[FADEIN..... Back to the arena. CUEUP: “Otherworld” . As Max and Jecht step out on the ramp Leonard Johnson right behind them]
DT: Looks like we are starting this match up early.
MN: Good, that’s that way it should be, get out there and start it up!
DT: Look as these two determined to win this match up.
MN: I Have total faith in Blitz.
TONY FATORA: The folowing is a tag team match up with a time limit of 15 minutes. Making their way to the ring being accompanied by Leonard Johnson. BLITZ!
[Max and Jecht slide in the ring and taunt. The crowd boos loudly.]
DT: I think that Blitz can take out Golem and X-Ecutioner
DM: I think Blitz can play Blitzball. Could they be any more obvious? I'm waiting for Tidus to show up. Though I'd be happy if Yuna and Rikku put in an appearance. Oh, Yuna... I'd hit it.
DT: ...You're sick.
DM: You say this because you want to bone Tidus.
DT: Wha - that's even sicker!
TONY FATORA: and their opponents...
[CUE UP: “Hurt” by Nine Inch Nails. Golem and X-Cutioner walk down the ramp as Max mocks the way Golem walks.]
TONY FATORA: Golem and X-Ecutioner!!!!!
DT: Max and Jecht are both in the ring and Golem and X slide in. Max and Jecht laughing at the two as they stand toe to toe. And Max and Jecht both hitting clotheslines on the men.
MN: Look at Golem his head snapped back like it was a rag doll!
DM: We could make a fortune off those, you know. Cuddly Golem Dolls! Only $9.99!
DT: Max suplexing Golem. Jecht performing the same to X-Ecutioner. Golem is up and nowcharges at Jecht. Jecht lifting his leg up. Big boot by Jecht knocking Golem down.
MN: Now, with a power house such as Blitz you have to be careful! X-Ecutioner is up. Max taunts him and X-Ecutioner is now chasing him. Max runs behind Jecht and Jecht power bombs X-Ecutioner!
DT: Max is on the top rope. Moonsault of the top rope onto Golem! Pin...1...2...but Max taunts getting off Golem.
DM: ...And he would do that why?
MN: That was not a smart move, this match up could have ended right there!
DT: Golem is up. Max punches him in the face. Golem is groggy. Max grabbing the hand with Golems long nail.
MN: Jecht low blowing X-Cutioner, Jecht forcing X-Cutioners mouth open!
DT: What’s going on?! Max is taking that long finger of Golem and shoving it in X-Ectuioners mouth!
MN: THE CLAW! MAX IS FORCING THE CLAW ON X-ECUTIONER!
DM: Now THAT'S a new one.
DT: Blood is coming out the mouth of X-Ecutioner as he taps out!
[SFX: *DING* - Bell rings.]
TONY FATORA: Here are your winners! Max and Jecht....BLITZ!!!!!!
DT: A resounding win for Blitz, as they manage to put away Golem and X-Ecutioner quite handily.
DM: You've gotta hand it to Blitz. They did hella good. But you could tell the freaks were having an off night, too. This could probably end differently if they ever met again.
MN: The freaks versus the geeks... you just can't get enough!
DT: In any case, we do need to move to the next match - and this one's gonna be a doozy!
MN: You can say that again! It’s the GXW Champion taking on the Empire uncrowned Intercontinental Champion.
DT: Hey, enough of that talk. You know that we’re hot water over the whole GXW thing, and the Troy thing is old news.
MN: Old news? It happened last week!
DT: That’s old news in this business nowadays!
DM: As long as I get to shag Troy, any news is good news!
[“Heartbreaker” cues up on the PA, and Lindsay Troy comes out to a sea of boos.]
MN: I’m tired of these ingrate fans constantly booing the Queen of the Ring! She’s a beauty, and she’s a consummate wrestler too!
DT: Well Mike, I think it might have something to do with her constant sabotaging of Beast, who is a big fan favorite here.
MN: Big Loafy? Jeez, that just cements their idiot status, liking that turd.
