[“Zero” by Smashing Pumpkins blares over the arena and the crowd pops huge as Dan Ryan steps out onto the main stage and peers into the crowd. Ryan pauses and look out for a few moments, then nods and heads to the ring. Ryan gets to the ring, rolls in under the bottom rope and pulls a cordless microphone from his back pocket.] 
Ryan: DENVER, COLORADO!!!! 

[huge cheap pop] 

Ryan: Welcome to Aggression…and before we get started tonight I want to give a huge huge shout out to you people….[loud cheers]…for making us the success that we are. So much so that for the second straight year we were recently voted as the number one fed around…. 

[loud continuous cheers] 

Ryan: Thanks to all of you, and thanks to the men and women who bust their asses for us on a regular basis – the accolades continue to roll in and I can’t thank you enough. 

[clapping and cheers] 

Ryan: Now then, having said that….there are some things that need to be addressed. I’m a busy man as you know, but Empire Pro is my lifeblood. Some people don’t share that vision I’m afraid. So before we get started tonight, I’d like to speak on….Irishred. 

[mixed, but loud reaction] 

Ryan: [smiling] Red, seriously. You do realize that you can’t win, right? I mean, hocking A1E merchandise? Plugging UCW television? Let’s put aside for just a moment that I work for both of those companies and if they make money, I make money….let’s put that to the side. You seem to be under the impression that although I have you under contract, and although I control when and where you wrestle that you have me up against a wall. 

Now, I’ll give you this much. You managed to ruin a perfectly good main event on Onslaught. I for one was looking forward to seeing Marcus take you apart, but you managed to make a mockery of it. And I’ll tell you what – you DO have a guaranteed contract. And…I can’t force you to do a good job out there. 

BUT… 

You and I both know that you’re a big name. Truthfully…at your age about all you can ask for is some sort of cheap ‘hey, didn’t he used to be in MBE??’ pop – but I’m willing to squeeze every bit of name value out of you that I can. After all, if you entertain people I make money. So, how to make sure you do your best? Ya know, I’ve been running this around my head for a long time trying to think about how I could get your attention on this. 

And then…it hit me. 

Like I said before, I do control where and when you are booked – even though I can’t control how well you work in the match itself. 

So, I was pondering – how would it affect your career if I were to send you on a goodwill wrestling tour for Empire Pro to oh…say…..Iraq? You know, the troops need encouragement from time to time and what better way to do just that? I mean, I as Empire Pro owner would absolutely love to send an international superstar to entertain our troops overseas. I’d love to….but I’m willing to send you instead. 

[loud “OHHH” from the crowd] 

See, I’m guess it wouldn’t make your bosses over in UCW…or A1E…all that happy if you were stuck in Iraq for like…I dunno….two months or so? After all, that’s a long flight to Kenya – and from Kenya a five day train ride to Mosul. I guess I could spring for a direct flight, but with all of that money you cost me on Onslaught it probably wouldn’t be financially prudent to do something like that. 

That would tend to make it hard for you to defend that little World Title of yours wouldn’t it? 

But – I’m willing to grant you a reprieve. See, you haven’t gone past the point of no return….not yet. 

So let me give you some advice, Red. You are in …WAY….WAY…over your head on this one. So I want you to come to this ring next week, I want you to come face to face and apologize to me for your behavior since you signed your contract. If you’re a good little boy, I’ll forget this ever happened and I’ll even throw in a twelve month subscription to AARP magazine. 

So, having said that I must say to you all that…. 

[“Phenomenon” by Thousand Foot Krutch blares over the speakers and the fans stand to their feet as “Phenomenal” Frankie Scott stalks through the curtain and marches directly toward the ring. Ryan holds the microphone to his side and simply stares at Scott as he comes to the ring, climbs in and stands about two feet away from the boss.] 

Ryan: Frankie. 

[Ryan holds his hand out and Frankie’s eyes narrow and he hesitates…..Ryan’s eyebrows go up, then he drops his hand and raises the mic to his mouth.] 

Ryan: You need something, Frankie? 

[Scott motions for a microphone and once one is forthcoming he raises it to his mouth, exasperated.] 

Scott: Do I need something, Dan? I’ve been trying to get a meeting with you ever since I came back, man. Every time I set something up, you disappear or take off or whatever the hell else…it’s starting to piss me off a little bit. So now that you’re here in the ring and I have my chance, we have some things to work out. 

