JACOBS: “The following match is scheduled as an OVER THE TOP BATTLE ROYAL … with a new competitor joining the fray EVERY NINETY SECONDS …. And the winner will walk home with the NEW ERA OF WRESTLING TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing the man who drew number ONE………”
(CUEUP: ‘Pistol Grip Pump’ by Rage Against the Machine. The crowd explodes as ‘Rage o Fire’ Jared Wells walks out from the curtain holding the BAD World Title and wearing a “L.O.V.E.” shirt from the WFW.)
GHEORGHE: “ITS JARED WELLS!! JARED WELLS DREW #1!!”
JIVE: “Wells is going to have a tough time lasting to the end … but I know he can do it! Maybe he can unify the BAD World championship and the New ERA Television championship!”
LaROQUE: “I doubt that, Nick.”
JACOBS: “And now introducing the man who drew number TWOOOOOOOO….”
(CUEUP: ‘Battery’ by Metallica as the arena lights dim and the spotlight hits the curtains as the crowd explodes!! ‘The Crippler’ Cameron Cruise steps through the curtains and walks to the ring with purpose!)
JIVE: “CRUISE IS NUMBER TWO!”
GHEORGHE: “Cameron Cruise in his first New ERA event … and he has the DAUNTING task of outlasting everyone to get to the Television championship!”
LaROQUE: “If there is anyone who can outlast the entire roster, it’d be Cruise. He’s a fantastic wrestler and definitely an asset to the team.”
GHEORGHE: “Cruise steps through the ropes … AND WE ARE READY TO RUMBLE!”
JIVE: “I’d be careful, Tom .. we don’t want to be sued.”
(SFX: Bell rings. As it does, Jared Wells takes the microphone from Carl Jacobs as he leaves the ring.)
JIVE: “Wait a minute! Jared Wells just grabbed the microphone!”
GHEORGHE: “Oh great. He may be able to get away with murder in the WFW, but now he’s taking his lawlessness to New ERA.”
WELLS: “Wait a god damn minute.”
(SFX: Crowd boos.)
LaROQUE: “Well, if we wait a minute and a half, another person will be down here!”
WELLS: “You know what I think .. I think this is a bunch of SHIT.”
(SFX: Crowd jeers louder.)
WELLS: “I get a call 48 hours before this show starts telling me that I am on the card… FOURTY EIGHT FUCKING HOURS. How the hell am I supposed to prepare for something like this with FOURTY EIGHT FUCKING HOURS NOTICE?”
GHEORGHE: “Wells only had 48 hours notice?”
LaROQUE: “He needs to check his voice mail more often.”
WELLS: “So, you know, I decided ‘Hey .. I’ll give them what they want .. the BUY RATE … and I’ll show up to this shit show … so I can grab my paycheck and go back where I belong … the SPOTLIGHT.”
JIVE: “Cameron Cruise is stopped in his tracks .. he doesn’t know what to do.”
LaROQUE: “Wells better start wrestling or else he’s going to have some hell to pay.”
WELLS: “So I made my appearance … I am in the BattleBRAWL rumble.. so now I’m going to go back to Chicago … because that’s where the big pay check is … so to all you out there expecting me to break into a sweat busting my balls for this Television championship I got two words for ya… FUCK YOU!”
(Wells drops the microphone as the crowd explodes with jeers… Jared Wells then flips off Cameron Cruise and hops over the top rope and hops to the ground … eliminating himself.)
GHEORGHE: “JARED WELLS JUST HOPPED OVER THE TOP ROPE AND ELIMINATED HIMSELF!”
JIVE: “Well that’s one less man Cruise has to go through …”
LaROQUE: “Oh, he’ll hear from me later …”
GHEORGHE: “Jared Wells walking up the rampway with his BAD World Heavyweight championship .. and he’s off to go to Chicago to the WFW event … and I can’t believe this .. Jared Wells has gone and we are already one man down!”
JIVE: “Well… uh…”
CROWD: “TEN! NINE! EIGHT! SEVEN! SIX! FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! ONE!”
GHEORGHE: “We’re about to see who drew number three and will come in the ring against Cameron Cruise for the REAL start of the BattleBRAWL rumble …”
(SFX: BUZZ!!!)
JIVE: “IT’S ALISTER HAYZE!!!”
(Alister Hayze runs down the rampway and slides into the ring!)
GHEORGHE: “Alister Hayze drew number three and him and Cameron Cruise immediately go at it!”
