JACOBS: “The following match is scheduled for one fall … and is a DESERT DEATH MATCH… Introducing first…”
(CUEUP: “Anthem for the Year 2000” by Silverchair. The crowd begins to jeer as ‘Total Carnage’ Trevor Cane begins to ascend the stairs to the top ring. He carefully makes his way across the sand and rolls into the ring, tapping his boots free of excess sand.)
JACOBS: “Hailing from Sarasota, Florida … he stands six foot five and weighs 283 pounds ….. ‘TOTAL CARNAGE’ …. TREVOR CANE!”
GHEORGHE: “Cane’s new physique continues to impress me even now … he really worked hard after being injured by Chaos…”
JIVE: “I’m telling you, he’s got a newfound desire that we haven’t seen in him before.”
(SFX: The crowd pops as Jared Wells steps through the curtains.)
JACOBS: “And his opponent … standing six feet tall …. Hailing from Baltimore, Maryland …. JARED ….. WELLS!”
JIVE: “Wells has been around since the dawn of time …”
GHEORGHE: “He definitely has the experience factor here … and as a former BAD World Heavyweight champion, he’s no stranger to these type of matches…”
(SFX: Bell rings.)
JULIUS: “Was that the ship creaking or Jared Wells’ knees?”
GHEORGHE: “We heard from Trevor Cane right before he came out to the ring .. and he promised that the only way Jared Wells gets off this boat tonight is by going over the railing … and Wells right now seems to be telling Cane that that will not be happening…”
JIVE: “Cane just standing there with his arms crossed … and now he cracks a smile.”
GHEORGHE: “AND FOLLOWS THAT UP WITH A HUGE CLOTHESLINE THAT DROPS WELLS TO THE MAT!”
JULIUS: “Jared Wells looks like he’s in for a rough match already.”
GHEORGHE: “Trevor Cane grabs Jared Wells as he gets back to his feet … and plants a boot into the gut…. Hooks the waist … GUTWRENCH POWERBOMB! ‘Total Carnage’ back to his feet and he wipes his hands clean, so to speak.”
JIVE: “I’d be sticking my hands under scalding hot water right now … Wells looks like he’s contracted several STDs…”
GHEORGHE: “Cane grabs Wells by the hair and yanks him up … Cane spins Wells around, but Wells counters the move and jams his thumb in the eye of ‘Total Carnage!’ .. Wells jumps up, grabs the head of Cane, and slams it into the mat!”
JIVE: “I’m surprised they’ve lasted this long in the ring … I was sure that one of them would have started exploring the outside of the ring by now.”
GHEORGHE: “Jared Wells getting to his feet as is Trevor Cane … and they lock up! Cane easily overpowering Wells …. And he has him in a test of strength move …… now bending the hands of Wells further than I think the human body is willing to allow.”
JULIUS: “Wells grimacing …. Or is he smiling? I can’t really tell with that mug of his.”
GHEORGHE: “Trevor Cane badmouthing Wells … BUT WELLS STARTING TO FIGHT BACK! Wells slowly powering his way back to a steady position! BUT CANE RELEASES THE HOLD AND CLOBBERS WELLS WITH A RIGHT HOOK!”
JIVE: “And down goes the former BAD World Heavyweight champion..”
GHEORGHE: “Trevor Cane struts around his downed opponent … and now starts kicking him! Cane with shot after shot .. and Jared Wells now trying to protect himself from those blows.”
JULIUS: “He’s curling up like a fetus.”
GHEORGHE: “Trevor Cane against the ropes … comes out and drops the leg…. No! Wells moves out of the way and Cane hits the mat.”
JIVE: “And now Cane’s holding his thigh… he could have pulled a hamstring with that whiff.”
GHEORGHE: “Jared Wells using the ropes to get to his feet … and Trevor Cane back up now, too.. Cane starts coming towards Jared Wells.. BUT WELLS WITH A FOREARM SHOT! And another! Trevor Cane being knocked backwards with those shots as Wells keeps ‘em coming… and Wells with a dropkick… SENDS CANE FLYING OVER THE ROPES TO THE SAND BELOW!”
JULIUS: “Now what’s Wells doing?”
GHEORGHE: “Jared Wells grabs onto the top rope … and he hurls himself over the top and splashes Cane!!”
(SFX: Pop.)
GHEORGHE: “Jared Wells laying the fists into the head of Trevor Cane … and now Wells grabs a handful of sand … AND IS SHOVING IT IN THE FACE OF ‘TOTAL CARNAGE!’”