Ryan: Not out here, Frankie. 

Scott: NOT OUT HERE?? After everything in our past and everything we’ve gone through all you have to say to me is… 

Ryan: FRANKIE….not…out…..here. 

[Ryan puts the mic back in his back pocket and slowly rolls out under the bottom rope and starts to walk up the ramp. Frankie Scott looks on, incredulous and annoyed. Halfway up the ramp, without turning around Ryan pulls the mic back out and heads through the curtain.] 

Ryan: If you want to talk, Frankie…I suggest you be in my office in thirty seconds…. 

[Frankie mutters under his breath….”dammit…”….then rolls under the ring and rushes up the ramp and through the curtain…]

[CUE UP: "Imperial March" - Rage Against the Machine. A video montage plays, featuring smoke-wreathed images of various wrestlers, some of them leaving blurred trails as they move.
CUT TO: Beast nailing the Absolution on Adam Benjamin.
CUT TO: Karl Brown coming off the ropes with a Quebrada.
CUT TO: Christian Sands standing victorious in the ring.
CUT TO: JA delivering the Karelin Driver to Ron Artest
CUT TO: Adam Benjamin delivering a Shining Wizard to Karl Brown.
CUT TO: Joey Melton, mugging for the crowd.
CUT TO: Boogie Smallz lighting up a blunt.
CUT TO: Lindsay Troy dropkicking Beast.
CUT TO: JA and Sebastian Dodd locking up in the middle of the ring.
CUT TO: Dan Ryan sitting sedately in a chair, staring into the camera.
CUTTO: With a clash of metal, a logo slams across the screen, its edges flickering.]

[Cut to the ramp, where a wreath of pyro explodes around the EmpireTron and several bomblike, smoky explosions ripple about the entry way. The camera zooms in on the screen as the pyro finally peters out, then blurs to roving shots of the roaring crowd as a small banner in the corner briefly appears to proclaim that EPW is broadcast en Espanol.] 

[We cut to the broadcast booth where Dave Thomas, Mike Neely and Dean Matthews sit.] 

DT: Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the Pepsi Center in Denver, Colorado and EPW’s AGGRESSION!!! What an action packed night tonight and we’ve already heard from our owner…and Frankie Scott finally got the audience with Dan Ryan that he wanted! 

DM: Let’s not forget the matches we have on hand tonight. We’ve got the return of Shawn Hart…the former Steve Savoy…and an absolutely stacked main event pitting Troy Windham and his Entourage against the team of Joey Melton, Karl Brown and our World Champion, Lindsay Troy! 

MN: The hell?! 

DM: I think they're coming this way. 

[CUT TO: The stands behind the announce position as Felicia Hart and the World's Strongest Fat Guy, Tiny, make their way down through the crowd.] 

DT: Oh boy... that's the younger sister of the Phenom, Shawn Hart, who's set to take on former GXW personality Mojo Massey in our next contest, and it looks like she's got her sights set on us, gentlemen. 

MN: Or on me... MAYBE. You're far too robust, Dave. 

[Felicia and Tiny finally reach the first row of seats and waste no time in hopping the rail and proceeding to the commentator's table at ringside.] 

DM: What do you suppose they want? 

DT: I'm not sure, but all I know is... 

[Before he can finish his thought Felicia begins to scream at him inexplicably. Most of her words are lost to us as she speaks, but she's clearly motioning toward the backstage area.] 

DT: You'll do WHAT? Forget it, lady... we've got a match to call here! 

[Suddenly, Tiny yanks a steel chair out from beneath the time keeper and starts slamming it violently against the tabletop and shouting in hillbilly! Fearing the wrath of the fat man, the announcers quickly scatter from the table to avoid his rampage. Felicia grins, slides in behind the now empty table, then takes Thomas' vacated seat.] 

FELICIA HART: Testing! Testing! 1-2.... Buckle my shoe... hello, hello?? 

[CUE UP: "The Imperial March" by John Williams.] 

FH: Theeeeeeere we go!! You got that thing goin', big guy? 

TINY: Hawt DAYUM! 

TONY FATORA: Th' following contest is scheduled for one fall! 

FH: Alrighty dighty, and HELLOOOOOO to my girls out in TV Land! This is Felicia Hart, the one and onliest QUEEN OF THE RING, despite what you've been led to believe here in EPW, and I'm standing by with Tiny here for some HOT rasslin' action, baby! 

