“Zero” by Smashing Pumpkins blares over the speakers. The arena erupts as Dan Ryan himself steps out onto the stage with a microphone in hand. Red stops and steps backward back into the middle of the ring and stands, staring a hole in the owner.]
Ryan: Let me get this straight….You think you’re gonna walk into MY company….in front of MY crowd….
[Loud pop.]
Ryan: …IN MY HOMETOWN…..
[Super uber mega pop.]
Ryan: …and run your mouth about me??
[Red looks on, unimpressed.]
Ryan: Damn, kid…you just don’t have an ounce of sense in that head of yours, do ya? What in the hell makes you think you hold any of the cards around here, Red? Huh? Look around you. You’re gonna topple this company from within? You’re gonna undermine me HERE?? I DON’T ****ING THINK SO!!
[Super pop. Red continues to stare, frowning and disgusted.]
Ryan: You know what, man? You’ve got a contract, and that means you’ll wrestle who I want you to, when I want you to, and where I want you to. And let me tell you something else. You may be hot **** in MBE…..where I was INVITED to beat your ass…and you may mean something in A1E…..but here….hell man, this might as well be my ****ing front yard!
[One more poparoo.]
Ryan: Get used to something, Red. You’re mine now, whether you like it or not. And believe me…I’m gonna have some fun with this….
[Ryan tosses the mic to the side, off the stage and backs up slowly as the music plays again. Red stares him down until he disappears through the curtain, then looks, disgusted into the crowd and climbs out of the ring, making his way up the ramp.]
DT: Boy, you could cut the tension in here with a knife just now, guys.
DM: Sure enough. There’s some serious hatred between those two. This place is getting interesting.
[Suddenly the Titan Tron flickers to life. “Ride of the Valkyries” by Richard Wagner starts up and footage of a man delivering an Olympic Slam style maneuver. “FARNSWIRTH” flashes across the screen. The shot switches to a shot of a smaller man, wearing white trunks with a smiley face on the back driving an opponent into the mat with a tilt-a-whirl sitdown face bomb. “CHIP FRIENDLY” flashes across the screen. The show switches to a shot of another man, reminiscent of the clown seen by Paul Freeman in the hallways earlier in the night, hitting his opponent with a sitout butterfly powerbomb. “SLAMBO” flashes across the screen. The music continues as we get a close up shot of Richard Farnswirth, looking down his nose and smirking into the camera. “HIGHLAND” flashes. We see a close up of Chip Friendly, winking into the camera. “PARK” flashes. We see a close up of Slambo the Clown, looking forward with an empty _expression. “SOCIAL CLUB” flashes. The song continues as we see a shot of all three, Farnswirth and Chip in the back, with Slambo on his knees in front, then a rapid drum beat with “HIGHLAND PARK SOCIAL CLUB” flashing in reverse contrast.
And silence.]
DT: Well that was…unique.
MN: Is this really happening? The freaking Highland Park Social Club??
DM: Looks like it.
MN: My day is made.
[Cue up "Damn." Enter Steven Shane.]
TF: This match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Hollywood, California... SENSATIONALLLLLL STEVENNNNN.... SHAAAAAAAAAANE!
DT: Well, this match should be interesting, after the war of words we heard all this week between the two.
MN: War of words? All I heard were two blowhards going at it. Seriously, Big Loafy puts me to sleep.
DM: Does that mean you'll be sleeping during the match? Thank GOD I can shill in peace.
MN: No, just him talking puts me to sleep. You're outta luck.
DM: Damn you.
[Shane enters the ring. Cue up "Figured You Out." Enter Beast to a NUCLEAR pop.]
TF: And his opponent, from Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada... BEEEAAAAASSSSSST!
DM: Y'know guys, it's a miracle Beast is even able to walk after that vicious brawl with Dan Ryan at Black Dawn. I'm impizzilypressed.
MN: Bah, he should be arrested for assault of our fair owner.
DM: Hey, Ryan-o wanted it too. He wanted to see Beast regain some of his fire, and I think he has.
