(FADEIN: Standing in the middle of the ring is Acting President Marcus LaRoque. He has a microphone in one hand.)
JIVE: “Well you guys missed what happened. As soon as that match ended, Marcus LaRoque flew down to the ring like a bat out of hell and got a microphone from the ringside attendant.”
GHEORGHE: “That’s so true, Nick. LaRoque has been waiting for the cameras to turn back on from the commercial break, and I think now that he realizes they’re on he’s going to take center stage.”
(CUTTO: LaRoque standing in the center of the ring.)
LaROQUE: “Well what else should I have suspected from Doc Silver? The guy goes and decides that he isn’t ‘opening match’ material.”
(The crowd boos.)
GHEORGHE: “The crowd showing their dissatisfaction for Doc Silver’s absence last match …”
LaROQUE: “Well don’t you worry. Because next RAUCOUS .. when we have the first four matches of the Television title SUDDEN DEATH round .. (smiles) well … Doc Silver will have to contend with the man that he stood up here tonight, TREVOR CANE!”
(Crowd pops)
JIVE: “What does LaRoque think he’s doing? You think Cane is going to be able to handle Silver one on one? This is a guy who couldn’t even beat Cross and Renaissance Man here tonight, forget about the GOD of WRESTLING!”
LaROQUE: “So if Doc has any sensibility .. any determination to hold a title here in New ERA .. well then he’ll show up. And when he does, I’m sure Trevor Cane will greet him with as much enthusiasm as I plan to meet him with as soon as I see him!”
(LaRoque throws down the mic and exits the ring. CUTTO: To the announcer’s table. Tom Gheorghe and Nick Jive are both sitting there.)
JIVE: “Well that’s ridiculous!”
GHEORGHE: “I think its perfectly fair, Nick. Giving Cane a chance to get some revenge on Doc Silver for making him fight alone. What would have happened if Cane had won that match, Nick?”
JIVE: “He would have proven some worth to Doc and then Doc would’ve taken care of the team for the rest of the tournament.”
GHEORGHE: “I’ve heard some pretty asinine things in my life, Nick, but I think that had to be one of the biggest. Doc would’ve sailed on Trevor Cane’s coattails, reaping the benefits while Cane does all the work.”
JIVE: “And that’s wrong, how?”
GHEORGHE: “I don’t know about you, but I want someone with respectability as our first World Champion.”
JIVE: “And I want Doc as our first World Champion.. what’s the difference?”
GHEORGHE: “I think Doc proved tonight that one, he won’t be our first World Champion .. and second, that he is definitely not respectable. But let’s stop dwelling on what just transpired and let’s focus on the next match, which should be chalk full of action … from all four competitors!”
JIVE: “Yawn…”
GHEORGHE: “Let’s once more go back to Carl Jacobs who is standing in the ring waiting for the competitors to come down to ringside!”
(CUTTO: The rampway. The lineup for the next matchup shows on the bottom of the screen.)
(CUTTO: Ringside where Carl Jacobs raises his hand to signal he’s ready.)
JACOBS: “The following match up is for one fall and is the second match in BATTLE BOWL MANIA!!”
(Crowd pops)
JACOBS: “Introducing first …”
(CUEUP: “Only Happy When It Rains” by Garbage.)
JACOBS: “From PRINCETON, New Jersey. He stands 6’2” and weighs 215 pounds… ‘GENTLEMAN’ … JONATHAN MARX!”
(CUEUP: Marx comes to the ring. After taking some time he finally enters the ring.)
JACOBS: “And his partner …”
(CUEUP: ‘Sigur 1’ by Sigur Ros.. Peter File and Lilly come down the rampway. File tries to lick some of the fans’ faces on the way down.)
JACOBS: “Being led to the ring by his manager …. From New Haven, Connecticut … PETER FILE!!”
(CUEUP: ‘In the End’ by Linkin Park. The lights dim and then go out completely. The only things visible are the glowing items in the crowd. Then, In The End by Linkin Park plays loudly and powerfully as two huge silver pyros explode on stage. The gigantic Titantron flashes images of Pyro, his amazing moves, gore filled images, and clips from some of Pyros past, decimating matches. Then from behind the curtain steps the monster that is known as Pyro. A single silver spot light shines on Pyro as he stands atop of the stage. He walks so mysteriously you cant help but wonder what hes thinking. The spotlight continues to hover above him as he moves, and five spot lights are going throughout the crowd. His head is hung low. The fans boo him, due to their ignorance of who or what this man is. Silver pyro drop from the bottom of the gigantic Titantron, as Pyro makes his way to the ring, all the while, with the silver spotlights panning through the crowd.)