LaROQUE: “Either one of those two would make a fine Television champion .. but the luck of the draw wasn’t with them it seems.”
GHEORGHE: “Hayze and Cruise meet up in the middle of the ring and they’re trading lefts and rights …. Hayze with a couple … now Cruise with a couple … AND CAMERON CRUISE GETTING THE UPPERHAND AND KNOCKING HAYZE CLOSER AND CLOSER TO THE ROPES!”
JIVE: “Dump his ass over the top rope!”
LaROQUE: “Hayze doesn’t want to go out this early … it’d be humiliating.”
GHEORGHE: “Hayze now resting on the ropes trying to protect himself from getting dumped over …….. AND CRUISE GOES FOR THE LEGS!! Cameron Cruise has Alister Hayze up … BUT HAYZE FIGHTING FOR HIS LIFE!!! Alister Hayze with an elbow to the head of Cameron Cruise and Cruise let’s go.”
JIVE: “I was hoping he’d catch him off guard and chuck him over!”
GHEORGHE: “AND NOW HAYZE WITH CRUISE TRYING TO DUMP HIM OVER THE TOP!”
JIVE: “If Alister Hayze dumps Cameron Cruise over the top rope … he’s going to have to answer to Beau Michaels-Cruise!”
LaROQUE: “I’ve been hearing there’s a little bit of trouble in the house of Michaels-Cruise as of late …”
GHEORGHE: “You mean there’s a problem in the menoige-a-trois?”
LaROQUE: “Something of the sort…. But Cruise not budging so Hayze is forced to let go of the attempt…”
GHEORGHE: “Alister Hayze now with Cameron … and he drives his head into the turnbuckle pad …. Hayze now with an irish whip ….. CRUISE WITH THE REVERSAL AND HE SENDS ALISTER HAYZE INTO THE OPPOSITE CORNER!”
LaROQUE: “Hayze hit the corner so hard he almost flipped out of the ring!”
JIVE: “Luck just isn’t on OUR side it seems.”
GHEORGHE: “Cruise now walking over to Hayze who is in the corner …. BUT HAYZE WITH A MULE KICK RIGHT INTO CRUISE’s NUTS ….. HAYZE HAS CRUISE BY THE HAIR …. AND HE TOSSES HIM OVER THE… NO! Cruise holds on and Hayze can’t get him over!!”
CROWD: “TEN! NINE! EIGHT! SEVEN! SIX! FIVE!”
JIVE: “Another one’s coming in! WHO IS IT?!”
CROWD: “TWO! ONE!”
(SFX: BUZZ!!)
GHEORGHE: “It’s THE PHANTOM REPUBLICAN!!!”
LaROQUE: “Wow.. all these guys who I thought had the best chance of winning this thing are all coming down in the early rounds…”
JIVE: “I bet you had something to do with this!”
LaROQUE: “Juliet ran the drawings, Nick …”
GHEORGHE: “The Phantom Republican rolls into the ring … AND HE COMES UP FROM BEHIND ALISTER HAYZE AND DECKS HIM IN THE MIDSECTION! Hayze has to let go of Cruise …. AND NOW THE PHANTOM REPUBLICAN IS TRYING TO DUMP CRUISE OVER THE TOP ROPE!”
JIVE: “No! They should work together as a team and get rid of Hayze, that Rabesque-loving imbecile!”
GHEORGHE: “Alister Hayze now back up … AND HE WHIPS PHANTOM REPUBLICAN AROUND …. AND DROPKICKS HIM INTO CAMERON CRUISE!! CRUISE GOES OVER THE TOP ROPE!!!”
LaROQUE: “But he slides in underneath the bottom rope, Tom! Cameron Cruise lucky that he had a good grip on the ropes.”
GHEORGHE: “Alister Hayze now with a kick to the midsection of the Phantom Republican … and he picks him up …. AND PILEDRIVES HIM TO THE MAT! Alister Hayze gets to his feet … BUT CAMERON CRUISE LOCKS HIM IN ….. AND GERMAN SUPLEXES HIM TO THE MAT!”
JIVE: “Cruise should start tossing these guys while they’re down before someone else comes in!”
GHEORGHE: “Cruise picks up Alister Hayze and brings him over to the corner …. AND CRUISE TRYING TO GET HAYZE OVER THE TOP ROPE BUT ALISTER HAYZE IS CLINGING TO THE TURNBUCKLE FOR DEAR LIFE!”