DM: Now now, there's nothing wrong with Big Loafy. He gives the mentally challenged people in the audience someone to look down on.
MN: *snickers*
[Troy enters the ring with an unamused look on her face. “Black Superman” then hits on the speakers, and Boogie Smallz comes out to a moderate sized pop.]
DT: Mixed reaction for the master of the Power Bong. I think people still take note of his issues with Beast as well.
MN: Everyone seems to have issues with Big Loafy. This is ridiculous.
DM: No, it's competitive. The more people who have beef with the top dogs, the better. Keeps Loafy on his toes.
[Smallz takes his grand old time coming to the ring, carousing with the fans. Troy is not amused.]
DT: I don’t think the Queen is amused here.
DM: Why should she? She wants to get this dismantling over as soon as possible.
[Boogie finally makes it to the ring and slides in, only to be met immediately with stomps to the back of the head and neck.]
DT: Troy wasting no time here! Stomp, stomp, another stomp. She is relentless!
MN: They don’t call her the uncrowned Intercontinental Champion for nothing.
DT: That has nothing to do with her stomping abilities... oh my! She just booted Boogie Smallz in the head! Boogie holding his head. Troy’s wrestling like she’s got something to prove! She’s looking to settle the score!
MN: According to Boogie, there is no score. But don’t tell him that now, he’s getting his head kicked in by our voracious Queen. I hail thee!
DT: Give it a rest, Neely.
DM: I'd give Troy a rest... no, wait, I'd be on her ALLLLLLL NIGHT!!!
[Troy yells at the never-was-able-to-get-off-the-canvas Smallz as she stoops to pick him up. As the pot-smoking last GXW Champion reaches his vertical base, Lindz peppers him with an array of martial arts strikes.]
DM: Ouch?
DT: Palm to the throat, chop to the chest, another palm to the nose... VICIOUS blow to the temple!
MN: I think Boogie is getting a little punch drunk here!
DN: No kidding, and, wow! Troy with a martial arts leg sweep. Smallz back to the canvas.
DM: Now THERE, he just got punch-STONED.
[The Queen mounts Boogie on the canvas, grabs him by the head and slams that melon repeatedly against the canvas.]
DT: One, two, three... my God, this is a woman possessed! Get on her, ref!
DM: Subtle.
MN: Give it a rest! She’s got something to prove. She’s a Championship slayer and she’s on the hunt for gold! Heh, whoever said diamonds were a girl’s best friend never met Lindsay Troy.
[The referee intervenes and Troy relinquishes reluctantly. However, she pounces right back on for the cover...
1...
2...
...but Smallz kicks out.]
DT: That was a close call. Lindsay Troy almost made too short work of the Boogieman.
DM: Believe me, Booger's just getting started.
[Lindsay picks up Boogie.]
DT: Oh my, Lindsay’s got Boogie Smallz by the arm, and she’s climbing the top rope. She’s gonna jump...
MN: Old school! Old school!
DM: COPYRIGHT! COPYRIGHT!
[Smallz holds his arm and Lindsay covers again...
1...
2...
...but Smallz kicks out again.]
DT: Boogie Smallz has a lot of fight in him to keep this up.
MN: A lot of fight, or a lot of stupidity. He should just give it up now. Troy’s got him beat!
DM: Oh?
DT: It’s still early. I fully expect a comeb... oh no, not if Lindsay hits this move! She’s got both arms hooked...
[Lindsay sets up for the Final Judgment, but Boogie counters out of the hold, flipping Troy over his head with a back body drop.]
DM: I knew THAT was coming.
DT: Boogie Smallz has too much left in him to give up that easily!
DM: Exactly. Troy tried to finish too early, but her enthusiasm cost her.
DT: Troy’s up, and Smallz KILLS her with a clothesline! She’s up again, and ANOTHER clothesline from Boogie Smallz!
[Troy hits the canvas hard, and Smallz presses his thumb and forefinger together, putting them to his mouth.]
