Apparently, Dahaka took Cruise’s personal insults during promotional week to heart. She pounded on him mercilessly to start the match and took him to the brink of unconsciousness with a few chokeholds released only when threatened with disqualification from the referee. Cruise managed to turn the tide mid-match, however and took the powerful Dahaka off her feet with a fisherman buster suplex that got a near fall. A flying knee from the top rope got a second near fall, but Dahaka was able to squirm her way free. After an elbow from the top by Cruise missed, it was Dahaka on the offensive with a choke slam and subsequent naked leg scissors choke that had Cruise almost out cold in the ring. Cruise however was able to get to the ropes and get free of the hold – and the end came when Dahaka sent Cruise to the ropes and attempted a boot to the face, which Cruise countered into a capture suplex and followed it up with a quick Reality Check on the rising Dahaka for the three count and a successful comeback match.
Winner: Cameron Cruise !
DT: Up next, we’ve got a battle between a veritable legend of the ring and one of the brightest up-and-coming stars in the industry. “The Phenom” and Fusenhoff go one-on-one right here on Aggression!
MN: I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. You’re the world’s biggest dork.
DT: To Tony Fatora in the ring to get us set for our next matchup!
TF: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL!
Introducing first…
[CUE UP: “Watching the Wheels” John Lennon, as the man known as the Phenom, Shawn Hart, makes his way from behind the curtain and down to the ring to the boos of the crowd.]
TF: Hailing from Orlando, Florida and weighing in at 225 pounds, he is “THE PHENOM” … SHAAAAAWWWNN HAAAAAARRT!!!!!
His opponent…
[“Watching the Wheels” fades, and “A Little Less Conversation” Elvis Presley kicks in as Fusenhoff strides through the curtain and walks authoritatively down the aisle, rolls into the ring and bounces off the ropes a couple times before heading into his corner and beginning to stretch.}
TF: Hailing from Kamloops, British Columbia and weighing in at 263 pounds … this is FUSENSHOOOOOOOFFFF!!!!
[SFX: Bell rings]
DT: The big man and the wily veteran are set, and here we go! Fusenshoff moves quickly to the center of the ring, and he locks up immediately with Hart and just powers him into the corner!
MN: Dude. You are way too excited for stuff like that.
DM: Some people like well-executed, old school mat wrestling Mike. Don’t you?
MN: Are you high, Deano? Have you not been listening to me for nearly four years? I’m like every other ADD riddled, hyped up nutjob watching on TV. I like crazy flying and BLOOOOOODDDD!!
[As Fusenshoff breaks cleanly in the corner and lets Hart go, the camera cuts to the broadcast table, where Dean grabs several cans from in front of Mike and begins throwing them into the crowd.]
MN: DUDE! What are you doing with my Red Bulls?
DM: No more caffeine for you, Mikey. I think you need to calm down a little.
MN: …
DM: Why didn’t you do that four years ago, Thomas?
DT: Because I have to actually watch the wrestling that’s taking place in front of me, unlike SOMEONE ELSE HERE!
…
…
Speaking of, Hart and Fusenshoff come together once again, and again a collar-and-elbow tie up. Hart looks to slip behind, but no! Fuse drove his right knee directly into Shawn Hart’s sternum! The big man whips Hart off the ropes … catches him with a perfect Japanese Arm Drag, and he flows through right into an armlock! Impressive technical wrestling from a man of his size.
DM: That’s what surprises you about Fusenshoff, Dave. He’s a big, powerful guy, but he’s got tremendous agility and wrestling acumen, and he can beat you any way he damn well pleases.
DT: Hart works his way back to vertical, and breaks free with a big elbow right to Fusenshoff’s midsection. He shoves Fuse off the ropes … clothesline on the rebound … no! Hart ducked under it, but now he turns around straight into a headlock takeover by Fusenshoff!
Hart’s shoulders are on the mat…
ONE…
And the Phenom leg-scissors his way off the mat to break the count and force Fuse to break the hold, but this impressive young athlete is having his way in the ring right now with Shawn Hart.
MN: Davey, you are the only man on the planet that can make a sport where half-naked, oiled-up muscleheads in spandex tights roll around with each other on the ground seem even gayer than it appears to the naked eye.
DM: You know, Neels, I think it’s just a gift.
DT: Hart rolls to his feet, but he’s immediately met with a forearm from his opponent! And another! And one more backs the Phenom into the corner! Fusenshoff grabs his arm … and he just whipped Hart post to post! Hart staggers out of the corner … OH MY!!! Flying back elbow from Fusenshoff, and he soared through the air with ease! He floats over for a pin…
ONE..
AND A HALF! Not enough to put this one away, not by a long shot.
MN: It’s been like sixty-three seconds. You always seem so surprised when these little dinky moves don’t knock people out.
…
…
I THINK YOU’RE THE STUPID ONE!