LaROQUE: “The Phantom Republican is up!”
GHEORGHE: “AND NOW THE PHANTOM REPUBLICAN OVER TRYING TO DUMP BOTH CRUISE AND HAYZE!!!”
CROWD: “TEN! NINE! EIGHT! SEVEN! SIX! FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! ONE!”
(SFX: BUZZ!)
JIVE: “WHO’S NEXT?!”
LaROQUE: “Not Goldberg, I can tell ya that!”
GHEORGHE: “THE MESSENGER IS COMING TO RINGSIDE!”
JIVE: “Trevor Cane slowly walking to the ring … and I think he’s got a good gameplan here. Let those three tire each other out … and then come in and dump ‘em all.”
GHEORGHE: “Alister Hayze rakes the eyes of Cameron Cruise …. And now Cruise falls on top of the Phantom Republican!! FINALLY Trevor Cane makes it to the ring and he walks up the stairs…”
LaROQUE: “Alister Hayze sees him.”
GHEORGHE: “HAYZE OVER …. AND HE GRABS TREVOR CANE BY THE HAIR AND YANKS HIM INTO THE RING!”
JIVE: “He can’t do that!!”
LaROQUE: “Well, he can do whatever he wants.. there’s no disqualification in a battle royal.”
GHEORGHE: “Alister Hayze has Trevor Cane in one corner … and the Phantom Republican has Cameron Cruise in the other …. AND THEY BOTH IRISH WHIP THEM INTO THE CENTER OF THE RING ………… AND CAMERON CRUISE JUST CLOTHESLINED TREVOR CANE!”
JIVE: “BUT ALISTER HAYZE JUST CHARGED IN AFTERWARDS AND TOOK OUT CRUISE!”
LaROQUE: “AND THE PHANTOM REPUBLICAN JUST TOOK OUT HAYZE WITH A CLOTHESLINE!”
GHEORGHE: “The Phantom Republican the only man standing in the ring right now after a succession of clotheslines by each man took them out.”
JIVE: “The Phantom Republican is shaking his finger at them for being so stupid!”
GHEORGHE: “The Phantom Republican now picking up Alister Hayze … and he locks him in … AND SUPLEXES HIM TO THE MAT!”
LaROQUE: “I’m sure the Phantom Republican is going to make Hayze pay for that piledriver earlier … you can’t recover from one of those in a battle royal very easily.”
GHEORGHE: “Cameron Cruise getting up now as well as Trevor Cane … Cruise walking over towards the Phantom Republican .. BUT CANE GRABS HIS ARM! Cane brings him in and doubles him over with a kick to the gut …. BUT THE PHANTOM REPUBLICAN LEVELS TREVOR CANE WITH A CLOTHESLINE! Cruise shoots his head back up …. AND THE PHANTOM REPUBLICAN CHARGES HIM WITH A CLOTHESLINE ….”
LaROQUE: “Cruise ducked!”
GHEORGHE: “CRUISE DUCKS AND THE PHANTOM REPUBLICAN RUNS RIGHT INTO ALISTER HAYZE AND THEY BOTH HIT THE MAT!”
JIVE: “ Alister Hayze gets in everybody’s way!”
GHEORGHE: “Cameron Cruise now picks up Trevor Cane …. And he is trying to toss him over the top rope … but Cane has got his bottom leg wrapped…”
LaROQUE: “Cruise won’t be able to get him like that.”
GHEORGHE: “Cruise lets go of Cane and turns around and now he grabs the Phantom Republican … Cameron Cruise with the Phantom Republican …. AND HE DDT’s him to the mat!”
JIVE: “It’s that time again!!!”
CROWD: “TEN! NINE! EIGHT! SEVEN! SIX! FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! ONE!”
(SFX: BUZZ!!!)
GHEORGHE: “Jack Durden!”
JIVE: “A first look at one of the newcomers to New ERA.”
LaROQUE: “This guy has a lot of talent. I just hope that the BattleBRAWL rumble is the right place to showcase it!”
GHEORGHE: “Durden enters the ring … AND HE GOES RIGHT AFTER CAMERON CRUISE!! Durden grabs Cruise …. AND FACEPLANTS HIM INTO THE MAT!”
JIVE: “Durden went right after Cruise .. he probably considers him the biggest threat in that ring right now.”
LaROQUE: “Every man in that ring is a threat, Nick.”
