[ The laid-back rhythms of “It Was A Good Day” by Ice Cube hum over the PA. Stepping through the curtain is JARED WELLS, who spares a moment to pose for those fans that recognize him and pop with dedicated spirit! With a wry and determined look in his eye, Wells comes down the ramp.]
TF: Ladies and gentlemen, the following event is a HARDCORE match set for one fall! Introducing first, hailing from Baltimore, Maryland, and weighing in at 254 pounds… he makes his Empire Pro Wrestling debut tonight, representing the ANTHOLOGY… HE IS… JAAARREEEEEDD WWWEEEELLLLSSSS!!
DT: The newest member of the rising force known as Anthology debuts here tonight on Aggression! What do we know about Jared Wells, Dean? This is a name that is unfamiliar with many EPW fans.
DM: A big name if you’re familiar with federations like WWL and WFW. It’s going to be interesting to see how he develops here. With faces like Anarky and his opponent, I almost wonder if he feels somewhat at home!
MN: No place is truly “home” if they have to see your face once a week, Dean-O.
[Before Jared Wells enters the ring, he digs under the apron for a trash can full of weapons. He throws a variety of them into the ring, most of them long such as baseball bats and kendo sticks. Satisfied with the bountiful amount of weapons at his disposal, he comes into the ring and paces around. Moments later, “Agenda Suicide (Fake Agenda Mix)” by the Faint hits the PA. Slipping through the curtain next is a daftly grinning Felix Red, who makes his way to the ring, accompanied by El Gothopatomus and holding his EPW Tag Team Title.]
TF: And his opponent… accompanied to the ring by El Gothopatomus… he hails from the primordial ooze, and weighs in at 225 pounds… representing the Forsaken, he is one half of the EPW Tag Team Champions… HE IS… FEEEELLLIIIIXXXX RRREEEEEDDD!!!!
DT: So what about the history between Felix Red and Jared Wells?
DM: In WFW, along with Anarky, they were part of the stable L.O.V.E. Years later, those days are behind us, and now both men are fighting on two complete opposite agendas! To my understanding, Felix Red requested this hardcore match, as it was the first opportunity he had to prove his superiority over Jared Wells!
DT: Felix Red has survived many encounters here in EPW, and along with the First, represents one of the most impressive teams to dominate the tag ranks through most of 2008. But does he really want to be picking fights with a member of Anthology?
MN: Hey now… somebody’s gotta prove to those guys that you can’t just form a club and suddenly say you’re BETTER than everybody else! Felix is here to show just who wears the very huge pants in the tag team circuit!
[Felix smiles at the sight of all the weapons in the ring as he hands the belt off to El Gotho and slips into the ring, immediately picking up a baseball bat and holding it ready in case Wells comes after him. Jared sneers at him from his corner as the referee makes his final checks, and ultimately rings the bell.]
DT: Here we go! Felix Red is already brandishing that baseball bat and has it held ready to swing! Jared Wells is keeping his distance!
DM: Yeah, that’s a wise move on Wells’ part. One good, unprotected swing from that bat, and it’s lights out, game over!
DT: So it appears as though Wells decides to fight fire with fire as he picks up a nearby two-by-four, and both men are already brandishing weapons in the opening moments of this match!
MN: TWO-MEN-ENTER… ONE-MAN-LEAVES!! TWO-MEN-ENTER… ONE-MAN-LEAVES!!
DM: Can it on the Thunderdome references, Neels. Here comes Wells, breaking the ice as he charges forward and comes looking for a GRAND SLAM—but FELIX RED ducks it and gets away!
DT: Jared Wells is definitely showing this EPW crowd that he can come into this federation swinging! The way he handles that wood, he would’ve CRUSHED Felix Red if he had hit the mark!
MN: I’m sure Wells handles his wood quite well, Dave! That’s none of your business anyhow!