JACOBS: “And the first of their competitors.. Weighing in at 295 pounds .. from BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS …. PYRO!”
JIVE: “WAIT A MINUTE!!”
GHEORGHE: “Jared Wells has just ATTACKED Pyro from behind!”
JIVE: “This kid is an idiot! Doesn’t he want to win?”
(SFX: Bell rings)
GHEORGHE: “And this one is underway .. but with partners going at it! Jared Wells whips Pyro RIGHT INTO THE GUARDRAIL!! Pyro hits HEADFIRST!!”
JIVE: “Jared Wells must have taken a few drinks from the stupid fountain today. He has gone and knocked his partner unconscious!”
GHEORGHE: “And now Jared Wells looks wild-eyed into the ring at Peter File and Jonathan Marx!! Wells runs down into the ring and slides in… and now he’s getting kicked by both Marx and File! File picks up Jared Wells … he throws him into the ropes … WELLS WITH A CLOTHESLINE, no WAIT! FILE DUCKED and WELLS continues running … RIGHT INTO A MARX DROPKICK! MARX WITH THE COVER .. ONE …. KICKOUT!”
JIVE: “Man, Jared Wells’ momentum and rage almost cost him the match.”
GHEORGHE: “Marx had a perfectly executed dropkick but Jared Wells was not caught enough off guard for Marx to get the pinfall. Pyro is still on the ground, although he seems to be showing some signs of life has he has his hand over his face. Peter File is begging Jonathan Marx to be the first to get at Wells, and Marx basically has said go for it!”
JIVE: “File certainly is a character. I feel as if I’d almost like him, if I weren’t so scared of him!”
GHEORGHE: “I’m not sure who I am more scared of. Lilly or Peter File. Lilly looks like she is just asking for trouble with her little school girl outfit …”
JIVE: “Definitely.. that school girl outfit.. those skinny legs …. That skirt riding high on her ass … those beautiful ti..”
GHEORGHE: “HEY! We don’t need any fines from the watchdog groups.. File walks over to Jared Wells and picks him up. File with some European uppercuts to the head of Wells. Wells is reeling and File walks up behind him.. hooks the waist …”
(Crowd gives some cheap heat)
JIVE: “OH MY GOD! Peter File ran his hands up to the chest of Jared Wells and pinched his nipples!!!”
GHEORGHE: “Wells spins himself around to defend himself, only to get caught in a bear hug …. NOW FILE IS BURYING HIS HEAD INTO WELLS’ CHEST!! GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT HE’s DOING!!!”
JIVE: “I think he’s trying to give some more special attention to Rage o’ Fire’s nipples!!!”
GHEORGHE: “And now Peter File drops him down and rearranges his hands …. BELLY to BELLY SUPLEX! Peter File walks over to Jonathan Marx and extends his hand. Marx looks at him a little oddly before tagging in. Marx walks over to Jared Wells and locks his legs up ….. CATAPULTING HIM RIGHT INTO THE TURNBUCKLE!! Wells is resting in the corner and here comes Jonathan Marx! Marx hopping onto Wells…. MONKEYFLIP AND JARED WELLS FLIES ONTO THE MAT!!”
JIVE: “Jonathan Marx using very elementary moves. I thought this guy was supposed to be something of a technical genius?”
GHEORGHE: “In order to show your prowess you need to master the basic maneuvers. While the monkey flip and catapult are amongst the basics, Marx utilizes them perfectly. Speaking of ‘the Gentleman’ he has now locked Jared Wells in a reverse chin lock and is bending back to try to make Wells submit.”
JIVE: “It looks like his partner has finally gotten some sense back into him… Pyro has finally made it to his feet and is looking around. He looks into the ring and sees Jared Wells in the reverse chin lock.. and NOW HE’s CHARGING THE RING!”
GHEORGHE: “Maybe he realizes that Wells attacked him before the match started!! Pyro slides into the ring … and walks behind JONATHAN MARX!! Pyro trying to work his hands around the neck of Jonathan Marx and Marx is yelling for help! Peter File has entered the ring and is now beating on the back of Pyro!”
JIVE: “Why isn’t the referee getting through to any of these people? Only Marx and Wells are the legal men!”
GHEORGHE: “The ref is trying to get File to get out of the ring but File isn’t listening and it doesn’t look like he’s getting any attention from Pyro!”
