CUE UP: "Imperial March" - Rage Against the Machine. A video montage plays, featuring smoke-wreathed images of various wrestlers, some of them leaving blurred trails as they move.
CUT TO: Beast nailing the Absolution on Christian Sands.
CUT TO: Karl Brown coming off the ropes with a Quebrada.
CUT TO: Christian Sands taking Beast down into the Sandman's Clutch.
CUT TO: Troy Douglas standing victorious on a turnbuckle.
CUT TO: Adam Benjamin delivering a Shining Wizard to Karl Brown.
CUT TO: John Doe and Aodhan Lorigan striding down the ramp.
CUT TO: Jonathan Marx throwing Karl Brown over the ropes.
CUT TO: Lindsay Troy dropkicking Christian Sands.
CUT TO: Tyrone Walker locking up with Karl Brown.
CUT TO: Dan Ryan sitting sedately in a chair, staring into the camera.
CUTTO: With a clash of metal, a logo slams across the screen, its edges flickering.]
[Cut to the ramp, where a wreath of pyro explodes around the EmpireTron and several bomblike, smoky explosions ripple about the entry way. The camera zooms in on the screen as the pyro finally peters out, then blurs to roving shots of the roaring crowd as a small banner in the corner briefly appears to proclaim that EPW is broadcast en Espanol. Various signs are visible in the crowd: "WE ARE BEAST FANS", "Sebastian Dodd Is My Hero!", "Big Daddy English Rules The Roost", "LINDSAY TROY: THE QUEEN OF THE WHOREHOUSE", "RESPECT EMPEROR MARX", "Bad Dragon!", "I WANT TO GET INTO JOEY MELTON'S TRUNKS", "Troy Douglas Is For Real!", and finally, "Hey Golem, I Have The Precious".]
[Cut to ringside, where our intrepid announce team lurks.]
DT: It's a sold-out crowd here tonight at the Target Center! Welcome, everybody, to Aggression - live from Minneapolis! I'm Dave Thomas, and with me as always is Mike Neely!
MN: What up, Burgerman!
DT: Well, for one thing, our ratings, buyrates, and attendance rates.
MN: Aw dag, we're movin' on up!
DT: So it would seem. We've got a stacked show for you tonight, folks, and it's going to be topped off by the first-ever Empire Royal Rumble for a shot at the Intercontinental Title at our next Pay-Per-View - Wrestleverse!
MN: Nothin' wrong with a good rumble. Especially when it's royal!
DT: I concur. But for now, we've got some tag-team action for you folks at home to start the night off! This one's for the World Tag Team Championships...and I'll tell you right now, this one is going to blow the roof off, don't you think?
MN: I sure hope not...what if it rains then?
DT: Sigh...
[CUE UP: "Hurt" by Nine Inch Nails. X-Ecutioner and Golem appear on the stage, the former carrying a sledgehammer, the latter a rather large bound folder and a microphone. They make their way to the ring being bombarded by jeers from the crowd, taking their time. They both carefully climb the stairs, X-Ecutioner stepping over the top rope as Golem vaults into the ring over the ropes. They make their way over to the corner, smiling, as they wait for their opponents]
TF: Introducing first, both hailing from Death Valley, weighing in at a combined weight of five hundred and twenty three pounds... GOOOOOOLLLLLLLLEEEEEMMMMMMMM and his partner, the XXXXXXX-EEEEEEEECCCCCCCCUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTIIIOOONNNNEEEEEERRR RRRRR!!!!!!
DT: And there are the Challengers, five hundred and twenty pounds between them, certainly the size advantage goes to these two.
MN: But that just means that you can hand the speed and quickness edge right to the Champions.
DT: Good point Mike.
[Cue Up: "Headstrong" by Trapt as Cameron Cruise, accompanied by Mercedes Devon, walks halfway down the ramp and waits.]
TF: Weighing in at 249 pounds, a native of Jacksonville, North Carolina...CAMEROOOOOOOOOON CRUUUUUUUUUUUUIIIIISSSSSEEEE!!!!!!
["Headstrong" fades out, only to be replaced by "All the Things She Said" by Tatu, as the crowd goes completely bonkers. Joey Melton emerges from the entranceway and strolls confidently towards Cruise. They meet and head to the ring together.]