JIVE: “Sand in the eyes is not a pleasant feeling, not at all.”
JULIUS: “Yea, but you’re used to cu..”
GHEORGHE: “AND back to the action … Wells grabs Cane .. and he hits the suplex on the sand …. Now Wells … Wells is grabbing a metal sand bucket!”
JULIUS: “THAT’s THE SCORPION BUCKET!”
GHEORGHE: “No, I don’t think it is, Dean..”
JULIUS: “Damn. Well wake me up when he grabs it.”
JIVE: “New ERA going back to the 1940s or something .. kids nowadays have plastic ones, don’t they?”
GHEORGHE: “Wells lifts the bucket over his head … AND DRILLS IT INTO THE SKULL OF CANE!”
JULIUS: “Between matches with Chaos and Jared Wells, Trevor Cane’s going to be seriously brain damaged, if he’s not already.”
GHEORGHE: “Jared Wells tosses the metal bucket to the side and grabs Cane … and he slams his head into the side of the ring apron! Cane tries to walk away.. but he stumbles in the sand and goes face first into a pile of it!”
(CUTTO: Camera shot of Cane lifting his head .. his face and hair filled with sand thanks to the sweat.)
GHEORGHE: “Cane not making matters any better there …. But Jared Wells … he’s on the ring apron! Wells charges … AND FLIES OFF HITTING THE ELBOW DROP TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD!”
JIVE: “And Cane’s face gets smashed into the sand once more.”
JULIUS: “He’s going to be shitting sand for weeks.”
GHEORGHE: “That’s a picture I did not need to have placed in my head, Dean.”
JULIUS: “What can I say.. it’s a skill I was born with.”
GHEORGHE: “Jared Wells get… no, he’s stopped…”
JIVE: “I think his hand hit something in the sand.”
GHEORGHE: “Jared Wells now digging in the sand … and he uncovers… a metal detector?!”
JIVE: “It’s one of those treasure hunter things!”
GHEORGHE: “Wells now unearthing it completely.. and he’s on his feet! Trevor Cane starting to stir… and Jared Wells now holding the detector like a baseball bat!”
JULIUS: “He’s going to find a pot of gold once he connects with Cane’s head.”
GHEORGHE: “Wells sizing up Cane …. Cane on his feet now and he turns …”
(SFX: POP… then jeers.)
GHEORGHE: “CANE DUCKS! Jared Wells spins around and plops down in the sand!”
JIVE: “He just fell ass first to the sand and the detector fell right at the feet of Trevor Cane!”
GHEORGHE: “Cane picks it up … AND HAMMERS WELLS ACROSS THE BACK WITH IT! Jared Wells arches in pain … AND CANE SMASHES HIM ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT!”
JULIUS: “Did it just beep?”
JIVE: “I think it did!”
JULIUS: “Jared Wells has bling in his teeth! That dog!”
GHEORGHE: “Well, if he did, that shot just knocked it right out! Jared Wells on the sand .. and now Trevor Cane picks him up … Cane hooks him… and nails a belly to back suplex …… OH MY!”
JULIUS: “Wells just got suplexed onto a cactus!”
GHEORGHE: “Jared Wells yelling out in pain as the cactus gets squashed underneath him…. Wells quickly rolls over … and look at the needles from the cactus! They’re in his back!”
JIVE: “Both men now looking worse for wear … Trevor Cane is still trying to wipe the sand off his face.”
(SFX: Fans pop!)
GHEORGHE: “Wells is getting back up! Jared Wells … he looks like a man possessed! Wells turns and sees Cane rubbing the sand out of his eyes..”
(SFX: Jeers!)
GHEORGHE: “CANE THROWS A FIST FULL OF SAND INTO THE FACE OF WELLS! Jared Wells stumbling and braces himself against the ring apron…. And here comes Cane! Cane grabs the treasure detector …”
JIVE: “Batters up!”
(SFX: Clang!)
GHEORGHE: “WELLS DUCKED! Trevor Cane tried to swing the detector into the body of Wells, but Wells instinctively moved, and Cane hit the ring post instead!”
JULIUS: “And he immediately dropped the detector and is trying to shake the pain out of his hands..”
JIVE: “Well, he’ll have to shake the pain out of his head now!”
GHEORGHE: “Jared Wells with a high knee to the upper back of Cane and he sends him face first into the ring post! Jared Wells falls to his knees!”
JULIUS: “You know, you really have to admit … matches like this … the P©X division matches … they’re fucking awesome.”