TONY FATORA: Introducing first, making his RETURN to Aggression, from ORLANDO, FLORIDA... weighing in at 224 pounds; The PHENOM...SHAWN HART! 

[Hart, foregoing his usual pageantry, marches down the aisle and directly to the ring, totally ignoring the very mixed, but very boisterous response from the fans in attendance.] 

FH: And there he is, the MAN HIMSELF, the Prime Minister of Gettin' Sinister, Watch 'er SPREAD HER LEGS and then he'll FINISH HER, the new sensation across the nation, makin' girlies feel the PHENOMULATION, my... big... brother, baby!!! Tiny, YOUR THOUGHTS?! 

TINY: Messah Shawn's sim-sam-uhhh SLAAAAAAAAM dat din-dun-DAY! 

FH: Indeed... Indeed... 

TONY FATORA: And his opponent... 

[Felicia raises her voice exponentially, all but nullifying the ability of Fatora's vocal chords to translate over her commentary and out to the viewing audience.] 

FH: Aaaaaaand his opponent, from Parts Unknown, Truth Or Consequences, AND a little town in France... a guy that is S-OOOOOOOO UNCOOL that he doesn't even get his own entrance or music or anything. A guy who's forced to watch helplessly while my devastatingly handsome brother struts down to the ring... .................*sigh*...Mojo Massey. 

[Before Massey can even begin to acknowledge his introduction or the fans in attendance, the Phenom wastes no time in charging at him from behind with a VICOUS CLOTHESLINE! The referee quickly signals for the bell.] 

FH: And just like that, the 1995 high school wrestling champion for the great state of Florida pounces on his opponent like numerous scrubs attempt to pounce on yours truly, the Queen of the Ring, nightly at the club! TINY... your thoughts?! 

TINY: Doze dat-DAYUM diddly doo-doo's dun-got googly goo-goo'd bahh yer WIGGLY WOO-WOO'Z! 

FH: And look at this now, as the Muff Daddy Shawn Hart continues to pummel Mojo Massey, who is known in some circles as Jobby Junebug, with a series of rights and lefts! 

TINY: Uh-whoopa WHOMPA de-day!! 

FH: The Phenom appears to be targeting Junebug's right arm with those punches, perhaps to set him up for some kind of awe-inspiring maneuver, but nonetheless... Hart now, has Jobby backed against the ropes as the referee begins to administer the 5 count! 

TINY: Ya gotsta'membah doze dim-DAYUM rulezes. 

FH: Hart breaks the count quickly by whipping Junebug off toward the ropes on the opposite side. Jobby Junebug... back the other way now, aaaaaaaand... 

TINY: BIZZAMMO!!! 

FH: Just like that, the MUFF DADDY drops Massey with the HART ATTACK! Goodness gracious!! Now for the cov... 

TINY: 'Eeeeeeelll NAH!! 

FH: No!! Hart electing not to cover, instead dropping to the mat and wrapping his ultra-defined thighs around Junebug's arm with a DEVASTATING submission maneuver! 

[CUT TO: Dave Thomas and co., who have returned from the backstage area with a denizen of security guards, all of which have their eyes locked on Felicia.] 

FH: The referee is on the scene quickly like a horde of photographers at one of my many Lovely 'Licia brand perfume conventions and... WAIT!! THAT'S IT!! Jobby Junebug is tapping out! The Phenom's got him with the Fujiwara Armbar in less than a minute!! 

[CUE UP: The "Imperial March" once again as Hart releases the hold, springs to his feet, and shoots an icy stare into the hard cam.] 

TONY FATORA: Th' winner of this match.. SHAWN HART!!! 

FH: The referee has signaled for the bell, the PHENOM has sent a message to Jerichoholic Anonymous... cleeeeeeearly stating that he's back and better than ever before, and THIS girly-girl is about to sign off because a horde of burly admirers is making its way towards me at this very instant, so uhh.... GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY!!! 

[Before the officers can obtain the young Miss Hart, she leaps back over the guard rail with the agility of a gazelle and bolts up through the crowd! Tiny, being slightly less mobile, sort of stumbles out of his chair and rolls over the barrier and into the masses behind her. After sticking his tongue out at security, he slowly makes his way up the stairs to catch up to his cohort. CUT TO: The Phenom, still in the ring, resting on the second turnbuckle with his arms raised victoriously.] 

DT: [sarcastically] Well, that was fun. 

MN: Loved it!