DT: Well as fun as it is to watch Joey Melton melt down, it’s time for the Tag Team titles to be decided. Our next match has three out of four of the participants standing taller than 6’10” and weighing over 315 pounds! It’s the EPW Tag Champs Blitz taking on Priest and his bodyguard Eisenkreuz for the tag belts.
Mike Neely: This is the match I’ve been waiting to see. I’m a big fan of Priest, although I can’t figure out why he hired the worst offensive line in the NFL to protect him from a backstage attack.
Dean Matthews: I still don’t think this was a bad move on Priest’s part. These guys are big, and extra bodies make it harder for Priest and Eisenkreuz to be targeted.
DM: Let’s take it down to the ring for the introductions…
[“I Am the Bullgod” by Kid Rock blares over the arena sound system… Priest strolls down the walkway with Eisenkreuz beside him… Three members of the Houston Texan offensive line are walking five paces behind the team as they walk confidently to the ring… Priest is talking to the crowd and the crowd isn’t very happy about it…There are some cheers due to the presence of the towns football players…]
Ring Announcer: This next match is scheduled for one fall for the EPW Tag Team Titles. First, the challengers. At a combined weight of 573 pounds, and accompanied by part of the offensive line from YOUR Houston Texans, they are Priest and Eisenkreuz!!!!!
[Priest and Eisenkreuz are climbing into the ring… Priest climbs through the second rope while Eisenkreuz steps over the top…Both pose for the disdain of the crowd…]
[“Links 2-3-4” by Rammstein blares over the arena sound system… Max and Jecht are led to the ring by Leonard Johnson… Louder boos are heard for Blitz than were heard for Priest and Eisenkreuz… Both men point at the ring and shake their heads…]
Ring Announcer: And now, introducing the champions… they are accompanied to the ring by their manager, Leonard Johnson. At a total combined weight of 662 pounds, they are Max and Jecht… BLITZ!
[All three men have made their way into the ring and are looking to gear up for the match…]
DT: There’s the bell. Priest has stepped through the ropes and OH MY! Max and Jecht have attacked Eisenkreuz at full steam. Jecht is going to town on Eisenkreuz as Max goes for Priest who is on the apron. Max has Priest by the head and drops him throat first onto the top rope.
DM: Priest is on the outside. This doesn’t bode well for Eisenkreuz.
MN: Give the man credit. He’s holding his own.
DT: Priest is still on the outside holding his throat. Leonard Johnson around the corner of the ring looking real shady. On the inside Eisenkreuz is fighting Blitz off. Look at this, he has Jecht in a bear hug and is using him as a shield from Max. Max pushes both men into the corner. Jecht is using his anger to loosen up that grip.
MN: Eisenkreuz is a former World’s Strongest Man competition winner.
DM: But he’s loosening up.
DT: Blitz have broken the hold and they are wailing on him in the corner. Priest sliding into the ring and he’s back in action. He’s on Max’s back trying for a sleeper hold. Jecht jumps in and Eisenkreuz is chasing him. All for men brawling as the ref calls for the bell.
DM: This one is a no contest.
MN: It’s too bad because I thought this one would be match of the night. Not like the fans would have been able to tell the difference.
DT: This brawl has made its way to the outside of the ring and down the walkway. Leonard Johnson barking orders as we near the curtain. Looks like the Houston Texans that were at ringside are signaling for something. Three more Texans from the back!
[The three Texans at ringside and the three from the back converge and now there are 11 men brawling right at the curtain…]
DT: This one has got crazy, and fast.
DM: These numbers aren’t looking good for the tag champs.
MN: This’ll teach Leonard Johnson and his team to be so underhanded when they don’t have the numbers.
DT: Blitz and Leonard are just about finished, with eight men pounding on them. Wait! Priest has yelled something at the Texans and they all back off. Leonard Johnson is still moving his team down the ramp and away from the fight. Priest and Eisenkreuz smiling as Blitz makes an exit. The crowd s electric right now!
DM: This might have saved Priest and Eisenkreuz a beating at the hands of the champs, but they are without tag gold.