DT: Here comes Wells with ANOTHER heavy swing from that hunk of lumber—but AGAIN, Felix Red manages to evade! Red is practically hopping the way the moment Wells budges, much to the once known “Rage o’ Fire’s” chagrin!
DM: Red seems to know Wells’ style of wrestling inside and out! It’s like watching two old rivals getting reacquainted after some time apart from each other, testing each others moves to see where they’ve kept strong and where they might’ve aged.
DT: Likewise with Wells, who looks at Red now from across the ring… and just decides TO HELL WITH IT as he drops the 2x4 and charges HEAD ON into Felix Red! There’s Felix with a SWING OF HIS BAT—oh, but he could ONLY CLIP THE SHOULDER, as Jared Wells CONNECTS shoulder-first into his mid-section, and both men TUMBLE to the outside!!
Crowd: F*CK-HIM-UP!! F*CK-HIM-UP!! F*CK-HIM UP!!
MN: Those foul-mouthed hooligans are lowering the tone of our programming! Somebody get security to escort them out of the building!
DT: You can’t deny the paying fans who made the trip here what they want, Mike! The ringside seats are screaming for blood, and Jared Wells uses the hardcore environment outside the ring to his advantage as he goes to TOWN on Felix Red! Wells has one hand gripping Red’s dreadlocks and the other pounding away mercilessly into Felix’s face!
MN: That’s how my grandma used to make old fashioned hamburgers…
DM: Here’s Wells to his feet, bringing a stunned Felix Red with him… and just CRUSHES HIM back-first into the side of the ring! It nearly looked like Felix snapped his spine on that one!
DT: And Wells doesn’t let up, here grabbing the bruised and beaten Felix Red by the hair and the pants… and just TORPEDOING HIM over the barricade and into the ringside seats, as fans scurry out of the way!
DM: Here comes Wells over the barricade for more—OH!! But a CHAIR just came out of the air and clipped him in the head, and Wells tumbles back into the ringside area! I believe that came from FELIX RED amid the ringside seats!
MN: That was him, alright! Looked like a few fans broke his fall!
DT: This is turning out to be quite an up-close-and-personal type of match as Felix Red recovers, rising off of a pile of stunned fans! Here’s Wells just over the barricade, coming to his feet… and spots another CHAIR COMING—and he CATCHES it—
OOOHHHH!!! But the CHAIR goes RIGHT INTO HIS FACE as FELIX RED bounds off the barricade and comes into it with a MISSILE DROPKICK!!
DM: That was quick and instinctual of Felix Red, and it paid off well! Now he has an opportunity to take control and set the pace of this match!
DT: Here’s Red making the first pin attempt of this match, on the outside as falls count anywhere in this hardcore match!
One… and a quick kick-out by Jared Wells!
DM: Red allows Wells to recover on his own as he searches under the ring for a weapon… eventually settling for a trash can, otherwise known as a “clutter bin” by our ringside crew!
DT: It doesn’t matter what it’s called, as long as it gets the job done! Wells to his feet—but Red just SNAPS a Spinning Heel Kick out of nowhere, and sends him back to the floor! He could have rivaled Chuck Norris with that one!
MN: They say that under Chuck Norris’ beard—
DM: Neels… the jokes are old. It’s over. Move on.
DT: Back to the match… Felix Red, wielding that trash can, has it held HIGH over his head…
*CRASH!!*
Crowd: OOOOoooohhh…
DT: …and CAVES IT IN over the head of Jared Wells as he was coming to his feet!
DM: Red’s use of weapons is keeping Jared Wells at bay, who now finds himself in a dire position! Felix lays him onto his back… and now sets the dented trash can over his face! What does he have planned here?
DT: I’m not certain, Dean… Red taking ahold of the nearby ropes and boosts up to the apron… OH NO… FELIX RED OFF THE APRON—
*CRASH!!*
DT: WITH A DOUBLE-STOMP OVER THAT TRASH CAN WHILE WELLS WAS BENEATH IT!!
Crowd: THAT’S-HARD-CORE!! THAT’S-HARD-CORE!!