MN: Light one up, Boogie Smallz!
DT: You’re such a flip-flopper, you make John Kerry look stable.
DM: Don't knock Kerry. Don't make me pull out the Junta-bashing.
[Boogie sits Lindsay up and stands over her shoulders.]
DT: Smallz is setting up. He’s got the leg and...
MN: STUMP PULLER! STUMP PULLER!
DT: Don’t get too excited there, Mike.
MN: Why shouldn’t I? This is the greatest submission hold ever!
DM: ...I'm going to kill you, Neely. I'm going to kill you in the face.
[Boogie grabs the right leg of Lindsay Troy with all his might as Lindsay screams in pain. Finally, Lindsay’s muscling out causes Smallz to relinquish the hold. Smallz kicks Troy in the back of her head.]
DT: Smallz showing some vicious streak of his own. He grabs Troy by the back of her head and whips her off the ropes. Troy coming in, Smallz spins around, and ROARING ELBOW! Troy reels to the canvas.
DM: ROLLING Elbow! You damn gaijin!
MN: She looks like she doesn’t know what hit her. She had the match in control, then let this buffoon take over.
DT: Stop flip-flopping!
[Smallz goes in again and picks up Troy. He whips her off the ropes again, and on the rebound this time, he nails her with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. He covers...
1...
2...
...but barely after the two count, the Queen kicks out.]
DT: Not as close a call there as Troy had earlier, but Boogie is wearing her down.
MN: Hey, I can wear her down easy!
DT: We went over this last week. She’d probably wear you down before you did her.
DM: But not me, baby! I'd melt her down like THAT!
[Smallz picks Troy back up.]
DT: Smallz with one headbutt, two headbutts, a third headbutt to Lindsay Troy. Troy’s head has to be ringing right now. Troy wandering around the ring listless! And she... JUST WALKED RIGHT INTO A BOOGIE SMALLZ CLOTHESLINE!
MN: Third lariat this match from the Boogmeister. Man, I haven’t seen anyone who can hit a clothesline like he can.
DM: Boy's got an arm on him!
DT: Flip-flopping aside, Troy slowly gets up, but Boogie quickly gets behind her and locks in a Dragon Sleeper!
[Boogie locks in the hold, and Troy flails her arms wildly. Boogie drags her back and locks in a leg scissors.]
DT: Boogie with that sleeper locked in with the leg scissors. Troy’s arm motions are getting slower and slower. I think she’s fading.
MN: Hey, never count out the Queen of the Ring!
DT: You’re embarrassing yourself, Mike, but that’s beside the point here! Troy is struggling to get her arms to the ropes, she’s flailing and flailing and... she’s there!
[After one warning from the ref, Boogie reluctantly lets the hold go. Boogie scouts the Queen as she’s struggling to get up.]
DT: Boogie Smallz is scouting Lindsay Troy like a champion.
MN: He is a champion!
DT: Ahem, copyright?
DM: Shove it, you two - he’s about to pounce.
DT: That he is, and Troy gets up and... cradle piledriver! Boogie covers...
One...
Two...
Thr... NO! She kicks out! She kicked out of the cradle piledriver.
DM: Ooh, I thought that was over. Smallz SPIKED her.
MN: She’s one tough girl, I say. Tough and sexy, rawr.
[Boogie Smallz picks Troy up and bounces back off the ropes. He jumps in...]
DT: Smallz with the flying forearm and... HE MISSES!
[As the former one-half of the Hip-Hop Express crashes to the canvas, Troy sneaks in and locks him in Thy Kingdom Come.]
DT: That crossface is locked in tight! I think Troy’s gonna win the match!
MN: And she can add uncrowned GXW Champion to her uncrowned resume! This is great!
DT: NEELY! COPYRIGHT!
DM: Tell that to Smallz!
[Lindsay locks the hold in tightly, but Smallz edges towards the ropes. He reaches out his arm and grabs a hold of the bottom rope. After some admonishing, Troy relinquishes the hold.]
