage have been
professing their anger to the world, and they certainly showed it
tonight. Let’s take a look at the action.”
(CUT TO: Ric and Jon Savage coming to the ring, followed closely by The General. The brothers Savage talk trash the whole way down, even pointing and laughing at Thunderbolt and Black Heart, who are in the ring and ready to go)
WISEMAN: “These two sibling tag teams have had a lot to say about each
other recently, and none of it was very pretty.”
SHADES: “Thunderdolt and Blackwart even had the tenacity to not only
question the sexuality of Major Impact, but of the entire federation as well. They’re lucky Krusher didn’t fire them on the spot.”
ROSS: “That’s not how the Commissioner operates, and you know it.
(CUT TO: Ric Savage and Thunderbolt in the ring as the referee calls for the bell. Savage and Thunderbolt tie up, and Thunderbolt lands a knee to Savage’s midsection. ‘Bolt follows up with a clubbing forearm across the back which puts Savage on the mat, but he’s up in a flash and laying in right hands. CUT TO: Thunderbolt laying in a series of knife-edge chops to the chest of Ric Savage. CUT TO: Savage with a running clothesline that flattens Thunderbolt. Savage applies a rear chinlock and makes an attempt to unmask’Bolt, but he replies with a thumb to the eye to break the hold. CUT TO: Thunderbolt with a vertical suplex followed with a tag to Black Heart. CUT TO: ‘Heart stomping at the chest of Ric Savage as the General hops up on the apron and flails around, distracting the ref. CUT TO: Jon Savage
coming in as the General has the ref distracted and laying a viscous kick to the head of Black Heart. Jon rolls Ric out of the ring and takes his place. Thunderbolt sees it, and jumps into the ring to attack Jon. CUT TO: Black Heart and Thunderbolt tossing Jon out of the ring to the arena floor. CUT TO: All four men brawling on the floor as the ref desperately tries to get them back into the ring. CUT TO: Jon Savage applying a blatant choke to Dark Heart on the outside. The ref tries to break it up while Ric keeps Thunderbolt occupied. CUT TO: The General sneaking up on Thunderbolt, steel chair in hand. The General checks to make sure the ref isn’t looking before slamming the chair into the back of Thunderbolt. The General discards the chair and assumes an innocent look as Thunderbolt rolls around on the floor clutching his back. CUT TO: Ric rolling Thunderbolt back into the ring as the ref finally separates Jon and Black Heart. CUT TO: Ric scooping up ‘Bolt and hitting a jumping piledriver, rolling him up for the pin. The referee makes the count while Jon stops
Dark Heart from breaking it up, and the ref calls for the bell. Time of the match: 7:02)
ROSS: “The newcomers Black Heart and Thunderbolt took the fight to Major Impact tonight, but they came up short thanks to a little help from the General.”
WISEMAN: “It was a solid debut for the masked siblings, but the ring
savvy of Major Impact and the presence of General Johnny Wildside
cemented the victory for Major Impact.”
SHADES: “Oh, come on. Could you ever expect anything better from a couple of cowboys? In masks? Gah.”
ROSS: “Folks, also before we came on the air tonight we saw Scotty
Sanders taking on Jared Justice. The last couple of weeks have been
rough for Justice, coming off of back-to-back losses at the hands of
Cameron Cruise and M.W. Grossard.”
WISEMAN: “Not to mention that horrible fire attack following his match
against Cameron Cruise last week on Riptide. Let’s take a look.”
(CUT TO: Riptide last week. Jared Justice appears, heading down the
hallway, his back to the camera. Justice is muttering angrily, apparently upset by his loss to Cameron Cruise.)
ROSS: (V/O) “This was the scene last week in Columbus right after Cameron Cruise won a hard-fought victory over Jared Justice.”
(Justice stops, turning towards his dressing room door. He yanks the door open, and as he does a huge plume of flame shoots out, whiting out the camera for a moment. Justice flings himself to the side, just managing to avoid the flames)
ROSS (V/O): “MY GOD! FLAMES JUST ERUPTED FROM JARED JUSTICE’S DRESSING
ROOM!”
WISEMAN (V/O): “It looks like someone is trying to send Jared Justice a message, but Justice could have been seriously hurt.”