MN: Not for long. I know there will be a rematch. We deserve to see one! Priest needs gold!
DT: That looks to be it for this match. Priest, Eisenkreuz, and the Texans posing right now at the ramp and the crowd is actually cheering!
MN: What do you mean… actually? What are you trying to say?
DT: I’m sorry fans! We’ve got to go to a commercial break! Stay tuned for more action here at EPW Aggression 21!
[Live feed cuts to commercial for a lawyer trying to help you win your lawsuit against your insurance company… Isn’t he such a nice and honest guy?]
[CUTTO: The locker-room of the Intercontinental Champion. He’s sitting dressed to wrestle, with the title belt neatly sitting beside him]
Karl: It’s strange, isn’t it, Cameron? You claim that I didn’t earn this title, that it shouldn’t be mine because I didn’t defeat you in the ring. Tell me, between January when I defeated Adam Benjamin to become the number one contender, and your title victory over Sebastian Dodd…
When did you beat me to become the number one contender?
I don’t remember you doing that.
Then, who did you beat to become number one contender?
Obviously, you beat everyone else to the phone when Dan Ryan e-mailed everyone looking for someone to face Dodd because he’d promised the world an intercontinental title defence. But who did you beat in the ring to earn that opportunity?
If anything, Cruise, you were even more of a paper champion than you claim I am. You may have beaten the champion, but let’s be honest here – who was the number one contender to the Intercontinental Championship? Who was ready to face anyone at any time for that title, as soon as Dan Ryan asked me to?
And who could operate a phone correctly?
[Karl laughs quietly to himself before continuing]
Karl: And then you talk about other commitments being the reason you fell so silent. You talk about losing five gallons of blood in one match last year. You talk about your exploits in other promotions as if they give you some right to not do your job here in Empire Pro.
Firstly, if you’d lost five gallons of blood, you’d be dead – any school child with a basic knowledge of the human body knows there’s only eight pints of blood circulating.
Secondly, if you want to talk about other commitments and other feds – why were you suspended in NEW? For not promoting a number one contenders match for their TV title, wasn’t it? And who was it screwed you then, when you won the match via disqualification?
I thought so. Cameron, you talk a big game, but that’s all it is. Empty words. You’re trying to make excuses for yourself, saying that you had to make a lot of noise to get your opportunity to fight again for the title which, if we believe you, I helped Joey Melton take from you. It galls you that someone could stand up, wrestle night after night, and earn the opportunity to wrestle for this title, without having to ***** and moan and complain about how a decision that was made in the best interests of this company after you showed such poor judgement getting into a car you didn’t recognise. How is it, if people have to make a noise, that I’ve climbed so high, Cameron? If we were to believe you it wouldn’t be because of the skill and determination I show in the ring. It can’t be that I took whatever Dan Ryan decided to throw at me, and come out on top. It wouldn’t be the fact that I train myself day after day, doing independent bookings when they come my way, and keep myself in ring-shape, and keep my techniques sharp enough and crisp enough to take out any opponent in a heartbeat.
Your words are cute, Cameron. But you, you’re all words when it comes to titles.
I’m not Joey Melton. I’m not Sebastian Dodd. I’m the Intercontinental Champion. I’m the man who’s taken the best that anyone has to offer, and come back. I’m the man who’s made a name for himself not through his words but through his actions. I’m the man who won the right to challenge for this title.
I’m also the man who won’t be beaten by someone as pathetic as you.
That’s the reality you just can’t face. When the bell rings at the end of the match, it’ll be my hand raised in victory, and you who can carry on pretending you’re someone.
[Brown picks up his title belt, before standing and walking straight past the camera. Panning round, we catch a glimpse of him taking his jacket from the back of the door before it closes on us]
DT: Well I must say, Karl Brown is ready to go….but if I may, Dean…What do you think of this current Intercontinental Title situation?
DM: It has been a bit of a back and forth, follow it closely struggle, but The Dragon seems to have a firm grasp on it now after his strong showing at Black Dawn.
DT: But now the former champion is allowed to compete for the title he was stripped of. This could be more than interesting to say the least.