GHEORGHE: “The PRODIGY© Classic Xtreme Championship .. and the division as a whole, is definitely one of the things that helps define New ERA and its competitiveness… and to think we don’t even know what the champion has in store for Jason Payne later on!”
JIVE: “Wells is going under the ring…”
GHEORGHE: “Jared Wells now lifting the apron to see what’s underneath … Wells pulls out a bucket…. He lifts the top … AND IMMEDIATELY JUMPS BACK!”
JIVE: “I think we found the scorpions!”
GHEORGHE: “Jared Wells now looking up at the referee who just shakes his head and shrugs his shoulders… and now Wells looks over at Cane… BUT HE LOOKS TOO LATE! Trevor Cane with a spear takes Jared Wells down!”
JULIUS: “Wells caught off guard by the bucket of scorpions it seems..”
GHEORGHE: “Trevor Cane lifts up the ring apron … AND HE SCRAMBLES BACKWARDS!”
JIVE: “I don’t think he was expecting to see the scorpions either.”
JULIUS: “Cane now going back underneath the ring … and he has the bucket!”
GHEORGHE: “Trevor Cane stands above Jared Wells …. AND HE DUMPS THE BUCKET ON TOP OF JARED WELLS!”
(SFX: The crowd gasps as about 20 scorpions fall onto the body of Jared Wells.)
GHEORGHE: “OH .. MY .. LORD. Look at all those scorpions!”
(Jared Wells’ head looks down at his chest and he immediately yells and tries to wipe the beings off him.)
JIVE: “Trevor Cane is laughing! Jared Wells … Wells is pissed!”
GHEORGHE: “But Cane not giving him any opportunity as he plants the boot in the skull! Cane steps around the scorpions that are now crawling in the sand … and he … OH MY …. Cane grabbed Wells’ head and just slammed it into one of the scorpions!”
(SFX: A loud yelp. The camera focuses on Jared Wells who lifts his head, a scorpion pinching the side of his cheek. It falls off.)
JULIUS: “That scorpion did NOT like having Wells being sent in his direction…”
JIVE: “Well at least the scorpion survived…”
GHEORGHE: “Trevor Cane reaches down to grab Wells … but Wells has had enough! Jared Wells grabs the tights of Cane … and pulls him forward into the ring post! Cane goes down! Wells now kicking at the scorpions … and now he goes for Cane!”
JIVE: “Cane trying to get away, but the sand isn’t helping him out any..”
GHEORGHE: “Wells grabs onto the arm of Cane… and pulls him back for the short arm clothesline! Wells now looking around the upper ring … and he hesitantly pulls up the ring apron..”
JULIUS: “Who knows what other surprises they have under there…”
GHEORGHE: “Wells coming back out … and .. he has a water canteen?!”
JIVE: “Hey, wrestling is dehydrating…”
GHEORGHE: “Wells pops the top off … and takes a large swig from it… and now douses himself in the rest …”
JULIUS: “Unfortunately for Cane, that may be enough to rejuvenate Wells.”
GHEORGHE: “Jared Wells goes to toss the canteen in the sand … but he stops at the last minute… What is Wells doing? Jared Wells is climbing the ring steps…. And HE CHARGES OFF THE APRON AND SLAMS THE CANTEEN RIGHT INTO THE HEAD OF TREVOR CANE!”
JULIUS: “Dual purpose… always nice to have those types of things in the desert.”
GHEORGHE: “Wells rolls Cane over onto his back … and starts wailing away on ‘Total Carnage’ .. I think by this point all he has to do is roll him in the ring and he will walk out of here victorious.”
JIVE: “What’s the fun in that?!”
GHEORGHE: “Wells now gets up .. and he’s walking over to a cactus!”
JULIUS: “A nice, plump juicy cactus..”
GHEORGHE: “Wells carefully picks it up off the sand … and … he’s waiting for Cane to get back up! Trevor Cane lying on the sand looking very out of it, but Wells patiently waiting.”
JIVE: “Why he’s letting Cane get any rest is beyond me..”
GHEORGHE: “Trevor Cane sitting up now … and he looks absolutely exhausted. Cane slowly getting to his feet … and here comes Wells!”
JULIUS: “Incoming!”
(SFX: Crowd jeers.)
GHEORGHE: “Cane moved! Jared Wells runs into the ring apron and the cactus goes tumbling into the ring!”
JIVE: “More like Cane toppled over… I doubt he voluntarily moved.”