(Justice regains his feet and strides into the dressing room, swatting
out the few remaining flames with his bare hands. We catch a glimpse of a lit Zippo lighter and an aerosol can balanced on a chair just behind the door, and a clever system of ropes and pulleys rigged to the doorknob.)
ROSS (V/O): “Someone obviously took great care in planning this and
getting it set in place.”
(Justice grabs the aerosol can. A note is taped to the can, written in
bold, slashing Magic Marker strokes. As Justice turns, we get a good look at the note, which reads: “The FLAME is RAGING at you, Justice.” Justice throws the can with a yell, kicks over the chair and storms into the dressing room, slamming the door shut behind him. CUT TO: Ross, Wiseman, and Shades at the announce table)
SHADES: “Now, that was his own damn fault! You can’t go around setting
people on fire all the time and not expect someone to take exception to it. It’s karma, baby.”
ROSS: “Well whatever it was, Justice managed to escape physical injury. However, the damage may have been done in less noticeable ways. Later that week on Wired, Justice suffered yet another loss to M.W. Grossard, after Grossard got a little too … familiar with the personage of Jared Justice.”
WISEMAN: “Familiar? The man was nearly raped, Tony. It was more than a
little disturbing.”
SHADES: “Bah. His concentration was only off because he enjoyed it so
much.”
ROSS: “Will you stop? Justice took some exception to the words of Scotty Sanders, and he was looking to change his luck earlier tonight. Let’s take a look at the footage.”
(CUT TO: Jared Justice and Scotty Sanders standing toe-to-toe in the
ring. Justice looks like he wants to lock up, but Sanders begs off,
saying something about ‘getting the gay on him’. Justice retorts with a pair of right fists, to the delight of the crowd. CUT TO: Justice fires Sanders into the ropes looking for a back bodydrop, but he lowers the head too soon. Sanders seizes the opportunity with a faceplant. CUT TO: Justice hitting a vertical suplex and a floatover, but Sanders kicks out after two. CUT TO: Justice laying Sanders out with a running cross chop. CUT TO: Justice going for a Northern Lights suplex, but Sanders reverses into a big DDT. CUT TO: Justice and Sanders trading right hands. CUT TO: Sanders with a rollup for two. CUT TO: Justice hitting a back elbow off the ropes and going for the cover, but Sanders kicks out at two. CUT TO: Sanders with a leg grapevine, working it hard. Justice struggles, digging in and reaching for the ropes. The ref comes in to check Justice, who
isn’t ready to give it up. CUT TO: Justice inching forward, and getting hold of the ropes. The referee forces Sanders to break the hold and Justice rolls outside for a quick breather. CUT TO: Justice firing Sanders into the ropes. Justice catches Sanders for a spinebuster, but Sanders reverses into a sit out faceplant. CUT TO: Justice with an inverted DDT and a cover for two. CUT TO: Justice firing Sanders into the corner, following up with a running clothesline. Justice fires Sanders into the opposite corner, and slams him with another running clothesline.
Justice fires Sanders into the corner again. Sanders staggers out, and
gets shoulderblocked to the mat. CUT TO: Sanders hitting a snap suplex
and a cover for two. CUT TO: Sanders laying in a series of hard rights, and following up with a clothesline. Sanders begins laying in the boots, and Justice does his best to cover up. CUT TO: Sanders getting fired into the corner. Justice climbs up to the second turnbuckle and starts laying in the rights, the crowd counting along with each shot. After five, though, Sanders cinches in a waistlock and battles back with an inverted atomic drop. CUT TO: Justice firing Sanders into the corner again, charging forward for another running clothesline. Sanders sidesteps at the last minute, and Justice slams chest-first into the turnbuckle. Sanders comes in on the rebound with a crucifix pin for the three count. Time of the match: 10:02)
ROSS: “Jared Justice seemed like he was someplace else during this entire match. He made mistakes left and right, mistakes that a veteran like Justice should never make.”
WISEMAN: “Justice has been in quite a slump recently, and you’ve got to wonder what it’s going to take to turn it around. Justice is a gifted competitor, and I for one am betting that he can get his head back into the game and turn things around.”
SHADES: “Please, Wiseass. Jared Justice is a joke of epic proportions.