GHEORGHE: “Durden now on top of Cameron Cruise and he is beating him silly! Alister Hayze is up … he starts walking towards Durden … but stops!”
JIVE: “He is letting Durden have his fun!”
GHEORGHE: “Hayze turns his attention to Trevor Cane! Hayze with Cane …. And he sends him flying into the corner! ALISTER HAYZE OVER THERE AND HE CLIMBS ON THE SECOND TURNBUCKLE AND STARTS NAILING CANE IN THE FACE WITH CLOSED FISTS!”
LaROQUE: “That’s not the place where I’d want to be right now if I were Hayze!”
CROWD: “ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE!”
JIVE: “Hey they’re counting the wrong way!”
GHEORGHE: “No one’s coming in, Nick .. they’re counting the punches.”
JIVE: “Oh.”
CROWD: “SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! TEN!”
GHEORGHE: “Alister Hayze hops off Trevor Cane …. CANE STUMBLES OUT OF THE CORNER …. AND FALLS FLAT ON HIS FACE!”
JIVE: “And the Phantom Republican is now over to Jack Durden!”
GHEORGHE: “The Phantom Republican grabs Durden’s head …. And YANKS HIM OFF CRUISE!! The Phantom Republican brings Durden to his feet and TRIES TO DUMP HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE!! REPUBLICAN ALMOST HAS DURDEN OVER THE TOP ……….. BUT HERE COMES ALISTER HAYZE AND HAYZE RAKES THE BACK OF THE PHANTOM REPUBLICAN!”
LaROQUE: “Looks like Durden is spared for now.”
CROWD: “TEN! NINE! EIGHT!”
JIVE: “Wait! There’s no one being punched!”
LaROQUE: “Someone’s coming in ….”
JIVE: “ARGH! Stop confusing me!”
CROWD: “FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! ONE!”
(SFX: BUZZ!!)
GHEORGHE: “And its … its …”
JIVE: “THE MICHAEL JACKSON OF NEW ERA!”
LaROQUE: “Peter File is prancing down the rampway, Tom!”
GHEORGHE: “Peter File enters the ring … and he is sizing up each guy in there!”
JIVE: “There are six men in the ring now, guys … this is starting to get crowded!”
GHEORGHE: “Peter File walks over to Cameron Cruise …. AND CRUISE TURNS AROUND AND LOOKS ANNOYED!”
JIVE: “I think he’s jealous!”
LaROQUE: “Why would he be jealous, Nick?”
JIVE: “BECAUSE FILE WAS INVOLVED IN A PORNO WITH HIS HUSBAND!”
GHEORGHE: “Oh stop it! Cruise turns back around …. AND PETER FILE JUST SLAPPED HIM ON THE ASS!”
LaROQUE: “Uh oh!”
GHEORGHE: “CAMERON CRUISE SPINS AROUND ………….. AND HE JUST KICKED PETER FILE IN THE BALLS AS HARD AS HE COULD! Cruise grabs File by the hair ……….. AND HE TOSSES HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE!!! PETER FILE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!”
LaROQUE: “He only lasted about 30 seconds!”
JIVE: “That’s something VERY unusual for him, too!”
GHEORGHE: “Cameron Cruise now turns around …. AND TREVOR CANE CHARGES AT HIM!!! BUT CAMERON CRUISE DROPS TO THE MAT AND GRABS THE TOP ROPE…………. AND TREVOR CANE FLIES OVER THE TOP ROPE!”
JIVE: “CANE JUST LANDED ON TOP OF FILE AS HE WAS GETTING UP!”
LaROQUE: “And both of his feet touched the floor … so Cameron Cruise just eliminated both Peter File and Trevor Cane within seconds of each other!”
GHEORGHE: “And like THAT we are back down to four men as the referee is escorting both men to the back!”
JIVE: “So much for Trevor Cane walking out of here with the championship..”
GHEORGHE: “Cruise back to his feet … AND JACK DURDEN GRABS HIS LEGS AND TRIES TO DUMP HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE!”
JIVE: “Cruise is spread out on the ropes … all Durden needs is a little push and Cruise will be eliminated!”
LaROQUE: “The Phantom Republican now comes up behind Jack Durden …. AND HE GRABS HIM BY THE HAIR!”
GHEORGHE: “Durden releases Cruise and Cruise falls back into the ring …. THE PHANTOM REPUBLICAN DROPS TO THE MAT AND NAILS DURDEN WITH A REVERSE NECKBREAKER!”