DM: Indeed it is. Cameron Cruise had that belt for a reason. It will be more than intriguing to see these two go at it and try to determine who really deserves the title.
[CUE UP: “Headstrong” by Trapt”. Cameron Cruise enters to a decent pop.]
MN: Guys, could you possibly tell me when this match is over? I’m going to take a nap while I know the camera isn’t focused on me.
DM: And miss an amazing match like the one this promises to be?
MN: Amazing? Next thing I know, you’ll be telling me that these fans are actually going to get out of their seats to watch these two bores.
DM: These are two of the most technically sound veterans in the EPW, Neels.
MN: Look Matthews. If you don’t want me to take a nap, then just say so. Don’t fill my brain with your loads of crap just to keep me awake.
[CUE UP: “Rainmaker” by Iron Maiden. Karl Brown makes his way down the ramp with his title wrapped around his waist.]
DT: Well, some wouldn’t agree with the way that Karl Brown attained the I-C title because he didn’t really defeat the former champ to take it. Now, he gets the chance to say that he did just that in his very first title defense!
DM: And I believe that he’s going to give us one hell of a show with this one. Cruise versus Brown is probably one that should’ve happened while Cruise still had the title anyway.
DT: Well, they’re in the ring and ready to go. The ref shows the belt and hands it to the timekeeper. We’re ready to go!
[DING DING DING]
DT: And the two men simply give a stare of respect to each other as they progress to the middle of the ring. There’s a collar and elbow to get things underway. Brown quickly gets Cruise in a rear waistlock. And Cruise quickly reverses with a waistlock of his own.
DM: German Suplex by Cruise!
DT: No! Brown landed on his feet! Cruise turns around, and he can’t believe it! They’re going to do it again! Here’s another collar and elbow.
DM: And Brown quickly gets Cruise in a side headlock. Cruise quickly presses him off and into the ropes. Brown rebounds…
DT: Shoulder block by Brown!
DM: But Cruise hoists himself right back up!
DT: And they’re going to do it AGAIN! Collar and elbow!
DM: Cruise gains the advantage here. He’s got almost fifty pounds on Brown. He backs him into the corner, and the ref is calling for the break.
DT: But there’s a hard knife-edge chop by Cruise! Brown clings at his chest in pain. Cruise squares him up again. Another knife-edge chop! Brown stumbles out of the corner and to the middle of the ropes. Cruise grabs him by the arm and whips him to the opposite ropes.
DM: Dropkick by Cruise! And he quickly follows it up by leaping on Brown with a headlock! He’s trying to cut off Brown’s air supply and wear him down!
MN: He’s already doing that with me, and I’m not even in the ring.
DT: Well, Brown is struggling, but he’s still holding that arm up to show that he’s fine, but I’m not sure how long that will last.
MN: Don’t look for these fans to keep the oxygen pumping to his brain. They’re as bored with this as I am.
DM: And now Brown’s arm is starting to slump! Cruise has that hold clamped on tight!
DT: Look out! The arm shoots back up! Brown is trying to wiggle his way out of this. He’s to a knee. There’s an elbow to the midsection! And another by Karl Brown! Cruise’s hold is weakening.
DM: And that final elbow by Brown forces Cruise to release the hold! Brown now bounces off the ropes. There’s a knee by Cruise.
DT: No! Brown jumped over the knee and wrapped Cruise up!
One…
…two…
…kickout by Cruise!
DM: Just another great example of why this match is so interesting, Neels! These guys are pulling out all the technical expertise!
MN: What? Am I drooling?
DM: Neels!
DT: Both men back up to a vertical base now. Cruise swings a right at Brown.
DM: But Brown ducks it! Russian Leg Sweep by Brown!
DT: Look out! He’s pulling him back up in that Russian Leg Sweep, ala Bret Hart!
DM: But now he’s swinging right around him and into another waistlock!
DT: German Suplex by Karl Brown! Cameron Cruise just folded like an accordion!
DM: Karl Brown is feeling it right here!
MN: I’m not sure what IT is, but if it’s nauseous and ready for bed, count me in the same boat as Mr. Brown.