Three matches in a row he’s lost. THREE. There’s no coming back from a
slump like that. I wouldn’t even call it a slump. It’s more of a
collapse. A liquefying of the bone structure. A … “
ROSS: (cutting off Shades) “We get the picture, Jake. Regardless, rookie Scotty Sanders scores a HUGE upset over Jared Justice here tonight.”
WISEMAN: “What a stepping stone for the newcomer! How many rookies can
say they’ve got a victory over the venerable Jared Justice? This could be the start of great things for Scotty Sanders.”
ROSS: "OK folks, let's get this show on the road! Take it away Matt!"
(CUEUP: “Lawnmower” – Worthless United)
MATT FALEY: “Ladies and gentlemen, making his way to the ring, from
Whitelandia, USA and weighing in at TWO hundred TWENTY pounds, this … is… the … JOOOOOOOOOOBBERRRRRRRRRR!
(The Jobber appears at the top of the ramp, receiving a somewhat
less-than-warm reaction. He looks out over the crowd before stalking
purposefully down to the ring)
ROSS: “And here comes the Jobber, former GLCW TV Champion kicking off
this edition of Riptide. The Jobber has had more than his share of hard luck recently, but things may be turning around for the Whitelandian!”
WISEMAN: “That’s right. After fighting Golden Hawk to a no-contest at
Ringlords, and a win over Scotty Sanders on Wired last week, Jobber might just be building some momentum.”
SHADES: “The Jobber don’t NEED momentum. He was one of the greatest TV
champions ever, and in time he will rise to power once again!”
ROSS: “Well, let’s see if the Jobber’s good fortunes hold tonight. He’s got a very worthy competitor in Cameron Cruise.”
FALEY: “And his opponent, (CUEUP: “Battery” – Metallica) … from
Jacksonville, North Carolina, and weighing in at TWO hundred FORTY EIGHT pounds, here is … CAAAAAAAAAMERONNNNNNN CRRRRRRRUUUUUUUISSSSSSE!”
(Cruise comes through the curtain clad in light blue tights with white
trim, a focused look on his face. The crowd gives up a big pop for Cruise as he makes his way to the ring)
WISEMAN: “Cruise is fresh off a victory over Jared Justice in his return match on Riptide last week. Cruise is looking to build up a head of steam, and he’ not about to let the Jobber stand in his way.”
SHADES: “He’s not gonna have a choice, Rick. The Jobber is gonna go
through him like Ex-Lax through your rectally incontinent momma!”
WISEMAN: “Hey, now! Man, why couldn’t you have skipped the first half of the evening again tonight?”
ROSS: “Cruise is offering the Jobber a handshake to start things off, but the Jobber just swats Cruise’s hand away. The referee calls for the bell, and this one is underway. (SFX: DING DING DING!) Cruise and the Jobber circling now, and Cruise looks a little wary of the Whitelandian.”
WISEMAN: “And with good reason. Jobber is one of the most technically
sound wrestlers in this sport, and he’s got a devastating arsenal of
moves. Cruise is not to be counted out, though. He’s also got a great
offence, and he’s got a bit of a weight advantage going into this
matchup.”
SHADES: “It’s not going to do him any good, though.”
ROSS: “You’re not biased in the least, are you?”
SHADES: “Of course not. I’m an equal opportunity hater, Ross.”
ROSS: “Here we go! Collar-and-elbow tieup, and both men are jockeying for position. Jobber with the arm wringer, winding up Cameron Cruise. Cruise ducks under a short clothesline attempt by the Jobber and reverses into a hammerlock. Jobber now, with an elbow to the head of Cruise and a standing switch into a rear waistlock. Reversal by Cruise, and a back side slam brings Jobber crashing down to the mat!” (SFX: Pop!)
WISEMAN: “The key for Cruise in this is to keep on the Jobber, and not
give him a chance to hit any of those crippling high-impact moves that
he’s famous for. He’s also got to remember that the Jobber has a
punishing array of submission holds.”
SHADES: “So what are you saying, Rick? That the key for Cruise to win is to not get hit? That’s freakin’ BRILLIANT. The Jobber will get hold of him soon enough, and then Cruise will be nothing more than a greasy stain on the mat!”
