MN: You just think about breathing a sigh of relief that she didn’t decide to get physical over your blatant character assassination.
DT: (Rolling his eyes) Well, all other things aside tonight we have the debut of another man who knows Lindsay Troy very well – one Vladamir Vlachinko.
DM: These two had some heated battles in the past, and as I understand it the ever cocky Russian has actually stated that if he doesn’t defeat his opponent tonight in less than five minutes, he will leave this company just as fast as he entered it.
MN: Brilliant!
DT: Real gutsy, I’m sure. Let’s go up to the ring and our own Tony Fatora!
( SFX: ) DING! DING! DING!
( CUT TO: Ring announcer Tony Fatora standing in the middle of the ring, Referee Emilio Gomez stands in the corner. )
TF: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the first match of the evening here on Empire Pro Aggression!
(The crowd lets out a rousing round of cheers!)
( CUE UP: Tchaikovsky's "The Wind of Siberia. )
(There's a smattering of boos from those fans who recognize the man, as the Russian Patriot Vladamir Vlachinko makes his entrance, accompanied by the lovely Natasha, who looks fantastic in a black business suit and carrying a metal clipboard.)
TF: This match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first.. making his Empire Pro Wrestling debut... he stands at six feet, two inches tall, and wieghs in at two hundred and forty pounds.... he is a former USWA and USCW World Heavyweight Champion... this is the Rrrrrrrrussian Assassin.... VLADAAAAAAAMIR VLACHINKOOOOOOOO!!
(Vlachinko and Natasha make their way down the ramp and to ringside. Vladamir climbs the ring steps and holds the ropes open for Natasha, who makes a point of drawing attention to her legs as she steps between the ring ropes. Cat calls and whistles from a lot of the males in the audience are heard as she does so.)
MN: Man, she's hot.
DM: But unfortunately way out of your league, Neely.
MN: What are you talking about? I'm sure she'd love some Burger King, and then we could go back to my parents' place and make out once they've gone to bed.
DT: Guys! GUYS! Can we please focus on the wrestling, and not the valets? Are you forgetting who's in the ring right now? That's Vladamir Vlachinko! He's a former USWA and USCW World Champion!
MN: Right, Thomas. You can look at the big guys wrestling and sweating all over each other. I'm going to look at HER!
DT: I give up.
( CUE UP: "I Am the Bullgod" by Kid Rock. )
(The crowd's boos intensify as the curtains part.) TF: And his opponent... he stands six feet tall, and weighs in at two hundred and forty eight pounds... this is PRIEEEEEEEST!!
(Priest walks down the ramp, accompanied by the monstrous Eisenkreuz, never taking his eyes off of Vlachinko, even as he jumps up to the ring apron and steps between the ropes. Eisenkreuz takes up a position outside the ring near the apron.)
DT: We've got a pretty even match here in this one, guys. Priest gives up a couple inches in height to Vlachinko, but carries an extra few pounds.
DM: While Vlachinko may have a bit of a reach advantage, if these guys get grounded, Priest may be able to use his extra weight to stay on top.
DT: But don't forget that Priest has that massive behemoth Eisenkreuz with him! He's more than match for Natasha!
MN: If that animal harms one hair on her head, I'll -
DM: You'll what, Neely?
MN: Um, sit here and watch it happen because he's much more man than I am.
DM: Thought so.
(Tony Fatora leaves the ring, and Gomez calls for the bell.)
( SFX: DING! DING! )
DT: Both men circling each other now, looking for a way inside to take early control of this match. This would be a huge win for either man. For Vlachinko, this is his chance to impress and make his presence be known, and for Priest, he's got an opportunity to score a big win over a former muti-time World Champion!
DM: Vlachinko and Priest now lock up, each of them looking for early control, but it's Priest that comes out on top and puts Vlachinko into a side headlock.
(Vlachinko looks for a way out of the hold, but Priest squeezes even harder, keeping his hold. Vlachinko manages to finally shove Priest off and into the ropes. Priest rebounds and runs into Vlachinko with a HARD shoulderblock. )
DT: Oh my! Vlachinko goes down like he's been shot!
DM: He was a little off balance after having his head squishified like that, Thomas!
