Empire Pro Aggression

“Run that figure by me again.”

Melton’s jaw smacked the floor as he asked Hiroshi to repeat himself. Kin let himself in Joey’s locker room minutes before, with no food, drink, or other assorted gift to bestow upon his Idol. Hiroshi walked in, shut the door quietly and stood there, eyes closed, holding the world at bay by refusing to admit it’s continued existence.

“You heard it the first time, don’t milk this when I’m already bent over the edge of the bed, ass in air,” Hiroshi scolded, as he sat on a coffee table in front of Melton’s couch. To his right lay the new Teen People Magazine, and it took everything Kin had to not take it in hand and mindlessly flip through it’s pages. Cover article on Lindsay Lohan, the troubled minx. That would keep Hiroshi going for weeks, but no, this was a serious, some might say, grown-up conversation. Teen People had to wait.

“I’ll sleep easier tonight with that image in mind, thanks.”

“Joey, please. I didn’t know who else to turn to.”

“How bout gamblers anonymous, Kin?” Melton strutted behind Hiroshi, reaching for the magazine and tossing it across the room to quiet one obsession while he sat on the couch, Indian-style, to deal with another. “Or, I dunno, the Lord. Almost worked for me last year.”

“Dude, please. You want me on hands and knees, begging here? I need help. You help people, right? The Unifier.”

“Well,” Joey’s chest doubled in size, “I’ve smuggled a handful of North Koreans South, and patched a couple Iranian families up that were religiously divided. And there was…”

“I know, that one time in the winter you gave a kid a coat. I’ve read the webpage bio. Touching. Back to me…I’m as good as dead.”

“You lost that much at the NYNY casino? And STILL went back to the loan office you owned money to?”

“It was a sure thing! I was told that in high confidence. Do you know how many sure things there are in horse racing?”

“Yeah,” Melton answered sarcastically, “I’m sure that line isn’t sold every day.”

“I’m in some serious **** here. I own these people the kind of money they kill for, and” Kin jumps out of his skin as a gaggle of folding chairs fall outside of Melton’s door.

“Hiroshi I’m not paying off any debts. Part of being filthy rich is enjoying telling beggers no. Don’t ruin that for me, seriously, now that Joey Lawerance isn’t getting work it’s all I have.”

“NO! I’m not asking for money, Joseph. That’s the great thing. I just need…” Kin chokes on the sentence, coughing as it flushes in the back of his throat.

“What?”

“I’m embarrassed to even bring it up.”

“I bet.”

“I just need…you to throw the match tonight.”

‘WHAT!”

“These people have promised me the slate is clean if I can beat the great Joey Melton.”

“They’re erasing thousands in debt just to see you beat me?”

“I asked what I could do, and that was sort of the alternative to pigs flying out of their ass.” Kin stood, pacing in Melton’s footsteps from a minute before. “I mean, who honestly thinks Kin Hiroshi, the Frickin’ Muffin Man can outwrestle Joey Melton!”

“Nobody!”

“Exactly!” exclaimed Kin, as he knelt before Melton for good measure. “Just lay down for me tonight, and I’m alive and debt free and you’re still Joey Melton. You, I don’t know, go off and tour on a Cruise, do whatever it is you do, but the up side is you don’t have to buy a kid a coat this year. Lay down and you’re square with Santa! And,” Kin laughs nervously, “Isn’t that every little boy’s dream?”

“You’re sick, dude.”

“Okay. There’s side-action on this. I don’t know the ins and outs, but give me a $100 to lay down on this and we both can make some cash. Maybe head out afterwards and board a flight to England to meet Emma Watson…”

“Hiroshi, geez..” Melton drops his head in his hands. “No, okay. Just no.”

EPW Television Championship
"Yours Truly" Adam Benjamin (c) vs. "Da Bomb" Mike Evers

DT: Well folks, if you look at your official Empire Pro Media Guide for tonight’s card, you will not see our next match.

DM: That’s right, Dave. In a stunning turn of events that we just witnessed, Boogie Smallz has given up his opportunity on becoming the Television Champion and opted to compete in the three-way match we just witnessed.

MN: And now, some rookie that no one wants to see is competing for the newest title here in the company!

DT: What exactly is the problem with that, Neels? This is how the company stays strong, by making new stars.

MN: Do you know anything about this guy Mike Evers? He doesn’t even know how to spell the word “the” correctly.

DT: I think it’s a hip thing, Neels. You wouldn’t understand.

MN: You saying I’m not hip, Thomas? I just caught the latest Rap-A-Diddy-Pop video the other day.

DM: Rap-A-Diddy-Pop, Neels?

MN: Did I stutter, Matthews?

DM: No, but you might have confused the guy’s name. I believe it’s simply P. Diddy.

MN: Are we here to talk about music or wrestling?

[CUE UP: “Pass the Shirley Temple” to a decent face pop. "Da Bomb" Mike Evers comes out of the entrance way to another decent pop. Evers walks his way to the ring with a smile on his face, alongside his manager, Wisconsin Bill.]

DT: Well, if I’m to understand correctly, this is “Da Bomb’s” first primetime appearance here in EPW.