TF: His tag team partner is one of the true legends of professional wrestling. Hailing from New York City, New York and weighing in at 210 pounds...JOOOOOEEEEEEEEYYYYYY MEEEEEEEEEELLLLTTTTTTOOOONNNN!!!!!!!
TOGETHER THEY ARE YOUR WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS...THE CAMERON CRUISE PROJECT!
DT: And here we go, this one is for all the marbles...
[SFX: Bell rings]
DT: Melton and X-Ecutioner starting this one off...X charges in, Melton deftly avoids and goes behind, Joey Melton attempting a rollup here, but he can't get X over! Now X drops straight down on his back on top of Melton sandwiching him underneath!
MN: Oooooooh.
[X-Ecutioner in control picks up Joey Melton and drags him to the corner, he makes a tag to Golem, Golem begins hammering away with a series of punches...he then backs off and delivers a running lariat into the body of Joey Melton.]
DT: The challengers looking sharp here off the get-go, and it looks like we've got ourselves a title match Mike.
MN: Well, duh, it's a match, the tag titles are on the line, I think that Stevie Wonder could have seen we've got a title match.
DT: Golem grabs the dazed Melton...DDT! COVER!
1...
2...
KICKOUT AT TWO...with a little more authority than I'd have expected!
[Golem grabs Melton and whips him towards the far corner, he backs off into his own setting up for another running lariat, Golem charges, and Melton makes a quick tag to Cruise, and slides between the legs of Golem. Golem eats the turnbuckle, and backs out dazed as Cruise goes up top...]
DT: GREAT MOVE BY MELTON TO GET OUT OF THE WAY! That's why they are the World Tag Team Champions...Cruise up top...MISSLE DROPKICK FINDS THE MARK!
MN: Actually, it found Golem, not Mark.
DT: I meant...oh nevermind...
[Cruise in control of Golem mounts one half of the challengers, and begins firing away with a series of lefts and rights. Cruise picks up the dazed Golem and drives him down with a DDT.]
Cruise[Yelling]: Now THAT'S a DDT!
DT: Cruise very confident and in control, being the champion allows for a little bit of leeway.
MN: A great man once said, when you're the champion, you don't have to beat them, they have to beat you.
DT: Bobby Heenan?
MN: No, me!
[Cruise whips Golem to the corner and calls for X-Ecutioner to step into the ring. The big man makes the tag and Cruise gets right in his face. X-Ecutioner pushes him down, Cruise gets right back up, and right back into the face of X-Ecutioner who does it a second time, and follows up with a kick to the side of the head.]
DT: Brutal kick right there by X-Ecutioner...
MN: But look at that, Cruise is getting right back up calling for more...
DT: X-Ecutioner with a right hand...
Blocked, and Cruise fires back with one of his own!
Again a right from the big man, and again blocked and answered with one of his own. Cruise grabs an arm-wringer on X-Ecutioner and drags him back towards...Joey Melton.
[Cruise, controling the arm tags in Melton who goes up top and drops a big time fist to the shoulder of X-Ecutioner. Melton and Cruise then each grab an arm firing X-Ecutioner to the far side, on the rebound the Champions hit a bigtime double dropkick and send the challenger to the floor.]
DT: What a double dropkick! Here comes Golem into the ring, he's tied up with Melton and Cruise is going to the top!
MN: The official has clearly lost control of this one...Golem looks like he's got control of Melton though!
DT: That looks a really even exchange to me Mike!
[Melton leaps from the top to the floor...but is caught by X-Ecutioner...Golem whips Melton towards the ropes, and he delivers a tope' onto Cruise sending himself and his tagteam partner down on top of X-Ecutioner...]
DT: WHAT A MOVE BY JOEY MELTON AND THREE QUARTERS OF THE COMPETITORS ARE DOWN ON THE FLOOR!
MN: And with both legal men out there, and no distraction from Melton and Golem going at it, we've got a countout brewing!
[The crowd begins chanting along with the official as the count goes on...
1...
2...
3...]
DT: Melton and Cruise now stirring and they're getting X-Ecutioner to his feet...
[4...
5...
6...]
DT: X-ECUTIONER WITH A BURST TAKES BOTH CHAMPIONS DOWN WITH A CLOTHESLINE!
MN: Now he tosses Melton in, and slides in himself breaking the count.
DT: And we've regained some semblance of order, with Golem in his respective corner, and a dazed Cameron Cruise heading back into his.