ROSS: “Cruise has a side headlock applied, but the Jobber is struggling to his feet. A pair of elbow shots by the Jobber to Cruise’s midsection, and that broke the hold. Jobber fires Cruise into the ropes, Cruise off the other side, and the Jobber takes Cruise down with a rolling key lock! That modified chicken wing will separate a shoulder just like that!”
WISEMAN: “A hold like that can end a match in a second, not to mention a career.”
SHADES: “Assuming, of course, that you call whatever it is that Cruise
does a ‘career’.”
WISEMAN: “Does being an ass come naturally, or did you take a classes?”
ROSS: “The Jobber is wrenching in that hold, but Cameron Cruise gets a
foot on the ropes. The referee in to break the hold, and the Jobber
reluctantly makes the break. Both men to their feet, and the Jobber
wastes no time as he fires off a HUGE standing dropkick into the face of Cameron Cruise! Cruise falls back through the ropes, and the Jobber looks like he’s gonna follow. He’s on the apron, but … now he’s getting back into the ring.”
WISEMAN: “Smart move by Jobber. He’s probably remembering his match with Golden Hawk at Ringlords, and he’s not gonna risk making that mistake a second time.”
SHADES: “That’s because unlike the majority of these slobs, the Jobber is an intelligent man. The thinking man’s wrestler. That’s probably why you don’t like him, Ross. He’s simply beyond your scope.”
ROSS: “I like the Jobber as much as anyone. Cruise regrouping on the
outside, and now he’s making his way back into the ring. Cruise is eyeing the Jobber warily, and after that solid offensive flurry by the Jobber, can you blame him? Cruise now, with a right hand to the Jobber. Irish whip by Cruise, Jobber into the ropes. Cruise with a leapfrog, Jobber off the other side, and a flying cross body by Cruise catches Jobber on the way back, but JOBBER ROLLS THROUGH! Jobber with a cradle, ONE, TWO, but Cruise gets the shoulder up.” (SFX: Crowd pops for the exchange)
WISEMAN: “Now that’s more like the Jobber of old! This one might be a
show stealer!”
SHADES: “I told you. The Jobber OWNS Cameron Cruise.”
ROSS: “Both men back up now, and the Jobber lances a huge knife-edge chop across the chest of Cameron Cruise. (SFX: WHOOO!) But look at this! Cruise is on the offensive, looking to take control of this match. HARD right fists by Cameron Cruise, and the Jobber is staggered. Front facelock by Cruise, he goes for the vertical suplex but Jobber snakes a leg in for the block. Second suplex attempt by Cruise, and he’s got the Jobber up, but JOBBER COUNTERS! Midair reversal by Jobber into a sunset flip, but Cruise rolls through, AND A REVERSAL BY CRUISE! Cruise rolled through the sunset flip and rolled Jobber over into a Boston crab!”
WISEMAN: “Incredible! Reversal of a reversal of a reversal!”
SHADES: “Okay, you’ve covered the blind. Now say it again loud for the
hearing impaired.”
WISEMAN: “…”
ROSS: “Cruise is really wrenching on that crab, but look at this! The
Jobber is bridging, pushing himself up with his arms! Cruise is
struggling to sit back and apply pressure to the hold, but the Jobber is fighting it for all he’s worth … CRUISE LOST IT! REVERSAL! REVERSAL BY THE JOBBER, and we’ve got to take another look at that.”
(CUT TO: Slow-motion replay. Jobber shoves up while Cruise struggles to sit back. Jobber hunches forward, and Cruise looses his balance. Cruise falls face-first on the mat, allowing Jobber to capture Cruise’s legs in a Boston Crab)
WISEMAN: “What a technique by the Jobber! I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Boston crab countered like that before.”
SHADES: “It’s exactly that sort of thing that sets the Jobber apart from the rest of these slobs. A THINKING man’s wrestler. Do you think Golden Hawk could come up with a move like that?”
WISEMAN: “Well, that’s not really Hawk’s style …”
SHADES: “Stop making excuses.”