(Vlachinko holds his head for a moment after crashing to the canvas, but he gets to his feet. He and Priest both hit the ropes, and rebound towards each other...)
MN: A couple of big trains looking to collide here!
(Both Priest and Vlachinko collide in the middle of the ring, each driving a shoulder into the other, but again it's Vlachinko that goes down hard!)
DT: And it's Vlachinko that gets derailed!
Priest pulls Vlachinko to his feet, and lands a stiff right hand to Vlachinko's jaw! The Russian staggers back a couple steps, and Priest again nails him with a right hand! A third right hand!
MN: It's like Rocky pounding the hell out of Drago in there!
Gomez warns Priest about the blatant right hands, but Priest nails Vlachinko with a wicked uppercut! Vlachinko stumbles back into the corner!
DM: (holding up his hands like a football official) It's good!
DT: Priest grabs Vlachinko and pulls him out of the corner and whips him across the ring, driving him into the corner! Vlachinko hits hard, and Priest goes charging after him, and there's a big splash in the corner! Priest is really taking it to Vlachinko early in this one!
Priest backs off, and Vlachinko staggers out of the corner, and Priest levels him with a hard clothesline! Priest pulls Vlachinko back up to his feet, but drops him right back down again with a nasty DDT! Vlachinko bounces right back up to his feet, and staggers into the ropes. Priest charges, and lands another huge clothesline!
DT: Priest just dumped Vlachinko right over the top rope and onto the arena floor with that huge clothesline!
DM: More importantly, did you see the way Vlachinko's back slammed against the apron on the way down? Nasty!
In the ring, Priest turns to the crowd and spreads his arms wide open and leans his head back, playing to the crowd and soaking in all his arrogance. The crowd responds with a hefty round of boos.
MN: Now that's my kinda guy!
DM: Yeah, you can't get enough of yourself either.
MN: That was uncalled for.
DM: But easy.
On the outside, Natasha is tending to Vlachinko. The beauty helps Vlachinko to his feet, but the big Russian turns to the ring and waves his hands in disgust, and turns to leave the ring area, stumbling a step here and there, and head up the ramp with Natasha chasing after him.
DT: I think Vlachinko's had enough! He's walking out!
DM: But Priest won't have any of it! He's going after Vlachinko!
Referee Gomez starts his count, but Priest quickly jumps through the ropes and gives chase to Vlachinko. Priest catches up to him about halfway up the ramp and places a hand on Vlachinko's shoulder and spins him around, but Vlachinko tags Priest with a HEAVY right hand!
DT: OOOH! Did you hear that one! That's a nasty shot!
DM: I think Vlachinko might have been playing possum, guys! He needed to take a break to stop Priest's momentum, and he suckered him in!
MN: Damn Commies!
Vlachinko hits another right hand and that stuns Priest! The pair move back toward the ring, and Vlachinko grabs Priest by the back of the head and sends Priest face first into the steel ring steps!
DM: Mmmm... yummy steel!
Gomez' count reaches seven, and Vlachinko quickly rolls back into the ring to break the count, but then rolls back outside.
DT: Vlachinko doesn't look too happy here, folks!
Vlachinko grabs Priest by the head once more, and again drives his face down into the ring steps! The crowd lets out a huge "OHHHHH" as Priest's head bounces off the steps, and Vlachinko grabs Priest again, and hoists him up onto his shoulder, and begins charging across the arena floor.
DT: Oh no! Vlachinko's got Priest up on his shoulder! He's going to use him like a battering ram, and I don't like where this is headed!
DM: I believe that would be the ring post, Dave!
Vlachinko slams Priest head first into the ring post, and the crowd lets out another huge groan!
MN: That's gonna leave a mark!
DT: That'll shatter your spine, Neely!
Vlachinko lets Priest fall unceremoniously to the floor, before turning to a fan in the front row that's holding an American flag. Vlachinko grabs the flag and tears it in two, and lets the pieces drop to the floor before heading back to pull Priest to his feet and roll him back in the ring
. DT: Now that's just wrong!
MN: I'm liking Vlachinko more and more every minute!
Vlachinko rolls back into the ring, and Natasha claps her approval as Vlachinko whips Priest to the ropes and drops him hard with a running back elbow! Priest hits the mat hard, and Vlachinko drops a big knee right across Priest's forehead.