DM: But this kid has a huge upside, Dave. He’s actually got one of the best win-loss records that anyone in this business could ask for.

MN: So much for that this week. Yours Truly is going to show him what an EPW loss feels like right in the middle of that ring.

[CUE UP: “Voodoo” by Godsmack. “Yours Truly” Adam Benjamin makes his way out from behind the curtain to massive heel heat. He just gives a cocky grin as he struts down the ramp with his TV title slung over his shoulder.]

DT: Well, you could very easily be correct on that assumption, Neels. Adam Benjamin put on a hell of a showing at Black Dawn, as you can see by that title hanging across his chest.

DM: Adam Benjamin is quickly becoming one of the most decorated men here in EPW. He’s already held the Intercontinental Title, and now he’s the inaugural Television champion as well.

MN: And he’s going to remain the ONLY television champion after tonight.

DM: Don’t doubt Mike Evers, but you’ve also got a strong case for Yours Truly as well. And we’re going to find out now, as they’re both in the ring.

[DING DING DING]

MN: Can I just say what a disadvantage Adam Benjamin is at tonight? I mean, this guy trained all week, for Boogie Smallz, and now he’s stuck facing some newbie gets confused by the term “squared circle”.

DM: Mike Evers trained to fight two women this week. Now he gets the TV champ.

MN: But he’s not supposed to win this match. Not that he still has a chance, but I’m just saying how amazing it’s going to be when Adam Benjamin defeats the odds here.

DT: Well, he’s trying to do that now as he makes his way to the middle of the ring. He raises his hand for Evers to give him a test of strength. And it looks like Evers is going to return the favor.

DM: But Benjamin quickly catches him with a kick to the midsection! That was a cheap move by the TV champ!

MN: But that’s why he’s the champ. He’s smarter than the opponent.

DT: Well, Benjamin has Evers doubled over and now he grabs him in a front face lock, looking for a DDT.

DM: Wait! Evers just reversed it into a Northern Lights Suplex! He’s holding on for the pin…

…one…

…two…

…kickout by Benjamin! But he looks shocked! I don’t think he thought Mike Evers was going to put that much behind anything here!

DT: And look at Evers! He’s just smiling at Benjamin!

MN: This is ridiculous! Did anyone else see Evers pull the tights for that added leverage?

DT: Can’t say that I did, Neels.

MN: Thomas, how are you calling this match if you’re not watching it? You have someone feeding you the info through your headset?

DT: Back to the match, folks. Adam Benjamin is taking a long stare at Mike Evers now. He now steps toward Evers and there’s a collar and elbow tie up! Both men are pressing as hard as they can and they’re not going anywhere! This is a stalemate!

DM: And now they release the hold! Adam Benjamin is furious while Mike Evers looks happy as can be!

MN: Slap that smile off his face, Adam. No one mocks Yours Truly like that!

DT: Well, here they go again with another collar and elbow! Again, they’re going nowhere! But Benjamin drives a knee to Evers midsection! Benjamin backs Evers into the ropes and whips him to the opposite set.

DM: Cross-body block by Evers! Both men bounce right back up!

DT: But there’s a big clothesline by Benjamin! Evers smacked the mat like a Louisville Slugger on a Tim Wakefield knuckleball.

MN: And look who’s smiling now! Yours Truly!

DT: Well, Benjamin is staying on the attack here. He pulls Evers back up to his feet and drives a stiff right hand into Evers’s jaw. He backs him into the corner and now gives him a HARD Irish whip across to the other corner. Evers hits back-first and immediately falls to the mat.

MN: Are you seeing the power of Yours Truly here? He’s showing Mike Evers what it’s really like to compete here in Empire Pro now.

DM: Benjamin is certainly not letting up. He plays to the booing crowd for a moment, but he quickly pulls Evers right back up. He now grabs him in that front face lock again. He lifts him up.

DT: Twirling fisherman’s suplex there! He bridges…

…one…

…two…

…kickout by Evers! And Benjamin is not too pleased about that!

DM: Benjamin makes his way back to his feet here. He pulls Evers up with him. He now grabs Evers and places him on his shoulders!

DT: Reverse Death Valley Driver-NO! Evers slid out of the move and caught Benjamin with a bulldog! Both men are down and it’s a race to see who will get up first!

DM: Evers has hold of the ropes and he’s pulling himself up while Benjamin is slowly pressing himself toward his knees.

DT: And they’re up! Benjamin makes his way to Evers and swings a right hand. Evers ducks!

DM: Inverted Atomic Drop!

MN: That’s illegal ref! He hit the jewels!

DT: Yours Truly is definitely in some pain, and I can’t say that I don’t feel for him just a little bit. Evers gets behind him now.

DM: German suplex! Evers holds in the bridge…

…one…

…two…

…kickout! And Evers can’t believe it! He thought he had Benjamin put away and the TV title in his hands!

DT: But he’s staying on the attack. He pulls Benjamin up one more time. There’s a knee to the midsection. And now a front face lock.

DM: DDT by Evers! Benjamin just rolled up like a scolded dog in the corner! Evers is going for the cover…

…one…

…two…

…three-NO! Yours Truly JUST managed to get his foot on the ropes! And Evers is completely shocked with this one.

