Pawn to E4
FADE IN: SJH is slumping around a dark street corner in the seedy underbelly of North Vegas. Paying no attention to the transsexual prostitutes or dilapidated casinos that surround him, the Prime Minister of Gettin' Sinister steps to the camera that covers him and launches instantly into promo mode.
SJH: "So this is it... the very spot where SIN CITY began. What was once a Mormon trading outpost becomes a haven of debauchery and broken dreams."
He nods his head in approval,
SJH: "I can dig it... Hell, maybe I'll track Elvis down and get hitched five or six times while I'm here - Bill Paxton all up in ya bizness like WHOA - BUT FIRST....
I've got a match to win!"
SJH licks the salivatory drool off of his lips.
SJH: "Or is that two matches? Three perhaps?!"
He puts his hands to his cheeks a la Kevin McCallister.
SJH: "Needless to say, when you're a man in demand, a man like SJH, this is the kind of gauntlet one has to run to appease the ever-swelling sects of Hart-broken Phenom Fiends around the world. And so it is, with the spandex stamped to my wobbly-ass, my biceps greased like a bad burrito joint, and 57 title belts strapped to my waist, that I will march into battle.... bearing the banner of not one, not two, but THREE promotions!"
He chuckles once again.
SJH: "Shoot, I may even pimp my recent win at ACW's END GAME and turn the hat trick into a...qua...tro....fecta?"
The Phenom scratches his head in cunfusion.
SJH: "A four...tac..ular?"
He does his best to shake the cobwebs out.
SJH: "At any rate, the point I'm trying to make here is that AS WE SPEAK, I've got the entire wrestling business by the BALLS, so as we sprint toward the Supershow, I'm not even sweating the fact that I'm gonna have to turn in one of the GREATEST performances in this sport's history just to cut the mustard."
He looks to the Vegas skyline with an expression that screams of some one who only just realized the enormity of the situation with which they are faced... or something to that effect.
SJH: "Because I know DEEP DOWN that... despite the word on the street, REGARDLESS of the rancor I've encountered at each and every stop I've made throughout my illustrious career... I KNOW that I can pull it off."
He runs a hand through his flowing blond locks... for no apparent reason.
SJH: "Peter File... you and I weren't meant to tangle here and now. I had my little hiccup with you already, I moved past it, and I was READY LIKE FREDDY to face Felix Red for this shindig. But, as is the case with alot of the loopholes life likes to throw out, those plans went out the window and here we are, set like a jet to go at it ONCE AGAIN - only this time with a whole HELLUVA lot more at stake.
Make no mistake about it, while others scoff at your strange and nefarious ways, I know all too well that you and your WACKNESS pose every bit the threat to this l'il hot streak I'm on that Felix did. I understand that somehwere inside you, amidst all the absurdity, rests one BAAAAAAAD hombre... bent like my boomerang COCK on taking me out and taking the title before I can even discern what's happened to me.
Y'see, I know this because as bad a rap as you may have gotten from different people during your sports entertainment journey.. mine's been every bit the batch of BS that yours has. Doubted at every turn. Discounted like the shoes at Shop-Ko... and for what? Having a multi-faceted personality? A sweet set of designer hair extensions? A penchant for pounding overweight poon?!"
Hart scoffs at the very thought of such things.
SJH: "In that regard, you and I are quite alike. A couple'a bozos who just can't seem to comprehend that they're not supposed to kick so much ass! Which is why, line-up changes aside, I'm pleased as PUNCH to be goin' toe to toe with you... ONE MORE TIME!
Forget WarGames, and to Hell with my Intercontinental title defense. Right here... right now, in THIS shining moment, it's all about you and the New Era title."
He cracks a smile.
SJH: "SJH versus Peter File in a Battle Royale the likes of which this place has never seen, in ANY of its incarnations..."
He stops, checks himself, then amends his statement.
SJH: "Alright, so I guess you can't really call it a Battle Royale with less than twenty men... but it is a ROYAL BATTLE, the winner of which will go on to become KING of New Era's new era! And mark my words, mandinga... this coronation's gonna be MINE if it's the last thing I do! Call it an outrage, call it a mockery, I call it the TRUTH!
And the truth of the matter here is that after all is said and done, and all THREE of my matches are in the books, it's gonna be clear as crystal that 2-ot-TEN is the year of the PHENOM!
So hey, bring your A-game... and all the asinine statements about how you're gonna beat me because of some bullsh(FCC)t that happened in the past? Bring those too. In the end, you're gonna eat 'em like this tranny whore eats bum holes."
He winks at one of the transsexual prostitutes.
SJH: "But hey, it's all good... cuz you're into that kind of thing. Right?"
SJH gives the thumbs up.
SJH: "See you in the ring, bub. The PHENOM has left the building."