ROSS: “Cruise has made it to the ropes, and the Jobber is forced to break the hold. Cruise is favoring that lower back a bit, and I don’t think the Jobber has fully recovered from that exchange either. But Jobber makes it up first, and now he’s stomping away at the knee of Cameron Cruise. He’s not going after that already tender lower back, instead shifting his focus to the legs of Cameron Cruise. Jobber now, bringing Cruise up OHHH! Dragon Screw legwhip by the Jobber just brought Cruise back to the mat, and he’s got to be setting Cruise up for the stepover toehold.”
WISEMAN: “That’s right. We’ve seen the Jobber take it to the legs many
times before in preparation for that punishing hold.”
SHADES: “Does being so obtuse come naturally, or did you take a class? Of COURSE that’s what he’s doing, any idiot can see that.”
ROSS: “Cruise is on the mat and the Jobber is busy stomping away at the knee of Cameron Cruise. Cruise now, rolls under the ropes and to the outside, buying himself room to breathe and trying to put some space between him and the relentless onslaught of the Jobber.”
WISEMAN: “Cruise started this match off strong, but he’s made too many
mistakes already. Jobber has stayed more than a step ahead of Cameron
Cruise throughout this entire match. This is not the Cameron Cruise we’re used to seeing, Tony.”
ROSS: “Cruise is hot on the heels of a grueling match against Anarky on Wired, and you’re right. This does not seem like the same man who
garnered a standing ovation from the crowd in Akron last week.”
WISEMAN: “Cruise simply has not been in this match. He hasn’t been able to sustain any sort of offense, and he hasn’t been able to come up with anything the Jobber couldn’t counter. It may be that Cruise is nursing some hidden injury from that brutal match against Anarky last week.”
SHADES: “Or maybe Cruise just sucks. There’s nothing wrong with Cameron Cruise, the Jobber’s just that much better.”
WISEMAN: “Get off your knees for a minute, Jake. We’ve got a match to
call.”
ROSS: “The Jobber has Cameron Cruise’s leg draped over the bottom rope
now, and OHHHH! (SFX: Crowd buzzing) Jobber just dropped the elbow across the knee of Cameron Cruise. The ref is admonishing the Jobber, telling him to let Cruise off the ropes. Jobber takes an obliging step back, and Cruise is struggling to his feet with the help of the ring ropes. Cruise seems to be able to stand, but he’s a little ginger on that right knee.”
WISEMAN: “It looks like his mobility is intact enough to keep him in this match, though.”
ROSS: “Not only is he mobile, he’s fighting back! Right hand by Cruise! Chest chop! (SFX: WHOOOO!) Right hand! And another! And another! Cruise now, with a front facelock, and a DDT BUT NOOOO! Cruise went for the DDT, but Jobber caught hold of the ropes and slipped out! Cruise just went crashing to the mat, and the Jobber is on him before Cruise had time to blink! Jobber now with … Jobber with an INVERTED figure four!”
WISEMAN: “That’s a move you don’t see very often, but they’re too close to the ropes. As soon as Cruise realizes it, he can break the hold.”
SHADES: “That might take a while. I think you’ve got to manually crank
the generator before Cruise’s synapses start firing.”
WISEMAN: “Are you volunteering to turn Cruise’s crank?”
ROSS: “Enough. Cruise realizes the situation and he’s got hold of the
bottom rope, and the referee is forcing the break. Jobber quickly back to his feet, but Cruise is a whole lot slower in getting up. The damage has been done to the legs of Cameron Cruise.”
WISEMAN: “And the Jobber knows it. Jobber is in the center of the ring, waiting for Cameron Cruise. He knows that there’s nowhere else for Cruise to go.”
ROSS: “Cruise in with a right hand, blocked by Jobber. Jobber with an
Irish whip, Cruise into the ropes, and a boot to the gut stops Cruise
cold. Jobber’s got the arms hooked, and here we go … TIGER DRIVER! TIGER DRIVER! (SFX: Crowd pops) Jobber just DRILLED Cruise with the Tiger Driver, and here’s the STH! Jobber hit the Tiger Driver, he’s got the stepover toehold locked in, and they’re in the center of the ring. There’s nowhere for Cameron Cruise to go!”
SHADES: “It’s only a matter of time, now.”
ROSS: “Cruise is reaching for the ropes, but there’s a looooong way to go before he gets there. Cruise doesn’t have any leverage to move, and now … HE’S TAPPING! HE’S TAPPING! CRUISE SUBMITS!” (SFX: DING DING DING!)