[X-Ecutioner grabs Melton for a chokeslam...but on the way up, he manages to twist himself and secure a cross-armbreaker on the challenger...both men go down, Cruise reaches from the corner towards Melton who extends a free hand making the tag while maintaining the armbreaker...]
DT: The champions working on the arm of the big man, and they have been from the get-go.
MN: If you take away one of those arms, you take away a significant power advantage...and that's what the champs are doing here.
DT: That's some great insight...
MN: I know.
[Cruise steps into the ring, and begins stomping away at the knee of X-Ecutioner, while Melton holds the arm-breaker...as the referee gets near a 5 count, Melton breaks and leaves the ring.]
DT: Melton coming dangerously close to a DQ there.
MN: He knew what he was doing the whole time.
DT: Cruise hooks that leg...and now he's trying to lock in the Cruise Control! HE'S GOT IT! AND X-ECUTIONER IS HURTING!
[X-Ecutioner fights the hold, looking ready to give it in several times and Cruise REALLY tweaked the STF in HARD. But finally X-Ecutioner manages to reach for the bottom rope, and secures a break.]
DT: X-Ecutioner needed every inch of that big frame of his to get the ropes there...
[Cruise picks up X-Ecutioner and whips him to the corner...X-Ecutioner gets a foot up and makes a tag to Golem who goes up top...X-Ecutioner grabs the dazed Cruise...]
DT: This could be it!
MN: This could be The Pact!
DT: And here it comes, Inverted Suplex! And there goes Golem off the top...but noone is home! Cruise out the back door, and behind X-Ecutioner narrowly avoiding certain disaster!
MN: He JUST got out of that suplex in the nick of time, or else Golem comes crashing down with him, with X-Ecutioner, and we've got new Tag Champs!
[Cruise pushes X-Ecutioner into Golem, the two meet heads in the middle...Cruise rolls up X-Ecutioner!]
DT: Cover...
1...
2...
And the ref is calling off the pinfall! He's telling Cruise that X-Ecutioner is NOT the legal man!
MN: CC must have missed that while he was holding his face after that big boot...
DT: But the right call from the official nonetheless.
[Cruise gets up off the X-Ecutioner and kicks him towards the outside...Golem comes up from behind...
But Cruise is ready and blasts him with a bigtime clothesline before tagging in Melton.]
DT: Down goes Golem, and the Champions are in firm control of this matchup...
MN: Melton now in and he's got a series of kicks for Golem.
[Melton delivers textbook snap suplex on the challenger, before dragging him towards the corner, he climbs to the top, tagging Cruise along the way. Melton delivers a picture perfect moonsault, before getting to his feet, heading to the ropes, and slingshotting himself to the floor to take out a rising X-Ecutioner...]
DT: JOEY MELTON JUST SINGLEHANDEDLY TOOK OUT BOTH MEMBERS OF THE CHALLENGING TEAM!
MN: He's a house of fire!
DT: You can say that again!
MN: He's a house of fire!
[Golem gets pulled to his feet by Cameron Cruise, who proceeds to whip him to the far side, Golem ducks a clothesline on the rebound, and on the way back delivers one of his own, a big time Western Lariat...he grabs Cruise, picks him up and tries to whip him to the ropes, Cruise reverses, and Golem comes right back with another Western Lariat...]
DT: A second Lariat here by Golem is BLOCKED BY CRUISE WHO USED GOLEM'S OWN MOMENTUM AGAINST HIM AND DROVE HIM DOWN WITH THE REALITY CHECK!
COVER!
1...
2...
3...AND THIS ONE IS OVER!
[SFX: *DING* - Bell rings as the crowd cheers.]
TF: Your winners, and the STILL EMPIRE PRO TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS....CAMERRRRRRRROOOOOOON CRUUUUUUUUIIIIIIISSSSSEEEE and JOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEYYYY MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLTTTTTOOOOOOONNNNN!!!!!!!!!! !
DT: What a great match! That was a hell of a showing for both teams...
MN: It was...but it felt to me like the Champions were always one step ahead.
DT: No question about that, it might be the night for Golem and X-Ecutioner in the future, but tonight wasn't the night. The Tag Team Champions of the World had an answer for everything the challengers threw at them...and they showed why they are the best in the world.
MN: I think it's safe to assume that the Cameron Cruise Project is a success after all.
DT: Mmhmm. Folks, we've got to take a quick break. Stay tuned!
[Cut to a commercial for Nag'N'***** cereal.]