DT: Brown makes his way over to the fallen Cruise.
DM: Inside cradle by Cruise! He’s got The Dragon by surprise…
…one…
…two…
…three-NO! The I-C champ almost made it one and done right there.
DT: I thought Cruise was out of it after that German suplex!
DM: I think Karl Brown did too. He didn’t even look defensive on his way over there.
DT: Well, both men are up now. Brown drives a hard knife-edge chop into Cruise there as he backs him into the ropes. There’s an Irish whip.
DM: Reversed by Cruise! Brown hits the opposite ropes. Flying cross body block!
DT: But Cruise ducked out of the way! Karl Brown came up with nothing but air right there!
DM: Oh, Brown’s hurt here, guys. He might have landed on a rib wrong or something. He’s curled up.
DT: But Cruise is doing what any smart competitor would do, and that’s stay on top of his man. He’s got Brown by the leg. And he drives an elbow right to that inner thigh, torquing on that knee of Brown’s! Brown is screaming in pain as Cruise makes his way back to his feet.
DM: And there’s another elbow by Cameron Cruise! Quick shift of strategy here by Cruise. He might be trying to loosen up that knee for the Cruise Control.
DT: Well, he’s back to his feet one more time, and now he’s wrapping that already worked leg around his own in a standing figure four! Brown’s knee is going to snap!
DM: And Cruise drops to his knees while he’s still got Brown in that figure four! 250 pounds of pressure are driven right on that knee there!
DT: And now Cruise is back up. He’s looking down at Brown on the ground. He grabs him by the legs.
DM: Sharpshooter! Cruise has just locked Karl Brown in a sharpshooter!
DT: Where is this coming from? I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen Cameron Cruise utilize the sharpshooter!
DM: Me neither, but he has it locked in! And looking at Karl Brown’s face, I’d say it’s effective!
DT: Brown is screaming in pain, but it doesn’t really look like he’s going to be doing that much longer. I think his tank is just about empty here!
MN: Mine’s been empty this whole match and I’m still going.
DM: Well, it doesn’t look like Karl Brown is going to be able to make it as long as you did, Neels. He’s got his hand up, looking for the ropes, but they’re nowhere to be found.
DT: And slowly, that hand has been dropping. He’s either got to pass out or tap out here. Cameron Cruise has him almost directly in the middle of the ring.
DM: And here comes the hand down!
DT: But he’s not tapping! He’s got both palms to the mat.
DM: Are you kidding me?
DT: Karl Brown has just rolled over Cameron Cruise! Brown has all of his weight on Cruise, who’s pinned against the mat.
DM: Sharpshooter! Karl Brown has reversed the sharpshooter here! Cruise is in pain as he violently reaches for the ropes, but they’re close enough for him to reach!
DT: Wow! What a difference a few inches make, huh? Karl Brown was nowhere near those ropes a second ago, but with the roll out and the extra few inches of reach that Cruise has over Brown, he was just able to grab hold of those ropes to get free.
DM: And the damage was also done by Cruise’s sharpshooter as Brown is now limping back to his feet.
DT: That gives Cruise plenty of time to get up and now nail Brown with a knife-edge chop. Cruise quickly runs over to the ropes.
DM: Springboard cross-body by Cruise! He quickly rolls out of it and waits for Brown to make his way back up to his feet.
DT: Brown is back up! Cruise grabs him. He’s pulling him to his shoulder…
DM: Shipwreck-No! Brown slipped out! There’s a kick to the back by The Dragon!
DT: Dragon’s Bite! Karl Brown just nailed Cruise with the Dragon’s Bite! Brown is stumbling! He falls toward Cruise and makes the cover…
…one…
…two…
…three!!!
DM: Are you kidding me? I thought that Brown was out of it after that barrage to the knee by Cruise, but he somehow pulled it out! Karl Brown has retained his Intercontinental Title here in his first defense!
DT: But he managed to pull it out, what a great match-up between these two!
DM: This is certainly a rematch that I wouldn’t mind seeing again!
DT: You got that right, Dean. Folks, we need another break from all this action, don’t go anywhere!