JIVE: “Jack Durden has been a whipping boy so far in this match … I’m waiting to see his skills.”
GHEORGHE: “Alister Hayze now over to the Phantom Republican … he grabs the Phantom Republican …. BUT THE PHANTOM REPUBLICAN RAKES THE EYES OF HAYZE!! He bounces off the ropes …. AND DRIVES THE ELBOW INTO THE FACE OF ALISTER HAYZE!”
CROWD: “TEN! NINE! EIGHT! SEVEN! SIX! FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! ONE!”
(SFX: BUZZ!!)
LaROQUE: “It is Legend Killer!!”
GHEORGHE: “Legend Killer is 6’3, 299 pounds of pure muscle..”
JIVE: “And he gets in the ring and grabs the Phantom Republican!”
GHEORGHE: “LEGEND KILLER ….. IS BENCH PRESSING THE PHANTON REPUBLICAN ABOVE HIS HEAD … AND HE IS GOING TO TOSS THE PHANTOM REPUBLICAN OUT OF THE RING!!!”
JIVE: “He’s got him over there!”
LaROQUE: “NO!!!”
GHEORGHE: “CAMERON CRUISE CAME UP FROM BEHIND LEGEND KILLER AND CLIPS HIS KNEE …… AND THE PHANTOM REPUBLICAN FALLS RIGHT ON TOP OF THE CHEST OF THE LEGEND KILLER!”
JIVE: “ Alister Hayze now over and he spears Cameron Cruise to the mat! Alister Hayze now grabs the leg of Cameron Cruise and he drags him to the ropes..”
GHEORGHE: “AND HAYZE DROPS DOWN FULL FORCE ON THE KNEE OF CAMERON CRUISE!”
LaROQUE: “Hayze starting to work on the knee … he knows that an incapacitated Cruise won’t be able to eliminate anyone else!”
GHEORGHE: “Hayze AGAIN drops down on the leg of Cameron Cruise and Cruise cringes as his knee is being forced in the wrong direction…. The Phantom Republican now up as is Legend Killer …. Legend Killer swings at Republican … but Republican ducks and grabs the head of The Legend Killer … AND DROPS HIM DOWN WITH A JAWBREAKER!! The Phantom Republican picks up the Legend Killer and TOSSES HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE!”
JIVE: “But Legend Killer holds on and is on the outside apron!”
GHEORGHE: “The Phantom Republican grabs Legend Killer’s head again …. BUT LEGEND KILLER POKES HIM IN THE EYE …….. AND HE IS TRYING TO PULL THE PHANTOM REPUBLICAN OVER THE TOP ROPE!”
LaROQUE: “If I were Legend Killer I’d be getting back in the ring …”
GHEORGHE: “Legend Killer has The Phantom Republican almost over …. Alister Hayze now has Cameron Cruise to his feet …. He picks him up by the leg …. AND DROPS HIS LEG DOWN ON HIS KNEE! Cruise now hopping around on one foot … AND HAYZE TAKES HIM DOWN WITH A CLOTHESLINE!”
JIVE: “And Legend Killer is back in the ring!”
GHEORGHE: “Legend Killer back in the ring .. and while he was stepping through the ropes, the Phantom Republican also gets back in!”
LaROQUE: “Smart move by both men!”
GHEORGHE: “Alister Hayze now over to the Legend Killer …… and he irish whips him into the ropes …. Hayze against the opposite ropes …. AND HE CONNECTS WITH A FLYING FOREARM THAT SENDS THE LEGEND KILLER TO THE MAT!”
JIVE: “The Phantom Republican has Cameron Cruise …. AND HE’s TRYING TO TOSS HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE!”
CROWD: “TEN! NINE! EIGHT! SEVEN! SIX! FIVE!”
GHEORGHE: “Alister Hayze turns and sees Phantom Republican trying to eliminate Cameron Cruise … AND HE IS PISSED!”
CROWD: “FOUR! THREE! TWO!”
JIVE: “LEGEND KILLER BACK UP!”
CROWD: “ONE!”
(SFX: BUZZ!)
JIVE: “AND LEGEND KILLER PUSHES HAYZE RIGHT INTO CRUISE AND PHANTOM REPUBLICAN AND THEY BOTH FLY OVER THE TOP ROPE!”
(SFX: Crowd pops huge!)
