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time: monday morning day: february eleventh. place: bailey's bay, bermuda; engel residence. (Sunrise. I'm up before anyone, as per usual. I'm the one with the worries and racing thoughts. Everyone else has it easy...at least right now. I'm sitting down, leaned forward on my leather couch in the living room. I'm just in a pair of jeans and a Ryan Braun jersery-shirt. I'm hooked in. I can't stop watching it. I can't stop feeling it. I can't stop disappointing myself.)McDaniel: SIRUS WINS! SIRUS WINS! SIRUS WINS! (Mia DVR'd the match for me. That was a mistake. I can't seem to pull myself away. I keep living the moment, the moment of failure and embarrassment, and I can't step away. Most of the time I take a look on my matches and see what I can do to get better. I use them as a tool to train harder and correct mistakes. This, however, I can only sit here and watch how I failed. It doesn't make any sense, but it happened.) (After so many near-falls and ridiculous antics, I was put away. A figure appears in the doorway between the kitchen and the room I'm in. It's my younger brother.) WARREN: Did you talk to Enika today? How's she doing? VIRUS: She's fine. Some cuts and bruises, a little trauma. She'll be fine. She's more pissed off and confused. WARREN: Dustin came outta no where, thankfully. Where were you? VIRUS: In the back. (My voice more zombie-like now; I'm dialed into the TV. I can't let go of what happened.) I was delivering a message to Corey that took longer than expected. (He snatches the remote from me and turns off the TV.) WARREN: Just forget about it. It was one match. You've beaten him, he's beaten you. Settle it at Genesis. VIRUS: It's not that black and white. WARREN: No, it is. (Warren's just in gym shorts and a white t-shirt. We hear a voice from down the hall. A familiar voice.)Joe BoXeR: What's all the noise about? WARREN: He won't stop watching the end of his match. (Joe appears behind Warren. He's got sweatpants and an old JWA Joe BoXeR t-shirt on. He flew in last night to see Warren, another brother who hasn't seen Warren in years. Warren turns around and walks past Joe, laughing and getting a glass of water.) Joe BoXeR: What's so funny? WARREN: Only you would wear your own t-shirt, to bed no less. Joe BoXeR: It's comfortable. WARREN: I'm sure. Joe BoXeR: Hey at least I got a t-shirt. VIRUS: Zing! WARREN: I envy you, old man. (Joe and Warren laugh and sit down in the living room. Warren, still with the remote, hits the DVR list. He scrolls down, way past Rampage 2/8, and selects last night's Family Guy. Just a rerun. That's fine, I suppose, since Warren doesn't hesitate playing it.) Joe BoXeR: Get over it already, Matt. (I shoot him a look. Warren nods at me and, well, they're right, but I didn't let them know it.) VIRUS: Screw you guys. You'd both be frustrated and disappointed if you lost to Sirus. WARREN: Well, I never lost -- technically. Joe BoXeR: Boxing is kinda different. VIRUS: Yeah, you're limited to your hands and the upper body. WARREN: So that makes what I did harder than what you do. Joe BoXeR: If you call being battered with all kinds of weapons, landed on by two hundred plus pounds, or slammed into tables and ringposts easier than hitting someone with padded gloves, then sure -- you win. (Warren ignores him and goes back to watching Family Guy.) Joe BoXeR: But yeah, you never lost. So kudos. But to those of us who actually have lost, it never gets old. But fuck it, Matt, get over it. You've got too much at stake next week to even worry about it. (Warren never liked to be teased and you could tell it was getting to him. Joe throws one of the decorative pillows at him, but Warren dodged it.) Joe BoXeR: Quick as a bunny, like always. (But I nail Warren with my own pillow.) VIRUS: Not that quick, though. In boxing you only worry about one opponent, unlike wrestling where a lot of times you have to worry about multiple opponents. Joe BoXeR: And that's it for today, class. (Warren, a little irate, trys to find the comedy in it all. He knows we love him, but he still needs to learn to relax.) WARREN: I never lost one on one, so what was your excuse, Matt? VIRUS: I've got a bunch of them. But it doesn't matter. What's on the agenda today? Joe BoXeR: I'm starved. Let's eat. (Mia enters the room, she has a long silk robe on with sweatpants underneath. It's been a rather cold week here in Bermuda. But our cold isn't the same as your cold, especially for Joe who just flew in from Wisconsin. Below zero there, I've heard.) Mia: Coffee, boys? All: Yes please. (Mia heads into the kitchen and starts to brew some coffee. Alexia comes downstairs, fully dressed for school and with her backpack in her left hand. She pokes her head in the room and says good morning to everyone. We all tell her good luck with her test today and she smiles, sitting down at the kitchen table.) WARREN: Alexia's really growing up. It's amazing what you miss in five years. Joe BoXeR: You