DT: Folks, we're back - and Boogie Smallz still has yet to leave the ring!
[“Black Superman” by Above The Law is glaring through the arena. Boogie pats his pockets down and retrieves a blunt. He proceeds to light it up and take a few hits. He walks over to the ring apron and asks the ring announcer for the microphone. He gives the “cut” motion across his throat and the music stops. You can hear “Boogie” chants echoing throughout the building. He leans down and picks up the GXW/GWE World title. He rests the belt on his shoulder and stares into the camera.]
BOOGIE SMALLZ: I never once expected anythang to be handed to me. My whole life I have earned errythang I ever got, therre were no handouts on my block. I was taught at a young age that it’s a dawg-eat-dawg world and you gotta watch out fo’ yo’self at all times.
Your best friend could end up bonin’ your *****. Your own family could steal money out your wallet, while you sleep. [Puffs his blunt.] And you got to especially watch out for those greedy mofos that run they own biznuss, because they will get over on you erry chance they get.
[Paces the ring for a moment, while puffing his blunt.]
Last week I said that I was gonna come out herre and get a few thangs off my chest. Some ish that has been brewin’ inside me ever since I came to Empire Pro. Some ish about a lowlife douche bag that thinks he can control and manipulate other people’s lives! Well that my have been tha case before...but all that is gonna change TONIGHT!
[Puffs his blunt and secures the GXW/GWE World title on his shoulder.]
I told a few peeps in this biz, that I trust, what I am gonna do. They thought I was nuts. They honestly thought that something inside me snapped and that I had gone mad. They were like “Nah...you can’t say that.” And “dawg, are you sure you want to burn that bridge?” “What you say could destroy lives.”
Yeah? Well what about mine!? What about MY LIFE!? [Puffs his blunt.] See, for too damn long I have let futhamuckas tell me how to live my life. I have been wrestling’s version of Benson or Mr. Belvedere, a GOT DAMN SLAVE TO THA MAN! Well tonight, tha chains come off! I ain’t gonna be nobody’s ***** ANYMORE!
[Takes several puffs off his blunt and mean mugs the camera.]
Let me lay it out for all of you at home and in case you don’t realize it...this is a shoot.
A few months ago GXW...GWE...whatever you want to call it, closed down. Some say it was a lack of communication, other’s say it’s bad management...but for whatever reasons, they ain’t doin’ any shows. You hearr one guy call it a hiatus...another sayin’ it’s closed. You had guys from tha front office bickerin’ on tha got-damn internet! Oh yeah, y’all are some pros. I woulda’ kept ish behind closed doors, but you wanna air your dirty laundry for tha world to see...cool.
[Boogie pauses for a moment and the look of hatred sweeps over his face. He puffs his blunt and slowly lets the smoke roll out.]
And I hate to break it to you, but life goes on. I was gonna be damned if I sat on tha sideline until tha supposed “hiatus” was over. As far as I am concerned, GXWE, or whatever it’s called, was closed. From my viewpoint, I was out of tha job. So I did what most of tha mofos out therre that are unemployed do...I looked for a job.
CSWA? [Lets out a sarcastic laugh.] Maybe I’ll depend on them when I’m on tha Senior’s Tour...other than that, I’ll never get props therre.
NFW? Too late in tha season to even get into tha playoffs, so why bother?
EPW? Sure...why tha hell not? I already beat most of tha people herre and management seems like they got their ish together. So I hopped on board. Tha plan was set. I was gonna mess around with some folks, hurt a few feelin’s, and dominate like I did in GXW. Because as far as I am concerned...I am tha best this biznuss has to offer.
I pitched a helluva idea and from my standpoint I was 100% in tha right. I am tha World champion, I currently have possession of tha championship, and GWE ain’t cuttin’ me any checks. So what would you do? My partner in tha Hip Hop Express, Inferno, once went to a Pawn Shop with his championship belt. Would they prefer I do that? Put the belt up for auction on eBay?
F*CK THAT! I decided to take tha best route I could. Why let tha company I lived for, tha place I gave my heart and soul to, tha company I damn-near lost my life for...why let it die and be forgotten? Why? Because some needle-dick drunk in Germany is tryin’ to play God with people’s lives. Tryin’ to be a puppet master, pullin’ strings and watchin’ folks react to it. Well, I’m snippin’ tha strings off! I ain’t your lapdawg, Zieba!
If you step back for a minute and see tha big picture...I am tryin’ to save your ass! You shuttin’ GWE down left a bad taste in some folks’ mouths. You were wrong.