DM: That simply CRUSHED the life out of Jared Wells! I don’t know if anyone could come back from that!
MN: So much for a spectacular debut, but I never hold much hope in hardcore types anyhow…
DT: Here’s the tag team champion with the cover…
ONE!
TWO!
NO!! A KICKOUT by Jared Wells, who hangs onto this match!
DM: This Jared Wells is showing us all here tonight that he can take a beating… and take it like very few! He’s already forcing himself back up even after THAT move, as if he’s just shrugging off the pain and pressing forward! I think the Anthology have found a valuable gem in this athlete!
DT: That may be true, although if Felix Red continues to set the tempo of this match, you might find yourself eating those words! Red is back on his feet, waiting for Wells to rise… here comes WELLS, SPRINGING FORTH WITH A BIG HAYMAKER—but Felix Red DEFTLY jumps to the side and lands a KNEE to the ribs that puts Wells to the floor again! …and now Red is turning his attention to the fans!
Crowd: GET-THE-TABLE!! *CLAP CLAP CLAP-CLAP-CLAP*
GET-THE-TABLE!! *CLAP CLAP CLAP-CLAP-CLAP*
[Shaking his head with a scoff, Red pulls up the curtain around the apron, drawing a POP from the fans.]
DT: It’s like I said earlier, you gotta give the fans what they want! And in this case, Felix Red is more than willing to give them that TABLE!!
DM: Tables of the sign of many things… a big, risky maneuver… a TREMENDOUS amount of pain… and a fitting grand finale to a hardcore brawl!
MN: Not to mention, should a table ever be covered in monitors and notes and occupies a few commentators, it’s more than likely it will be destroyed at any Pay Per View event.
DT: Felix Red slides the table into the ring and begins to set it up… but meanwhile, Jared Wells, back on the outside, is beginning to catch his breath once again and slowly recover! Perhaps Felix’s zeal to finish this one off in a spectacular manner was a mistake, as he’s taken his attention away from his opponent!
DM: Wells is moving around into Felix’s blindspot, taking ahold of a spare kendo stick left lying in that ring as he stealthily slips in behind Felix, finally putting the last brace of that table in place, and setting it upright! Felix turns around—and NARROWLY DUCKS a shot from that kendo stick!!
MN: Man, Jared can’t hit NOTHING tonight!
DT: Wells spinning around… just as Felix comes at him with a ROUNDHOUSE KICK—and it’s DUCKED by WELLS—
*CRACK!!*
Crowd: OOOOooohhhh…
DT: And he FINALLY CONNECTS with that kendo stick as Red was rebalancing himself!
DM: An impressive move on the part of Wells! Felix has been dodging him all night, but this time, even coming at him seemingly undetected, it was like he PREDICTED the counter-attack was coming!
*CRACK!! CRACK!! CRACK!!*
DM: OH!! And Jared Wells gets a bit of PAYBACK with interest, using that kendo stick on the incapacitated Felix Red!
DT: Here comes Jared with the cover!!
ONE!!
TWO!!
NO!! Felix Red manages to hang out, despite the amount of pain he’s in!
DM: Wells isn’t so quick to give up that weapon as he brings Red to his feet, and crosses his face with that stick…and DROPS HIM with a RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP!! All the leverage from that kendo stick came across the face and shoulder of Felix Red, just adding onto the effectiveness of that move!
DT: Jared Wells is taking no prisoners in this match! He needs to prove himself as an asset to the Anthology, and at the same time, show this old friend and rival who is the force to be reckoned with here on the stage of Empire Pro!
DM: Look at how Wells is setting up that stick now, set across the neck of Felix Red and hooking his arms over it!
MN: Kinda like how the Viet Cong tied me up with the other P.O.W.’s back when I was in the bush…
DM: Neels, everybody knows you never went to Vietnam. You were only 13 back then. But you’re right about keeping Felix Red tied up, or in this case binding his arms and exposing those ribs!