also missed my return to wrestling last year. WARREN: I watched you. Why'd you stop anyway? Joe BoXeR: Self-doubt. I constantly questioned if I had what it takes to compete at a high level anymore. I eventually decided that I didn't and left. I had a few highlights, though. VIRUS: Yes you did. Especially losing your first match, to a girl. WARREN: Ohhh yeah, I forgot about that. Joe BoXeR: Oh shut up...you both know I got screwed. WARREN: So she wasn't a girl? (I start laughing. Joe throws another pillow at Warren, who catches it and keeps laughing. Fortunately, Joe's out of pillows. Mia yells from the kitchen.) Mia: Turn off the television and get something to eat! (Warren turns off the TV and we all go into the kitchen, sitting down at the table. Alexia is reading one of her textbooks. It's a math book. Geometry.) Mia: Sorry boys, you're gonna have to feed yourselves. I've got to take Alexia to school, but the coffee is almost ready and there's plenty of food in the fridge and pantry. (Joe and I moan at the thought of having to cook for ourselves, but Warren doesn't even blink. He helps himself to some food in the pantry. Alexia puts her textbook in her back and Mia goes into the bedroom to throw on some clothes.) VIRUS: What'll it be, Joe? Joe BoXeR: Cook me up some of those famous Matt Engel ham and eggs. VIRUS: I don't have a famous...ugh, alright. WARREN: I'd like to try those. VIRUS: I bet you would. (Alexia and Joe laugh. They used to be father and daughter, but a long time ago Joe gave custody over to me for personal reasons. It's fortunate that they still get along, Joe and Alexia. It would be tough if Alexia felt awkward around Joe, but she knows Joe loves her. I start preparing some eggs on the stove and Mia comes back into the kitchen and slaps me on the butt. I give her a goodbye kiss and Mia rounds up Alexia to take her to school. We all say goodbye and they head off to the high school.) Joe BoXeR: Soon she'll be old enough to drive herself. VIRUS: That's a scary thought. WARREN: As long as you don't teach her, Joe. Joe BoXeR: What would be wrong with that? WARREN: When you taught me how to drive, you'd thought it'd be funny if I took off with the neighbor's pet iguana in the backseat. (Joe and I laugh, recollecting the moment. Warren sits back down at the table with Joe.) Joe BoXeR: You gotta admit that was funny. Watching you swerve down the road, knowing that iguana was terrifying you. Hey it only made you a better driver. WARREN: I hate iguanas. VIRUS: They're cool animals. WARREN: Try driving with one trying to crawl in the front seat with you. VIRUS: Maybe I will. (Warren turns his head, and tries to shake off the memory. I start to laugh again. I think about maybe sneaking an iguana into Warren's bedroom before he goes to sleep tonight, but I think it would be too soon. He might be expecting it.) VIRUS: How'd you even get their iguana anyway? Joe BoXeR: Told Mr. Williams I would take it for a walk after I convinced him that iguanas like to be walked. VIRUS: Man he was so gullible. I remember when we were younger and I set fireworks off in his yard. Well he stormed over and sure enough I convinced him his son did it. Mom and Dad never caught wind of that, thank God. (I continue to prepare the eggs, adding in some chopped up onions we had in the fridge and throwing some shredded cheese on them. Warren and Joe remain quiet as Warren chows down on some Cheez-It's. He always had a huge appetite, but never put on the weight. The fastest metabolism I'd ever seen. I sort of envied it, but I kept myself in good enough shape not to worry about it. I'm still thinking about last Friday. I can't help it. I need to prove myself...again...at Genesis.) WARREN: Maybe I should come into the PWA, Matt. I could be a manager or something. Not a wrestler. It seems like you and Enika could use the support. VIRUS: Absolutely not. I've got enough trouble watching one sibling, I don't need you there getting into trouble. WARREN: I could be 'neeka's personal bodyguard or something. VIRUS: I SAID NO! (Warren looks at me. So does Joe. I'm breathing a little heavier now.) WARREN: Why do you always hold me back? You did that when we were younger, you're still doing it. If I want to join the P-fucking-WA I will do it. You can't stop me. VIRUS: Then why did you ask me? You still need my permission or something? Do it, if you really want to. But let this be known, Warren, wrestling ruins lives. I don't want you getting caught up in the bullshit that goes down in this sport. I don't need something terrible happening to you. This family has been through enough. Joe BoXeR: If he wants to try -- VIRUS: You're not gonna back me up on this? You of all people should be telling him to stay away. You know exactly what I'm talking about. (Joe doesn't respond. He looks at Warren, almost with a "He's right" kind of look. Warren looks down, the anger building up inside. He wants to help, that's all he wants to do. But, I can't. I can't let him get involved.) |