FALEY: “Here is your winner … (CUEUP: “Lawnmower” – Worthless United)
THEEEEE JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!”
(The crowd jeers at the Jobber as the referee moves to raise his hand.
Jobber rolls out of the ring and heads back up the ramp, not sparing
Cruise a second glance as he rolls on the mat in agony)
ROSS: “And the Jobber picks up the win here on Riptide, DECIMATING
Cameron Cruise.”
SHADES: “Was there ever any doubt?”
WISEMAN: “Jobber appears to be clawing his way back up after a long and frustrating slump. Once he gets his momentum going, there’ll be no
stopping the Jobber. He was the FIRST GLCW Television Champion. He’s the longest reigning TV Champion in history. Love him or hate him, it’s only a matter of time before the Jobber is back on top.”
(CUT TO: Backstage. Anarky is standing next to a monitor, a cup of
something in hand as the Cannonball Kidd approaches)
CANNONBALL KIDD: “Anarky…just the man I was looking for. Now, don’t get too excited…unfortunately, my Message tonight is for Maelstrom, so you’ll have to wait your turn. But it’s come to my attention that you’ll be the number-one contender for the Great Lakes Heavyweight Title once I take it from Maelstrom tonight. And I know that these days, Maelstrom is the man to beat in GLCW. So I’m slightly concerned that someone – and I’m NOT going to directly accuse anyone, Anarky – might take it upon himself to interfere in my match in some way to ensure that Maelstrom retains the title tonight. I just thought I’d let you know that I’m cool with facing you after I beat
Maelstrom, even though you only got the title shot by winning a match
that, had it been a fair fight, I would have won. Just remember…Maelstrom may be the “man to beat” these days, but he can’t help you become self-actualized, only I can. So try and pass the word along that everyone should stay out of this match. I mean, if you don’t, that’s fine, but …”
(Kidd’s eyes go wide)
CANNONBALL KIDD: “NO NO NO NO NO!”
(The camera PANS OVER to show “Man of Action” Joe Clarke right behind
Anarky with a large length of steel pipe. He looks quizzically at Cannonball)
CANNONBALL KIDD: “Excuse me.”
(Cannonball goes over to Clarke)
CANNONBALL KIDD: “I SAID, not unless he interferes…the self-actualized don’t just savagely attack people for no reason, remember?”
(Clarke shrugs, drops the pipe, and walks away. Cannonball turns his
attention back to Anarky)
CANNONBALL KIDD: “Just…stay out of the match, okay? It’s the best thing for all of us. Now excuse me, I have to go spread my Message over here.”
(Cannonball quickly scampers out of shot as Anarky seethes in anger. The camera shows Kidd turning a corner and bumping right into Nemesis)
NEMESIS: “Hey, watch where you're...(noticing who it is)...going.”
CANNONBALL KIDD (after a brief pause): “Nemesis.”
NEMESIS: “Cannonball.”
CANNONBALL KIDD (slapping Nemesis on the back, perhaps a little hard): “Good luck with your TV Title match tonight.”
NEMESIS (returning the slightly excessive slap on the back): “Good luck with your Great Lakes Heavyweight Title match tonight.”
(Another brief pause, then...)
CANNONBALL KIDD & NEMESIS (simultaneously): “You're gonna need it.”
(The two stare each other down for a moment, then Cannonball walks
off-screen. Lady V approaches Nemesis as he resumes his stretches.
Nemesis looks up smiling, as Lady V begins the interview.)
LADY V: “Nemesis, if you have a moment...”
NEMESIS: “You bet I do V. You're here to find out what I have to say
about tonight's match? You got it. Morgan... we've had our fun. Wins and losses, we've shared them both. Tonight, this lil' mini-rivalry ends. Tonight a champion becomes a former champion... and me, I get what I've wanted for a while. A chance to win the Television Title from the person in the GLCW I like the least... and that's you, Stevie Wonder. V, if you'll excuse me... I have a title to win.”
(Nemesis smiles at Lady V, and steps towards his dressing room as Lady V looks on. We CUT TO: A commercial for GLCW Rockin’ Wrestling Wristbands, the only Wrestling Wristbands with sweaty mangrip action)