(Crowd groans)
GHEORGHE: “And File dropped to his knees and introduced his left fist to Pyro’s groin! Pyro is doubled over … FILE WITH A RUNNING BULLDOG!! PETER FILE NOW WITH A BOW AND ARROW ON PYRO!!! The ref is focusing so much on Peter File and Pyro that he doesn’t even see LILLY ON THE APRON!! Tiffany is yelling for Marx to bring Wells over!!”
JIVE: “I always knew that Lilly was a great piece of as.. er, work. I mean, she has a huge ass … errr she’s a huge asset to Peter File and Jonathan Marx… yea..”
GHEORGHE: “Once you get your tongue back into your mouth, we can talk about Tiffany.. Marx bringing Wells closer…. LILLY CLIMBS TO THE TOP ROPE!! SHE FLIES OFF BUT WELLS MOVES!!! LILLY HITS JONATHAN MARX FULL FORCE AND THEY BOTH GO DOWN!!!”
JIVE: “Now if only Wells could get over to cover Marx while he’s stunned this match will be over. But I don’t think he knows where he is..”
GHEORGHE: “Lilly rolls out of the ring just as the ref gets Pyro and Peter File to the outside and now he turns around and sees both Jared Wells and Jonathan Marx lying on the mat! He walks over to Marx and then to Wells.. now he’s applying the count to both!”
REF: “ONE …. TWO ….. THREE…”
JIVE: “Both Marx and Wells are starting to stir..”
REF: “FOUR …. FIV..”
GHEORGHE: “Marx to his feet stops the count. Marx looks for Peter File in the corner to tag out to, but File is still on the outside!! WELLS COMES BEHIND MARX WITH A ROLLUP …. ONE … TWO and MARX KICKS OUT!!”
JIVE: “Funny, I always thought it’d be File who came from behind…”
GHEORGHE: “I’m not even going to dignify that with a comment, Nick.. Wells finally trying to get the upperhand here in the match. Wells with some knees to the stomach. Marx is doubled over .. Wells locks him up… PUMPHANDLE SLAM! Now Jared Wells is going to the corner.. he’s on the second rope .. WELLS WITH A SECOND ROPE LEG DROP! He covers Marx… ONE ….. TWO …… THR – FILE MAKES THE SAVE!”
JIVE: “File came out of nowhere to breakup that pinfall.”
GHEORGHE: “File now to the outside as Marx gets up quickly to tag him in. Jared Wells walks over and tags him Pyro who just got onto the apron himself. Pyro must enter the ring. Peter File walks over to Pyro and they lock up. File with a go behind … but Pyro headbutts him from behind before File can feel him up as he did Wells! Pyro spins around and nails File with a left hand and FILE HITS THE MAT! Pyro now grabs File by the leg …. And drops the elbow!”
JIVE: “I don’t even think Pyro realized he saved himself from molestation … he was knocked out while File and Wells had their get together earlier.”
GHEORGHE: “That’s true, Nick… Pyro now picks up File and is bringing him to the corner! He puts File there and is now driving the knee repeatedly into the midsection of Peter File! PYRO NOW PLACES FILE ON THE TOP TURNBUCKLE ….. HE GRABS HIS HEAD …. OH MY LORD, A STUNNER FROM THE TOP TURNBUCKLE AND FILE’s HEAD JUST POPS OFF THE APRON!! Pyro with the cover … ONE ……. TWO …… THRREEEE !! NOOOO!!! Jonathan MARX makes the save!!”
JIVE: “Jesus Christ, Pyro practically incapacitated File there. There was no way he was getting up after that move!”
GHEORGHE: “Pyro now grabs Jonathan Marx by the hair AND HE TOSSES HIM THROUGH THE ROPES! Pyro walks over and tags in Jared Wells and Wells runs over to Peter File. He’s SLAPPING HIM IN THE FACE!!! Jared Wells now picks up Peter File …. JUMPING PILEDRIVER!! WELLS WITH THE COVER! ONE … TWO …. AND FILE KICKS OUT! What determination shown here by File!”
JIVE: “He’s showing he’s more than just a quick fuc…”
GHEORGHE: “If you don’t stop it, I’m going to cut out your tongue…”
JIVE: “Ladies and gentlemen, you heard it hear first …. Tom Gheorghe is a masochist who gets his sexual kicks by cutting out men’s tongues!!”
GHEORGHE: “Were you raised by Peter File’s parents when you were little??? Jared Wells against the ropes … BASEBALL SLIDE INTO FILE’s FACE! And listen to the fans get behind Jared Wells!! They love him here in Worcester!”