DM: No. You’re the stupid one, Mikey. It’s been scientifically proven.
DT: Fusenshoff continues to lay in the blows to the back of Shawn Hart. Now he pulls the former TV champ to his feet … front facelock, and he lifts him for the suplex … but Hart floats through and winds up behind the big man … and blasts him with a forearm to the back of the neck!
MN: Neckbusta, dude.
DT: Fuse stumbles into the ropes … and as he bounces off, Shawn Hart clipped the leg and puts the big man down on all fours…
MN: Like you, in your hotel last Thursday.
DT: … and Hart hits the ropes and comes off with a BRUTAL kick that connected squarely on the Hoff’s left shoulder!
DM: The Hoff? Somebody watched the stupid Knight Rider remake.
DT: The Phenom measures the big man up…
MN: I’d say about 6’3”, 260-something.
DT: … and he drops the point of his knee directly onto Fusenshoff’s shoulder! Fuse pulls himself to his knees … big Yakuza kick straight to the face flattens him, and Fusenshoff flopped right on his face!
MN: Ouchie to the max.
DM: “Ouchie to the max”? Are you living in 1992?
MN: Pretty much. Now, can we hurry up? I’ve got some Zubaz pants in the dryer at the hotel.
DT: Hart taking his time, and he is laying VERY heavy boots onto Fusenshoff’s left shoulder. Dean, he’s attempting to rip that arm out of its socket!
DM: I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. This is absolute textbook Shawn Hart. The man is one of the very best in the history of this business at picking a limb and absolutely dissecting it. You know he’s got that vicious Fujiwara armbar in his arsenal, and he’s setting it up so that when he clamps it on, this baby’s over.
DT: Hart pulls Fusenshoff to his feet … but the big man fires back! A right hand! And a big knife-edged chop! Now an irish whip … but Hart ducks the clothesline! Phenom on the rebound … SPINNING HEEL KICK! And now Hart is straight back to work, torquing on that left arm with a modified keylock.
MN: Why is it called a keylock?
DM: Because you touch yourself at night, Mikey.
MN: Oh. Awesome!
DT: Hart is wrenching on that arm, and now he’s posting up so that his knee is directly on that left shoulder! This has got to be putting Fuse in a tremendous amount of pain. The big man’s trying to fight back, and he throws a couple of weak punches that barely connect.
DM: This is a bad, bad position for Fusenshoff to be in right now. Not only is he in tremendous pain, but there’s really nothing he can do offensively.
DT: Fusenshoff is pounding the mat with his feet, shaking violently, and he manages to get Hart’s knee of that shoulder, at least removing some of the pressure. Hart wrenches again … but Fuse kips up! What a tremendous show of agility to get to his feet! But, Hart’s still got that keylock on tight … NOT ANYMORE!!! The big man managed to break free with a modified overhead suplex!
MN: Sweetness.
DM: Concise if nothing else, Mikey.
DT: Fusenshoff showing some signs of fire, as he lays into the Phenom with some nasty forearms! He backs Hart into the corner … and he fires off an elbow that nails Shawn Hart directly in the side of the head! Irish whip … and Hart goes post to post! Fusenshoff with a head of steam … Hart pulls himself up and Fuse’s already damaged left shoulder coliides with the post! Hart now rolls … directly into a pin!
ONE…
TWO…
NOT QUITE YET!!!
DM: Hart with a modified sunset flip from the second rope, that just goes to show how much agility and instinct the Phenom still has after more than a decade in the spotlight
MN: I just love WHACKY LUCHA PINS!
DT: Fuse scrambles to his feet, but the Phenom is too quick! Kneelift connects squarely with the big man’s temple … and Hart follows through with a quick wristlock takeover straight into another modified armbar!
DM: He’s got the left arm hooked, and he’s also planted that knee directly on the shoulderblade to apply even more pressure. This guy’s arm is going to be hanging by a thread by the time this match comes to an end.
DT: Fusenshoff is fighting this move, but Hart is using all of his weight to keep the big man grounded. Fuse is turning, using his weight to try and shift towards the ropes…
MN: No chance. He’s gotta tap.
DT: Still reaching…
MN: There! He tapped! I heard it!
DM: He didn’t tap, Mikey. Somebody behind us dropped an empty Coke cup.
MN: Awww, man! I could’ve stolen that empty Coke cup and used it for beer!
DT: Fuse is sliding himself towards the ropes … and he gets his foot on the bottom cable and the former TV champ is going to be forced to break!
FANS: ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FOUR!
DT: And Shawn Hart breaks just before referee David Rosenkrantz would’ve disqualified him at the count of five!
MN: Thank you, Burgerman, for explaining to us the Rules of Professional Wrestling.
DT: Hart looking to head right back on the attack, but Fusenshoff beats him to the punch! And a chop!
FANS: WHOOOOOOO!