GHEORGHE: “Cane on the sand by the ring steps, and Wells now holding his midsection.. he ran into the side of the ring pretty hard…”
JULIUS: “Bah neither one of these two would last a hot minute in the real desert.”
GHEORGHE: “Wells turns for Cane …”
(SFX: SWOOSH.)
GHEORGHE: “Woah, what was that? Trevor Cane reached under the ring and just tossed something pretty big at Wells, but luckily Wells avoided it..”
(Wells looks back, in the sand we see a small log standing upright.)
GHEORGHE: “What the hell…”
(Wells turns back to Cane..)
GHEORGHE: “AND WELLS DOESN’T MOVE OUT OF THE WAY OF THE SECOND! Jared Wells just plunked right in the face with a second of those logs…”
JIVE: “Trevor Cane was trying to give Wells those logs to build a campfire, but once more Wells fucks everything up.”
GHEORGHE: “Cane grabs onto the side of the ring apron and lifts himself up … and now he’s walking over to Wells… Cane lifts Wells up and whips him into the ring apron! Cane now … rolls Wells into the ring!”
JULIUS: “Finally these two are heading back inside.”
GHEORGHE: “Trevor Cane rolls into the ring after Wells … and he stomps on the back of Wells. Cane now picks up his opponent … and he sends him into the ropes …. Cane with the hiptoss … NO! Wells blocks it! Cane tries again …. Still a no go! Jared Wells with a thumb to the eye!”
JIVE: “And just like that Trevor Cane’s momentum was stopped… WHAT THE HELL?”
(SFX: Crowd gasps.)
GHEORGHE: “JARED WELLS IS HOLDING A SCORPION BY ITS TAIL! WELLS HAS A SCORPION IN THE RING WITH HIM!”
JULIUS: “Where the hell did he get that?!”
GHEORGHE: “Who knows! They were sent scattered amongst the sand earlier … Jared Wells grabs ‘Total Carnage’… No… NO!”
(SFX: CROWD POPS HUGE.)
GHEORGHE: “JARED WELLS PULLS THE FRONT OF CANE’s TIGHTS OPEN …… MY GOD HE JUST DROPPED THE SCORPION DOWN THE TIGHTS OF TREVOR CANE!”
(Trevor Cane’s eyes open wide and he starts yelling in pain!)
JULIUS: “I LOVE IT.”
GHEORGHE: “Trevor Cane is running around the ring like a bat out of hell trying to get the scorpion out of his trunks ….. and now .. Jared Wells has the cactus from earlier!”
JIVE: “And he’s going up top!”
GHEORGHE: “What is he doing?!”
JULIUS: “I have no clue, but he’s got that cactus in his hands … and he’s standing on the to…”
(SFX: CROWD POPS.)
GHEORGHE: “JARED WELLS LEAPS OFF THE TOP ROPE WITH THE CACTUS …..”
(SFX: Crowd explodes.)
GHEORGHE: “JESUS …. JARED WELLS JUST SLAMMED THE CACTUS ON TOP OF CANE’s HEAD!!!”
JIVE: “CANE HAS A CACTUS ON HIS HEAD AND A SCORPION IN HIS PANTS!”
(CUTTO: Front picture of Trevor Cane. His head inside the cactus. In an almost slow motion shot, Cane falls backwards, his whole body hitting the mat.)
GHEORGHE: “Cane is down! He might be out! Jared Wells … Wells making the cover! ONE ………….. TWO ……………………. THREE!!! JARED WELLS WINS!! JARED WELLS WINS!!!”
(SFX: Bell rings as the fans pop huge.)
JACOBS: “The winner of this match via pinfall …… JARED …. WELLS!”
GHEORGHE: “Jared Wells can hardly stand …. But the referee raising his hand anyway … and look at Cane … He is lying in the middle of the ring …. With a cactus on his head…. I can’t believe this.. insane.”
JIVE: “Welcome to New ERA, Gheorghe… and to think that we still have the PRODIGY© Xtreme Championship match coming up… It’s just going to get better!”
GHEORGHE: “Ladies and gentlemen, Jared Wells victorious in this Desert Death match here at BANNED in the US …. And we have so much more to go on this pay per view… coming up next … we have what should be another interesting match … a WALK the PLANK match … between John Doe and ‘the Dark Phenom’ Nakita Dahaka… Dahaka has only been in New ERA for a short bit .. but she and Doe have already caused each other plenty of problems … and tonight … one of them is going to be going overboard.”