And now since tha rumors are floatin’ around that I came herre to unify tha World titles. Well thanks a lot for ruinin’ my angle. Thanks for screwin’ me over one last time, before you went back on “hiatus”. No Vaseline or nothin’, you just raw-dicked me and went on with your life as if it was nothin’.
Zieba, you might have revealed my plans to tha world and thought that it would be tha end of it. [Smirks and puffs his blunt.] But Zieba...you don’t own me. You own tha company I worked for and from where I stand...that’s it. GXW was bigger than you and it still is. You might want to shut it down, but I’m gonna keep tha legacy alive.
If I want to defend this title...I WILL! If I want to defend it in another company...I WILL! If I want to take it, melt it down, and make a hood ornament for my Escalade...I WILL! Basically, my plans are still on.
Now you’ve got some options, I’m sure. You can pull a Jack Tunney and blacken tha belt out on TV. You can file a lawsuit. Get a court order. You can pretty much do what you gotta do...’cuz best believe that’s what I’m doin’.
[Boogie takes a hit off of his blunt and looks down at his shoulder, with the GWE World title resting on it. He blows the smoke in the air and mean mugs the camera.]
I’m in control, now Zieba. I’m tha only guy you still got reppin’ GWE. You’re more concerned with drivin’ drunk on tha Autobahn and playin’ fantasy football...than runnin’ your own damn company. You sorry sack of sh*t!
I’m through talkin’ about it right now. I thought this would help me vent, but now I realize me sayin’ all this ish...well, it’s got me worked up. I don’t feel relief...just frustration. [Grits his teeth.] Zieba, you picked tha wrong man to f*ck with. [Mean mugs the camera.]
BELIEVE ‘DAT!
[Boogie flicks the unsmoked portion of his blunt out into the audience and stomps out of the ring. “Black Superman” blasts on the arena speakers and Smallz walks up the ramp, paying no attention to the fans. He stops at the top of the ramp, with his back turned to the ring, and throws a Black Power-type fist in the air. The crowd cheers and Boogie keeps walking to the back.]
DT: That... Folks, I...
DM: We're so dead. I can see the lawsuit coming a mile away.
MN: Man... Boogie just went OFF!
DM: PEOPLE AT HOME! THERE IS NO GXW! YOU DID NOT JUST SEE THE GXW TITLE ON THAT MAN'S SHOULDER! GO ON WITH YOUR LIVES -
DT: DEAN!
DM: I'm trying to save us from a monster lawsuit!
MN: And what's Zieba gonna do, huh? You think he's gonna tear himself away from his little fantasy football long enough to try and start something?
DT: In any case, Boogie Smallz has thrown down the gauntlet here tonight! This is a man possessed, folks.
MN: I concur. He just frickin' RIPPED lazy-ass Zieba.
DM: *COUGH*
DT: In any case, we do need to get on with the show - hold on a minute! There's something happening in the back!
[Cut to the backstage area, where the sounds of a commotion can be heard. The cameraman jogs down a hall, emerging into a locker room, where Christian Sands and Joey Melton are brawling. The two men are hammering at each other relentlessly, just slugging away and slamming each other into walls and lockers.]
DT: What - Oh lord! Christian Sands and Joey Melton are beating the hell out of each other!
MN: Aah! They're not even gonna wait for their match!
DM: Man, they're just MURDERLIZING each other!
DT: Oh, thank God! Here comes EPW security!
[After a few more punches, a gaggle of white-shirted security guards charge into the room and restrain both men - with a great deal of effort. Behind them is Paul Freeman, the seldom-seen second-in-command of EPW.]
FREEMAN: What the HELL is going on here?!
MELTON: Get off me!
SANDS: I'll kill 'im-
FREEMAN: Shut up, BOTH of you! I am NOT in the mood to tolerate your bullsh*t! Both of you, get the HELL out of this building - your match is off, you're suspended for the rest of the night!
SANDS: The hell?!
FREEMAN: Boys! Get 'em out of here!
[Melton and Sands struggle a bit as the guards drag them away.]
FREEMAN: I hate it when this happens.
DT: Well, folks, it looks like the match between Christian Sands and Joey Melton won't be happening tonight after all.
MN: That's a damn shame. I was looking forward to it.
DM: Don't fret, Mikeman. We've got plenty more action ahead.
DT: Indeed we do. Don't touch that dial - we'll be back in a flash!