DT: And another!
FANS: WHOOOOOOO!
DT: And one more!
MN: WHOOOOOO!
DM: [shakes head] You are such a dork, Neely.
MN: Don’t knock it til you try it, Deano.
DT: Fusenshoff with the irish whip … and a MONSTROUS powerslam on the rebound! He covers…
ONE…
TWO…
TWO POINT FIVE!!! Shawn Hart got the shoulder up, but Fusenshoff is going right back to work! He scoops the Phenom up … FALLAWAY SLAM!!! Even with that bum left shoulder, he fired Shawn Hart three-quarters of the way across the ring!
MN: Dude, Air Phenom.
DT: Fusenshoff now headed up top, is this the wisest strategy for the big man?
DM: Well, if it works, then yeah, Dave, it is.
DT: Big man up top … FROG SPLASH CONNECTS!!!! TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTY THREE POUNDS JUST LANDED ON SHAWN HART FROM TEN FEET UP!!! This one’s got to be over…
ONE…
TWO…
THRRRRNOOOO!!!! Oh so close!
MN: I thought he had been squished!
DT: Hart gets to his feet, Fuse spins around … INSIDE CRADLE BY THE PHENOM!!! And he puts his feet on the ropes!
ONE…
TWO…
THREEE!!! Shawn Hart just cheated his way to – NO! David Rosenkrantz just saw the Phenom’s feet on the ropes and broke the count, and Shawn Hart is, let’s just say, mildly perturbed.
MN: He’s gonna molest children because the ref caught him trying to cheat?
DM: One: No. Two: Ewww.
DT: Hart is arguing with the ref … Fusenshoff quickly to his feet! He hooks Hart from behind … RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX!!! Another HUGE throw by the big man from British Columbia!
DM: And I think he might be going for the biggest one of all.
DT: Fuse is signaling for the Domination … he pulls Hart up … HART REVERSES!!! He locked in a triangle choke in midair, and he’s choking the life out of Fusenshoff! Fuse is being pulled to the ground … and Hart transitions smoothly into the Fujiwara Armbar! This has to be it!
MN: I think the big dude’s dead already.
DT: Hart is cranking … but he’s too close to the ropes! Fusenshoff somehow, someway got his right hand onto the bottom rope, and Shawn Hart is in absolute disbelief!
DM: Uhhh, me too, Davey.
DT: Hart arguing with the referee once again … rolled up by Fusenshoff!
ONE…
TWO…
THREEE!!! NO! TWO POINT NINE! Hart rolls to his feet … WHISKEY BOMB … BLOCKED!!! Hart slips away! Fuse with the big boot … SWING AND A MISS!!!! Hart slips through … HART ATAAAAAAAAAAA-NOOOOO!!! Fuse shoved him off … Hart bounces off the ropes … and a reverse rolling cradle by the big man!
ONE…
TWO…
THREEE!!!!! YES! Fusenshoff pulls out a hard-earned win over Shawn Hart, and the Phenom can’t believe it!
TF: The winner of the match, by pinfall … FUUUUUUUUUUUSENSHOOOOOOOOFFFF!!!!
DM: What an incredible last few moments, and Fusenshoff showed some incredible agility to pull this one out!
DT: Dean, walk us through the replay.
[CUT TO: Several replay angles of the last ten seconds of the match.]
DM: Shawn Hart thinks he’s got that cravate locked in for the Hart Attack, but the big man just had too much energy left, shoved the Phenom off and rolled through with a sweet reverse cradle, and it’s just tough to kick out when you’ve got 263 pounds on top of you.
MN: Yeah, but I don’t think Shawn Hart’s all that happy with that ending.
DT: Fusenshoff is standing on the top rope, raising his arms in victory … and Shawn Hart waffled him in the back with a steel chair! And another, as the big man crumples to the mat! Fusenshoff tries to get to his feet … CHAIRSHOT TO THE BACK!!!! And, damn it! NO! Shawn Hart is ramming that chair over and over onto the big man’s damaged left shoulder!
DM: This is just wrong. Shawn Hart has been on a bit of a losing streak recently, and I think he might’ve just snapped.
MN: And I think he might snap Fuse’s arm, too.
DT: Hart pulls Hoff to his feet … OH MY LORD!!! HART ATTACK ON THE CHAIR!!!! Fusenshoff is out cold, and his face was busted wide open by that vicious Hart Attack on the steel chair, and just look at Shawn Hart smile at the carnage he’s caused!
[Referees, agents and security finally make their way to the ring and pull Hart away. The Phenom backs off, smiling as he walks up the ramp.]
DT: What a heinous display by Shawn Hart, who laid out Fusenshoff just because of a childish tantrum. Fusenshoff won the match, but the Phenom just won the first major battle of this war. We need to get Fusenshoff some medical treatment, so we’ll be back in just a moment, folks.