DT: You’re on the mark as always, Dean, as a completely defenseless Felix Red takes a BARRAGE of BODY BLOWS from Jared Wells!! Wells is NOT holding back those punches as he beats the tag team champion’s mid-section into a pulp!
DM: And now he slips behind… there’s the hook around the waist, and he follows through with a GERMAN SUPLEX!! Wells bridges, and Felix’s arms are outstretched, and his shoulders are on the match!!
DT: Could be a THREE-COUNT as Felix Red desperately KICKS THE AIR trying to escape!!
ONE!!
TWO!!
THR—OH NO!! Felix Red broke free at the last second!!
DM: Felix scrambling to his feet, and with the kendo stick wrapped in his arms, he quickly squirms it over his head and soon finds himself in possession of a weapon! Wells is DEFENSELESS as he comes back to his feet—
*CRACK!!*
DT: AND WELLS TAKES A SHOT TO THE FOREHEAD from that very kendo stick he just used on Felix Red!
DM: But Wells… DOESN’T GO DOWN!! He tells Felix Red to GIVE HIM ANOTHER!!
MN: He forgot to say “Thank you, sir” before that!
DT: Red settles for a BOOT TO THE GUT that doubles Jared Wells over, and sets him onto his SHOULDERS—could he be looking for the DOPE SLAM?!
DM: Felix has Wells lingering on his shoulders, trying to carry him to that table set up earlier in the match… but WELLS HAS AHOLD OF THE TOP ROPE!! Felix can’t pry him away, and now Wells has his legs free as he uses the turnbuckle for leverage!! What is Wells DOING?!
DT: He’s setting himself on the TOP ROPE!! Felix couldn’t keep control of him, and now Wells uses the higher ground to drive a ELBOW into the unsuspecting face of the tag team champion, thoroughly stunning him!
DM: Here’s Wells from the turnbuckle, bending down and taking Red by the waist… going for a… REVERSE POWERBOMB?!?
DT: FROM THE TOP ROPE—but FELIX ROLLS THROUGH!!
*CRASH!!!*
Crowd: OOOoooohhhh…
DT: And Jared Wells went FACE-FIRST THROUGH THE TABLE!!! MY GOD, WHAT A DEVASTATING DIVE BOMB!!
DM: He was looking to finish Felix off with that Reverse Powerbomb from the top, but the tag team champion used the last of his strength to roll forward and use his vice-like legs to carry his opponent that extra few feet into the table!! Wells is OUT!!
MN: With a mouthful of splinters!
DT: And here comes Felix Red, SCRAMBLING through the wreckage, hooking both legs as he crosses over the fallen Jared Wells!
ONE!!
TWO!!
THREE!!!
[“Agenda Suicide (Fake Agenda Mix)” hits the PA as a visibly exhausted Felix Red rolls off the chest of Jared Wells and is helped up by the referee, who raises his arm in victory.]
TF: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match… FELIX RED!!
DT: What a tremendous HARDCORE match from two very HARDCORE individuals! In the end, however, it was the tag team champion, whose quick thinking and sporadic timing, who spoiled the debut of his former stablemate!
DM: Felix Red continues to defy expectations as he squeaks out another victory, but we can’t overlook the impressive display of brawling expertise on the part of Jared Wells! In my opinion, Wells did well in setting the pace of this match, did some fine wrestling, and Felix Red got out of this one lucky!
MN: Dude… Felix Red might be some weird Hot Topic goth kid… but that guy’s got balls. Pink, dreadlocked balls.
DT: Will the Anthology be able to put this faux pas behind them? Or have they made a new enemy in the Forsaken? Only time will tell! Jared Wells has given the Anthology a new weapon, but tonight, Felix Red steps away tonight with the win!
[El Gothopotomus assists a hurt Felix Red up the rampway, handing him his half of the tag team titles. Back in the ring, Jared Wells, back on his feet, rubs the pain from his face as he looks up to the rampway with cold, intense eyes.]