DM: Vlachinko is really concentrating on Priest's head here guys.
DT: He's going to have one hell of a headache when this is over!
Vlachinko lands a couple stomps on Priest's head before pulling him back to his feet.
DM: A go-behind, followed by a reach around...
DT: And there's a vicious german suplex by Vlachinko!
MN: Priest folded like a bad poker hand!
DM: That was right on the back of Priest's head and neck! Vlachinko continues the cranial assault!
Vlachinko pulls Priest to his feet, and whips him to the ropes. Priest rebounds into a big time scissor kick from Vlachinko!
MN: And Eisenkruz has had enough! He's climbing up onto the apron!
DT: And Vlachinko knocks him right back down with a haymaker of a right hand! He just smashed head first into the guardrail! He might be out!
Natasha continues to cheer on Vlachinko as the Russian pulls Priest to his feet again. He lifts Priest up...
DT: OH MY GOD! Vlachinko just about put Priest through the canvas with that cradle piledriver! Priest's neck could be broken!
Suddenly, the arena goes pitch black!
MN: What the hell?
A lone spotlight hits Vlachinko in the ring, and a second hits center stage at the ring entrance area, but there's no one there. Instead, a fog begins to roll over the stage area, and the eerie guitar and piano mix of Van Halen's "Respect The Wind" begins to play over the PA. The fog overcomes the stage, and when it disappears, a lone figure, fully concealed in a long flowing black robe with the hood pulled up over his head so that only his impeccably trimmed goatee is visible, his hands folded in front of him, as if in prayer.
MN: Who the hell is THAT?
DT: My god, would you look at him? He's got to be seven feet tall!
In the ring, Vlachinko is incensed!
DM: I think Vlachinko knows who this guy is! He's yelling and cursing at him!
On the stage, the huge man unfolds his arms and raises them out to his sides, leaning his head back, and as he does, the arena lights come back up in a brilliant red, and the Empiretron lights up with fire, the flame growing higher as the man raises his arms. The light intensity reaches it's apex as the man's arms raise to his shoulder level, and it holds there for several seconds before once again plunging into pitch black darkness!
MN: Would somebody explain just what the hell...
A moment later, the house lights return to normal, and the man is nowhere to be found! In the ring, Vlachinko pounds on the ropes in anger and continues to stare out to the ramp...
DT: And there's Priest with a rollup! Gomez drops for the count!
MN: ONE! TWO!! THREE!
DT: NO!!! BLOODY NO!! VLACHINKO KICKED OUT! THAT WAS CLOSE!
Both men quickly get back to their feet, and Priest swings with a right hand, yet Vlachinko ducks, and Priest nails the official!
MN: Gomez is down!
DT: OH NO!!! Vlachinko just nailed Priest with a massive clothesline!
Vlachinko waves for Natasha to come up onto the apron, and she does, wielding that clipboard!
DM: Vlachinko's got a hold of Priest by the arms now, and he wants Natasha to nail him with that clipboard!
DT: Here comes Natasha! A swing....!
MN: Priest ducked! Natasha decked Vlachinko with that loaded clipboard!
Vlachinko staggers back, and Priest drills Natasha with a right hand that sends her down to the canvas!
MN: I LOVE PRIEST!
Gomez gets to his hands and knees, shaking out the cobwebs...
DT: Vlachinko staggers, but won't go down after that clipboard shot! He turns, and ends up right in the arms of Priest! DOWN THE PISSER!!! HOLY CRAP!! Priest just PLANTED Vlachinko with that maneuver!
DM: And there's the cover!
ONE! .................
TWO! ................
MN: Slow count!!
THREEEE!!!!
"I Am the Bullgod" by Kid Rock fills the arena, and Eisenkruz slowly slides into the ring as Priest celebrates his win!
MN: And Priest has sent Vladamir Vlachinko right back out of this company! That's a huge win for Priest!
(Vlachinko slams his fist in anger on the mat.)
DM: The big Russian is incensed!! But who the hell was that big guy in black?
DT: I'm sure we'll find out sooner or later, but folks, we've got a lot more Aggression coming up right after this!