[Beast enters the ring. Referee Brian Weatherby calls for the bell. DING DING DING]
DT: And we're underway! Beast and Shane grapple with each other and Beast THROWING Shane across the ring! What force! Shane lands in the turnbuckle, and is holding his back.
MN: Hey, check Loafy for steroids! No way he'd be able to do that without 'em.
DT: Shane walking almost lackdaisically, Beast sees that and charges in with a clothesline... NO! Shane ducked! He's got the hand off his back and quickly goes over to Beast before he can turn around, roll up pin... ..o... NO! Beast doesn't even wait for the one count to drop before he kicks out!
DM: I think we just got a taste of what this match is going to be like with that opening sequence. Beast's strength vs. Shane's quickness.
MN: Or maybe Loafy's body odor against Shane's hair grease.
DM: How about some duct tape for Neels' mouth?
DT: Guys, behave. Beast is up and he's charging in towards Shane, but the Sensational One counters with a drop toehold, floating seamlessly into a side headlock.
DM: Good strategy by Shane. If he wants to win this match, he'd better outwrestle Beast and hope to his Christian God that Beast doesn't counter him. Beast is not only a power guy, but he can grapple too.
MN: I'm sick and tired of hearing how good Loafy is.
DM: Too bad.
DT: Shane's got the hold locked in, but Beast is stirring, getting to his knees. Shane can't keep the grip of the hold, Beast to his feet, forcing Shane to his feet too. Beast shoves Shane onto the ropes, Shane rebounds, Beast with the big lariat, but Shane ducks. Rebound again and Shane with the flying lariat! Shane right back to his feet just to get the height to drop the elbow across Beast's chest!
DM: Shane is running circles around Beast right now.
DT: Shane quickly back up and another elbow across Beast's chest, and up and yet another one! Three big elbows, and now a cover...
...one...
...two...
...but Beast kicks out.
MN: I mean, I hate the guy, but I even know that you can't beat Loafy with an elbow drop, even if you're The Rock.
DM: Hey, stranger things have happened, but pinfall attempts are more than just trying to win matches.
DT: Shane dragging Beast to his feet, whips him off the ropes. Beast on the rebound and Steven Shane with the beautiful tilt-a-whirl backbreaker! Another
cover...
...one...
...two...
...but Beast kicks out again!
MN: He kicks out and his breath is kickin'.
DM: That's not his breath you smell. I think Dave just farted.
DT: DEAN!
DM: Hey, I speak the truth.
DT: Well, umm, uh, oh look! Shane's got Beast up to his feet again. Rear waistlock, Shane going for the German suplex, but Beast with an elbow to the head! Shane's head rocks back, Beast with another elbow! Shane breaks the waistlock and stumbles back, Beast turns around and hits him with the HYOOOGE lariat!
DM: LARIATO~!
DT: Shane hits the canvas like a ton of bricks! Beast with the quick cover...
...one...
...two...
...kickout! Beast grabbing Shane up to his feet by the hair.
DM: Well, blink your eyes and Beast is in control. It's a mad, MAAAAAD world we live in.
MN: And I'm about to get sick. Damn Dean, can't you shill some deodorant to Loafy?
DM: ...
DT: Guys, back to the action. Beast with Shane to his feet, martial arts thrust to the throat, now a Mongolian chop to the base of Shane's neck. Shane to the canvas, Beast with a double stomp to the solar plexus. Beast with the cover...
...one...
...two...
...but Shane kicks out again! Beast is up again, this time, he flips Shane over onto his belly.
DM: I think he's gonna try to lock in the Judas Cradle!
MN: The Judas what now?
DM: The Judas Cradle! It's a move we haven't seen much of in Empire, but given their past in A1E and how much it was brought up, maybe Beast is trying to bring an A1E flair to the match.
MN: Oh great, just what we need, more reason for people to compare us to them.
DM: Hey, let 'em compare. It doesn't bother me.
DT: Nope, me neither. Beast grabs one leg up and... wait a second! Beast is now doubled over in pain and Shane is stirring on the ground.
MN: Yes! I think Shane just nailed Loafy in the groin with his free leg!
DT: Well that's not very legal. I don't know why Weatherby's allowing it.