DT: C’mon ref, get some control of the match here. Lindsay should break the hold on instruction!
MN: Bah, who needs rules when you have a body like that. Vavoom!
DT: Well, that body isn’t only hot, but it’s a lethal weapon, and she’s about to use it. She’s climbing the top and... 720 DEGREE SPLASH! This match has to be over...
One...
Two...
Thr... NO! BOOGIE SMALLZ KICKED OUT!
MN: What in the hell? He really is Black Superman! Either that, or his Maui Wowee is really woweeeeee!
DM: Considering it once brought him back from a twenty-foot near-fatal fall... it's wowee.
[The Queen slaps the mat and gets up. She pulls the last GXW Champion to his feet and climbs the ropes again. She waits for Smallz to get to his feet then leaps...]
DT: Oh my! IT’S THE CROWNING GLOR...NO! NO! SMALLZ COUNTERED IT INTO AN INVERTED ATOMIC DROP!
MN: But how does that hurt her? She doesn’t have any testicles?
DT: YOU IDIOT!
DM: Girl parts are sensitive too -
DT: ---And Smallz follows it up with a clothesline! Troy to the canvas! She gets up and Smallz with another clothesline, but Troy ducks! Troy ducks and takes him down with a crucifix...
One...
Two...
Smallz reverses it! He covers...
One...
Two...
Troy kicks out! Oh man! This is totally intense action here!
MN: Would you say it’s the greatest match in the history of our sport, Davy boy?
DT: SHUT UP!
DM: STFU, newbie! Go back to intarnet!
[Both competitors slowly get up. They go to lock up, but Troy quickly rolls Smallz up in a small package...
1...
2...
...but Smallz rolls through with a small package of his own...
1...
2...
...but Troy fights through and gets back into the original position....
1...
2...
Thr... no! Smallz ends the back-and-forth and breaks the hold. Both competitors get up...]
DT: Oh my, what’s going to happen now?
MN: Watch! Idiot!
DM: Rolex!
DT: Shut up, Smallz is going for a scoop and... MICHINOKU DRIVER INTO A COVER...
One...
Two...
Thr... NO! Troy kicks out! This match is a frigging see-saw!
DM: More like a roller-coaster. I guess that makes Smallz Space Mountain!
[Smallz picks Troy up, but Troy immediately greets him with a European uppercut. Dazed, Boogie stumbles back. Troy leaps up and hits him with a cobra clutch leg sweep. Instead of covering, she ascends to the top and waits for Smallz to get up. The pothead gets up and Troy leaps...]
DT: ALL HAIL THE QU... NO! SMALLZ COUNTERED IT WITH A POWERBOMB! HE COVERS...
One..
Two...
Thr... NO! The she-devil kicked out again! I don’t know how they’re both doing it, running on fumes.
[Boogie picks Troy up, bounces off the ropes...]
DT: FLYING FOREARM! That can only mean one thing!
DM: And we all KNOW what it means!
[Smallz picks up Troy...]
DT: Here it goes!
MN: No! No!
DT: He’s got her up, spinning around, and... POWER BONG! POWER BONG! THIS MATCH IS OVER...
One...
Two...
THREE!!
[SFX: *DING* - Bell rings.]
TONY FATORA: Your winner, by pinfall... BOOGIE SMALLZ!
DT: I can’t believe what we just witnessed here on free TV, Mike. Boogie may have denied that it was going to be a war to settle the score, but Lindsay thought otherwise. She brought it tonight.
MN: Yeah. I still would give this match to Lindsay on points, just because she’s so hot.
DT: Get over it, Mike. In fact, you’ll have a whole commercial break to get over it. We’ll be back with more Aggression after these announcements.
[Cue up spot for the new Johnson Famished Man dinner commercials, featuring Beast and the new Big Meat Loafy meal. However, Boogie Smallz hasn't left the ring as we go to the commercial...]