JIVE: “Yea, well .. Look at them. Massachusetts is the most liberal state in the country. They have two of the most liberal Senators, one being a Kennedy for god sakes, and what do they do? They elect REPUBLICAN Governors for the past 14 years.. This state hasn’t had a Democratic Governor since, and pardon me for mentioning his name as I smile, MICHAEL DUKAKIS… Mister “I Lost 49 States to George Bush the Father” in 1988!! So forgive me if I don’t trust their judgment.”
GHEORGHE: “Thanks for the history lesson, Nick .. but these fans know who they like. And Jared Wells is one of those people! Wells picks up File for a powerslam.. and he holds him up… BAD DECISION!! JONATHAN MARX COMES FLYING OFF THE TOP ROPE WITH A MISSILE DROPKICK!! File with the cover … ONE … TW- and a kickout by Jared Wells.”
JIVE: “You cant keep your eyes off Jonathan Marx. He’s a tactician.. and he’ll find many ways to get a victory. Of course, he’s also a fraud.”
GHEORGHE: “A what?”
JIVE: “Fraud, Tom.. He’s a GENTLEMAN??? PUH-LEASE! If he was a gentleman, he wouldn’t have agreed to team with Peter File.”
GHEORGHE: “He had no choice. The battle bowl teams were chosen randomly and Peter File and Jonathan Marx HAVE to remain a team as long as they’re in this thing! Jared Wells now up .. and Peter File getting up as well .. Wells and File lock up.. and File irish whips Wells HARD into the corner. He charges in … Wells hops onto the turnbuckle and File rams his shoulder into the ringpost!!! Wells now with a sunset flip from the top rope …. ONE …… TWO ……. THR—KICKOUT by Peter File!! That shoulder was hurting and yet he still managed to kick out!!!”
JIVE: “The fans exploded here when they thought Wells had him, and now listen to them.. they sound like hurt little puppies whimpering..”
GHEORGHE: “Wells jumps back up … he’s waiting for File to get up …. SPINNING SAVATE KICK TAKES FILE DOWN! The cover …. ONE …. TWO … KICKOUT. File wasn’t as stunned as I think Wells wished he was. WELLS IS CALLING FOR THE RAGEBOMB!!!”
JIVE: “Aww.. right when the match was getting good.”
GHEORGHE: “Wells takes the leg …. LILLY IS UP ON THE APRON AND SHE’s YELLING AT WELLS!! Wells turns around …. OH …. MY …. GOD!”
JIVE: “HOLY SHIT!! LILLY DROPPED HER TOP!!! WHAT A SET OF KNOCKERS!”
GHEORGHE: “JARED WELLS IS IN AWE, as is PYRO *AND* MARX!! WAIT!!! PETER FILE IS GETTING UP!!! HE GOES BEHIND WELLS … BRINGS HIM DOWN!! FISTFULL OF SEA MEN!!! That Crossface Submission move and the ref doesn’t see it yet as he’s still staring at Lilly!! FINALLY LILLY PUTS BACK ON HER SHIRT TO A CHORUS OF BOOS FROM THE MALES HERE IN ATTENDENCE!”
JIVE: “NO!! DON’T LEAVE US HANGING!”
GHEORGHE: “THE REF TURNS AROUND AND SEES WELLS IN THE CROSSFACE!!! HE’s ASKING IF HE WANTS TO GIVE …………. WELLS STARTS TAPPING!!!! THIS MATCH IS OVER and PETER FILE and JONATHAN MARX ARE GOING ON TO THE SECOND ROUND!!”
JIVE: “Lilly made sure that the team made AMPLE use of her tonight..”
JACOBS: “The winners of the match and earning the right to go on to the second round ……. PETER FILE and ‘GENTLEMAN’ JONATHAN MARX!!”
GHEORGHE: “I guess I cant blame anyone for the outcome of that match except the generic male nature. Once that top came off of Lilly every man here immediately lost interest in what they were doing, Jared Wells included..”
JIVE: “Not every man, Tom.. Peter File wasn’t phased one bit.”
GHEORGHE: “Well I think we all know why.. As Peter File and Lilly celebrate, Jonathan Marx has already walked to the back! Fans, when we come back, we’ll have more BATTLE BOWL MANIA! And while I cannot ensure that there’ll be any more nudity, I can ensure that there’ll still be plenty of more action! Join us in only a few more minutes!!!”