DM: Maybe because he didn't see it.
DT: Anyway, Shane is up and he runs behind Beast to roll him up...
...one...
...two...
...Beast kicks out.
DM: Sensational Steven Shane proving that he's got more than one dirty trick left in his book.
DT: And it's gotten him back in control of the match or so it seems. Beast is up, still holding his groin, but Shane catches him with a big DDT that sends him down to the mat! Shane leaps over to the corner, climbing the turnbuckles.
DM: Shane believes he can flyyyyy...
MN: I don't know, I think he's more trapped in the closet.
DM: ...
DT: ...
MN: What?
DT: ignoring what Neels said Shane to the top rope and comes down with a Bret Hart-type elbow to Beast's head! Beast is in a bad way here, Shane covers...
...one...
...two...
...but Beast kicks out! Shane is slamming the mat and saying something to Weatherby there.
DM: That won't do him any good.
DT: Shane's up and he's grabbing Beast up to his feet. Irish whip off the ropes, Shane with the clothesline, but Beast ducks. Shane turns around... GORE! GORE! GORE! Beast just hit Shane with that Gore out of nowhere! Shane is holding his midsection and now Beast just RAAAHRED for the crowd! This Houston crowd is electric!
MN: Either that, or they hate Loafy's garlic breath!
DT: Beast has SHane up, and he's going for a suplex.
DM: We might see the Apocalypse here...
DT: NO! Shane slips behind him! He's got Beast in an inverted facelock!
DM: California Dream...
DT: He's... NO! Beast just elbowed him in the gut blindly! He hit the mark and now Shane's doubled over! BEast is up and grabs Shane... double underhook...
MN: No, no, NO!
DM: ABSOLUTION~!
DT: He just spiked Shane on the canvas and now with the pin...
...one...
...two...
...THREE!
[DING DING DING!]
TF: Here is your winner... BEAST!
[Cue up "Figured You Out" to a mammoth pop.]
DT: And Beast has defeated Steven Shane here.
DM: Yeah, another good impression for the biz-oss here, breaking out a high impact Gore and that funky lil' Tiguhhh Drivuhh Number 91...
DT: Wait a second, someone's coming through the crowd!
DM: Crazed fan?
MN: Psycho professional wrestler killer, come to fulfill my fantasy of a dead Loafy?
DT: No, it's... it's KEN CLOVERLEAF with a chair!
DM: What's he doing out here?
MN: Hopefully he's come to put both these idiots out of their misery!
DT: Beast doesn't see him though, Cloverleaf's got a clear shot...
[CRACK!]
DT: Sweet mother of Surge, Cloverleaf just cracked Beast with that chair! Beast is down on the canvas.
DM: And now Shane is getting up...
MN: Good! Give to Shane too!
DT: Shane sees what's going on, and now he's heading over to Cloverleaf, yelling something. Cloverleaf shrugs him off, he's bringing the chair up for another shot. Shane grabs the chair though!
MN: No! You should have hit Shane when you had the chance!
DT: Shane wrests the chair from Cloverleaf and is yelling at him. He's pulling the chair... wait a second! NO! NO!
[CRACK! Shane waffles Beast with the chair, sending the former EPW Champion back to the canvas.]
DT: TELL ME THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!
MN: YES! YES! OH YES! Steven Shane has seen the light!
DT: Just, stomach turning.
DM: Between Troy Windham's acts at Black Dawn and this, we've had alot of sick crap going down in Empire.
DT: I know Dean. Now Cloverleaf and Shane stomping away at a prone Beast. This has to stop.
MN: Hey, your big shot hero was able to survive Dan Ryan's assault. Why can't he overcome this... oh yeah, because he's OVERRATED!
DM: Hey, you try fighting back against two guys. It ain't happening if you're already down on the ground and assaulted from behind!
DT: And now Cloverleaf is raising Shane's hand. Oh this is despicable. I... let's go to commercial.
[Cut to a commercial for Falafel Sultan's new Enormous Shwararma Pita... Meat, on top of meat, on top of meat with a nice tahini sauce.]