MN: And now he’s making a mistake. He’s playing to these idiot fans like some fanboy and he’s taking too much time! Does he not realize he’s in there with the very first EPW Television Champion?

DT: He’s quite in control of this match, Neels. And I don’t think he’s going to waste anymore time.

DM: And that would be a correct assumption, Dave. He’s now signaling for the end of this match and he’s pulling Adam Benjamin up and into the standing headscissors! We could have a new champion here!

DT: No! Benjamin just pulled Evers’s legs right out from under him! He flips over for a pin…

…one…

…two…

…kickout by Evers!

MN: I told you he took too much time!

DM: Both men bounce up. Head and arm suplex by Benjamin! Evers just went flying across the ring!

DT: Evers is wobbly, and he’s made his way back up to a knee.

DM: Shining Wizard! Adam Benjamin just nailed Mike Evers with that Shining Wizard! Benjamin is picking Evers up now!

DT: Yours Truly 2K3! He just nailed him with that sitout piledriver! There’s the cover…

…one…

…two…

…three!!!

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner and STILL EPW Television Champion… “Yours Truly” Adam Benjamin!

DM: I tell you what, you certainly could not ask for much more out of a match. Benjamin thought this was going to be an easy night for him, but Mike Evers really took him to the limit.

DT: That he did, Dean. And look at this! Mike Evers is slowly pulling himself to his feet inside the ring.

[HUGE crowd pop as Evers wobbles before holding his arm in victory.]

DT: That’s right! Give this kid a round of applause! He had a hell of a match here tonight!

DM: Oh, and look at Adam Benjamin. He is not happy at all that these fans are cheering for Evers. Oh come on!

DT: Benjamin just slapped Evers hand down! Now he’s raising his! Come on! This kid just put on a hell of a performance!

[MASSIVE heat for Benjamin.]

DT: That’s right! This man doesn’t deserve any cheers. He’s an egotistical jackass. Pardon my French.

MN: Yeah, well you better hope your French ass doesn’t look anything like Mike Evers’s, because I don’t think that Adam Benjamin is done with him!

DT: Come on! Give the kid a break! Is a win not enough?

DM: Another Yours Truly 2K3 Powerbomb! Mike Evers isn’t moving!

DT: That’s right! Get outta here you no good son of a-

MN: Thomas! Slow down! Just applaud the man for a nice showing next time. That’s really all he’s asking for.

DT: Well, he wrestled a hell of a match, I’ll give him that. But he didn’t need to put that poor kid into the mat again.

DM: Folks, we’ve got to take a break from the action while my colleagues cool down. Don’t go anywhere!

[CUT TO: Backstage.

Paul Freeman is standing at a vending machine in the main backstage hallways of the Toyota Center. He punches a few buttons and a moment later a bag of Doritos drops down. He pulls them out and turns to go down the hallway, then stops dead in his tracks.

At the end of the hall is a man a little over six feet. His face is painted like a clowns, but muddled in some places. A black tear is painted under each eye, along with a frown around his mouth. His outfit is oversized but torn in several places, mottled grayish brown and dingy. His hair is matted on his head.

His head is tilted slightly down and he stares….right at Paul Freeman.

Freeman stops in his tracks.]

Freeman: Dear God, what the hell….

[Freeman turns his head to look down the opposite direction of the hall. Just then Dan Ryan crosses the hall at a crossway.]

Freeman: Hey Dan!

[Ryan stops and looks down toward Paul.]

Freeman: [Pointing his thumb over his shoulder] Who or what exactly is that??

Ryan: [Looking confused] I don’t follow.

Freeman: The guy right….[Freeman turns back toward the area where the clown was, but he’s gone.] …there. Well….he was there a second ago….

[Freeman frowns as Ryan’s eyes narrow a bit.]

Ryan: Are you drunk, Freeman?

Freeman: [Frowning and staring down the hall.] I wish…

[Ryan shakes his head and walks off in the direction he was heading as Freeman stands there staring down the hall.]

Freeman: [whispering] Weird….

DT: Welcome back to the sold-out Toyota Center in Houston, Texas! That was certainly odd.

MN: Yeah, I can’t stand clowns. Creepy.

DM: He looks kinda familiar, but I can’t quite place him.

MN: You know what I don’t understand.

DM: The vagina Mike, not the [censor].

MN: Thanks.

DM: Now, what I don’t understand, and you know, this is just me, why wasn’t’ this show pulled off on Ryan’s ranch? I’ve seen pictures. The place is bigger than the state of Rhode Island.

MN: Excellent question. Aggression followed by a meet and greet barbeque.

DT: Not a bad idea, actually.

DM: No, it’s not.

MN: To answer your question, A] Because Ryan’s an anti-social prick who’s running this promotion on guile and a playbook from the 80’s, or B] he’s afraid someone might dust up his bunker/dungeon. You know, so many missing teenage girls in the Houston area.

DT: Oh geez.

MN: Just saying.

DM: You do realize the man signs your checks, right?

MN: Hey, I’m not accusing anyone of anything, but if he gets busted on the news one day, you heard it hear first.